Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. That was easy. Now on with the show!
It was a dark and stormy night in Morgul Vale. Darkness was everywhere. So dark it was, that if two people were to wander into the Vale, they would bump into each other for several minutes since they couldn't see where they were going. Yes, it was truly very dark. But it wasn't as dark as the deep dark thoughts thought in the dark mind of the Dark Lord, the Witch King. Dark was he, and his thoughts even darker. They were so dark that if a psychic tried to read his mind, he would need a flashlight. And at the moment, this dark beings dark mind was thinking dark thoughts about the darkest thing he had to look forward to.
Yes, it was the monthly board meeting.
Having found it very difficult to keep track of one another's evil deeds, the Ringwraiths, all very dark, found it necessary to have one of these meetings at the beginning of each month. No one really wanted to be there, but out of fear that some one else might be planning the same evil deed, they had to make sure they got first dibs.
The Witch King, being the head Ringwraith, sat at the head of the long dark table, watching his eight other co-workers take their seats. All of them had long since forgotten there names, and found it much easier just to refer to each other as a number. When everyone was settled, the Dark Lieutenant coughed a dark cough and started the meeting.
"Hello everyone. How are we today?"
"Well, I got a splinter…"
"Quiet, Number 4." (For it was indeed the fourth Ringwraith who had spoken) "Splinters are inconsequential to the darkness that is arising!" Everyone groaned. It sounded like the boss was going to go into another long speech about how wonderful dark is.
"Yes, dark!" he started. "Truly the greatest thing ever created! Why, without dark, we wouldn't have shadows, or shade, or even gloom! We wouldn't even have phrases like, "Keeping someone in the dark", or, "These are dark times." In fact…"
"Um, excuse me, sir," said Number 2. "But I think we really should get moving on."
"Yes, quite. Number Three, read…" he paused for dramatic effect, "the suggestion box!"
Number Three opened the box in which happened to contain suggestions and read the first one. "Dear sirs. Why is it so infernally dark around here? Can't we afford lamps or something?"
"That suggestion will be ignored," stated the King of Witches.
"The next suggestion reads, 'Sirs. I think we could attract more people to come and live here if we adopted a more family friendly atmosphere. For this reason, I suggest we change the name to Morgul Ville. Thank you for your time.'"
"Find that orc and feed him to the spider."
"And the last suggestion says, "I'm lost. Have you seen my tour group?"
The Witch King sighed. "Don't these people know that they shouldn't wander off? Tell this person we have no intention what so ever on helping him find his tour group. For we have much more important things to worry about." Every one decided this might actually be worth listening to, so they all leaned in.
"Now, it has come to my attention that that pansy elf Elrond has had…a council!" Realizing no one seemed to care about this astounding bit of news, the Witch King decided to elaborate. "Now, we don't now what this was all about, but that doesn't really matter, for what we do know is so much more important. For what ever purpose, he has made a Fellowship of Nine companions!"
"Oh, now they're just ripping us off!"
"Exactly, Number Six. Everyone knows we came up with the whole group of nine thing a long time ago. But, in my infinite wisdom, I have devised a cunning plan!" At this he stood up, as he thought it made him look more intelligent, and started to pace around the table.
"Now, we don't know what they're up to, but no one takes our ideas! So, rather than waste a lot of time trying to track them down, we shall simply out do them!"
"Yes! We shall find ourselves… a tenth Ringwraith!" Everyone gasped, for they did not know what else to do.
"But sir, don't you need a Ring of Power to become a Ring Wraith?"
"Luckily, Sauron has lent to us one of those Dwarves rings, we'll use that. But I'm afraid one of you must take this task. Who's up for it?"
Now, it just so happens that the Ninth Ringwraith had hadn't really paying attention to what was going on. He was in the process of thinking about how he could improve his singing voice. Thinking no one could hear him, he started to warm up his vocal chords by going, "Mememememememe…"
"Excellent," announced the With King. "Number Nine has just volunteered for the position!"
"Huh, what?" stammered Number Nine. Then realizing he hadn't been paying attention, he decided to play along with whatever was happening. "Um, yes, I will, uh, do it."
"Wonderful! Attention all! Number Nine takes the quest to find us our Tenth Ringwraith!"
Two minutes later, Nine had been hurled out of the doors of Minas Morgul. He got up and brushed the dust off of his robes. "Yes, well, it would appear I shall have to do this task. I, Number Nine, will find us our…ow! Hey watch where you're going, buddy!"
"Sorry, I didn't see you. It's just so dark around here."
"Well don't do it again. Now then, I, Number Nine, will…"
"Hey buddy, want to buy a bar of soap?"
"No! Now then, I…"
"Oh no! Shelob has gone insane and is attacking everyone in the valley! AAUUUUUGGH!"
"Oh forget it, I'm leaving."