Teenage Wasteland

by Jasmine Starlight

Full summary: Sasu/Hina. He was Uchiha Sasuke, he attended Konoha High, as a junior outcast(that's how he prefers it) whacked out punk, he has a brother who's a dick and is also dating his English teacher(they're contemplating moving in together), parents who confused him for said brother and a garage band that seemed promising. He works in a book/convenience/pornography store (which his teacher and his brother's friends just have to frequent constantly) and help out at a children's center (Inari was like a sponge, a sponge that needed purple highlights) just so he can pay for his new guitar because his father refuses to pay for anything band related (honestly, who wants to play the cello? Or the lute? Or the viola?). She was Hyuuga Hinata, popular, pretty and pleasant (she was also several other 'p' words, had a speech impediment, was too demure, and really pissed him off, only sometimes though). But she has problems of her own to deal with, another sucky father who places value in his other offspring, constantly belittling and looking down her achievements, academically and socially. If only she could be prettier, smarter, classier, wittier, like her younger sister Hanabi. It was no wonder she didn't have suicidal tendencies between her snot-nosed father and her superficial friends who insisted on treating her like she was retarded because she used to stutter (smiling was getting harder and harder, it was also getting harder and harder to hide her scars) and her over-protective cousin (whom her father would gladly trade her for) who had the best of intentions but when it came down to it didn't really know her or her tastes for that matter. Really, the two of them coming together had really not been expected...tortured daughter and tortured artist? I mean where's the attraction there?

This is another AU…I swear I have to start writing more normal fics…

It's also another HS AU…at least I almost finished my other HS AU…can't have too many of those without seeming like an idiot. But I don't have many Naruto HS AUS ………mmmmmm……interesting. Being forced to water my mother's plants birthed this…voila.

I have to start finishing things…T-T. Side note starts off rather…I dunno…boring…



The clock ticks agonizingly slow, ticking off the minutes to the temporary freedom of the weekend, the only solace of the over worked high school student.

Finally, the second hand lands on the '3' and the siren call of the last day's bell has rung, there is a mad scramble for the door, as papers are haphazardly shuffled and crumpled as their owners dash for the door.

Uchiha Sasuke would have liked to escape into the mad crowd that pulsed toward the exit doors, but just before the precious alarm of redemption had rung his English teacher, Hatake Kakashi had called him up to the desk to discuss something about his term paper.

Kakashi-sensei was not the most efficient teachers and so when the bell had rung Sasuke had valiantly tried to hide behind Naruto's orange shirt as a way of survival.

His sensei had quickly seen through it and gave him a look that clearly read 'And you're going where?'

Sasuke fought the urge to whine, really what more did he have to say?

That something about his term paper had turned out to be a questionnaire on his brother, Uchiha Itachi (see dickhead formerly known as Aniki), but you probably already know all about him.

Yes, his older brother was dating his English teacher.

But folks it doesn't stop there! In fact Sasuke has even been to Kakashi's apartment (for brunch no less, honestly what 16 year-old, heterosexual mind you, boy wants to go to a brunch at his brother's boyfriend's house with a bunch of old school faculty members? Most of who were either gay or old maids. Honestly Orochimaru-sensei? WTF?), which is a serious blow to you rep if your caught at your teacher's house.

It gets worse, Sasuke had seen the face beneath the hair and the weird scarves; several girls and female teachers he knew would kill for that kind of information. Sasuke really just wanted to sink through a crack in the floorboards.

And Sasuke had spent years crafting the perfect balance of outcast-ness, rebellion, hair gel, smudged eyeliner, snarkiness, which isn't a word but Sasuke can't be bothered to care anymore about real words or fake words, dark nail polish (so he was spending too much time with Itachi, it was too late to catch that boat), unattainabilty, which in retrospect isn't a word either, and garage band angst.

You could be labeled a teacher's pet and he could be labeled a pedophile.

Actually it would be aphidophilic. But that's irrelevant.

Finally Sasuke is able to escape from the sinister hentai clutches of his teacher only to bump into his sexually frenzied brother.

The fates just love to torture Sasuke-kun. And why wouldn't they, after all they had sent him an immeasurable amount of angst, a dickhead formally referred to as Aniki, a withholding father, and an oblivious mother.

