Tears of a Fallen Angel

Chapter I: Barely Hanging On

A/N:okay- so um. this is a new story. its based on sesshy and um.. most of the stuff here are fictional. the main ideas and are from the show though, and ALL the characters are from the show. umm.. this is modern-era and inuyasha and sesshoumaru's dad is living with them. (he's still alive) and umm ya. its just pretty much all the troubles that sesshy has to put up with. (6.6) hehe. well. enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

A tall, shadowy figure appeared out of the depths of the usual darkness of the Bella Muerte, a popular club that Sesshoumaru seldom visited. His shining golden orbs wandered across the loud, obnoxious, and very boisterous scenery, in which tons of customers pushed towards the entrance of the Bella Muerte. The contemplative and quiet youkai stood far from the jostling crowd, making sure to be no part of their foolish rambling.

Meanwhile, the flashing lights of the club became possibly the only light you received from the outside.The strong darkness and heavy smells of alcohol alone surrounded him, loud echoes of rowdiness and hostility rang about everywhere, and clouds eclipsed the moon, floating peacefully across the serene midnight sky, releasing a blanket of black into the starry sky, like ink on paper. The stars were Sesshoumaru's salvation, as always. They were his escape from everything.

In the alley right beside the crowded club, the youkai stood lost in his lonesome and repetetive thoughts, with his eyes glistening like those beautiful stars that inspired him most.

The sad, yet comforting feel of the lonely alley, along with the ever-so clear view of those shimmering stars made this alley one of Sesshoumaru's favorite places to stay and think. He found himself there nearly every night of the week.

It was simply nirvana. No one bothered him there. And mainly, he didn't have to do or be anything there. He didn't have to be the same mistake he always was; he could just be an invisble, unwanted nobody- and that was truly what he wanted most now. But nonetheless, this was not where Sesshoumaru was coming to for relaxing today.

His restless mind was confused, and always hurt. He walked in pride, yet he resided in painful and lost thoughts, that forever plagued his mind.This arrogant demon had so many scars, hidden from everyone. He was so sorrowful, even if no one ever saw the tears he cried.

Sesshoumaru's life was simply a descending staircase; becoming worse and worse with each step lower, leading down to his numbing soul. It was a dismal tale about someone who had his whole life robbed from him. At the very least, his family life could have been normal, but he was spared nothing. His family life had been destroyed; and for once, it wasn't Inuyasha that had done it all.

That bothersome brother of his was only a fragment of what had made his life so deplorable. Inuyasha honestly only made what was already broken, completely slip away for Sesshoumaru. He, currently, had so many unfixable problems with his father. So many longing dreams of his mother. But mostly, so many nightmares of the two of them fighting, and even more so them screaming at him. If only he could go back to the good days.

When his father and mother were still together; when all that ever reached Sesshoumaru was his mother's undying love, and his father's strengthening protection. The two of them together meant the world to him, and he'd do anything to have them back. He only had one question, and if he could get it answered, he knew that he would be ble to fix everything.

What had he done? Sesshoumaru knew for certain that had been his own doing that had dissipated the dream that was purposed to last forever. Every part of him knew that he was at fault for making everything fall apart so badly. The broken youkai strived harder every day to fix everything, to make everything go back to normal. He had calculated everything else, how he'd labor for hours at a time, and how he'd do literally anything for them, if only he knew what he had done. That was the question. His lifetime of hard work meant nothing if he couldn't answer that.

And that's what tore him up everyday. He was not fitting for this kind of stress. A youkai like him was pathetic, of course. Sesshoumaru was told everyday what a piece of shit he was. How worthless and stupid he was. How he cannoned everything downhill. Apparently, if he was told all this each and every day, it would have some direct meaning to it. It most definitely couldn't be all lies. What else could it be?

Sesshoumaru groaned as his eyes forcefully and filibusteringly began to swell up more and more, recalling all the heartbreaking memories of his. Oh, how he missed the good days. Unfortunately, his life had only gone from bad to worse from the moment his parents parted. Flashes of all of the bothered youkai's bad memories after their divorce resurfaced one by one. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down, but the incessant shivering his body was experiencing indicated that his calm would be hard to retrieve.

