HO-ZA! I'm bored and tad ticked off, so I decided to finally complete this little one-shot (it was written about a month ago). O.o

Warning: Bits and pieces of swearing. Not intended for the innocent-minded - quite dirty – depends on how far you're willing to think though. Contains a slightly perverted-Rei, a very innocent-Max, and a redhead with his blunette who can say anything and still make it seem dirty. There also may be some hints of Yuriy/Kai and Bryan/Rei.

Also, as I always say, I'm using the Australian-version of some words, so don't be surprised if you're used to seeing a lot of "z"-words beginning to contain "s" instead.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything accept a polar bear and a penguin.

Listen and Learn


Absolutely bewildered.

He didn't understand what they were trying to say! After asking so many people yet getting different responses, he didn't know who he should believe. And this extra source wasn't helping either!

Glaring half-heartedly at the documentary program, turquoise eyes connected their gaze upon a certain door leading to a specific room.

He knew he shouldn't go in there – Kai was in there with Yuriy, and they were doing something 'very important that didn't involve any disruptions'. But he was so confused and so curious that he just couldn't wait! He needed to know, desperately, like now!

Why were situations such as this always placed upon him? He didn't want to seem selfish or impatient. He just wanted his friend to be happy and to not go disturb him. Oh the urge to just run up to that door and knock.

It was so tempting.

It was just there! Standing there in front of him.

That stupid door!

Just one knock. Just one! He was sure that his friend would understand his need. After all, his friend had changed considerably – personality wise. And they had grown closer. So what was the problem? Was he afraid of being disruptive? No, that wasn't it. Was it that he was just too curious to hold it in? …

Yes. It was.

Sighing with mortified defeat, Max dragged his over-zealous, yet nervous self towards the aforementioned chunk of wood. Raising his hand, the blonde was about to knock until-

"Hey Max!"

Yelping slightly with utter shock, Max turned his way towards a certain neko-jin who was gazing questionably at the blonde. "What are you doing?"

"Well, I really need to ask Kai something, and since Yuriy's here as well, I was hoping that maybe they can both help me. Plus, where's Tyson?"

With that reminding him, the golden-eyed teen could only give out a boisterous snicker, "I saw him earlier before arguing with Gramps. Apparently Tyson's too sick and tired of looking after him, so he wants to stick him in a nursing home and Gramps said that if that were to ever happen then he'd have to send Tyson off to an asylum to be looked after."

The blonde could only sweat-drop with that remark. It was so typical of them to say such things to each other.

But now wasn't the time for him to be pushed off track. He needed to know! And he was going to find out!

Once again he lifted his hand to knock…


"Can't we just do this in the kitchen Yuriy?"

"Do you actually want people to see what we're doing Kai? Don't you want a bit of privacy to do this?"


The blonde was once again faced with the dilemma of stopping halfway, as both he and Rei's own curiosity were piqued, and they couldn't help but listen…


"I still think the kitchen's a much better place than the bedroom Yuriy." Kai voiced openly.

"But the kitchen will just have everybody watching us together, and then they'll end up not wanting to bugger off." The redhead stated. "Why would you want to be in there anyways?"

"There's more utensils in there, so it would be variety-packed for us to experiment with."

"… You do realise that most of them are made out of metal don't you? Do you want to injure yourself that badly!"


Behind the door, Max could only gasp in shear horror.

'Is Kai trying to kill himself? Is THAT what this is all about!'


"I'm just saying that it could've been easier out there, but now we're in here, all we have is a knife…" (This causing to aggravate Max even more)

"Only a knife? You're right… maybe we should have gotten more things… Damn… Last time I did this I used a rolling pin…"

"Wasn't that too big?" Kai asked with genuine interest.

"Nah, this one was a mini. It was pretty useful too…"

"Do you think we can still do this right then? And especially when we're in here?"

"I would have assumed that you wanted this to be hidden from your team since you did call me unexpectedly to come here."

"Well I needed you! You're the only one who can relieve me of this after all."

The teen could only sigh, "Fine, I'll help you. Come on then. Bring it out."


