Chapter One:

No Badaboom

As Zorg stared nervously at the bomb in the Flotsan Paradise hotel room his life flashed dramatically before him. I never thought this honestly happened, he thought quickly as his teenage years were shown. I thought this only happened in the movies… He reached out seconds before the bomb exploded and felt a hand on his shoulder. He closed his eyes when he saw the bomb click to time 00. "Shit," he muttered before he felt the heat begin. He felt a slight burn on his left side but the whole right side of his body felt nothing due to the mechanics. He felt a chill and decided he was probably dead… maybe he could open his eyes now. When he did he saw his office. My office is where I wanted to go when I died? He thought oddly to himself as he touched one of the weapons he had created that was on display in a large glass case. "Amazing," he muttered as he felt the rug. "I never thought of my office as Heaven but I suppose it's better than going to Hell like I was afraid of…" he muttered as he caressed the rug with a dazed look on his face. "Mr. Zorg? What are you doing?" Katrina, his secretary, asked as she walked through the double doors of his office holding the papers he had asked her to copy. She stared at him as he touched his carpet in dead awe. Zorg looked up and smile pleasantly. "You're here too? How did you die?" He asked before passing out. His mechanics had stopped working from the heat.

"I do not know what happened, he was acting really weird and then he just passed out," Katrina told the doctor. The doctor helped her lay Zorg on the examination table. "What do you mean by weird?" Dr. Cruz asked as she put a thermometer in the unconscious man's mouth. "He was petting the carpet," Katrina said. Dr. Cruz just stared at the secretary for a moment before returning to Zorg's examination. "What was he doing right before he started acting weird?" The doctor asked. Katrina shrugged. "He was going to Flotsan Paradise and I thought he had already left a while ago," she said, "but I guess not."

"Flotsan Paradise?" Dr. Cruz asked. "Yeah, but I guess he never left," Katrina decided. "He's half android?" The doctor suddenly asked the secretary. Katrina nodded. "When he was a teenager his father was in the Siriiean war… and Mr. Zorg was helping him… with the weapons and things and he stepped on a claymore and half his body was pretty much destroyed," the secretary explained, "and so to keep him alive his father paid to have android parts put in… half of his brain is a CPU, neat huh?" She asked. The doctor snorted. "Well that's why he won't wake up," she said. "His mechanics have stopped working. They need to be fixed. I'll send up for a stretcher and we'll bring him down to the humanoid repair centre," Dr. Cruz said as she picked up the telephone.

"What the hell happened?" Zorg asked as he opened his eyes. "You're okay!" Katrina dove onto the hospital bed and hugged her boss tightly. She could feel his one muscular shoulder and his other metal one. "W-why am I in a hospital?" He asked as he sat up quickly. Katrina made him lay back down. "Your mechanics had a malfunction… I really don't know why… but we had to get you fixed," she explained as her boss looked around with a confused look on his face. "What do you last remember?" Katrina asked as she stroked the half of his head that had hair. "I remember we were arguing over which printer worked better," he said. "And I remember Rosie invading my office… and," he said before Katrina interrupted him. "Mr. Zorg that was a while ago… you don't remember telling me not to disturb you unless Mr. Shadow called? Or the priest? Or anything like that?" She asked remembering the guards violently bringing a priest in and then throwing him out. Zorg thought for a moment. All he remembered was a woman with fiery hair. "No," he said. "I remember a woman with orange hair," he said. Katrina looked confused. He couldn't possibly be thinking of her… she had blue hair—not easily confused with orange. "What about the stones sir? Don't you remember the stones?" She asked. "The stones you dropped out my window onto someone's head who ended up suing me?" He asked. Katrina raised a brow. "No, not those stones," she said. "You don't remember Mr. Shadow?" She asked. "No, I told you," he said in his thick accent that sounded rather southern, "other than what I told you I only remember a woman with orange hair… I don't remember her name… what was it…?" He muttered to himself. "Ooh… Mr. Shadow's gonna' be pissed," she said as she clicked her tongue. "Who is Mr. Shadow?" Zorg asked. Katrina cringed nervously: Mr. Shadow would indeed be angry if Zorg didn't remember him… "No one," she said. She rather liked Zorg before he started doing evil things for Mr. Shadow.