Suddenly though, the sorrowful demon clutched at his side as a sharp pain randomly went shooting through him. His eyes flung wide open as his face cringed and his knees buckled. He began walking towards the door of the club, trying hard to appear normal, although his agonizing staggering made that extremely hard.

...He scrambled to the door of his stupendous yet eerie mansion. An unearthly shooting pain sensationed through him, and he tried with all his might not to fall over. Quickly he twisted the door open, which was also very hard considering his palms were sweaty with shock and illness. He closed his fists tight, and his long nails pinched and dug deep into his skin, causing streams of blood to appear. His blood fingers somehow managed to open the door, and get out, running. Faster and faster away from the house, and still running for miles and miles more, til he reached his only refuge, The Bella Muerte...

He reached the door after a long struggle, and could sense the pain settling down. At last, he felt 'casual' enough to speak. He ordered a few beers and strode away after paying the large sum of money. He anti-socially avoided all of the drunkards passing by and wanting to chat, and sat down at the farthest corner of the club- away from most.

He stared at the dozen of beers in front of him, and picked one of the twelve, bringing it closer to him. Effortlessly, he pulled the cap of the bottle off, and held it in his hand. He peered at it closely, its sharp, jagged edges; the same as all of the million beer bottle caps in the world, it was no different. He sighed and stared away longingly at all the customers in the store that were having fun, and living the good life.

Hopelessly, he sat up straight and continued looking at the cap in his hand. He grasped it tight in his hand until it began bleeding, and peered down at the blood dripping down from his pale, cold hand. The red of the blood was piercing and bright, and in a way, the contrast of his white skin, and the vividness of the red hurt his eyes.

Yet, the mere essence of the thick, liquidy fluid dripping from his very own hand comforted him.Sesshoumaru was not one to be considered a cutter, but the odd tingle of the penetration of his skin somehow made him feel better. The pain released all of the many feelings that he had bottled up inside, and for once, he felt reassured that he was alive, nothing ever gave him that security before.

All the same though, he put the cap down and replaced it with the bottle itself. It seemed so cool and refreshing, and even if drinking all the memory's goodbye never did anything, it sure as hell made him feel better.

The more and more Sesshoumaru thought of those haunting and unwanted thoughts of his, he instantly placed his lips on the bottle and began chugging them each away- one by one. Still there. He tried another bottle, the second would surely work. After finishing the whole bottle, he pounded the table, nearly breaking it. The feelings were still at bay, he knew they were there. They'd never go away.

His eyes were red and his hands began glowing with poison as the anger gathered... Sesshoumaru sighed and tried it a different way. He began reaching for the next beer- maybe the third time would be worth it; after all, third time's a charm, isn't it?

Just then, the youkai felt his whole anger begin to flush through, nothing was going away, he thought. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and tried to calm down. He reached for the bottles, as he felt them slipping away, but only caught a small, glossy fragment of something. When the tired demon lord opened his weary eyes, he noticed that instead of catching the bottles, he tossed the last ten at the wall, shattering them all and making a mess of alchol all over his table and the now-wet wall.

In a few moments, Sesshoumaru found himself out on the alley again. Apparently, you weren't allowed to do that in the club. He slumped down against the scarlet brick-stone wall and slid down till he reached the bottom. He clasped his knuckles and then, suddenly, he felt something in his hand. He looked at his hand, and then realized what had happened.

Evidently, when he had "accidentally" threw everything against the wall, in his out-of-control rage, he broke all the bottles too. What he held in his hand was a piece of the bottle, smeared with alcoholic beverage all over. Sesshoumaru grinned and glanced at his pale arm, hidden underneath his long shirt sleeve. The explosive stress building up sure could usesome help from his new found hobby...cutting.

"...This place is so empty, my thoughts are so tempting- I don't know how it got so bad. Sometimes it's so crazy, that nothing can save me. But it's the only thing that I have..."

A/N: hehehehe. i liked it, wouldn't you say? well. i personally think its a lot better than my last story. but anywaaaaayyy... I WANNA HEAR WHAT YOU GUYSES THINK! sooo... please review! thanks a bunchies! muchos lovos!