A/N: Whilst (I over use words too much; I want a new vocabulary for Hanukkah. XD) cleaning out my Microsoft word documenties I came across this. So here it is. The badly written continuation/spin-off/companion/omake/side-story/whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-it for 'Lait Rose'; 'written how the hell should I know?' ago. Enjoy! (If you can, it's stupidly long.)

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and not I. Be grateful dearies.

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He wasn't listening again.

She resisted the urge to whip out some needles and pin him. But it was. Just. So. Hard. What with a very caffeine high Inner Sakura coaxing her (Ino, that sneaky bitch knew how Inner Sakura got after a few coffees…), mentioning how great! a bloody Sasuke would be, and the sheets they hadn't been clean in ages so really it would be alright to just loom in and-

No.

A thousand 'no's she told herself.

It moved and she changed her mind.

"Ouch!"

"You deserved it." Pointing was involved, the phone rang (which was silenced at once by one of Sasuke's over-zealous kunai), and at some point Sakura had whacked the poor boy off his chair, and he had thrown chocolate in her hair.

She really didn't like him when he was like this.

"I told you not to bring THAT THING in the HOUSE,"

He had stop listening again.

She hit him.

He nibbled and sucked some of the chocolate out of her hair.

"Id wad a gifd," he said through pink pastel hair and if he didn't look so cute doing it she would have hit him again. With the chair.

"I don't care," she said, body poised above him, pinning by holding his slim wrists in her hands and pressing knees against hips. And she really didn't. It was sick. It was icky. It was one of the only birthday presents to have survived and she hated it. Period. And it was… it was…

"Damn you Orochimaru!" she said venomously, hands freeing a bored looking Sasuke to rip almost desperately in overrated fake angst at her hair. Sakura was starting to see why Itachi killed the clan. She really could. If every single one of them had been like Sasuke… but then again that may have not been the case. Her thoughts wandered; since Sasuke was the only one left alive. So…it could have meant that everyone was the opposite of him…

Her head started to hurt, and it wasn't because of the missing locks decorating the black shirt clad chest below her.

Of all the things that damned sennin could have gotten his ex-apprentice, it had to be… to be…

It had to be a snake.

A white long, big, and very sarcastic white snake. Bastard. She glared at it. Then Sasuke. Oh she wanted to hurt him…

The damn thing had eaten all her French cookies the third day it took residence; the ones that came in that charming little round… box with a golden ribbon tied round it… the one that had been a gift from her mother. Her wonderful, sweet, kind, who may have used too much cooking oil which left a very icky taste to the food but- they were her cookies. HERS. They were small white, half covered in chocolate, and she had found out half a minute after she arrived home, after she had spotted the familiar round… box crumpled. Crumbs littering the kitchen floor in a trail of tiny mockery.

The snake, smug, outrageously un-fat was doing many things wrong; it was…

Napping.

On the couch.

On her Sasuke.

She took out her broom that day and proceeded to whack it to the next century (or next five. She had inherited Tsunade's uber-strength) and more certainly her house.

Snakes were of the devil.

That was what her good-French-cookie-making-mum would have said. Sakura wasn't religious and neither was Inner-Sakura, but it was agreed that anything that came from Orochimaru was certainly not sane or of good will. It was evil. Not just regular evil. "THE EVIL". Capitalized, quoted and with a 'the'. The snake had to go.

But it didn't since…

Sasuke liked it.

He liked it.

She was now wondering why she had decided to marry him. Then she remembered- he's pretty and cooks better than me and made note to kick Inner Sakura out of the gutter (lace was a 'no, no' down there).

She was really pissed at Itachi. It was partially his fault. It had to be his. He was the one who had to fuck up the poor boy; what with the killing of all his family members and such. Emotionally scarring him for a few good reincarnated lives down. Bastard.

She had many reasons for hating Itachi. For one, Itachi had weird tastes (he wore plum coloured nail-polish and was a guy. Sure it was part of his psycho organization's 'dress-code' and all but wouldn't something else be more fitting? Like 'blood-red'? Didn't villain-ish groupies enjoy the twisted symbolism? Besides Sasuke was the only boy she knew who could pull that shade of colour nail polish… Inner Sakura reminded her that was a secret she swore to Sasuke she would take to the grave…) Killed off the whole Uchiha clan; Sasuke's guest list for the wedding would be most likely empty. (Since he'd rather run off with a pedophile then even invite Naruto at least. And she knew he was certainly capable of it, she thought some what begrudgingly. She would have to invite him.) Two: was crazy. And three: looked better with long hair than she did.

That last one was what did it though.

She decided to sidle with Sasuke this New Year and not send him his ridiculously shiny card.

Or muffins.

"It's very bad luck to give your gifts away," he said, she glared at him for what seemed to the hundredth time. When did he start re-gaining a backbone?

She snorted; traditional families were always so over-superstitious. And this. Was SASUKE. Dammit. "When did YOU START CARING-"

"Besides," he said tiredly, pointer and thumb rubbing the bridge of his nose; effectively not halting her ranting (he could still hear it between what little words he could use due to a semi-swollen right cheek courtesy of the pink-haired kunoichi yelling something that sounded suspiciously like 'baka' and 'if it lays eggs?' in the background) "I've already named her,"

"…eat the babi-" she stopped mid sentence and ceased waving her fists; thus leaving it so she could look at him in mild curiosity. "What?"

He blinked at her.

She hit him.

"What did you name it?"

"She," he corrected and another 'thawck' to the head was his reward.

He was almost hesitant to tell her.

So he didn't.

The first five minutes in. My, the floor had a lot of holes in it; he wondered if their neighbors below could see their ceiling paint curling off…

Sakura wanted her cookies. She really really needed one. But no. She couldn't have one since the freaking snake had eaten all of them. ALL OF THEM. It had been five minutes and Sasuke still hadn't told her the name. She was starting to wonder if all those hits to the head had caused… brain damage. Why! He could have amnesia! It would be horrible. She was just thinking of all the 'worst case scenarios' when she heard a faint mumbling from the floor.

"What?"

He mumbled again.

She hit him again. Brain damage be damned, Itachi had done enough to do the boy in years ago. It was then she decided that if she was going to make the boy talk she would have to-

And then she remembered.

"Did you send Orochimaru his 'thank you' card?"

Sasuke nodded.

"Good boy," she proceeded to reach for the last undamaged chair.