This story was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt has been made to copyright any characters which may not have been originally created by the author, and no profit is made from this work of fiction. Any original characters and the stories themselves are the property of the author.
Thanks to my betas, Jess and Monica. I would also like to thank, as a group, anyone who provides feedback but without information that will allow me to thank them individually.
"Wow, Jack, you got any more old friends like him lurking around?" Daniel asked leaning forward and inquiring in a near whisper. "Because, if you do, I may never go into a bar with you again as long as I live, in any of my lives."
"That's harsh, Daniel. He's about as obnoxious as they come but he saved my life once. He's a good soldier." Jack was speaking very softly too. Neither of them was sure when the man in question, Lex, was going to come back from the men's room. "He was by himself. How could I not ask him to join us?"
"Of course. It's just ever since he found out I have doctor in front of my name, it's been nonstop geek jokes." Jack nodded, commiserating but before he could say anything, a completely plastered middle aged woman careened into the corner of their table.
Her companion, another woman about the same age but less inebriated, helped her right herself and was trying to apologize when the woman fixed on Jack and said, loudly enough for the whole bar to hear, "OH MY GOD! It's MacGyver!"
Daniel was wondering if MacGyver was another one of Jack's old friends from black ops. The woman's companion visibly cringed. "Come on now, Julie. MacGyver isn't real. This gentleman is clearly flesh and blood. Let's just go back to our table and get our coats and leave."
Julie wasn't with the program at all. She clung to the back of Jack's chair and actively resisted being dislodged. "Is too MacGyver. He cut his hair and it went gray but we all get older. MacGyver was in his thirties in the 80's, right? He'd be in his fifties now."
"For crying out loud, Julie," a new voice broke in as a beefy man in a Steelers sweatshirt threaded his way through the tables toward them. "MacGyver is a character on a television show. If you weren't drunk as a skunk, you'd remember that." He looked over at Daniel, his mouth agape, and Jack, looking like he'd like to crawl under the table. "Hey sorry buddy, but you do look a hell of a lot like MacGyver's father or something." He clamped a hand on Julie's arm and actually succeeded in dragging her off.
At that point, Daniel and Jack noticed Lex for the first time, hanging back a little and laughing his ass off. He was still chortling as he slipped into his chair. "Still happening to you, huh Jack?" He turned to look at Daniel. "Used to be a major source of entertainment. You couldn't get through an evening without someone coming up and saying something like 'When did you cut your hair?' or demanding an autograph. That was the sane ones who knew MacGyver was only a character on television. The crazy ones wanted him to go outside and repair their car or some damn thing with a Swiss army knife." He cackled fondly at the memory. "I think that's why Jack kept taking all those high risk assignments on the backside of the beyond. Not too many people there had TVs or had ever heard of MacGyver."
"Help me out here." Daniel said, "Being as I am a major geek, as you've so helpfully pointed out, Lex, I have never seen an episode of this program. Does Jack really look that much like the actor?"
"Ooooh yeaah," Lex said. "There used to be a lot of twins separated at birth jokes going on in the unit."
"Okay," Daniel said, "and what was the premise of the show? Was MacGyver a doctor or a police detective or a cowboy?"
Lex continued to be hugely entertained. "It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Super Geek." He was so overcome by his own witticism that he couldn't go on for awhile. "MacGyver worked for some sort of made up quasi-government agency and traipsed all over the world pulling miraculous shit out of thin air. The guy didn't believe in plans or taking in equipment or anything. He'd just show up in some dangerous situation and make like a nuclear bomb out of what someone had in their kitchen pantry. Jack didn't mind that comparison but it was the other things about the guy that drove him crazy."
"Hey, I'm still here," Jack broke in at that point.
"Then you tell your little buddy about it," Lex challenged.
"Okay, Daniel, here's the thing. The guy was a nutcase. He would NOT use a gun. Ever. Is that me?" Daniel thought of Jack's love affair with his gun of choice and shook his head. "He didn't eat meat. He didn't drink." Jack hoisted his Guinness as a sort of exhibit one. "He was incredibly touchy feely AND a total hound. The face of the earth was littered with his ex-girl friends." Jack sat back and folded his arms, looking extremely belligerent and irritated. The memories were not happy ones.
Daniel raised a hand as if to say, "I surrender" and changed the subject. Two days later he sat in the cafeteria at Cheyenne Mountain making designs in some Cream of Wheat and sucking on a large mug of coffee. He needed the coffee since he hadn't had much sleep. The night before last he'd had been awake for hours mulling over the huge insight he had gained in the bar and last night had been spent watching episode after episode of MacGyver on DVD. Daniel was a scientist and thorough research was a hallmark of everything he did.
