Anguish of the Dragon

Summary: When Kurama dies a heroic and unexpected death, his friends, and more particularly his lover, must deal with the loss as best they can. Will Hiei be able to find closure, or will the death of his one true love consume him until nothing remains? One shot yaoi HXK

AN: This is my first yuyu one shot, and incidentally one of my favorites. Please, tell me what you think. I am curious to know if I captured Hiei correctly in his time of grief, and anxiously await your opinions.

Hiei'sPOV

I hate you. Stupid baka kistune, I'd kill you all over again if I could. I'd kill you for leaving me alone like this. Hn; not the most orthodox of funeral prayers, I'll admit, but I can't help it.

You swore! Swore you'd always stay with me, that you were mine, mine, mine. The rain soaks through my cloak, chilling me viscously as I run listless fingers through short black hair. My shivers, though, have nothing to do with the temperature. Why did you have to do it?

Flashback

Kurama's eyes flashed as the stocky man suddenly pulled out a gun, pointing it at the nearest passenger. His hand gripped Hiei's one more time as the subway car roared through a tunnel and the lights flickered out.

The assassin's perfect opportunity.

And his to stop him.

Using his fox senses the yoko grabbed the man's hand in the blackness, obstructing his aim so that the first shot was fired harmlessly into the window. He was about to break the man's wrist when his love's raspy voice sounded out behind him.

" Fox! Behind-"

But the warning came tool late, and Hiei's voice was punctuated with the sound of a 9mm fired four times. Kurama's hand was half way to his hair, ready to pull out a seed, when the bullets passed through him, snapping his spinal chord and exploding the fragile human heart. There was no time for good-byes as his soul soared upward. Kurama's voice went unheard as he was dragged by the ferry girl to spirit world.

I know that you had to. I would not love you so much if you weren't so selfless… no matter how much it has cost you. Hn. Look at me; I think as if you are still here, when in truth I am lingering outside your door in the shadows, watching your human mother weep over your rose-colored casket.

This irrational fear to go in vexes me, but for some reason as I watch your family, Boton, the Prince of the Dead..the Reiki Tanti in all their foolish grieving glory, my legs feel like folding in upon themselves.

You're in that box.

That body I worshiped…know every delicate inch of, is cold and still inside that stupid death-holder, never to move again.

I found the two men, of course. I want you to know that. I found them running like the ningen cowards they were down a dank alley near Tokyo station, nothing but madness in their eyes as they clutched your wallet; their meager prize

The police had to identify them by their dental records.

I cough to cover up a sniff, wondering who the hell I'm fronting for as I open your retrieved wallet and stare at your ID picture. Th hilarious human name printed smally in black and white below the photogram? No, erm, graph. Photograph. Shuichi Minamino. Of all the demons you have fought, the thing to rob you from this world was a pair of human thieves? The irony isn't lost on me, I assure you.

Yusuke is bowing to Shiori now; practically blubbering. Hn. Don't think I don't realize he was my competition. Still…as much as I resent him for his coveting you I can't help but feel pity.

I know what it's like, after all, to succumb to the charms of the infamous Yoko Kurama, and if you could claw through my defenses, what must young Urameshi feel?

Then again, what do I care?

I am about to leave, having no desire to risk shedding sadness from even this privately public vantagepoint, when I feel eyes on me.

A teen Koenma is staring strait into my face, his gaze somber. I glare bloody murder at him, refusing to run from his falsely 'regal' presence.

They all know. I'm not exactly sure how they found out, but it's just like all my secrets; taken and passed around as if it were something pretty to be gawked at and prodded. They all know why I clung to you during the mission; why we shared a hotel room; why I declared war at the Dark Tournament. Hn. They know, but they won't dare acknowledge.

The Prince of Death is speaking to me now; pointless words I don't feel like hearing. Things like ' you came ' and 'very sad; until his phrases cross the line from annoying to katana-worthy.

" He changed you, didn't he? If it weren't for Kurama, you'd still be a felon."

I take a step forward; out of the rain, not realizing that I'm inside and the room's gone quiet. I quiver with anger and well-concealed pain as I back this sniveling toddler-turned-teen into your former dwelling.

" Hn. Too bad he's gone. Now I guess you'll have to set the detective against me again. Won't that be fun to watch on your all knowing video screen!"

The Prince of Death blinks slowly; you know the way, as if suddenly the inside of his eyelids has just become very interesting. His pacifier is in danger of being swallowed.

