Disclaimer: I'm being totally honest when I say that I own absolutely nothing. And make no money off of anything I do, ever. Especially not off this. Because who would pay for this?! Nobody, that's who. So please, please, please, just don't sue me.
A/N: Sorry I've been gone so long. And sorry if this isn't really up to par, but hey, it's an attempt. I just need to get back into the writing routine. I was inspired to start up again thanks to the Whomping Willows and the song "Draco and Harry" so next chapter will be very Draco and Harry lovey dovey-ness. Anyway, feel free to review if you wish. I love love love reviews.
Speaking of reviews… to my lovely reviewers: I'm soooooo sorry for abandoning you like this story… I'm terrible. Please forgive meeee.
Chapter 13: Awakening!
"Good Lord, woman, do you know how long I've been waiting for you?!"
I know, I know, I'm sorry. I'm a
Bad. So bad. I need to be punished.
Seamus smirked before continuing to
"Seriously, it's been over three years. Three years of absolutely nothing at all! No talking, no touching, no nothing! Just complete nothingness! Do you know what that's even like?! No, no you don't, because nobody's ever abandoned you in a castle for three years! You… I'm so mad at you."
Understandable. I'll try not to let it happen again. Now, how to get back into the swing of this? I mean, I already did that one time woosh thing in that one chapter… about… stuff.
"You can't even remember your own stupid, PLOTLESS story! What kind of author are you?!"
The… lazy kind? Look, stop being so snarky, Mr. Finnigan. I do have a life you know and –
"Yeah, so did I before you left me with NOTHING to do for three years!"
And I've been busy, buster. So get off my case, or I swear, I will write you into the kinkiest, dirtiest, most uncomfortable man on man sex I can think of.
Seamus snorted. "Psh, yeah right. What do you know about kinky man sex anyway? NOTHING. You can't scare me with your empty threats!"
Oh yeah, well, wrong! Just
because the thought of that sort of… activity makes me blush and
giggle doesn't mean that I won't do it or that I don't know how
to write it! I've been reading a few things about –
He spoke with a bone chilling voice, "You have been 'reading a few things' … How interesting for you. To be reading things, while you leave me ALONE. But you are wise, and lovely, and infallible, so I will question you no longer."
Sarcasm does not become you my dear little Irish man.
He narrowed his eyes in my
direction, or at least what he thought was my direction.
He wasn't really sure, since all he could see around him was inky darkness.
He had no idea where he was, or
how long he'd even been there. All he knew was that he was alone.
He hadn't seen a human being in, God, he couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen someone.
He hadn't felt the warmth of human contact in what felt like forever. Hadn't heard anyone speak to him in just as long.
Well, not anyone with a body anyway.
Because there was always someone speaking to him.
The Voice was always with him. He didn't know if it was a real person that would speak to him, or if his mind had just created it to save him from the constant loneliness.
The Voice filled his head, and spoke to him.
That was the only thing he had left in this world.
There was only the darkness and that voi-
"Oh, shut up! Where are you getting this nonsense?! There is no 'darkness,' you insane woman! There's just… you know, this room. That we're talking in. Oh my God, maybe I am crazy."
"NO! You are not going to turn this story into one of those sobby bits of angst that you can't seem to get enough of."
Oh, Seamus, your words cut like a knife. Hey, wait. How'd you know about my secret love for the angst?
"You think I don't know what you've doing the past two weeks? Reading your precious 'Scrubs' fanfiction, without a thought about poor lonely Seamus."
Oh stop being such a baby. At least I'm back right? That's what's really important here. I'm back, and I'm gonna fix this and make everything all better.
"Right. So, fix this mess."
Oooh! I have it:
Draco woke up in a cold sweat. He
looked around in the darkness of the dorm, while his heart continued
to hammer in his chest.
'It was a dream,' he thought as he gulped in oxygen, 'a horrible, horrible nightma-'
Seamus interrupted my italics yet again! "What the hell are you think? You can't can't can't can't use that tired 'it was all a dream' thing! It's so cheap. You make me feel cheap!"
Oh, Draco. Um, sorry to disturb you. In all your shirtless glory… It was nice of you to join us but now … go awayyyyyy…
The boy managed to say a quick "Damn it" before he disappeared.
:siiiiiigh: Mmm, shirtless Draco… Anyway, back to the task at hand. Hmmm. HMMM.
"You can't seriously be thinking that hard. Come on, the solution is so very simple. Even Harry would know what to do. Stupid Harry, that is. Even stupid Harry would know."
Yeah, yeah, I get it you snarky Irish thing.
Seamus gasped and held a hand to his chest. "Oh, my pride. My precious pride, it is wounded!" and then he grinned. "No, not really. Nothing can hurt this sexy sex man's pride."
'Sexy sex man'? Wow, great description, you have such a way with words.
"Yeah, like calling me a 'thing' is any better."
Shush you, I need to think about
Oh. Oh, Seamus, I think I have it… This is going to be so so so so goooood.
"Calm down now, you don't want to oversell it, you'll just end up disappointing everyone."
Oh, true. Um… it'll be … mildly entertaining.
