He always liked the dark. It was just something about the quiet of the blackened night that called to him, that made him feel comfortable. He felt that it was the only time where he could truly be himself without fear of rejection or being thought of as weak or pathetic. He didn't have to pretend that he was anyone else but Christopher Halliwell, Aunt Paige's little dude or aunt Phoebe's butter cup, but even better than that, in the dark he could be Piper and Leo's little peanut. The thought made him smile a bit as he thought about how much he loved and missed his family and although they were here, in this time, it just wasn't the same.
During his mission he was forced to deal with their harsh and sometimes down right brutal words and threats and would always have to wear a stone like mask to hide his pain, but not here. Here he didn't have to act as if those angry, cruel and unpleasant words had no affect on him, that they didn't shatter his world and crush his spirit with each and every hate filled word and glare his family sent his way. He wasn't forced to roll his eyes and tighten his jaw in response to all their questions that he wanted so desperately to answer to put an end to his silent suffering. No. In the darkness that surrounded him he was free to show all the raw emotion he wanted, all he needed.
All the years of bottled up pain, anger, frustration and heartache was reserved for moments like this, where he was alone and out of their sight, for if he lost it for just one split second in their presences he wouldn't be able to turn back and all the secrets of the future would be revealed. But hidden in the blackness he could let it out and allow the pain to show clearly over his features that his mother had yet to discover or recognize as her own.
He could cry freely and release all of his fears, doubts and decades of misery and sadness in the form of the wet drops that he knew was about to pour from his eyes.
It hurt. It hurt so badly.
Never ceasing, never ending the loneliness, the suffering that dominated his world and had taken hold of his life, threatening to explode at any moment taking with it his sanity and what little life he had left. Hot tears filled his eyes causing mall white squiggly lines to form over the dark background as soft moans escaped his lips before giving way to heavier sobs and cries.
He was tired of this.
Tired of fighting, tired of being strong, tired of their disapproving looks, tired of looking for answers as to why his brother, his best friend had turned into the evil bastard that he was now only to end up with even more questions that led nowhere. Tired of being alone, tired of staring into the face of a mother, father and aunts who saw him as nescience hell bent on destroying their happy home when all he wanted to do was save it.
My God didn't they see how much it hurt him?
Through the fog of their misconceptions and anger didn't they noticed how much he loved them?
Damn this was hard, harder than he thought it would be.
Too hard to deal with for a boy who was thrown into manhood at the tender age of fourteen.
Oh how he wished that he had a shoulder to cry on. Someone he could turn to when times got too tough.
How he missed his mother, Aunt Paige, Aunt Phoebe not Piper, Phoebe and Paige but the women who raised him, the people whom he loved and those who always returned that love. Hell even Leo, his neglectful, part time father would be better than nothing at all right now. He just wanted to be held so badly he body shook and begged for it.
He longed to hear the soft voice of his mother call out him. For his Aunt Paige to tell him that he was going to be alright, that he was a fighter and she had faith in him, for his Aunt Phoebe to tell him that anything was possible if you wanted it badly enough. But they weren't here. They were dead and he was all alone. Like always.
Suddenly light streamed from the ceiling, temporarily blinding him.
"Chris" a male voice he recognized as his father's called out.
If this were any other day he would have hid his face from Leo and started some type of argument so he would go away and forget all about seeing him cry, but not today. He didn't care what the Elder saw, or thought about him.
He was in pain damn it.
He had every right to grieve for the family that was gone and the brother he loved , missed and had given everything up for and if Leo thought any less of him (if that was even possible) because of that, then so be it.
Tears came faster and more furious as he buried his face in his deep into his hands once more, but this time he wasn't alone.
He could feel a strong set of arms wrap around his shoulders and pull him in close, giving him the comfort and solace that he needed and craved since the first day he saw them.
At that moment Chris felt safe as a wave of calm that he hadn't felt in ages came over him. Although Leo had no idea who he was, the boy was well aware of what the man was to him.
He was his father.
The man who he vaguely remembered tucking him in late at night as a small child. The man he always wanted to impress and make happy at all cost.
The man he cried for late at night as he held the latest letter of the week in his hands while curled up in bed, the man that he loved and longed for his entire life.
"What happened?" the man asked in a surprisingly concerned tone.
He was now crying so hard that he was only able to get out one word "Everything"
"Chris please, just tell me what's going on. We can fix this"
"What if you…you…hate…me" he responded as he felt himself get ready to tell him the one thing he's been dying to say since his arrival in the past.
"I won't. Just tell me what's going on so we can fix it" the man urged on wondering if it had something to do with his son. He just didn't know how right he was.
"Ok" the boy cried as he buried his face deep into the man's shoulder to avoid the unhappy look he knew would follow his revelation. He then spoke with slight hesitation. "I'm your son"