keem: And finally, Sonic goes on his date! With music provided by Oingo Boingo. Read, review, and enjoy!
Sonic paced outside of the entrance to Twinkle Park nervously. It was nearly time for Amy to arrive, and he kept looking at his wristwatch anxiously. Behind him in the bushes there was a distinct rustling, along with loud, over-exaggerated coughing and grumbling.
"Guys!" Sonic cried shrilly, pivoting on his heel with a dramatic flourish. "Will you shut the hell up in there?! I can't even hear myself think." His voice went up an octave, and the commotion in the bushes suddenly went still.
"Sorry," came the meek voice of Tails.
"Yeah, well, I'm not," came a second, distinctively disgruntled voice. The fierce rustling continued before Robotnik was thrown backwards out of the bushes entirely. Shortly thereafter, Knuckles popped his head out and sucked in a deep breath of fresh air. "I've been trying to be a good sport and suppress my urges of claustrophobia - just for you, Sonic!- and then the good doctor had to let out the most vile, disgusting fart I've ever had the pleasure to experience." He scowled and shook his head. "Not to mention his butt was like two inches from my face, so I could practically TASTE IT -"
"I can't help it! I had Mexican food for lunch!" Robotnik protested, flat on his back in the middle of the sidewalk. He looked on the verge of tears.
"Seriously, it was awful," Knuckles continued to complain loudly, very obviously ignoring the weepy doctor. "I wanted to DIE--"
"Jeez, you guys!" Sonic said, gesturing wildly. It was very apparent the hedgehog was frazzled over his impending date with Amy. "Can't you just do me a favor for once? I'm always bailin' you out of jams. I mean, Christ, Knuckles, your island's fallen how many times now?"
"Piss off, hog," Knuckles said tartly, but he stepped out of the bushes and grabbed Robotnik by the arm, pulling him to his feet before leading him back into their hiding spot. Tails yelped as someone treaded all over his twin tails, and then another voice rose to protest as he was stomped all over.
"You just stepped on my stomach and knocked the wind out of me, you fat fool!" snarled Shadow, although he sounded a little breathless. "Sonic, is it really necessary for me to be handcuffed? I mean, it's not like I'm a danger to humanity or anything--"
"YES," chorused everyone at once. From around the corner came Amy Rose, sporting her usual red dress and knee-high boots.
"Quiet, you guys," Sonic said, from in-between his teeth. "She's coming."
"Hi Sonic!" Amy said cheerfully, waving as she drew nearer. Sonic waved back, momentarily at a loss of words, until a heavy, steel-plated shoe kicked him – hard - in the back of the leg.
"OW," He said abruptly, grabbing his ankle as Amy fixed him a concerned look. "Uhh, errr, leg cramp," he said awkwardly, rubbing the sore spot. "So, how's it going.. err.. doll-face?"
"Doll-face?" Amy asked, more confused then anything else.
"I mean, uhh, sugar-cakes?" Sonic rectified, smiling sheepishly. "Baby girl? Cutie-butt?"
"You've been looking at my butt?" Amy snarled, and suddenly she had Pico Pico Hammer out, waving it threateningly in his face. Sonic leapt backwards, fearing impending assault.
"Uh- you don't like that one?" Sonic said, looking to the bushes momentarily for guidance. Amy Rose's gaze followed him, and then looked to him in confusion, her hammer going slack in her grasp.
Someone discreetly slipped a package into Sonic's right hand, and the hedgehog immediately seemed to regain his composure. "Right. Err. No pet-names then." He straightened up, presenting the package in front of him, beautifully decorated in pink wrapping paper with a red bow. "I… err… got you this," he finished lamely.
"A gift?" Amy cooed excitedly, the whole pet names fiasco suddenly magically behind her. "Aww Sonic, you shouldn't have!" She put her hammer away and took the present from him, pulling free the wrapper and undoing the bow in the blink of an eye. Sonic watched a little apprehensively as she opened the box beneath all the tasteful decoration, peering into it curiously before pulling the entire contents out. Her expression changed completely.