" Not here, Hiei." He pleads wearily. " Not near his ningen mother. Did she even know who you were?"

My eyes glint. " Fool! Of course she did! Why would I bother showing myself to you idiots and not my koi's mother?"

Only when Boton gasps behind him do I realize what I just said. Oh, fine. I bet you're just loving this! Are you here with me, K'rama? Can you see the mess I'm making? I'm yards away from your body now; can see you in that cute pink uniform. Your face is all sleepy with permanent rest and ningen preservation fluid. This isn't enough. I want…I want a real farewell from my first, my last lover. I don't want all these eyes upon me as my composure slowly crumbles. I don't want Yusuke's hand on my shoulder as he sobs, or even Yukina's sincere phrases of sweet but naïve hoping. I want it like it was.

Flashback

Hiei pressed himself closer to the Yoko, looking reverently at Kurama as he rode out the last shock waves of pleasure. It still seemed like a dream to him; all this time as friends, and now lo and behold, he had captured his fox's heart. This wasn't like before; he knew he was special; Kurama's only desire, and this thought comforted him.

" Are you okay, Hiei?"

That voice…so sweet and sexy, was enough to make him crazy again, even as inexperienced as he was. Hiei smirked.

" Hn. Such a vain Yoko; as if I couldn't handle it."

But Kurama knew. His ability to see through every type of mask was most annoying. He wasn't buying the surly thing for a second.

" Little flame…it's normal for it to hurt. You can tell me and I won't think anything less of you."

Hiei shrugged and rolled over, lips trailing Kurama's jawline.

" Fine. It hurt. Now hurt me again."

The Yoko smiled and quirked an eyebrow. " But Hiei, it's dawn. What about training?"

" I like this training."

" Inari, what have I created?"

" Tch. Shut up."

The silence was companionable. The only hints of noise was made by their lips as they explored and caressed languidly, crimson-haired teacher educating stoic, fiery student until both were exhausted.

" K-rama?"

" Hm?"

" Mates forever."

" Yes…forever."

Dirty lying Yoko. Forever my eye. An aura appears around me as I attempt to push past Koenma. I succeed, and, bowing to a nearly catatonic Shiori, I look down at your previous form in this silly ningen ritual.

I mean, it's not like you're anywhere near this damned room.

Hmm…so then why is my arm lowering the pouch of tear gems into your casket? Why did I count them obsessively before tying them in my favorite cloak: Because; my ki will protect you, even now. No disdainful ningenkai insect will dare slither near your body with my scent putting them off.

Your mouth is ice cold as I bestow it with a sentimental kiss, my heart nearly coming out my throat. I realize that I'm holding the freezing flesh of your hand, and not letting go. Part of me wants to run, and part of me wants to jump in with you. Still more of me wants to throttle you for your bravery, and a small, small portion wants to weep and never stop. But I already cried for you, Kurama. I cried, and my roars were louder than that of the Kokuryuuha.

What do I have now, Fox? We never went over this. You forgot to teach me this lesson. What am I supposed to live for now?

Most of the humans have left; scared off by my flame burning around my youkai self. I stiffen as Shiori, who is being driven home by the oaf's sister, squeezes my shoulder meaning fully. Hn. Mother of a god; both unworthy yet sorely adored by her offspring.

The rain is coming down harder now; reminding me of the countless things I want to embrace in never-ending dreams; things like sparring in the woods of Mushiori, watching you run home from school in your rubber cloak, or making love in your greenhouse with the plants as voyeurs.

Only they remain now. These infants we had to baby-sit, plus the Prince of the Dead and my twin. Kuwabaka tries foolishly to pull me away from you. I burn him with an idle thought. I think this penetrates their tiny brains because soon it's just me and Koenma; only to many.

" Hiei…"

" Drop dead."

Redundant, I know, but appropriate. He'd better too, otherwise I'll-

" He wouldn't want you like this. He, can't feel you, it's just a corpse."

Murdermurdermurdermurdermurdermurdermurdermurdermurdermurder

Swiftly my right foot comes out, kicking the simple toddler between the legs. He falls to his knees, and my katana unsheathes, rubbing painfully against the throat of his human form.

As he faces this threat with shaky resignation, I whisper-growl in a voice meant to scare away wolves.

" Let me see him."

" H-hiei,…I can't do that."

