AUTHOR: Wraithfodder
CATEGORY: Humor, This is a gen (general) story.
SPOILERS: None, but takes place in season one.

Copyright Disclaimer: The Stargate Atlantis characters, as presented on the series, belong to MGM, Sci Fi, and other registered copyright holders. No copyright infringement is meant or intended by the writing and posting of this material. I'm just borrowing the characters and the universe for a piece of non-profit 'fan fiction' and will return in one piece (well, usually). However, all original characters and story material are copyright to author. Please do not repost this fiction, in whole or in part, anywhere, without expression written permission of the author.

SUMMARY: Part of a story challenge on the SGAHC list to write, in five minutes, a story that begins with "Good grief! Is he... NAKED?" .


"Good grief! Is he...NAKED?"

"Uh…" Sheppard stared at the aforementioned 'he' who was, as McKay astutely observed, as buck naked as the day he was born and was headed in a direct path toward them. Sheppard wasn't so much concerned at the naked person as the reason why that person was running stark naked in the tall grass, with nary a building or other soul in site. Teyla had said that Cabotas was a friendly world, but this was a bit too friendly.

'He' ran up to Sheppard's team, gawking at all of them, saying not a word, until he expressed a loud noise of glee and then latched himself on to McKay's leg.

"Gah!" screamed McKay, trying to pull away as though a pack of rabid squirrels had just attacked him.

"For pete's sake, McKay, he's just a toddler," Sheppard nearly laughed. The kid had to be what, two years old or something like that, just old enough to walk.

"Get it off!" demanded McKay.

"It's a 'he,' Rodney, in case you hadn't noticed," pointed out Sheppard.

"Then get HIM off," ground out McKay tersely between clenched teeth.

Sheppard thought about it a moment. He did not need a little kid attached to him. Not that he didn't like kids; it was just that as military leader, he couldn't afford to have anybody clinging to him like a remora in case they got into a firefight. Instead, he looked to his left and smiled disarmingly. "Teyla?"

Teyla had also been quite amused by their visitor, and shook her head at McKay's reaction. She reached down to gently remove the boy, but at her insistent pull, the child let out a wail that could have matched any air raid siren.

"Just leave him!" ordered Sheppard, sticking a finger in one ear. Damn, he was probably going to be deaf now. Remarkably, the child immediately went back to his amused state, babbling perhaps alien words or just baby talk. He wasn't sure.

"I'll do it!" snapped McKay. His attempt went no better; in fact, it worsened the situation. The boy just tightened his grip. "He's cutting off my circulation," complained McKay in a worried tone.

"Well," drawled Sheppard, scouting out the massive field in front of them. He pointed south. "He came from that direction, so I say we head that way, find one of his parents." He sure hoped the kid was just lost. He was happy, no blood, no damage, nothing to indicate his parents had run into Wraith or anything nasty like that. Sheppard hoped someone had just turned their head for a moment and the kid has taken off after a rabbit or something.

As time passed by, the sun drew higher into the sky and McKay's temper was reaching the boiling point. All he did was gripe and complain about his unwanted passenger, but two more attempts to remove the kid resulted in screams of such monumental proportions that Sheppard ordered no one to touch the child until they found the parent or the child removed himself.

"We need tweezers, or a match, or something!" moaned McKay.

"He's not a tick," shot back Sheppard. While watching the scientist stagger along with his unwanted load was amusing, the remarks were getting annoying. "And any of us would be glad to carry him but he likes you, so, learn to live with it."

"If he's still on me when we return to Atlantis, I'm having Beckett knock him out and pry him off!"

Sheppard just made a face, visualizing just what Beckett would say to that. It would be McKay finding a needle stabbed in HIS butt for making such a ghastly suggestion.

"Oh, OH GOD," moaned McKay, stopping in his tracks, fists clenched as though agony were coursing through his very body. Eyes were squeezed shut and then a moment later, they opened and he glared murderously at Sheppard. "This is all YOUR fault." "What?" muttered Sheppard. The kid looked fine, and, oh, uh…

Ford burst out laughing, as did Teyla.

"You all think this is funny?" McKay yelled. Fortunately, the kid just cooed something nonsensical and looked relieved, because, well, he was. The bottom of McKay's pants' leg was soaked. "I'm… I'm…. argh!"

"Pissed off?" suggested Sheppard.

"You will regret that remark, Major," warned McKay in a low voice. "Oh, believe me, you will."

Ford came around the agitated scientist. "I wouldn't touch any Ancient devices for him for a while, sir," he advised.

"Yeah," agreed Sheppard wholeheartedly.

"I hear something," spoke up Teyla.

They all stopped, most of them grateful for McKay's sudden silence, as they heard frantic voices calling out in the distance. Several people crested the ridge just a hundred yards away. "Taja!" a woman called out frantically. Sheppard heard a joyful coo emanating from McKay's lower extremity. "Think we found mom," he remarked. He waved an arm in their direction, while Teyla called out to them.

Within minutes, mother and missing child were reunited. The child disengaged himself from McKay's sodden limb without a single ear-shattering decibel, latching gleefully onto his mother. A moment later, several men ran up to join in the happy reunion. Sheppard immediately knew why the child had latched onto McKay; the boy's father had the same blue eyes, short hair and square jaw that made up the scientist's features. Not a striking resemblance, but to a small lost child, it was enough.

"We cannot thank you enough for finding Taja," said Mariale once more. She and her husband Tana hugged them all several times, but could not help themselves in expressing their gratitude to McKay, who was now lapping up the adoration like a cat with bowl of cream.

They didn't even have to ask for an invite to the village; it was extended very warmly. And speaking of warmth, the temperatures were rising a bit, and so was something else.


"Yes," grinned McKay, arms crossed in satisfaction as he was singled out by the Cabotasians as the hero of the day.

"Stay downwind, will you?"

Sheppard grinned.

Finding one lost kid: invitation to trading and nice warm fuzzy feeling

Watching McKay's face turn red in apoplectic rage: priceless.


I had fun writing it. Hope you have fun reading it. Feedback appreciated :)