Suddenly, Seamus was back in the
castle. Hogwarts, that is. You know the one. Anyway, he was making
his way back to the Great Hall, where all the other inhabitants were
still stuck in time.
In that three year long moment when it was revealed to them, and to the world, that Dumbledore had knocked up McGonagall.
Some of the students were stuck in mid-retch, expelling their delicious semi-digested dinner goodies everywhere. Some had fainted into whatever foodstuff they had been about to enjoy. Others just looked faintly green.
But everyone and everything in the Hall was covered in a thick layer of dust.
Dust which was disturbed while Seamus strode across the floor.
'Dust is my enemy,' he thought as the offending particles drifted into his nose, making him sneeze. 'Dust is evil evil evil.'
He continued on his way, silently cursing the dust and the author that had let it gather its strength to attack him. He finally stopped beside a red haired girl.
How anyone could 'mmm, Ginny'
when she was covered in dust and looked like she was about to puke
was really beyond me.
Oh, look, something interesting is happening! Cue the music.
A quiet melody began to lay in the background, crescendoing as Seamus leaned down to kiss the grimacing lips of his one true lo-
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Seamus was shocked.
Hee hee, shocked Seamus, shocked Seamus.
"Now is so incredibly not the time for your little alliteration jokes," he said with narrowed eyes. "I'm going to kiss her again, and it's going to work this time."
Of course, Seamus, proceed.
He leaned down, and pressed his lips against Ginevra's once again. And…
Wow, I didn't see that coming at all. Oh wait… yeah, yeah I did.
"Damn it! What, are my lips broken?! Why isn't it working?! You, author lady, oh supreme one, whatever, just… just write it so that when I kiss her, everybody wakes up."
Nope, can't do it my good man.
"Will you do it if I say 'please'?"
I would if I could, but I can't so I won't.
"Why the hell not? You have the authorly powers to do whatever the hell you want in this God forsaken place! So just… be nice for ONCE so we can move on!"
Nope, sorry, not gonna happen. It can't be done. It has to be this way, Seamus, since the whole Sleeping Beauty thing is just soooo adorable.
It looked like he was about to cry big, shiny, Irish Sex God tears. "But … why? Why isn't it working?"
Awww, Seamus. Come on, kid, you know how it goes. The spell can only be broken by True Love's Kiss.
"But, she is – Oh. Oooh. You, you're a tricky one, miss." He said, his face splitting into a wide grin.
I do what I can.
Seamus knew in his heart what he had
to do. So he abandoned Ginny in the Great Hall, and made his way to
the nearest restroom.
Because as much as he liked Ginny, and of course, doing things to/with/on/in front of Ginny, he knew that kissing her would never break the spell.
Because in all his life, he had only ever truly loved one person.
He stopped in the restroom, his task almost complete.
"You are one sexy devil," he said before he leaned forward and pressed his lips against the cool glass of the mirror before him.
Suddenly(!) the spell was broken!
And people were able to throw up as they pleased! No longer stuck in
that terrifying moment!
And that dust? Well, dust is no match for True Love's Kiss! It all went :poof: into nothingness.
Seamus grinned at his reflection, which grinned happily back. "You are one silly, silly author."
Oh, I'm well aware. Oops, forgot about something.
Back in the Great Hall:
Dumbledore and McGonagall watched
the chaos that had broken out a moment before, trying to stifle their
Dumbledore, in all his twinkling glory, called for attention once again:
"Students, students! You are all sooo gullible." He paused to chuckle. "That any of you actually believed that Professor McGonagall and myself" he giggled some more "were able to even conceive is… INCONCEIVABLE!" And with that, he collapsed in a fit of giggles.
McGonagall had to turn away from his
twinkling for because, as we all know, when Dumbledore giggles, his
twinkling reaches dangerously high sun-like brightness.
"Students," she managed to say through her tears and laughter, "you are truly stupid. Do I look like someone that would still be functioning in the baby producing area? I reached menopause a century ago! My God, children, your parents have done a terrible job educating you about the facts of life!" And with that, she laughed her way out of the Hall.
"Wait," a pale faced Harry said to his Gryffindor-y friends. "She isn't … with child… but she said it's because she's too old to be… not because-"
"Harry, stop, stop that mouth of yours from saying anymore." Hermione groaned out, her head in her hands, and her eyes tightly shut.
He continued like he hadn't heard her, "Not because they :gulp: didn't have dirty old people sex!"
Ron paled considerably, which seemed
impossible since he was already pale from heaving his dinner out onto
"Oh God, I'm going to throw up. Again."
Which he did.
Because he's such a baby.
Seamus was leaning against the door
frame of the Great Hall, observing his school mates finally animated
after three long years.
"You did a good job here, my lovely authoress."
You weren't too bad yourself, for a self-absorbed … Irish guy.
"Your insults keep getting better and better 'Irish thing' 'Irish guy' wow. What skill. Anyway, next time, don't wait so long that we need to resort to such drastic measures just to get things moving again."
And with that, he walked into the
hall to join his friends. Friends that would never realize how he had
saved them from an eternity of… nothing.
Seamus Finnigan, the unsung hero.
The delicious, Irish Sex God, unsung hero of yummyness.