Sasuke just did what he did best in situations like this (which happened quite frequently to his dismay) kept his head down and walk very, very fast in any direction.

Sometimes he paused to say something witty and cynical but most times he walked off into the dimming florescently lighted halls only to reappear at Shikamaru's garage playing till his fingers bled on his guitar.

But today he had to be home early, so he could be at some stupid dinner party for his father's business associates, like Sasuke cared.

His father's colleagues could suck his dick for all the good it did him, of course Itachi didn't have to go because "obviously his manners are much better than yours and he has been much more diligent in keeping the family traditions."

Sasuke wondered if there was a family tradition that included screwing other dudes, because if there was his father was obviously not following that one.

Some times Sasuke flirted with the idea of telling his parents about his brother, correction his parent about his brother, his mom already knew. But Sasuke had some twisted form of brotherly love left, right?

Honestly, the woman was totally way out of his father's league, how had he managed that?

Now that thought left Sasuke with the image of his father in his high school years with 80's hair, pastel clothing, all the while nodding his head to side as he tried to pick up his future wife at a frat party; which was very disturbing because Sasuke had a vivid imagination that painted pictures in a clarity that was horrifying.

But that was irrelevant because he was now escaping the fundamentally useless prison known as school to the fundamentally graffiti covered bus system.

The buses were so covered in graffiti that no one knew what the original color had been; Sasuke was still chipping away the paint.

But still, the bus was a good place to think, about nothing and everything.

About how annoying Naruto's demands for ramen were, or how tight Shikamaru's ponytail could become before circulation to his brain was cut off, or how Chouji stored food, or what Asuma-sensei's lungs were made of after smoking three packs a week for a consecutive x amount of years.

Yep, just about anything under the sun.

What he dreaded was: having to get off at his stop and walk through all the peaceful, identical-looking houses that lined his neighborhood.

The sun was chirping and the birds were shining, well maybe Sasuke had inhaled some Febreeze™ the last time his mother had cleaned house, really that fresh spring scent was addicting.

Sasuke despised those things in the above paragraph, that's why he was slouching along in his all black clothing, with the hood of his black sweatshirt pulled up, (wouldn't want that freakishly pale skin getting tanned now would we?) glaring at the perfect cemented pavement.

He swung a left and began trudging up his driveway, when he was hit with a spray of water that knocked his hood off and made his hair droop. If you don't know what a monumental blow that is to his image, well I don't know what to tell you.

Wiping the water out of his eyes with the back of his hand, he turned to look at the source of the fluid attack, ready to launch a series of expletives, what happened instead was very unusual.

When his eyes took in the source of the water the curses died on his lips, what he saw instead was a petite girl in cut off shorts, wielding a hose like a lethal weapon.

Sasuke's heart stopped beating, the birds started chirping Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, and the sun was illuminating her hair and harps were playing in the background.

But the moment was ruined when Sasuke swallowing some of the water that he was being immersed in and so he began to cough and sputter, Hinata, finally noticing that she was drowning someone, dropped the hose and started to run over to Sasuke.

"I'm s-s-so s-s-sorry, h-h-here l-let m-me help-p." she stammered nervously. And so she began to fuss over him like a strange bird, Sasuke was drifting off into La La Land.

When he finally decided to receive messages from Earth he noticed that A) this girl seemed familiar B) his hair was very soggy and C) aforementioned girl looked very upset for giving him an impromptu bath.

But Sasuke remained still and waited for her to either A) realize that she was almost slapping him B) he had seen down her shirt (she really should be more careful about that) or C) try to not hyperventilate.

Eventually he decided to speak, "I think that's about as dry as I'll get." He said, in an oddly calm voice.

"Oh." Hinata replied. "A-Again, I am r-really s-sorry for getting you wet, I'm Hinata." She said nervously.

Stupid girl doesn't even know we go to the same school, are in the same grade, and have the same stupid, ero, lazy bastard for a teacher.

"Well, thanks for the bath, I'll be going now." Sasuke said caustically as he remained his traipse up the driveway, the effect would have worked better if he hadn't been squelching every other step.

Once he got to the door, he turned to look at Hinata for dramatic affect, oh the angst before waking into his house and slamming the door behind him.

He was good…almost too good. But that was irrelevant because he had to squelch out of those wet clothes and put on, insert shudder, a SUIT!