On the outside of his room, Max could only stare at the door with a genuine frown coursing its way on his forehead.

'What are they talking about…?'

Glancing towards his companion, his eyebrows shot up with astonishment.

How could Rei know what they were talking about, yet he, himself, DIDN'T!


"That's pretty nasty Kai." Yuriy said bewilderedly.

"Oh shut up Yuriy. Just help me will you." The Phoenix ordered.

"All right, okay, calm down will you. Just place it on the table over there will you."

"Don't you just think it would be more proper if we used the bed…?"

"What! Do you want to die from a back failure after all the pressure you used on that thing! Use your common sense Kai! I would have thought that after playing around with Black Dranzer that the little stuffed penguin-"

"Black Dranzer's not a penguin Yuriy…" Kai bickered back with as much dignity as he could muster up within that small time.

"-would've knocked at least one feather of knowledge into your brain." The redhead battered back frivolously. "Since you're so inadequate today, I'll give you an example. For instance, if there was an earthquake that just decided to plummet itself oh-so-gracefully into your bedroom, what do you think would snap first under its pressure – the bed, or the table?" He spoke out slowly as if telling a child where carrots came from.


'Pressure?' Max thought to himself perplexedly, trying to gain some comprehension from this terribly complicated conversation that was confusing his innocent mind.


"… Well I suppose the table because it's stronger and all, but Yuriy, the bed's more comf-"

"Exactly!" The teen proclaimed ecstatically. (This reminding Max of the time when he heard Rei sound like that when he found Garfield the Movie in his old DVD collection.) "That's exactly what I'm trying to point out! The table's much more sturdier for us to use. With all the force we'll be foisting, it's much more reliable to do it on the table."

"But the bed's comfier…" Mumbled the defeated teen.

Even behind the stubborn door Max could tell the redhead was shaking his head slowly. "Kai, Kai, Kai. There'll be a day when you'll be sitting in your own geriatric retirement home, sitting in a rocking chair, with wrinkles and all. Then you'll be placed in this situation again and think 'Bless that Yuriy.'" He spoke, making sure to deepen his voice in a weak and disgruntled fashion. "'If it weren't for him, then I'd be crumbling along the dirty streets of this polluted world, looking like a soaked-up pop-tart-'"

"Yuriy!" Snapped the hapless blunette as he struggled to keep his sanity with his companion, earning a giggle from the pair eavesdropping behind the wooden contraption of a door.

Smirking, the composed redhead said slyly, "Yes, yes, I know. All I'm trying to say is that you lack EX-PER-I-ENCE!"


"I never knew Kai was that bad…" Rei mumbled as his mouth twitched now and then as he produced the foul truth from his lips.

"What are they talking about Rei?" Max whispered with pure confusion shimmering in his blue orbs.

"… And I wanted a turn as well but NO! It just had to be that bloody little redhead…"

"Rei! I need to know! Don't ignore me!"

"… Just because he was raised in the Abbey and was taught that he should always remain on top, doesn't mean that he can do that to Kai!"

"Rei! Stop igno-"

"… He has no r-IGHT! OW! OW, OW, OW-OW-OW! MAX! Let go!" The neko-jin whispered aversely, remembering to keep his voice down, yet trying to deal with the throbbing pain emitting from his ear that was currently being twisted by an aggressive blonde.

"Snap out of it Rei! We're supposed to be listening! Now pay attention! … Please?" Max added with a tint of embarrassment as he let go of his friend's ear.

"… At least I don't take a Tic-Tac before I kiss someone…"

"Aren't you with Bryan though…?" Max piped in unintentionally.


"Okay, good. Now leave it there. Okay. Now this is what you do. You see how it's all hard?"

"Well obviously, otherwise that wouldn't have been my problem in the first place!"

"You're lucky I'm even here…" The redhead mumbled, "Now grab that thing down there. Now, I'm going to hold this thing since I'll have a firmer grip on it, and I want you to stab that thing inside of it okay?"

