Love and hate.

By Miss P.

Summary: Lyle does some serious thinking about his life…

Disclaimer: I don't own the character in this story, and I'm not getting paid for writing it.

Lyle's POV.

My life is so fucked up! I'm doing things I know I shouldn't be doing. It's wrong. But it doesn't stop me from doing it.

It's like I'm two different persons. One part of me is what I am trained to be, a self-centred callous murderer. The other part is…I don't know, different…more soft and loving. It's true. But even though it is somewhere there deep down inside, I'm an evil person. And after everything I've done, my soul is dirty. Full of shit! I don't think I could ever change, even if I would like…

All the time people tell me what to be and how to act. But have they ever asked me? What if I don't like what they're forcing me to go through?

Sometimes I think I would like to be my self. Whatever that means…

I don't understand, what is wrong with me? What is it that makes me wanting to please him all the time; it would have been different if he had done anything in return. If he had loved me. But everybody knows that my father only cares about himself, about the power.

Well, I guess he has passed on his evil manner to me. That's why I am who I am. It's true, I am scum…

I can't even count how many people I have killed, or hurt. And it's all because of the Centre. Because of them. Actually I'm tired of it all…

I've lived my whole life without any kind of love or affection. I can't help but wonder if it had been different if I hadn't been sent away, if I had known my mother. But honestly, I doubt she could have loved me. At least that's what my sister keeps telling me. No one can love me. Maybe she's right. But it doesn't change the fact that I do need it…

So I guess I'll be stuck in this personal hell for all eternity. There's nothing I can do about it.

Maybe it's my own fault, if I'd done something earlier; it could have made a difference. But now it's to late for me to change…

I guess that's my curse…

END.