"A... Sonic... plushie?" she inquired slowly, with evident confusion written all over her face. "How... thoughtful.. of you," she stared up at him blankly as she held it in-between both hands.
"You can... uh... sleep with him at night?" Sonic offered.
"Just what are implying?" Amy asked darkly, with another flash of anger.
"N-nothing... of that sort!" Sonic cried, looking around frantically. This was a disaster! What was he doing wrong? Someone kicked him again, and he saw Robotnik's hand exposed from the bushes, pointing wildly at the entrance to Twinkle Park. "Uh... why don't we go inside, then? Look around a bit?" His voice was considerably higher than usual.
"Okay," Amy agreed, and they went inside.
The inside of Twinkle Park was bright and cheerful and neon, incredibly distracting with its brilliant colors and the pinball sounds of games and roller-coasters. For a while the two
hedgehogs strolled around in silence, Sonic trying to figure out how to redeem himself in Amy's eyes while she deliberately refused to look at him.
"So.. what do you want to do first?" he asked timidly, his voice nearly drowned out by the sound of a rollercoaster as it thundered overhead.
Amy shrugged. "I dunno. Whatever you want, Sonic." Over her head, he watched as Robotnik and Tails sneaked into one of the park's many restaurants, dragging a bound Shadow behind them. Knuckles stayed in the front of the entrance for a moment, jumping up and down and waving to get Sonic's attention. Sonic gave him a quizzical look, and Knuckles mouthed 'THE GOLDEN RULE' before scurrying inside after the others and out of sight.
Amy twisted around to look in the direction that Sonic was. "What're you looking at?"
"Err.. nothing..." Sonic said hurriedly, and steered her away in the opposite direction. Amy arched one perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him. Sonic pointed in the opposite direction. "Hey Amy, check out the water." They were right beside one of the many ponds and various pools sprinkled about the landscaping of Twinkle Park. She turned to observe its clear depths when Sonic suddenly grabbed her from behind, causing her to step forward in surprise and nearly fall into the water.
He yanked her back before she could fall, and she whipped around and punched him square in the jaw. "What the heck was that for!" she demanded. "You almost made me fall in, you jerk!"
"Ow! Sorry, Amy," Sonic said, rubbing the spot where she had clocked him. "I thought a good scare might loosen you up a bit." He grimaced and turned away. "That's what I'd want, for someone to help me have fun when I was acting like a stick in the mud."
"Excuse me? Shoving me into the pool is not a way for me to 'loosen up', Sonic. I can't swim, you butthead. I would've drowned!"
Sonic looked up in surprise. What am I doing here? Besides making an ass out of myself, he wondered miserably before clearing his throat. "Uh... I'm really sorry Amy, I didn't know you couldn't--"
"You can't swim either, Sonic! Remember? What did you think? Hedgehogs in general don't take to water very well!"
Touché. "I'm sorry, Amy. Really." He put his hand on her shoulder and gave her what he hoped was a very sincere expression. She seemed to fall for it, because she relaxed a little bit beneath his grip. "Let's... uh... go get something to eat, shall we?"
Inside was a pizza parlor and several dozen tables, along with a karaoke bar and stage that adorned the left side of the wall. Amy settled down at one of the booths parallel to it, and Sonic, after finding out what she wanted, went to the counter to put their order in.
The attendant looked suspiciously like Tails with a mustache. "Say, you look a lot like a friend of mine," Sonic said, leaning across to get a better look. "In fact, you guys could be brothers. His name is Tails--"
"That is Tails, you insufferable rodent," said Robotnik, who was busing a table just a few feet away. Sonic looked back at Tails in alarm, who gave him an exaggerated wink.
"What do you need, Sonic?"
"Where's Knuckles?" Sonic asked, blinking rapidly, and Tails pointed to yet another able adjacent to them, where an older woman in a long shawl and dress was tending to a baby carriage. Sonic turned back to Tails for confirmation, and the two-tailed whiz kid nodded in assent. Sonic tried not too grin too much.