Can you imagine, Sasuke, our precious emo Sasuke in Armani? Blegh!

Dreadful, absolutely dreadful.

Although, Itachi didn't see it that way, really Itachi found sick pleasure in forcing Sasuke to go "shopping." Not just one category of shopping, when Itachi shopped the stores were at risk of being bought out. …it sucked for Sasuke especially when Itachi had taken it upon himself (with no directive from their parents) to educate Sasuke.

About everything.

And when Itachi said the word "everything" at that precise moment while waiting for Sasuke to come out of the dressing room to model something of Itachi's choice, Sasuke shuddered, not because of the hideous pair of plaid cargo shorts he was currently in but because of what

"everything" entailed.

He was right to shudder because after they left Hot Topic, Itachi had dragged Sasuke into an S & M boutique to start his education. Sasuke had never been more traumatized but some of the stuff Itachi mention (in passing) seemed sort of relevant. If he was into guys.

Which he wasn't. But Naruto might be interested, if he could remember not to repress this memory.

Then they went condom shopping, how touching.

Every second spent in that godforsaken drugstore, which Itachi going a mile a minute about "his preferences", was like watching a little tumor eat away at his gray matter.

It was like Itachi being the sister Sasuke never had and never wanted…really when he became gay did he have to perpetuate all the stereotypes?

Couldn't he have at least pretended to not like shopping?

Not even a little?

But no, Itachi loved shopping and all the other things that Sasuke despised.

…but what else is new?


Hinata wearily trudged inside, after thoroughly soaking her neighbor. Dejectedly she plopped down onto the couch for a brief respite; alack it was not to be as her father decided at that very moment that he had to lecture Hinata.

"blah…blah…disappointment…blah…achievement…blah…bloo…disgusting…your sister…blah…lecture…lecture…long winded sigh...blah…BLECH!"

Hinata had long since mastered the technique of looking like she was paying apt attention, when she really wasn't. It was a gift that came with years of belittlement.

Hinata sighed wearily, "and I hope you will decided to start shaping up, especially since our neighbors and my business colleague is having a very prestigious soiree that could be crucial to the survival of Hyuuga Inc. Don't mess this up. Dress appropriately and behave accordingly. Don't mess this up. Be careful. Don't mess this up. Be ready in two hours…don't mess this up."

Why thank you father, I love you too.


Promptly at 5.29 Hinata was in the living room, ready to go. Her attire consisted of jeans and a nondescript lavender tank top, her modest two piece bathing suit traveling in a nondescript designer canvas bag.

And promptly at 5.43 she walked over to the Uchiha household with her immediate family as well as Neji's family.

This was going to fun, fun, fun.

Did I mention that Hinata is a closet user of sarcasm?

Guess not.

Promptly at 5.46 the door is answered by Uchiha Itachi, 6'3, twentysomething, black hair, black eyes, abundance of black nail polish, did I forget mention that Hinata is very observant?

Guess not.

When her family (immediate and otherwise) gain entry into the Uchiha residence Neji immediately disappeared and reappeared in the presence of Rock Lee, exact height unknown, black hair, black eyes, unique eyebrows, origin unknown. So Hinata liked to categorize things, it's not like she had anything better to do.

But I digress, in Neji's company was also: Tenten brown hair, brown eyes, Princess Leia hairstyle, and an abundance of one Inuzuka Kiba: also brown hair, brown eyes, appears that hair has never been combed. Ever.

But disregarding that, Hinata quietly made her way toward the refreshment buffet; there was an ample amount of food for each of the varying palettes. None of which Hinata paid any mind to, as her attention was directed toward the soda; she could eat something later.

It wasn't as if her parents were around to chastise her or anything, her father was having an excellent time networking it seemed, her mother was having a robust debate with the Uchiha matriarch, and Hanabi was entertaining several of her friends raucously.

Gee, Hanabi sure was popular.

You could be just as popular

Aren't I already?

You'll never be as popular as Hanabi

Why should that matter?

Hanabi should have been first born

That's n-not relevant to a-anything

Oh, isn't it?


It is and you know it

N-no i-it's not!

You've always been jealous of her, haven't you?

I h-have not!

