Disclaimer: No own.
"He's late. Again," Naruto growled. Sakura huffed and crossed her arms. "He's always late, Naruto."
"Well yeah! What the hell does he do for three hours?"
"Maybe he's taking a bath," Sakura suggested.
"For three hours?" Naruto cried. He waved his arms around, annoying Sakura further with his constant waving.
"Well why do you think he's late?" she cried.
Naruto stopped waving his arms and blinked. Then he got a serious look on his face as he thought of an answer. Sakura could've sworn he'd wear a bathrobe and have a pipe in his mouth if he could.
"Well, I think he's hiding somewhere reading that book ero-sennin wrote, while giggling every five seconds." Sakura sweatdropped, and deep down in his soul, Sasuke did too.
Tired of his teammates' constant stupidity, Sasuke decided to say his first sentence today. "Why don't we just go look for him?"
Sakura and Naruto looked at the usually quiet boy. Instantly, hearts appeared in Sakura's eyes as she praised his sentence. Well, question, whatever she praises it anyway.
"That's a brilliant idea Sasuke-kun! Only you would come up with something that brilliant."
"I said it like ten minutes ago, but you said it was a stupid idea," Naruto pouted, crossing his arms and glaring at the girl.
And so they were off to find their sensei, to see what he really did for three hours. Even though we all know he's in outer space right now, saving the Earth from evil, rabid meteor carrots.
And so heroes set out on their quest to find their sensei, who is always late doing Kami knows what for three hours.
"The first place we should look is his place," Sasuke said. Sakura still had the hearts in her as, which were starting to shoot stars out them. Naruto wondered what kind of things Sakura did on her own for that to happen.
I know we're called leaf nins, but really, does she have to smoke the leaves? Naruto wondered.
Next thing he knew, they were there. Naruto blinked. Whoa, how did that happen?
"Hurry up Naruto. Sasuke unlocked the door already."
And so they began to search Kakashi's place. Which is like totally against the law.
"I wonder if he has ramen."
If you guys don't know who said that then you need to watch/read the show more. If you do know who it is then you'd win the grand prize! You get to continue on with this story! Hurray!
"Kakashi-sensei's not obsessed with ramen like you, dobe," Sasuke said his second sentence for the day. A new record!
"Well maybe he does! How would you know, you bastard?" Naruto then made his way into Kakashi's kitchen, which was coincidently next to the front door. Coincidence? Or maybe a trap!
Soon Sakura and Sasuke heard glass breaking, guns being fired, children crying, and a bomb going off in the kitchen. Worried about what happened to Kakashi's kitchen and Naruto too, they used their magical ninja powers to enter the kitchen. Which was conveniently next to the front door.
When they entered the kitchen they saw…Naruto standing in front of an open fridge.
Shocked by not finding a destroyed kitchen and a still living Naruto, Sasuke decided to say his third sentence of the day. "Where the hell was all that noise coming from dobe?"
Naruto turned around to look at him. "The fridge made it after I opened it." Then he closed the fridge door, once again unleashing the chaos of noise.
"I'm gonna check the cabinet for ramen!" Naruto cried, happily making his way to the kitchen's version of a closet. Sasuke and Sakura began searching the kitchen for whatever could make their teacher late. Naruto still stood in front of the opened cabinet thingy.
Sakura, realizing how strangely quiet it was, went over to Naruto and smacked him. For what, I don't know. When no response came out of him, Sakura asked him, "Why the hell are you quiet?"
Naruto pointed to the inside of the cabinet. Sakura looked inside and gasped at she saw. Sasuke, who was secretly eating Kakashi's last pudding cup and going "Mmm…pudding", made his way over to his teammates. Then he too looked inside the horrifying cabinet of death and dropped the cup-o-pudding.
Inside the cabinet were pictures. Pictures of Iruka.
There were pictures of Iruka sneezing, eating, sleeping, talking, look up, his arm, and even one of him blinking. Kakashi had even managed to get a picture of Iruka and his current class. Thus cutting out the heads of the small children and replacing them with his own. He had even managed to include himself in a few pictures with Iruka. Doing things that small children shouldn't see.