Tails nodded to the baby carriage. Sonic lifted his eyebrows.
"Way," Tails said firmly.
"Well, uh, anyway, here's our order," Sonic said, trying to hold back the laughter. "I'll be at our.. err, table." Snickering under his breath, he made his way back towards Amy, who was watching him curiously. She was peering over at Tails behind the counter curiously.
"What took so long?"
"Uhh... he was really incompetent," Sonic said, thinking quick, like his namesake. "Kids these days." He rolled his eyes and shook his head, clicking his tongue in mock-distaste. "He finally got it right though."
"He looks really familiar," Amy said, squinting at him.
"That was a very racist statement," Sonic said, as a way of distracting her. She threw him a dirty look and he tried to give his best impression of disgust. "I mean, what, are you implying that all two-tailed foxes look the same?"
"Please. How many other three foot tall anthromorphic animals do you see wandering around Station Square? Besides us, I mean?" She shook her head in disbelief. "Honestly, Sonic, what's gotten into you? You've been such a prick tonight."
Sonic was shocked. "Did you just call me a PRICK?"
Amy pushed away from the table, her chair scraping loudly against the stone floors as she moved to stand. "Listen Sonic," she began blackly, clearly exasperated as she grabbed hold of her purse and swung it over her petite shoulder. "I think maybe we should--"
"And now, we have a very special performance from Sonic the Hedgehog," came the booming voice of Robotnik as he spoke into mic on top of the karaoke stage. The two hedgehogs looked up at sound of Sonic's name, and Robotnik nodded, eagerly gesturing for Sonic to also get up on stage. Sonic turned back to Amy.
"Wait here. I want you to see this." He swallowed, mustering up what was left of his courage, and marched over to the stage and on top if it. Robotnik passed over the mic to him and Sonic muttered, under his breath, "you know, I've never actually sang this song before. I don't even really know what it sounds like."
"Don't worry," Robotnik said, clasping him on the shoulder and giving him a friendly shake. "That's what the screen is for." He smiled broadly, which unnerved Sonic a little, and then hopped off of the stage with more grace than Sonic would have expected.
"Testing? 1, 2, 3." Sonic said, speaking into the microphone tentatively.
"We can hear you!" Knuckles yelled, very un-lady-like, from the first row. Sonic ignored him.
"Uh... well... hi there, everybody." The parlor was completely barren of individuals, with the exception of his friends and Amy. "I wanted to dedicate this song to Amy Rose, my plum-cherry."
"Plum-cherry? What the hell kind of pet name is that?" Shadow heckled, looking ridiculous in a baby bonnet. Sonic winced.
"Uh, hit it, I guess?" he said, and gave Robotnik the cue. The music started up, a cheery little tune, and Sonic started tapping his toes and snapping his fingers to the beat.
"Oh no," Knuckles said, recognizing the guitar. "This... this isn't what... I think it is..." Below him, Shadow cackled with delight.
"Yes... yes it is!" he assured.
Finally, Sonic's opening came in, and he sang:
"I love little girls they make me feel so good,
I love little girls they make me feel so bad,
When they're around they make me feel,
Like I'm the only guy in town,
I love little girls they make me feel so good!"
Amy was staring up at Sonic, stunned to silence. Robotnik and Tails were exchanging nervous glances. Sonic appeared a bit apprehensive at the lyrics he was reading off of the screen and trying his best to match the tune of, but bravely continued on. Knuckles was glaring at Shadow as the other hedgehog laughed uproariously.
"They don't care if I'm a one way mirror
They're not frightened by my cold exterior,"
Sonic took a deep breath, looking around the parlor for approval. Everybody had fixed, fake-looking smiles, with the exception of Shadow, cackling madly from beneath his baby blanket, and Amy, who was still thunderstruck and slightly nauseated-looking.
"They don't ask me questions,
They don't want to scold be,
They don't look for answers,
They just want to hold me!
Isn't this fun? Isn't this what life's all about?
Isn't this a dream come true?
Isn't this a nightmare tooooooo?"
