(A/N: This is my first yuri fanfic, and also one of my first Digimon romance fics (of yaoi/yuri nature). ?kari, Miyakari/Hiyako. Extreme angst, abuse, and self-hatred. Should be a one-shot. Inspired by the song Best of You by Foo Fighters. Leave a review and tell me what you think. And get a box of tissues handy. I honestly nearly cried writing the ending. (..)
best of you
come back to me i beg you
I sat on the bench, letting the cooling breeze flirt with my long, lavender pride. Somehow, with my hair, I always felt I stood out. In the group, I was never noticed. I tried to never let it bother me, and consumed myself with computer work and whatnot. Daisuke was always an airhead, and seemed to care less when it came to my feelings. Ken, Iori and Takeru at least put forward some effort, but it was obvious that most of the time it was forced. She was the only one that I could rely on, every time. She would voice my opinion, make it heard. She would love all of me.
I remembered what happened here, and I would never forget it. Even on my deathbed, it would be the dominating memory of my life. That day Hikari and I were considering going shopping. She had come to me with her boy trouble (I never had any), which always sent a frown to my face. It wasn't that I knew that I couldn't have her, it was that she was just being hurt. It was nothing big, then. "Miyako," she had said, "you're the only one I can ever really talk to like this." And then we didn't speak anymore, and we sat there. I felt her fingers gently digging for a place in my palm, and gave her what she wanted. Maybe it was a little weird for friends, but it wasn't for me.
If I had simply obsessed over something like holding hands, I would honestly smack myself across the face. Sure, it meant a type of affection that was usually felt through people closer than friends, but it wasn't anything in comparison to what happened momentarily. I, the fool that I was, tried to ignore the situation by adjusting my glasses. Maybe I'd clean them, or maybe I'd just kiss her. I gave in to my last impulse, and she didn't deny me. It lasted only mere seconds, and then it was over. Two confused girls, cheeks flaring red, sitting on the bench.
Sitting here I thought maybe it was foolish. Was it? Oh, Hikari.. I had cried so much for her the past few days, I wasn't sure if I could spark a new emotion anymore. If I could let my tears run again. I felt all hollow inside, and I knew there was something in there, but I couldn't find it. Or the key was lost. Something stupid like that, but I tried to smile whenever a person walked by. I tried to fool someone else because I knew I couldn't fool myself. "Hikari," I felt my words being carried away in the wind. Did someone ever realize it? Did someone realize all the lost words?
I stifled a dry laugh as I pulled myself up, Dumbass. That was stupid. Maybe Hikari would find it cute, but that really didn't matter much anymore. I decided maybe I would go visit her today, going against my inhibitions to stay where I was, feet planted into the ground firmly as I stared into the nothing. But there was something too cold about it, not temperature-wise. Miyako Inoue, I reminded myself, was never the brooding type. That was far too manly. Am I too manly?
The door was slightly ajar when I arrived at the Yagami residence, as though someone had quickly dashed in and left it open. I closed it, crossing my arms. I should knock first, right? Ugh, screw you. I turned the knob and entered into the Yagami residence. I doubted Taichi was home, and her parents seemed to be working. I didn't notice the small trail of crimson littered on the kitchen floor, but then again I tend to not notice anything important. Maybe that's my problem. I almost didn't want to call out, for fear of disturbing something. A few whimpers alerted me to a presence, "Hikari?"
My voice was hoarse, and I realized that I sounded like some muppet on a children's television show. I coughed some and walked through the living room, looking around a bit. A cat greeted me with an attack on my leg, rubbing it's soft fur against my pants. I giggled some and smiled at Miko, who purred (almost in what seemed to be a reply). I noticed the sounds had come from the bathroom, and thought I might be walking in on something a little weird. Cautiously I gave a knock on the door and waited. No response at first, running water. Another knock, maybe?
"W-who's there?" came a seemingly scared voice. I instantly recognized it as Hikari.