"How are you feeling Leeloo?" Korben Dallas asked the fiery haired woman as she snacked on a huge chicken by herself. "Leeloo good," she said with a choppy accent of unknown origin before sticking a large piece of chicken into her mouth. Korben smiled, she seemed fine.

"How is she, dear?" Korben's new wife, Lily-Ray, asked as he walked into the kitchen of their new house… that actually had a decent kitchen. "She's good. She's eating… watching television… she's doing better," he told his wife who had gotten rather attached to Leeloo since first meeting her while driving to dinner with her husband. They were in Korben's fancy new car when suddenly a woman had just dropped out of nowhere! Lily-Ray thought she was the cutest thing… she kept telling Korben she wanted to adopt her as their daughter but Korben would have none of it. Leeloo was too much like a pet than a daughter… but he couldn't help loving her. She was cute… she was just like a puppy… or an innocent child.

"Zorg go badaboom?" Leeloo asked rather sadly as Korben and Lily walked into the room with her. The married couple looked nervously at each other. Leeloo was too innocent to talk about death with… even though Zorg was evil and all… Korben still thought that she would be sad to know he was dead. "No… no… he just… left early," he lied. Leeloo nodded. She didn't seem to mind that Zorg had nearly shot her to death… she was so loving… no matter what. "Evil bastard damn-near killed her and she's still concerned about him," Korben muttered to his wife. Lily-Ray nodded in agreement.

"Why doesn't he remember anything?" Katrina asked Dr. Nadine Cruz. "I'm not really sure," she said. "Maybe the CPU got a little damaged." Katrina thought for a moment. "Oh!" It suddenly hit her. He could remember everything except… except for anything to do with Mr. Shadow! Which meant… "Mr. Shadow's dead!" She cried. "Huh?" Dr. Cruz looked oddly at her. "Mr. Shadow's dead and Zorg is free!" The excited secretary ran down the hallway towards her boss' room. When she got there she saw Zorg searching through the medical supplies and piecing different ones together to make something deadly. "Mr. Zorg, what are you doing now?" She asked. He grinned and hid his invention behind his back. "Mr. Zorg! You're free to leave now!" She said as she pulled her boss up and slid his multi-coloured coat on before yanking him out the door. She noticed he had his little invention with him… How Zorg-esque.

"I fixed the printer," Katrina said as they walked into Zorg's office. She had actually fixed it a while ago but he wouldn't remember… so… to reinstate their sweeter relationship she would continue from where they left off. "That's good, I told you it was broken," Zorg said. "Oh shut up," Katrina joked. She was glad she was able to joke with him again. During Mr. Shadow's "reign" she couldn't even talk to him without being yelled at for something. She liked her Zorg better…

Leeloo slid her coat on ("Leeloo, it's getting cold at night now so you must wear your coat outside… always," she remembered Korben commanding her). She walked out of the house and down the side-street, which was connected to the buildings. She had learned not to be afraid of heights since she was first awakened and had that little run-in with the "people in funny outfits" as she called them. She was going to find Zorg. She knew he was being controlled by the Bad Thing and she was going to help him. If he just left early he must already be home then…

"Katrina, why did you follow me home?" Zorg asked as he got ready for bed. His secretary followed him nervously. "Because I want to make sure you're okay," she said as she fixed his hair, which was getting a bit messy. He swatted at her. "I am not a child… I can take care of myself," he said with a joking angry-face on. "Okay… but I'm sleeping over… just in case your mechanics decide to shut down again," she said. "Katrina, darling," he said, "people at the office are going to star thinking we're having an affair if you stay for the night." Katrina giggled, she honestly wouldn't mind that very much… "I'm just staying to keep an eye on you… Dr. Cruz's orders," she said as she set up a sleeping bag next to his bed. "Sure," Zorg said sarcastically as he lay down.

