Fan fiction by Vilsy...
The Gorillaz characters and related situations thereof are copyrighted property of Jamie Hewlett and the Gorillaz Partnership. Just thought everyone would like to know that.
Yeah, I know you're all chomping at the bit for me to update my "Rock It" fic, but this vision came to me in a dream... Actually I was just at work and I was like.. Huurrr... wouldn't that be funny? Hur hur... so I came home at midnight and starting typing this up. Not sure how far I'll go with it, but it should be amusing for a while. No worries, Rock It is still being updated. R&R, as I appreciate all of your comments. Woo!
Chapter One: The Postman Cometh
The postman's spine felt as though a thousand jagged icicles were stabbing through it, and his heart leaped high into his throat when a particularly loud clap of thunder resonated throughout the blackened sky. It looked like a mad scientist's wickedly evil lair, resting high atop a rugged mountain side. Unwelcoming, frightening, dangerous. These were the feelings he got each and every time his route took him up the long winding road that led to Kong Studios. He dreaded it each and every time, and just about turned in his resignation when he was chased off the property by flesh eating zombies, but his seniority benefits compelled him to stick it out.
This mid-afternoon was no different. While it was sunny and pleasant everywhere else in Essex, the Kong property was perpetually encompassed by a raging thunderstorm, dark ominous clouds, and the foul stench of death, decay, landfill waste, and Murdoc Niccals. The postman feared the latter most of all.
Having passed the shattered gravestones and the garden of rotting zombie corpses and weeds, four terrified, shaky fingers reached out to clasp around the demonic-looking door knocker, banging it against the huge double doors three times, then withdrawing in horror. Moments passed, and an eerie silence seemed to settle on the area. The thunder and lightning ceased, the wind died down, and there was stillness. Convinced this was a sign to retreat, the postman turned to run back down the lane, but the sound of creaking hinges caused him to stop cold in his tracks.
The noise was agonizingly painful to the ears.. A slow, low screeching creak that finally ended and revealed a shadowy, gaunt figure… the most awful thing the entire estate had to offer…
"'Allo Gov'. 'Ave anything good t'day?"
Resisting the urge to cry out in fright, the postman nervously reached out a hand that held a wad of envelopes. "H-here you g-go.. Sir…"
Four bony fingers, one painted red, reached out also to take the letters, recoiling a moment later. "Yes well, thanks. See you t'morrow."
The postman was speechless, frozen in fear for a brief second, then he turned and ran off into the night, whimpering out like a frightened school girl.
Murdoc blinked several times, clutching the post in his left hand and rubbing his chin curiously with the other. "What a peculiar bloke. Ah well… lessee here." He returned into the depths of the studio, slamming the door behind him.
"Bills… bills… fan letter for Stu-Pot… bills…" He was thumbing through the stack of letters, tossing the bills and the fan mail addressed to 2-D into the garbage can as he passed it by. "Hmm.. Somethin' from America… must be for tubby. Eh, I'll see if he's in."
He shuffled his way through the lobby and down the corridor towards the drummer's bedroom, making a distressed expression when he came across an envelope stating that his pornography magazine subscription was nearly expired. "'Ave to get on that." He stopped in front of Russel's door, flicking a few more bills carelessly to the floor before lifting a hand to give a few knocks.
"Who's it?" came the response.
"S'me, Russ. Got the post and there's a letter for you. Open the sodding door, will ya?"
Silence ensued, then the sound of heavy footsteps approaching. Russel slowly swung the door open and looked curiously at the envelopes in Murdoc's hand, then the ones scattered around his feet. "Bills?"
"Yes. But not this one. Here."
Russel took the letter as Murdoc offered it to him, blinking his white eyes as he read the return address. He suddenly clutched the envelope very tightly, his eyes growing wide. "Whut the! Aw hell!" Hastily, he tore the envelope open and ripped out the rosy-colored paper within, unfolding it in a hurry and grasping it in his big hands. Murdoc watched in idle curiosity as Russel's head moved back and forth ever so slightly as he scanned each line of the handwriting that scrawled across the stationary. "Aw no.. NOO!"
Murdoc dropped the rest of the letters, jumping back a bit at the larger man's sudden loud outburst. "Bleeding hell, man, what's the problem?"
Russel's thick fingers closed even tighter around the letter, crinkling the paper as he read it again and again, each time with an increasingly loud, "NO!" at the end. All the ruckus caused the other two band members to come jogging down the corridor to see what was happening.
"Russel-san, daijoubu, ka?"
"Wha's all th' noise about, Russel? Oh look, th' post is here. Anythin' fer me?"
"Not a thing, Stu."
"… S'all right, Russel. I don't need t' get letters everyday."
Russel looked as though he was about to faint, and 2-D was blissfully clueless. "Oh out with it all ready, damn it. What's that letter about?" Murdoc demanded, making a grab for it in his oh-so-polite manner.
Russel quickly reacted by pulling his hand away, nearly crumpling the paper completely. "No! It's too horrible."