"Wait, wait. So you want me to stab this thing in my hand, into that thing that you're holding?"

"I'm so proud you're not dumb, Kai." Giving out a mock sniffle, Yuriy continued to speak melodramatically, "It's just such grand news that you're understanding what I'm talking about. Just GRAND!"

"Oh shut up."

"Temper, temper. Now, remember to shove it in. Can you remember that mister-peanut?"



He couldn't take it anymore! He didn't want Kai to hurt himself! And what was Yuriy doing by influencing Kai like that!

Growling softy, the blonde turned to his silent companion, "Rei we have to stop them! Kai could hurt himse-"

A calloused hand had suddenly gripped onto Max's mouth and the only thing the blonde could was attempt to glare.

Snickering, the neko-jin replied, "Oh, that's the point Maxie. That's how you're suppose to enjoy it…" A malicious grin was angling itself as Rei turned his attention once more.

'Oh boy…'


"Y-Yuriy…?" Kai spoke with a sudden timidity behind his voice.

"What now? I swear today's not a good day for you."

"Well it's that… well-"

"Now would be nice you know."

"But it's just…"

"Today Kai!" (Max could already begin to hear the sudden icy-temperament radiating from the redhead's voice, and he was behind the door too!)

"It won't go in!"


There was suddenly a pregnant silence emitting. Max couldn't see what was happening inside that room, but he wanted to know! Glancing towards the right, the blonde could only try to stifle a small giggle at the dazed look of his neko-jin team-mate. He looked so funny!

Rei's eyes half-lidded eyes were in a haze as he was leaning heavily on the blasted door. His ear was upright against the barrier between him and what he was beginning to hope he could be apart of. A twitching grin was protruding its way along gracefully as he began to mumble certain incoherent things.

At first Max thought that the site was overly humorous, but as some agonising seconds passed, the blonde began to worry about his comrade. What if he was suffering from pneumonia! After all, Rei's cheeks were glowing pink against his tanned cheeks – they were looking fluorescent too! His eyes were drooping, and what was that! Was that drool falling from his mouth!

"Rei! Are you okay there! You look as though you've just been living in an igloo with the sun at one hundred degrees burning you! You're not dying are you…?" Max asked attentively.

"Just shove it in!" The pair was once again reminded of the commotion coming from the other room.


"Just shove it in Kai! I don't care if it hurts! This needs to be done, and you also need to learn how to do this!" The redhead spoke out with a dangerously calm.

"I told you though, I can't push it through! It's too stiff and big for this to be shoved in!" The once content Phoenix spoke desperately.

"Whatever happened to mister 'I'm-planning-on-taking-over-the-world-because-of-my-new-and-sparkly-blade-that-no-one-else-has-because-I'm-mentally-SPECIAL'! What happened to the omnipotent leader I've heard so much about!" Yuriy almost shrieked out as he vaunted continuously.

"Fine! I'll show you mister 'I'm-so-creative-when-dealing-with-these-things'!"


"Oh, is he now…" Rei spoke outside with as a lazy grin started widening.


"Now remember to SHOVE IT IN!" Yuriy reminded teasingly.

"Whatever. Now, you hold it, and I'll shove it in. On the count of three, all right. One." They both inhaled slowly.

"Two." They continued to inhale…

"THREE!" They yelled together.





"SHIT! OW! F-"


"ARK! ARK-ARK!" Cried the lonely bird.

Out along the scarce and desolate land, a crow was left on its own to feed until it was sated, on the remains of its once-living-owner, Kenny.






"-arker! PARKER! Wake up Parker!" A commanding voice called out, jerking the dozing teen awake.

"Wha-?" The youth slurred.

"Michael Parker, what have I told you about being etiquette! Now push that back straight and listen to the team!"

Sighing, the boy leaned heavily against before zoning out once more, thinking about that dream with a llama bouncing on a pogo-stick… Ah, how he missed those days…


Max and Rei both covered their sensitive ears after the unexpected sensation of having their eardrums damaged. Rei wouldn't have been surprised if they started to see a hemorrhage developing. Max wouldn't have been surprised if he saw Tyson walking in with a baseball cap…

'Oh no, wait…' The blonde tried thinking articulately.