His actions were inspired by the fact that Sam had confided in him once when she was a little tipsy, hell a lot tipsy, that she had an absolute thing for some character from an old TV show named MacGyver. She had rhapsodized for what seemed like hours, but probably wasn't, about how good looking, considerate, brilliant, and sensitive this guy was. She had made a cryptic remark about how she had once fallen for someone just because he looked like MacGyver but every time he turned around, he had proven how different he was from Mac. Still she hadn't been able to turn off her feelings for him, once they had been established. Daniel now realized he had heard a confession of love from Sam for Jack. She had felt safe about sharing it with him because he had told her he had never heard of MacGyver but only her alcohol impaired judgment would have caused her to assume that he would NEVER hear of him. He was willing to bet she didn't even remember having had the conversation.
"Time to get reinforcements," he thought and he went looking for Teal'c. When he found him in the hall heading toward Jack's office, he jerked his head to direct Teal'c to follow him to an empty conference room and closed the door behind them. "Teal'c," he said, "we have a difficult mission but I think we're the men for the job."
Teal'c looked at how jazzed up Daniel was and said, patiently, "Daniel, it is not good to drink too much coffee."
"You don't do comedy, remember," Daniel said impatiently. "Look I just realized that Sam is in love with Jack because initially he reminded her of MacGyver."
"Is there another crazy former betrothed of MajorCarter's on some planet?" Teal'c asked, looking as if he was rethinking any trips through the gate in the near future.
Daniel realized he had gotten ahead of himself. Maybe he had, indeed, consumed too much coffee. "MacGyver was a television show that ran from the mid-80's to the early 90's and Sam once told me she was absolutely enamored of the title character, this guy Angus MacGyver."
"His parents truly named him Angus?" Teal'c asked, diverted. "That is truly a strange name for a Tauri. Is it not a type of bovine?"
"Teal'c, you need to focus," Daniel said. "It turns out that Jack looks exactly like the actor who played MacGyver but doesn't act much like him at all except that they're both heroes. That gives Sam a real problem because she's living with this MacGyver fantasy and wants the whole package in one man."
"So what do you suggest?" Teal'c asked, willing to help but not having any ideas other than finding some alien device that they could use to reprogram her mind.
"I was thinking we just need to make her realize what a disaster this guy would actually be on SG-1. Then maybe she'll be grateful that Jack's the way he is," Daniel said, his voice getting more excited as he warmed to the idea.
"Is MacGyver a bad person?" Teal'c asked.
"No, Teal'c. He's flat out incredible," Daniel said. "He's instantly become my hero. I would love to be just like him. But he's got a lot of characteristics of mine that drive Jack crazy and he's got them twice as much as I do. And then there is the sort of free spirit the guy is. The missions that we do would be a real problem if we had someone along who refused to shoot a gun, make plans, or take equipment. And Sam would start feeling constrained if she was dating someone who didn't drink or eat meat. Sam loves to go somewhere and get a thick steak and have a good microbrew."
"But how do we make MajorCarter realize this?" Teal'c asked.
"We watch MacGyver episodes with her and keep bringing stuff like this up," Daniel said. Teal'c just looked at him. "Okay, it's lame but you got anything better? These two people deserve a little happiness. Think how much better our lives would be if they were both in a better mood, particularly Jack."
"This is against the rules that ColonelO'Neill makes her happy," Teal'c said arching an eyebrow.
"If we can make a spark fly then maybe Sam'll switch teams. They'll find a way. And WE are not going to narc on them if they sneak around in the meantime, are WE?" Daniel looked at Teal'c with an impressive glare.
Daniel was a little worried that Sam would remember her confession to him and put two and two together when he organized an evening of MacGyver with her and Teal'c, carefully scheduled at a time that Jack could not attend. He preserved an angelically innocent face the whole time, something he knew was a strength of his, and thought he got away with it. He also started throwing remarks in disparaging what MacGyver might do in a particular situation as they went about the job. This was tricky because he had discovered the one time Jack overhead him that bringing up MacGyver around Jack was definitely flying way too close to the flame.
At first he didn't think he was having any effect but he kept watching Sam closely and he thought he was beginning to see something happen. There was something going on behind those blue eyes when she looked at Jack. It was actually beginning to cause him mind to run on tracks such that he decided that it was past due time for him to find a girl friend and get someone looking at him like that before he ran out of cold water in his apartment. Then, one day, he went into her lab and encountered Jack and Sam emerging from behind some shelves looking a little flushed. "Hey, Daniel, how's it going?" Jack asked, looking just a trifle sheepish.
"You know, I can't remember what I came in here for," Daniel lied, knowing full well they both thought he went around in such a fog half the time they would be more than willing to believe it. "You guys just continue with your meeting," he said and left, smiling with satisfaction as he noted on the way out that there was a red Swiss army knife symbolically tossed on the top of the trash in the wastebasket.