Noodle walked closer and slowly reached up to Russel's sleeve, tugging on it as gently as she could. "Ne, Russel-san. Tell us what trouble this letter brings. Can we not help you?"
The drummer's shaky gaze went from Noodle to 2-D to Murdoc, then back to Noodle. "It's bad news from home. Real bad news. 'Bout my grandmamma."
Noodle's calming expression dropped a bit and she appeared quite concerned. "Oh dear. Is she well?"
2-D blinked a few times and chimed in, meaning well but coming off rather bluntly. "Did she die or summink?"
Noodle shot 2-D an alarmed look, as if to express her disapproval of his seeming indiscretion. Murdoc merely offered an semi-disinterested smirk.
Russel's head dropped slightly. "No… she ain't dead. That's the bad news."
"HA!" Murdoc suddenly spat out, quite amused by this response. He blinked a few times, noticing Noodle and 2-D didn't see the humor in it at all.
"Bad news? This is not bad news, yes?" Noodle's eyes were covered by her shaggy dark bangs, but it was clear that she was gazing at Russel in confusion.
"No boo… there's worse news…" The drummer's hands were shaking so badly that the top of the letter began to tear. "She's… she's comin' to visit!"
"Blimey! Company! Tha's great!" 2-D was obviously not grasping the seeming severity of Russel's words.
Murdoc's amused expression fell, and though he failed to see what the big deal was, he also wasn't too fond of company that wasn't under the age of 25, female, and in his Winnebago. "Visiting? When's she planning on doing this?"
Russel's teeth began to chatter softly, and he unwrinkled the paper and read over it again hesitantly. "This evening'!"
Murdoc narrowed his multi-colored eyes, glaring at Russel in disbelief. "Hang on… she sends you a letter telling you that she's coming to visit.. And you just happen to get it the very day she plans on arriving?"
"That kind of rubbish only happens in cartoons."
Noodle coughed and fiddled a bit with hair while 2-D found a speck on the ceiling to be particularly fascinating.
Russel finally sighed and tucked the letter into his back jeans pocket. "Anyway, I gotta go pick her up from the airport…" He suddenly moved forward and placed one large hand on Noodle's head. She squeaked cutely and looked up at the drummer curiously as he rubbed her hair gently. "If… I don't come back… if… I don't make it…" He moved on to 2-D and patted him briskly on the shoulder, almost causing the vocalist to buckle and fall over. "I just want y'all to know… that I had a bangin' time bein' y'all's drummer… and…" Letting go of 2-D's fragile shoulder, he turned to Murdoc, who was staring at him with a befuddled look, and sized him up. Without notice, he lunged forward and gave the bassist a hardy hug. "I love you guys!"
Murdoc cried out in terror as Russel bear hugged him. "Gaaah! For the love of Satan, leggo of me, you great oaf!"
"Murdoc, you'se all right, man. You'se all right!" Tears were nearly forming in the drummer's eyes as he squeezed the Satanist unnecessarily tight. Noodle giggled loudly at the sight and 2-D just thanked his stars that he wasn't the one receiving all that love. Finally, after being beating on the shoulders several times by enraged fists, Russel set Murdoc down and rubbed the moisture under his eyes away with a finger.
"Gosh, Russel," 2-D began over the loud, disturbed huffing and puffing of the bassist. "You're only goin' to th' airport, right? I know it's inconvenient sometimes but I don't fink ya gonna die or nuffin'."
Russel took in a deep breath and seemed to be collecting himself, then he took a somewhat intimidating step towards the blue-haired zombie. "Yer right, D. I ain't gonna die in that place alone…" His bear of a paw came crashing down upon the frail singer's shoulder again, causing him to visibly cringe. "You'se comin' wit me."
Murdoc finally recovered from the overbearing hug and stepped forward. "Damn it, Russ. Get a hold of yourself. You're talking like a damned idiot. You--"
Russel's other hand came plummeting down on Murdoc's shoulder as well, squeezing it uncomfortably tight. "An' you. I ain't in no shape to drive… my damn nerves are shot. You'se comin' too, Muds."
Noodle was relieved Russel didn't have anymore hands, but she looked up at him anxiously anyway, wondering what fate he had in store for her.
"An' Noodle… Um. Well you gots to come too 'cuz you're part of the fam. Ain't that right guys?" Whipping his arms out to either side quickly, so as not to let his prey escape, Russel slung his arms around 2-D and Murdoc's shoulders, drawing them close all buddy-buddy like.
Noodle smiled and giggled in delight, while 2-D's spirits seemed to brighten suddenly. "Oh wicked, we get t' go fer a ride! I've got shotgun!"
Murdoc simply groaned in disdain, subconsciously plotting to kill them all. "You're a sod, Russ. A damned sod."
You're probably like... Huh? This is dumb. But it'll get better.. just you wait and see. Murdoc is very fun to write... it's obnoxious. I think I make 2-D a little more dense than he actually is, but it's easier to play off of utter daftness than just mild daftness... or summink. Anyway, let me know what you think. Next chapter... the horrors of the airport.