Title: Return to Sender
Author: Vicky Ocean
Spoilers: SG- 1 Season 9 rumors spoilers; Atlantis- letters from Pegasus; Siege 3
Disclaimer: Just for kicks, pallies.
Rating: kid friendly except of one or two minor words
Notes: Just a little silly something that came to me after seeing Letters from Pegasus. I don't watch Atlantis as regularly as SG-1 so my apologies is some characterization is a bit off.
Jack looked up as Lieutenant Colonel Davis came in with box wrapped in silver. "It's not my birthday, Paul."
"I know, sir. The Daedalus has just returned and is now in orbit. They beamed this down a few minutes ago."
"What is it?"
"Colonel Caldwell said it was a wedding present from Major Sheppard of the Atlantis Expedition."
"Oh?" Jack eyed the box suspiciously and poked it with his pencil.
"It's not a bomb, sir. We had it scanned."
"Sweet." Jack stared at the box for a few minutes. He didn't even notice when Davis left his office. The iridescent silver wrapping was entrancing. Jack being the big kid that he is was only entranced for so long before ripping the foil off revealing a small plastic storage box. Jack popped the lid and found a folded note and a CD lying atop more silver foil. He picked up the note and read it:
'Congratulations! I hope you both will be very happy together.
With great admiration,
PS- General, the disk is for your eyes only. I thought you should get at least a little amusement out of the hours and hours your announcement has provided me. JS'
Jack tossed the note down on his desk and the grabbed the CD. 'General Jack O'Neill's Eyes Only' was scrawled across it. He inserted it into his computer. He opened the file labeled 'Daedalus Security Cam 5C'.
"Major Sheppard, Dr. McKay. Welcome aboard."
"Colonel Caldwell, we're excited to be here." Sheppard glanced over at his companion who was practically hopping in anticipation of getting his hands on the Asgard technology. "Well, some more than others."
"Before you head down to the engine room, Doctor McKay, I've got a message for you from General O'Neill," Caldwell's lips seemed to twitch slightly, but he managed to hold his stern expression. "It's regarding your transmission."
Sheppard gave McKay a disbelieving look.
McKay just seemed to puff up. "It was my thoughts on leadership, wasn't it?" he preened. "He was moved. I knew it. Gold."
"No, Doctor. It wasn't." Caldwell seemed on the verge smiling again. "Actually it was your comments about General O'Neill's wife."
"Rodney, what did you say about his wife?" Sheppard asked in exasperation. He was well acquainted with the way the scientist's mouth could get away from him.
"Nothing! I don't even know his wife. I didn't even know he had one. How could I comment on his wife?"
"It wasn't so much the comments that bothered him," the colonel continued. "He agrees with you actually. He did marry her after all. He just doesn't like the idea of you fanaticizing about her and then broadcasting it across galaxies."
"Rodney, you dog!" Sheppard laughed clapping a very confused Doctor McKay on the back. "I gotta say that's pretty brave of you. I mean General Jack O'Neill. He was a legend even before the SGC and he took down all those System Lords. SpecOps. Black Ops. He probably knows ways to kill you so painfully they defy description and you- Rodney, you hit on his wife. A couple galaxies away, true , but still... I'm impressed!"
"I didn't! I swear!"
"Doctor McKay, you are aware that the Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet is a personal friend of General O'Neill's. Not to mention Supreme Commander Thor is awfully fond of Mrs. O'Neill, too. I think it might be wise to warn you that if you ever so much as imagine his wife in an inappropriate way…" Caldwell shrugged. "Well, big brother is watching."
"There must be some mistake!" McKay practically screeched.
Sheppard couldn't stop from grinning manically. This was the best news he had since…well, it wasn't quite on the same level as the Daedalus showing and helping save their asses, but it was damn close and more entertaining. He turned to Colonel Caldwell who wasn't even trying to hide his smile anymore. "Just out of curiosity, sir, who is General O'Neill's wife?"
"Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter."
"What! She married that old man? He's not even smart and he's…old! And not a genius!"
"I'm not sure I'd let Hermiod hear you say that, Doctor." Caldwell turned away from McKay still floundering trying to fathom the news. "Y'know, Major. The Asgard named a ship after General O'Neill. His wife did blow it up though."
"Ain't that always the way, sir?"
"Well, she did save the Asgard homeworld at the time."
"I happen to have their wedding photo, would you like to see?"
"Sure. I'll assume our invitations got lost in the wormhole, sir." Sheppard took the photo from the Colonel. "They make a handsome couple, don't you think, Rodney?" he nudged his friend who only glanced at it. "I don't think General O'Neill looks old. Distinguished, yet rakish. It's the eyebrow scar I think. And Colonel Carter, wow! Look, Rodney. Doesn't she look hot?"
"Just shut up!"
Sheppard and Caldwell watched McKay storm down the hallway towards engineering.
"Awww, I think she broke his little egomaniac heart." Sheppard grinned to himself. McKay wouldn't dare make another Captain Kirk joke about him again. "So, Colonel, is General O'Neill registered anywhere? Macy's? Tiffany's? The Atlantis crew should really send their congratulations."
Sam didn't bother knocking before entering her husband's office. He didn't even notice when she walked in, which was highly unusual. Jack was staring intently at his computer screen grinning evilly.
He looked up and quickly perhaps guiltily closed his laptop, "Carter, uh, Sam, watcha doin' here?"
"Lunch?" She could see him searching his memory. "Right. Lunch." He stood up. "Ready?"
Sam watched him pull his jacket on, all the while a smug little smile played across his lips. He was definitely hiding something. Something very amusing by the look of it.
"Are you okay, Jack?"
He looked a little guilty for half of a second again. "Sure. Why wouldn't I be?"
Sam's eyes trailed to the silver foil and box littering his desk. "What's all this?"
"Oh, it's a wedding present from Major Sheppard."
"From the Atlantis Expedition?"
"How did he find out?" Sam asked. They had been very careful not to flaunt their relationship given their prior professional relationship.
Jack shrugged, "Small universe?" Sam pinned him with a questioning look. Jack stuck his hand in the box and pulled out their present and set it on his desk. "Look what we got."
"A lamp?" Sam eyed the object made of dark iridescent metal and stained glass. "I didn't know the Ancients were in to Tiffany lamps."
Rather cautiously Sam reached out a finger and touched to cool metal of the base of the lamp. Nothing happened. She looked over at her husband who was looking smug again. "Nothing happened," she told him.
"I know." Jack reached over and touched the base. The light sprang to life. "Cool, huh?"
She grinned at his excitement. It was so rare that he was excited about an alien artifact, even if it was only a lamp he could only operate.
"Talk about status symbol, huh? Bet we're the only people in DC to have an alien lamp."
"Only people on Earth." She picked up the note and quickly scanned it. "What was on the disk?"
There was that smug little smile again. "General's eyes only."
"Jack, what did you do?"
"Some days really make being 'the Man' worth it."
"So, lunch?" Jack slid an arm around his wife and led her from the office. "I'm kinda in the mood for lemon chicken today. How 'bout you?"