Leeloo looked up at the bi, blue sign bearing his name. ZORG it said. She smiled and walked up the floating walkway. She walked up to the receptionist. "Zorg?" She asked. "Zorg?" The woman looked curiously at her. "Mr. Zorg has gone home for the night, but I can tell him you came. What is your name Miss?" The receptionist asked. "Leeloominaï Lekatariba Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat De Sebat," Leeloo announced. The woman just stared at her. "I can give you his business cellphone number if it is important," she suggested… not wanting to memorize that name. Leeloo nodded, it was important. The receptionist handed her a piece of paper with the number on it and Leeloo walked out.

Zorg sat up violently with his eyes widening. "Leeloominaï Lekatariba Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat De Sebat!" He shouted. "What?" His dreary secretary asked. "AGH!" He jumped when he noticed someone on the floor. "Mr. Zorg? What does that mean?" She asked as Zorg bounded out of bed. "It's the woman's name!" He cried excitedly. "The woman with the orange hair!" He raced over to his computer began typing without even sitting down first. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Searching, she must be in the directory—or not," he muttered as the site came up negative. "How can she not be in here? Everyone from this planet is in here," he muttered. "Maybe she is not from Earth," Katrina suggested. "Yeah," Zorg said, getting a bit discouraged. "Zorg!" Zorg jumped when he heard his name being called from outside. Katrina looked nervously at her boss. Zorg looked out the window at the fiery haired girl who was standing on the walk. "Zorg?" Leeloo looked up and held out the paper with his number on it. She had searched her own CPU for his address using his cellphone ID. "L-Leeloominaï Lekatariba Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat De Sebat?" He asked. How the hell does he memorize that? Katrina thought getting a bit jealous. Well, her mind continued to ramble, he has to memorize his own incredibly long name… She began trying to recite Zorg's full name to herself. He was not originally from Earth and had a very long name because of his customs on his planet. "Leeloo," Leeloo told him. "Leeloo," Zorg raced down the stairs and towards the front door. He pulled it open and smiled at the bright girl. "Zorg! No Zorg badaboom!" She leapt towards him and hugged him happily. He felt a chill through his chest. "Leeloo… who…" he led her into the house despite the time of night. "Leeloo," Leeloo simply explained… who are you? I'm Leeloo of course… "Mr. Zorg, who is this?" Katrina asked jealously as she walked down the stairs. "This is Leeloominaï Lekatariba Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat De Sebat," Zorg said with a grin. "Zorg, is your name longer or shorter than hers?" Katrina asked randomly. "Longer," Leeloo announced. "Huh? You know my full name?" He asked. Leeloo nodded. "Gage-Gaston Abdukrahman Sheromacciin Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Casimir Runielle Zorg," she recited with odd simplicity. "Wow… I thought your name was just Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Casimir Zorg," Katrina said. Zorg snorted. "The custom is to name a royal of Siriiea after the first three generations and then give them their own name… so my loving mother gave me the longest name she could possibly think of along with the three past generation names," he explained. "What are the three past generations and what is your real name?" Katrina continued… hoping to keep him away from this mystery woman. But the mystery woman persisted too. "Generation One: Gage Gaston Zorg. Generation Two: Abdukrahman Sheromacciin Zorg. Generation Three, father: Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg. Cultural Name: Casimir Runielle Zorg," Leeloo said in a robotic tone. Zorg and Katrina just stared at her. "Okay… if you can explain all that then can you explain why you're here?" She asked Leeloo. Leeloo puffed out her chest proudly. "Leeloo no want Zorg go badaboom," she announced before hugging Zorg again. "No badaboom," she said.