There were even a few of Iruka's old headbands and hair ties, with some hair vacuum sealed next to them. And there was one Iruka's missing socks, some more pictures, and one of Iruka's shoes. His left one.
Sasuke immediately closed the cabinet door, and then mourned the loss of his pudding cup. I was almost done, he though sadly.
Soon Team 7 found themselves in Kakashi's bedroom. Naruto was still shocked from seeing the collection of Iruka Kakashi had. He swore to the great ramen god, Earl, that he would never open any more cabinet doors. Especially those that were in Kakashi's place.
So he decided to look through Kakashi's drawers. Which didn't have anything Iruka obsessed in them. He did find Kakashi's collection Icha Icha Paradise.
Sakura was using her mighty brain that lived behind the skull of her giant forehead, thinking where her teacher could be in his room. Then she looked at the closet. And the closet looked at her. The she blinked. And the closet blinked. Somehow Sakura and the closet got into a starring match. The closet blinked and thus lost the right to remain closed. Stupid door.
Sasuke looked through Kakashi's various clothes and wondered where he got them from. This shirt matches my eyes. Ooh, and these match those shoes I bought yesterday. And this one matches my hair! And so Sasuke began trying on Kakashi's clothes.
Sakura laughed at the closet as it opened. Then after a bright flash of light, and the ability to see again, Sakura gasped at the contents of the closet. Naruto, who was reading vlomue nine of Icha Icha, walked over to Sakura and waved a hand in front of her face. Then he began showing her the pictures of people doing the mommy and daddy dance after getting no reaction. After she didn't smack him, again, he too looked into the closet of Kakashi's bedroom and gasped.
Noticing it was unlawfully quiet, Sasuke looked around for his team. He dressed in several of Kakashi clothes, mask included, and even had a few stuffed in a bag he found. He walked over to the other two and asked, using his new masked powers, what was wrong. After being ignored, Sasuke looked in the closet too.
There were plushies. Plushies of Iruka.
The plushies were dressed in various outfits. Such as Thanksgiving Iruka, Santa Claus Iruka, bunny Iruka (though the bunny had barely any clothes on). Doggy Iruka, and even one of Iruka hugging a dolphin in a dolphin costume.
The closet closed magically, thus relieving the young ninjas of the terrible images. That's when Naruto swore once again to Earl that he would never look/open any more closets. Especially Kakashi's closets.
Naruto then sat on Kakashi's bed, trying to clear his mind. He laid down and stretched, feeling a lump beside him. Naruto blinked, looking at the blanket covered lump and smirked. He knew Kakashi was still in bed!
"Time to wake up Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto cried. He pulled the covers off of the lump and gasped at the most inhuman, indecent, in-in…thing in Kakashi's place! Sakura and Sasuke, who was busy stuffing more shirts into his new bag, gasped at what they saw.
It was an inflatable doll of Iruka.
Naruto stared in shock at the doll. Even the Kyuubi was weirded out by this. Naruto covered the doll again, stood up and faced his teammates. Smiling like always he happily said, "Let's get out of here."
Sasuke nodded, lifting his new bag of new clothes. Sakura followed after them.
They arrived back on the bridge to find Kakashi waiting for them. He forgot his book so he just spun around to past the time. And how he spun.
Seeing his students arrived, Kakashi smiled at them under mask. "You guys are late!" Then he glared at them with his one eye. "I do not stand for tardiness! Extra hard training for you all! Mwuahahaha!"
The kids groaned. Kakashi noticed Sasuke's bag. "Hey Sasuke where'd you get those clothes?"
"Ah, we must go to the same store."
"….we do." Sasuke still had the mask on.
And so from then on, Team 7 never wondered why Kakashi was late. They did continue to ask him why he was late, just so he wouldn't find out that they knew about his…obsession with a certain Chuunin. And Sasuke continued to wear his mask.
KM: That was the craziest crap we wrote since the Grandpa thing
K: Yeah, and that was filled with spelling errors and crap.
KM: Hurray for Word.
This was written by Kurai Malik and Kakarot. Sisters known for our stupidity when put together even though we don't try.
The mommy and daddy dance thing was created by Kakarot. Because she's weird. Anyway, no one can use it without her permission. Dammit