Amy's eyes had gone wide and glassy, her mouth slightly ajar in a combination of horror and disbelief. Knuckles, Tails, and Robotnik were shaking their heads rapidly, repeatedly mouthing 'no, no, no, no!' Nervously, Sonic stuttered through the chorus again.
"I love little girls they make me feel so good,
I love little girls they make me feel so bad,
When they're around they make me feel
Like I'm the only guy in town
I love little girls they make me feel so good!"
"Sonic, stop!" Tails cried in worry, as Knuckles drew his hand across his own throat with a slashing motion, hoping that the hedgehog would take the hint. But Sonic's gaze was fixated on the screen as the words went scrolling past to guide him, singing along nervously:
"Uh oh (uh oh), take a second (take a second)
Uh oh (uh oh), it's a mistake (it's a mistake)
Uh oh (uh oh), I'm in trouble (I'm in trouble)
Uh oh (uh oh), the little girl was just too little
Too little, too little, too little, TOOOO LITT--"
"ENOUGH!" Amy Rose bellowed, and abruptly the music came to a screeching halt as she ripped the plug to the karaoke machine out of the wall. "I've heard enough! You're - you're disgusting! How dare you sing such - such a despicable song--"
"But," Sonic began to protest, dropping his mic as he gazed down, taking in the full wrath of the smaller pink hedgehog. "But, but - "
"And how.. HOW dare you bring all your friends to our date!" she fumed, and then jabbed her finger angrily at all of the others scattered about the room. "What is this, some kind of sick joke! Shame on you, shame on ALL of you!"
The room went painfully quiet. "Bunch of assholes," Amy was muttering, fiddling with the strap of her purse as she did an about-face and whirled away from them, stomping towards the exit. Before she could eclipse the doorway, however, she bumped into two policemen, who were coming in.
"Err, hello, officers," Amy said, bouncing off of one of their chests and stepping back a little unsteadily. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"We're looking for a Sonic T. Hedgehog."
"He's right there," she said, pointing up at the stage where the other hedgehog stood, looking slightly puzzled. "Why?"
The policemen strode over to Sonic and abruptly slapped a pair of handcuffs on him. "You're under arrest," the policemen said. "For suspicion of mayhem."
"What do you mean?" Sonic asked in confusion.
"We have credible eye-witnesses who saw you leaving by biplane shortly before the Floating Island came crashing down from the sky and made contact with the Mystic Ruins. It caused millions of dollars worth of damage to both public and private property."
"WHAT," Knuckles said.
"Don't look at me!" Sonic said, as the echidna threw off his disguise and came forward with a murderous look on his face. "Eggman told me I should take over some territory and make it a sovereign state, all in the name of love!" he cried out shrilly, as the police began to lead him away.
"You were going to give me an Island?" Amy asked, uncomprehending.
"I'd give you the key to the city - " Sonic called after her as he was forcibly dragged away. "If I had one -"
"That's so... that's so sweet!" Amy said, looking genuinely impressed.
"I'm going to STOMP ALL OVER YOU!" Knuckles said, launching himself onto Sonic from behind and repeatedly clocking him in the back of the head. The policemen dropped Sonic as he was being assaulted, giving the raging echidna the perfect opportunity to take advantage of the hedgehog's bound state to roll him over and pound on his face for a while too.
"We're taking you in too, buddy!" One of the policemen said, bodily hauling Knuckles off of the hedgehog and slapping a pair of cuffs on him to match Sonic's own. "For public brawling!"
"I DON'T CARE!" Knuckles roared, attempting to wrench himself free from the cop's grasp. "I'm going to kill you, Sonic!" he snarled as the two of them were taken outside to the waiting patrol car. "Once we're in prison, I'm going to make you my BITCH!"
Sonic gulped. "Amy!" he called out desperately as she trotted out into the parking lot behind them. "Caaaalllll meeee!" He was stuffed into the backseat with more violence than what was necessary.
"I will!" Amy promised, watching admiringly as the two of them were taken away.