Haruno Sakura woke up, stretching as she rose from her bed. The stillness of the house echoed reassuringly as she dressed for Team Seven's morning meeting. Checking her equipment, she went downstairs for breakfast.

Opening her fridge, she debated her choices. Picking one of her lasagna meals, she popped it into the microwave. As she waited for breakfast to heat up, she thought about her teammates (her face heated up and hearts popped in her eyes as she thought of Sasuke). Or, as they were referred to by the other teams, the 'orphans team'.

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"That her?" Toltiir asked, pointing to the pink-haired ninja-girl whose image had appeared in Mimir's Well.

"Yup, that's her." Xellos said, applying excessive amounts of mousse to his purple hair. He looked at the dark cloaked figure beside him for confirmation, however.

Destiny nodded, tapping the book chained to his wrist empathically. "That is her." he confirmed.

The fourth person chuckled, sounding like a little girl giggling. "Alright! Let's do this!"

As the fourth person threw an object into the well, still giggling, Xellos asked curiously, "Where'd you get that thing anyway?"

"Sore wa himitsu desu."

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Shichinin no Sakura: Seven of Team Seven

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Persona 1: Someone's Bright Idea

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, other people do. Neither do I own Norse mythology, Evangelion, The Matrix, Slayers, Shichinin no Nana: Seven of Seven, Ranma ½, Gundam Wing, Tenchi Muyo, Sailor Moon: Sailor Stars, Digimon or the Endless. I did, however, make this story, though not for monetary purposes. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money as it is.

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Two days later, Sakura laid back against a tree, trying very hard not to groan and imagining very creative ways to kill Kakashi-sensei. The slave driver had taken the three of them for five days of wilderness survival training. It was only halfway through said training, and already, Sakura wished she were dead. Even Sasuke was starting to crack. The small signs were there for anyone who cared to look , and Sakura really liked to look. The tick in his left eye, the vein pops in his arms, the way the air around him was charged with chakra, the fact that his sharingan was on 24/7, how he yelled "Die Kakashi no baka!" every time he chidori-ed something. And Naruto…

Forget Naruto.

The kyuubi-prison-boy was this close to summoning a kage bunshin army and trying to kill Kakashi. Sasuke would probably help him. And Sakura herself…

Well, if Sasuke-kun was doing it…

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Kakashi had left them that afternoon, saying he would pick them up in three days- if they managed to live that long. The three genin were torn between "good riddance", and "come here and let us kill you like a man!"

Now, as the light of the full moon bathed the clearing she was resting, far from the boys who were still cursing Kakashi with every breath, Sakura tried to find a comfortable position so she could relax her aching muscles. Something kept poking her, however, and no matter what position she turned, she managed to land an aching body part on it. Finally, exasperated, Sakura reached underneath her and pulled out whatever the danged thing was. Looking at it, she gasped.

It was a crystal pendant, attached to a short chain, glinting dully in the soft glow of the clearing. For a moment, the cherry-blonde genin wondered how the heck this had gotten here. Hesitantly, she put it on, marveling at her good fortune at such a find. Maybe this 'training session' wasn't such a wash after all.

Deciding that maybe her muscles didn't ache as badly as they felt, she stood up. Stepping forward, intending to show off her find to Sasuke- her heart fluttered as she thought of the sharingan bearer- she was bathed in moonlight. Suddenly, there was a flash. Sakura barely managed to scream before she knew no more.

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Sasuke and Naruto were winding down their Kakashi bashing, the genius just nodding along to what the blond was saying, when they heard the broken-off scream.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto said, alarmed.

Sasuke was up and running before the second syllable was out. Naruto grimaced at the Uchiha's retreating back, but got up, groaning, and ran after him. Wondering what was wrong with Sakura, what she was screaming about now and vowing vengeance if it was just another rabbit, the hokage-in-his-dreams nearly ran into Sasuke, who had suddenly stopped, stock-still. If it were anyone else, Naruto would have said it was from surprise. Except Uchiha didn't get surprised.

As he was about to give Sasuke a beating (verbal or physical, which ever felt better), he caught a glance of what had made the avenger stop.

"Kami..." he breathed.

Okay, so maybe Uchiha could be surprised.

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bring!

click

"Hello?"