"Miyako," I said, rather awkwardly into the door. There seemed to be a long pause afterwords, and I could've swore I heard the crickets far outside as the clock in the living room ticked nervously. "Are you okay in there?" I heard movement, and the shifting of someone on the floor. I could see a shadow adjust itself from underneath the crevace of the door. "C-can I come in, Hikari?" Finally, a response. She allowed me to enter, on one condition. I could never tell anyone else.
I wanted to break into tears with what I saw, letting the door fall against the wall after dropping my jaw. She was huddled by the toliet, and there was paper about the floor, blotted in a dark red. She hugged at the seat and looked away from me at first. I could tell that the Child of Light was torn; she had been moved and this was her breaking point. A restraint of outbursts and whimpers made her make the sound I pictured a bee to make. Again I slapped myself for thinking of something random and dorky, and quickly came to my friend's aid. She wasn't so willing to let me in.
"Please," she slowly objected to me putting a hand on her shoulder. I wasn't going to let her do this again, and I knew that a concealer wasn't going to cover her pains this time. I asked her to let me see what had happened, and at first she was wary. She felt embarrassed, because she had always been the one to stand up. The one with the fire. Someone had put it out long ago, when they had begun dating. "Don't, I.."
"Hikari," I pursed my lips. I wasn't sure what to say, and Hikari turned to look at me. I was even more wordless than I had been before. Her left cheek was trickled with blood, and the eye above was in a horrible red swell, unable to be opened. "Oh god, let me get some ice--I'll call a doctor," she grabbed at my wrist before I could move, giving a moan. I knew she didn't want anyone to see her like this, to ever know. I stopped, I couldn't do this to her. But seeing her like this watered my eyes, yet I tried to keep strong for her.
"My.. I fell down the stairs again," she gave all the smile that she could, as I could tell she was in immense pain. Her arm was bruised some and there were marks on her neck, hand marks. I leaned down to her height and wrapped my arms around her, because that's all I could do now. And I think, now, that's all that she ever wanted. To be cared for without the side effects of broken bones, to be loved without being hurt. I didn't know I could ever do it, or bring up what had happened between us, but I tried. I tried to hard to save her.
"Hikari, we can do this," I spoke into her shoulder, not letting go. She wouldn't either. "It doesn't have to be like this anymore," I could feel her crying into me, sniffling and whimpering. I cried too, and we screamed together. My glasses were fogged up, and I knew it probably looked stupid. But for once in my life all I wanted to do was kill him. Take Hikari, the princess she was, away from the castle she was locked in. Return the light to the Chosen Child who once owned it. I wouldn't deny her, but she denied me. "Please, please, please, please.."
"I c-can't, I--I'm so sorry," she continued her fit. This hurt me more than anything, but we didn't let go of each other for a long time. I still loved her, and I loved her more every second. But seeing her like this tore my heart out of my chest a thousand times and ripped me into pieces. She was all that I stood for anymore, and she was the only one who stood up for me. She was the only one who understood my sometimes stupid rants, my dopey ways. She was my light.
And now all she could be to me was a corpse, dead inside. No matter how much she smiled, no matter how much she laughed, it was hollow behind gorgeous eyes. A screaming darkness, that which she tried so hard to fight against once. He owned her now, and there was nothing else anyone could do. Taichi could throw fists for her, I could beg for her. She had already forgiven him, and that would be the death of her. Finally I helped her clean up, and we sat together in her bed, staring at the wall. I never blamed her, but somewhere deep down I felt my love for her had made me as empty as my Hikari. She cried herself to sleep in my lap.
I again sat on the bench, letting the cooling breeze flirt with my long, lavender pride. My tears had dried, and my heart had swelled into a nothing. I didn't bother to worry about myself anymore, and I didn't care if anyone was staring at me. I didn't smile anymore, and I didn't laugh. I was her, but I could never hate Hikari for it. All I could do was try to remember how I use to love; my favorite memory. Today Hikari came to me again with a broken cheekbone. I begged her to go to the hospital, and we weaved a web of lies for the doctor. She had fell down the stairs again. That was that.
(A/N: I'm considering continuing it.. Should I?)