"…Kai…? Are you dead yet…" Yuriy groaned while trying to compose himself after what happened.

"My back hurts…" The Phoenix grunted.

"That wouldn't surprise me. You did put a lot of pressure into it..."


The pair was now slightly recovered, yet they were having a hard time hearing. At one stage, Rei had thought he was going blind but only realised that it was the dust billowing out from the small gap between the blasted door and the ground.

Oh how he wanted to be in there…


"Do you think it worked?" The blunette asked curiously – though still in pain.

"It should have. Last time I did it, the impact wasn't nearly as bad as the one we just went through…"

"Yeah… you should make your own service for this you know. It would be pretty handy."


Rei's eyes couldn't help but bulge out. He could suddenly imagine himself as a small 5 year old just waiting to be chosen next. 'Oh! Oh! Pick me next! Pick me!'

Max's eyes couldn't help but bulge out either. He was rather shocked after hearing Kai's suggestion.

'Do they want to teach everyone else in this world how to hurt themselves!'


"Well I don't need to, I think enough people already know about this handy talent of mine. I've already helped Bryan with it-"


Max glanced nervously at a murderous neko-jin. His pupils had turned into sharp slits, his feline eyes had narrowed into a dangerous tinted gold, and a small, possessive growl was emanating.

'That slut! Nobody touches my Falcon, but ME!'


"Hmm… at least you're good at helping them I suppose."

"Mm." Yuriy said, almost sounding relaxed.

"Do me a favour?"


"Get off me. I don't want you trying to kiss me as a prize or anything."

A disappointed sigh was produced before the blue-eyed boy lifted himself up. "Damn."

"Maybe we should go outside? I want to eat something."

"Yeah, don't forget that stupid jar then, you'll need it..."


Yelping, Max and Rei knew that they'd get caught if they didn't move! Attempting to scamper away, Max's flexible foot had somehow managed to stamp on Rei's treasured ponytail.

One cried out in utter pain. The other squeaked unpredictably.

Both tried to balance themselves. And both failed.

Resulting in the nosey pair to plummet on top of one another right before another pair came out from that blasted door.


To the Phoenix and Wolf, the sight before them had only caused cerulean eyes to sparkle with amusement, and crimson eyes to stare quizzically.

"Looks like a certain pair are getting quite kinky…" Yuriy's voice floated teasingly.

Growling with complete humiliation, Rei popped up from his comfortable position, whilst grabbing Max with him. "Me! You're the one getting quite kinky-" Imitating the redhead's voice, "-with MY Bryan!"

The pair before him would have been considered identical if it weren't for the opposite colouring of their hair and eyes. Both momentarily raised a perfectly aligned eyebrow, before the blunette bluntly asked, "What were you both doing out here?"

"Us?" Max screeched, being heard for the first time after the collision. "We… We were…" Peering at his neko-jin friend for some sort of help.

"Don't look at me, I wasn't the one who wanted to ask them a question." The raven-haired boy sternly said – quite ticked off at Yuriy to actually bother with Max.

"And what did you need to ask exactly?"

'Stupid Kai for always being so snippy.'

Sighing, the blonde looked up, staring earnestly at the pair before him. Heaving in enough air up to help him gather up his courage, Max finally ask –

"Where do babies come from?"

The room went dramatically quiet, and all that could be heard was the small "THUMP!" of an object slipping from Kai's hand that began to roll away.

After all that hard work by Yuriy and Kai, the thoroughly forgotten jar of peanut butter was left alone…


Ke-hehe. This one was actually really fun to type up. I hoped you all understood that.

If this fic goes well, and I'm actually in the mood, then I might write a sequel for this on how Yuriy and Kai are going to answer Max's question. It won't be rude or anything, just written in the sense that it would be easy and simple for Max to understand. He's so cute! xD

I have some ideas for that, so we'll see if I write it or not.

Thanks for reading!

Please leave a review!