" Do you have a death wish?"

" This isn't going to bring him back!"

" Hn. But it will make me feel a lot better."

" Kill me, and Enma will team up with Mukuro just to have a way to torture you to multiple demises."

" And?"

" HIEI, DON"T!

His voice cracks. I grin demonically. Koenma was always a coward. He knows that if I slit his throat, he'll just return to SpiritWorld, but is afraid of the pain and losing his teenage form. Not like you, K'rama. You weren't afraid of anything.

" Insignificant Godling; you will do what I want, otherwise an extremely pissed off S-class will be ramming aforementioned sword down your throat. I will tear out your insides and feed them to Enma! I will battle your soul in agony! I will douse the world in bitterness so that all that love feel pain and happy is nothing but a ningen fairytale! DO YOU DOUBT ME!"

Crickets play their tune as he shivers. Honey meets garnet and I am greeted with the most primitive fear known to youkai.

When he speaks, it is in a hoarse shadow of his usual obnoxiousness.

" I'll send you to hell! You're still n-nothing but a thug!"

I smile mirthlessly and sheath. " I am in hell, child. You have ten seconds."

Even as I re-demand, the prince disappears into nothing, leaving me motionless and furious.

AAARRGGHH! Fine! It's going to be that way! Blood! Lots of blood! I want to see you! I want…need…

Quickly I flit out of the funeral home, only to explode in a torrent of violet flame in the middle of the deserted street.

" KURAMAAAA!"

I just don't care anymore. It is all MEANINGLESS! SO WHY NOT KILL THEM ALL! DAMN YOU, KITSUNE! DAMN YOUUUU!

Pavement cracks as I punch the asphalt again and again, feeling the blood drench my knuckles in a sublime anguish that gives way to more punching, harder and harder…maybe I'll tire myself and pass out, maybe civilians will see me and keel over, maybe-"

" Hiei…"

One word. One word stops my rage and turns me into a marble statue. That voice…I don't dare turn. Not even when two slender arms wrap around my waist and start to stroke me…the way a fox strokes a rebellious kit.

You can't be here. You can't be.

And yet it is you that faces me now, albeit with obvious effort. I must look angry, because it seems as if your heart has been torn out.

" Little flame…Koenma pulled me back from paradise. What have you done, beloved?"

I gape for a moment more, then avert my eyes. I feel like I'm overloaded…like all the parts of me who want to kick and kiss and run from you have combined to form a foolish, staring idiot.

" I…threatened to demonize SpiritWorld."

I feel the corporeal form waver slightly as your fingers trace my cheekbones desperately, unharmed by the still-smoldering purple fire.

" H-he…said he was going to bind you to the Ningenkai permanently as punishment. You'll be in a cage."

Slowly I nuzzle against you, sniffing your unique, botanical scent which even in death is still dominant.

" Hn. Small price. Fucking stupid Yoko. It's a small price to pay to say all the things I have to say now."

Your grin is sad and watery. For a moment you flicker, then solidify once more.

" Hiei, I had to-"

" You betrayed me. You promised-"

" I'm sorry. Hiei, I'm sorry."

Again, the cold has nothing to do with my shaking. Possessively I grab your shoulders, pulling you so hard against me that it isn't difficult to imagine you inside…but I don't because then I'll start punching again.

" This soul belongs to me, kitsune. It's all I have…how, how will I…?"

You understand. You always understand my talk.

" Koibito…don't do this to yourself. There are others-"

" No."

" You can find-"

" No."

" I don't want you to be alone!"

" Too bad. This demon was a virgin, and now his mate is dead. In my class, my code, nobody will fill that void. Don't even think about it."

You sigh heavily, pulling at my hair. " I can see you from up there, you know. If I really try. I'm always here. You will find happiness again, lover. It is my death wish."

You wince as the form fades again, and before you can slip away I grab your forelocks and pull you into a kiss of frigid fire, my tongue speaking all those words I have not the time to say as it moves inside of you. Absently I think to you, jagan glowing under the bandana.

" Ai shiteru."

" Until death unites us."

You are gone.

My head snaps up and I gasp spazmatically. A dram! No… I lie on the steps of the funeral home under the awning. My lips still tingle. Your ki…it lingers on my soaked clothing meaningfully. And though I don't remember all, I know you're gone, and I know that I am still here.

Baka Yoko; death cannot come fast enough.

END