I've been itching to write an ItaSasu for a while now and finally got around to it after composing the first couple paragraphs in my head at work. (yes, I write fanfic at work, but only after I do my work) This is just the prologue and doesn't really get into the story. Right now, it's more the bitter ramblings in Sasuke's head. It will hopefully become more exciting soon. Be prepared to be hit by a barrage of 'you's. 'gives out complimentary umbrellas'
I hate you.
You who took everything and gave nothing. I had always looked up to you. You were my role model, and I strived to be like you, so that you could be proud of having such a talented little brother. To you I was too small and insignificant to even be acknowledged as part of the clan. Was I not important enough to be killed along with the rest of them?
All I ever wanted was to have your acceptance. I tried to get close, but you always pushed me away. You were supposed to be my older brother, but when I was with you it was like we were strangers. I'll admit that I was jealous with all the attention you got. Becoming an ANBU leader at such a young age was quite an accomplishment worthy of praise, but you didn't seem to care. You were always so distant, lost in your own thoughts and ambitions. Maybe that's what made you strong. But could it truly hurt to open up, just a little, to me?
That's why I was mad when you got close to Shisui. What made him so special, that you would give your attention—the attention that I so desperately wanted—so freely to him? I was so angry and envious of your bond that I would sit in bed at night cursing Shisui and wishing him dead. I knew it was wrong, and I felt guilty when news arrived of Shisui's suicide drowning.
What surprised me was the others accusing you, my perfect brother. To me, I felt I was the guilty one because of my evil thoughts towards Shisui. It was sick, but a part of me was happy he was gone. I never believed for a second that the others had any reason to be suspicious of you. You were my idol, and you would not hurt anyone close to you. That naïve perception only proved how little I knew you.
If you would only let me past that hard and cold exterior, maybe I could have foreseen your violent actions. Maybe I could have helped stop you, make you understand how important the clan was. But you never gave me the chance, and on that night you killed me. You didn't slaughter me physically like everyone else. What you destroyed was that childish innocence, that naive belief that the world was a wonderful place, and that you were a wonderful brother.
I was so stupid.
You told me to hate you. And I tried. I could verbally say that I hated you. I felt rage when I thought about you, about what you had done and all the things you never did. I wanted to run up to you and tear you to shreds, screaming at all the emotional injustices you had put me through. Despite all this, the true anger lay in my inability completely hate you with the emotions I carried inside. You saw that, and pointed out that weakness. If only I was strong enough to overcome it.
And now it's because of you that I'm going to this long-tongued creep in order to gain enough power to kill you. Maybe then you'd finally notice me, maybe then I could finally learn to hate. You, my once beloved brother, have transformed into an obsession that I am trapped in. I will never be free until I accomplish my purpose. I will force my love to hate; I will force you to your knees so you can look upon the face of the younger brother that you neglected and hurt. Then I will kill you, wipe you out of existence, and liberate myself from your image that is constantly burned in my mind.
Um…yeah…not all that exciting yet. But hang in there! I promise it will become better!