"Kakashi-sensei! You'd better come back up here quick! Something's wrong with Sakura-chan! And I mean really wrong! Sasuke and I are out of our league here! She needs to get to the hospital! ...I think. Anyway, she needs-"

"Naruto."

"-uh, what is it Kakashi-sensei?"

"How are you calling me?"

"With my cell phone. Duh!"

Blink. "You have a cell phone?"

"Ninjazon. Don't leave home without it. What, you think I use all my money on ramen?"

"Uh..."

"Now, about Sakura-chan?"

Kakashi sighed. "What exactly is wrong with her?"

"Um, I think you need to see for yourself."

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"It's unbelievable." the nurse said, shaking her head. "The dental records, blood chemistry, distinguishing marks, even fingerprints- they all match! They're just not bunshin. I mean, they all have their own chakra."

They all glanced sideways at the seven identical Sakura's lying unconscious on the hospital's beds.

"So what are you saying?" Naruto asked bluntly. He, Sasuke and Kakashi stood in the hospital ward that had effectively been commandeered by the seven Sakura's, talking to the nurse in charge. All three were very worried, although the scarecrow and the avenger hid it fairly well.

The nurse shrugged helplessly. "Maybe someone grew copies of her? I mean, there's this new research that says that there's something in blood called DNA that contains all of a persons' characteristics. It's possible that maybe someone 'cloned' her using her blood?"

Sasuke snorted derisively. "Chakra clones are one thing, but what you're talking about is pure fantasy. Clones from someones' blood? Puh-leeze."

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Somewhere in the multiverse, Rei Ayanami sneezed.

"Catching a cold, Wonder Girl?" Asuka remarked scathingly as the albino wiped her nose.

What was that all about? And why am I thinking of ninjas?

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"But why isn't she, I mean, they, I- ARGH! Why aren't they waking up?" Naruto demanded, unconsciously wringing his hands with worry.

At this, the nurses' expression darkened. "That one's easier. Their chakras are all nearly exhausted, and they show signs of severe muscle strain and physical exhaustion. We've had mortally wounded shinobi come in here in better condition than those girls. Whoever did this to them should be flayed alive. The only cases like this that we get are when someone gets captured and tortured to an inch of their life!"

As one, Naruto and Sasuke both turned and gave Kakashi a pair of level stares.

The jounin sweatdropped. Last time he was going to take his training methods from a Rumiko Takahashi manga. Although it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Good thing he hadn't tried that neko-ken thing yet.

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Somewhere in the multiverse, Genma-panda sneezed.

"Growf?" he said as he wiped his snout. Why was he thinking of teaching the neko-ken to ninjas all of a sudden? Shrugging, he went back to watching his game show.

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Naruto and Sasuke slowly began to advance on the sweating scarecrow, but before they could give him a richly deserved beating, the door to the ward opened. Ino rushed in, locked on to Sasuke, and glomped on to him with the force of a hydraulic press. "Oh Sasuke-kun! I heard something had happened to poor Sakura-chan. I'm so worried about her," the blonde gushed from her position practically surgically grafted to Sasuke's side, not even noticing any of the multiple Sakura's. And the gushing didn't stop there. "This must be so horrible for you, having this happen to someone on your team. But don't worry, Ino's here. I'll be here for you. Don't worry, we'll get through this together..." And so on and so forth in that vein.

As Naruto shook his head, muttering about women with bad taste, and Kakashi was thanking his lucky stars at avoiding a (justified) beating, Sasuke gritted his teeth and wondered why things like this kept on happening to him. Was the universe out to drive him insane or was he just special in the worst possible way?

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Somewhere in the multiverse, Heero Yuy, Tenchi Masaki, Ranma Saotome, Yamato Ishida, the Three Lights, and countless bishounen girl magnets and just plain girl magnets all sneezed, wondered what that was all about and why they were thinking of ninjas, and, their location revealed, promptly ran away from the girl or girls stalking them.

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"Don't you guys think you've gone a little too far?" Death asked as she reached for the bowl of caramel popcorn.

"You didn't have to pick them up, did you?" Toltiir asked rhetorically.

"No, but I could have had to." Death said from around a mouthful of sugary corn.

"But you didn't, so we're fine" said Xellos. 'Besides, this is so much fun!"

"Keep it down, will ya!" the fourth person said, privately wishing Destiny has here. As much as he really liked Death, at least the eldest of the Endless wasn't much of a talker.