Every day of your life, the constant comparisons and sniping barbs at your value must have taken a toll Hinata-chan…

Don't c-call me that!

Don't you like it when I call you that, Hinata-chan?

I don't.

Hanabi would.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter!

Yes it does


Yes, Hinata-chan…

No, leave me alone!

I can't leave you alone Hinata-chan because you and I are one and the same.

No w-we're n-not!

You can deny it all you want but you'll never get rid of me…

Hinata sighed, she didn't fit in here, and so she turned to made a speedy exit toward the pool area, which while lit romantically offered very little chance that she would have to make shallow small talk with schoolmates.

Unfortunately Hinata's temporary sanctuary was already occupied, no matter, she could always camp out in the bathroom.

She almost left when she ran into the boy she had drowned that afternoon, her flush came back in full force, "Er…hi." She said awkwardly.

"Hey." He said.

Hinata took this lull in their meaningful conversation to take stock of Sasuke's attire, which at one point may have been designer chic but wasn't any longer.

The blazer had been badly ravaged by what looked like Chihuahuas with paintbrushes, the baggy cargo shorts may at one point have been pants, but not anymore. They were cut messily and the large pockets made of plaid material that while didn't clash looked odd in the haphazard places they had been sewn onto. The t-shirt he wore underneath seemed the only thing left in its original form, the message displayed in hot red script read: "FOR HOT UCHIHA LOVING CALL: 1-800-QUICKFUCK. KINKS COST EXTRA."

Hinata sighed.

Sasuke took notice of Hinata's frequent sighing and decided to speak, "It's nice to see you without a hose in your hand." If only Kakashi-sensei were here to giggle like a school girl on crack.

Hinata smiled nervously. "Heh."


"Hey, who's that guy Hinata's talking to?" Ino asked curiously.

"How should I know?" Sakura replied indignantly, "I don't keep track of Konoha's social outcasts."

Ino smirked, "Yeah because that's Hinata's job!" she exclaimed as they both broke into hysterical laughter. Maybe it was the vodka Kiba had spiked the punch with.

"You know who's looking hot tonight?" Ino asked after their giggles had subsided.

"Who?" Sakura asked loudly.

"Uzumaki Naruto." Ino said succinctly.

"Huh." Sakura replied eloquently.

"That hot blonde over there, retard."

"Which one? There're five, is he the one in the middle?" Sakura asked drunkenly, as she started hiccupping violently.

"Sakura, here comes Neji-senpai!" Ino squealed girlishly, abruptly changing the subject.

"Where?" Sakura said, suddenly alert.

"He's looking smoking tonight." Ino observed intelligently.

"Quick! How do I look?" Sakura demanded.

"You need more gloss." Ino said.

"Damnit, where's my purse!"

Ino took her little pinkie and swiping at her own lips, she quickly transferred said gloss onto Sakura's. "There."

"Thanks Ino, you're such a good friend."

"I know, aren't I?"

Cue maniac giggle.


"So." Sasuke said.

"Yeah." Hinata replied.


"So, your shirt…" Hinata trailed off hesitantly.

"Like it?" Sasuke asked boredly.

"I-I'm n-not s-sure l-like is the word." Hinata said as she smiled weakly.

Sasuke grinned slightly, "That's sounds like something my dad would say, only nicer."

Hinata's smile grew stronger. "Mine too." She conceded.

"Really? That's new, pleasant, popular, and perfect Hyuuga Hinata dislikes snotty father." Sasuke said dramatically.

Hinata coughed, "I-I'm n-not sure that 'dislikes' is the right word-d. And I'm not perfect."

Sasuke smirked slightly, "Loathes? Yes you are, I've seen your handwriting."





"Not yet."

"Stupid mofo?"

Hinata smiled and shook her head.


Annoying seems safe, doesn't it?

He'll find out.

Don't be silly.

He will.

Shut. Up.

"Alright, l-let's go with t-that." Hinata suggested as she smiled her 100-watt smile.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "Sure."


A/N: So, what is the verdict? Terrible? Or so good it's retarded? Ignore that.

I made Ino and Sakura bubble-heads (for now)

Suggestions for plot twists are very much welcome. Please leave your name and request at the tone. BEEEEEPPP.

Any who, I'm thinking of writing a YAOI high school fic. Neji/Sasu anyone?