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A week passed since the Sakuras were admitted into the hospital, and word of the strange situation had finally leaked out, causing much speculation on how that happened. Sasuke managed to remove Ino without resorting to surgery. He and Naruto managed to get their revenge on Kakashi by burning his entire porn collection. Well-wishers sent lots of flowers to Sakura, which confused the heck out of the nurses, as they weren't sure which one they were suppose to give them to.

Naruto and Sasuke spent most of the week training, venting their frustrations on many poor trees, rocks, Kakashi-sensei and any other handy inanimate object. The two boys still blamed Kakashi for what happened to their teammate, even if Sasuke didn't express this sentiment out loud. Still, the way they enthusiastically double-teamed the older shinobi on Sakura's behalf spoke volumes.

On the seventh day after the Sakuras were admitted into the hospital, Naruto's cell phone rang. He immediately stopped beating on Kakashi and accepted the call, leaving his hoard of kage bunshin clones and Sasuke to deal with the scarecrow beating, uh, 'training'.

"Moshi-moshi... What? Really!... That's great news!... Alright, we'll be there right away!"

"Hey, Sasuke!" The blue avenger looked up from where he was standing next to a good-sized dog-pile of Naruto clones. Kakashi's hand stuck out from the top, clawing for air. "That was the hospital. Looks like at least one of the Sakuras is about to wake up. The hospital thinks we should be there to help her, or them, get re-oriented or something. Come on!"

The blond was nearly out of sight by the time he finished talking, Sasuke right behind him.

The pile of clones, no longer being sustained by Naruto, disappeared in a large puff of smoke, leaving behind a panting Kakashi.

"Maybe I should stop going so easy on them." the Copy Ninja breathed as he refilled his lungs. Damn, that Naruto smelled! Idly, he wondered if anyone else had ever been dog piled like that.

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Somewhere in the multiverse, Neo sneezed.

Just great, he thought. I hope I'm not coming down with a cold.

Then the One blinked. Why am I thinking about ninjas

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The three conscious members of team seven watched as one of the seven Sakura doppelgangers stirred towards consciousness. Shakily, the girl raised a hand to her head. "Ugh. Wha...?" she said eloquently.

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto said questioningly, as if unsure of the answer.

Sakura opened her eyes. "Naruto? What happened?"

Suddenly, she realized she wasn't aching anymore. "Whoa. How long was I out?"

"About a week. Sakura-chan, do you know why-" Naruto began to ask bluntly when Sasuke and Kakashi both stiffened and whirled around. Startled, Naruto followed suit and stared. Sakura followed their gaze, and her eyes widened until they looked like they would fall out of their sockets.

One of the other Sakura's had also woken up, and was now sporting a wide, almost lecherous grin. "Always wanted to do that. Nice ass Sasuke-kun, Kakashi-sensei."

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Somewhere in the multiverse, Happosai sneezed.

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- To be continued...

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A/N: Finally, it is done! The first fanfic I ever posted! My first official fanfic! I never thought this day would come.

Now, what do other writers say at this point? Oh yeah, this;

First off, for those who didn't get it, the second Sakura groped Sasuke and Kakashi's asses. Aren't you fan girls (and some fan boys) just green with jealousy? Why did she, you ask? Find out in the next episode.

Second, this is a mild AU where Sakura, like Naruto and Sasuke, is also an orphan. Why? Well, it makes writing this story easier. Parental entanglements would be overly difficult and will stop making the story fun. Besides, everyone I know told me Sakura's mom is just a voice (which was never heard from again), and I don't think her dad was ever mentioned. For all appearances, she's already an orphan. Seriously, what kind of parents lets a kid be a ninja at that age!

Thirdly, sorry if a lot of things are off, I've missed a lot of episodes because of school. That's why I'm trying not to be too specific about the jutsus and stuff.

Fourth, I know I over did the sneezing gag, but I couldn't help it!

What else? Oh yeah, please review, C&C welcome. Heck, even flames are welcome. That means at least it's being read, if not liked.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.

Trivia: nearly all this fanfic was written on a Palm Pilot. Yeah, that's right, with a stylus, using the Graffiti handwriting recognition system, which is far from perfect. And in only three days! Talk about dedicated.

(I really need a girlfriend! sob)