Who Does Edward Love?

By: Hakai

genre: romance, humor… mostly humor.
series: Hagaren, Fullmetal Alchemist
rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Edx? (surprise), RoyxHughes (one-sided)

Beta-tester: Tenko-chan
disclaimer: I, Hakai, don't own these characters. Beware bad writing skills!

A/N: lame title. And I haven't written hagaren in awhile so forgive me if I'm a little out of touch with the characters ;;


"But you have to see! Elysia is just soo cute! I had to buy a whole new set of photo albums and--" BANG! Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, slammed the phone down with a tad more effort that was really necessary. Why did Maes always insist on pawning over his daughter day in and day out. Roy sighed. Why didn't Maes understand that he was--

"--in love with him," a voice said. "aren't you?"

Roy looked up from his silent musings. "Fullmetal?" He asked, surprised that he had not heard the boy enter his office. "What did you say…?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "I said; 'you're in love with Hughes, aren't you?'"

The older alchemist regained his composure. "What makes you say that, Full--"

"Oh come of it!" Ed said nearly slamming his report on the colonel's desk. "I may be a kid, but I'm not stupid."

Roy grinned. "You're right. You're not stupid… but you're not entirely right either. I was in love with Hughes. There's someone else now." he said as his grin lengthened into a smirk.

"Yeah?" Ed challenged. "Who?"

"You." Roy said simply pointing at his subordinate. Ed starred blankly back. Roy couldn't help but smile. It was always fun when he got to stump the blonde alchemist like this.

"T-Taisa…" Ed stuttered when he finally regained the ability to speak.

"Yes, Edward?" Roy said almost sultry. That was it, Ed couldn't take it. He burst out laughing. Roy's face dropped. What had happened? Hadn't he had the upper hand?

"You." Edward said between laughter. "Have the worst timing."

"Pardon?" Roy asked even more confused then the younger man had been mere moments ago.

"If you had said that two days ago I'd have done you right on this desk." Ed said wiping the tears from his eyes. "But now… I have someone else. Looks like you've been jilted twice. Better stick with the ladies, Taisa." Ed finished as he left the colonel's office, still laughing.

Roy blinked once. Twice. What? Edward… had someone else? That runt? Roy couldn't believe it. He had to find out. Be them male or female, they couldn't possibly be a better find then Roy Mustang, could they?


Edward Elric wait patiently at the corner of a street in central. It wasn't a particular corner. But getting run over by the truck trying to make a left turn was not on his to-do-list. Little did the braided youth know that he was being watched. Actually, stalked was a better term, but let's not be so blunt.

Roy Mustang watched carefully, from a respectable distance (of course), as Ed made his way into a flower shop. And when Edward next immerged from the shop he was not alone.

"I knew it!" Roy said to himself. "I knew he had a thing for that Rockbell girl. Now, to turn on that listening device I implanted into his pocket watch. I knew it'd come in handy!" He exclaimed proudly as he held the speaker to his ear.

"--sure this flower is the right one?" Ed asked Winry unsurely.

"Of course!" Roy heard Winry say over his speaker. "You said you wanted a rose, right?" Ed nodded. "Well, this is a long stem rose, just like you asked for. Geez, for a 'scientist' you're pretty dumb."

"Hey!" Ed said indignantly blushing. "If I weren't so nervous about this date, I'd insult you back."

Winry laughed. "Don't worry about it, Ed. It'll go fine. It's not like you two are strangers, right?"

"That's true…" Ed sighed, not at all reassured. "Well, I should be off. Thanks for your help Winry!"

"No problem!" Winry replied to his retreating form. "Good luck!" She yelled as Ed waved back.

"I guess it wasn't her after all…" Roy sighed as he set off to continue following the red coated figure.


The next place that Edward stopped at was his own apartment. But instead of heading up to his room to freshen up --or whatever it was that Fullmetal did before dates-- he simply sat on a couch in the lobby and waited.

Five minutes passed by and Roy was becoming impatient.

"Taisa?" Roy spun around ready to pull out his gloves if need be.

But it was unnecessary. The being behind him was Jean Havoc. Not a threat. "W-what're you doing here?" Roy asked trying not to sound surprised. "Don't tell me! You're Fullmetal's date!"

Havoc blinked. "The boss'?" he chuckled. "No, no. I'm here to pick up my date."

"Your… YOU have a DATE!" Roy nearly yelled. "How's that--!" Well, Roy thought interrupted his own rant. He had been focusing his attention on Edward these past few months so…

"Woah, Taisa. You're not the only one who can get dates." Havoc said before taking his leave.

"I guess not…" Roy muttered casting his gaze onto the blonde alchemist still waiting in the lobby. And then Ed did a miraculous thing, he stood. Roy quickly scanned he area to see who Ed had stood for. There was no one else in the lobby. Only a lanky blonde boy who was saying--

"Niisan!" he greeted Ed with a wave.

"What!" Roy gasped from his place behind a fake plant. "Don't tell me that's--"

"Al!" Yep. The colonel had heard that the younger Elric brother had been restored. But since the brothers' arrival in Central City a week ago he had yet to see the boy in his proper form. It was nice. Roy found himself smiling. So everything had gone well. That was good.

"Niisan, are you ready?" Roy heard Al ask his brother with his speaker. That's right. The reason he had that speaker was to see who Ed had left him for. Wait a minute it couldn't possibly be! Eww… incest!

"Of course I am, Al." Ed reassured his younger brother. "What about you? Are you going to be okay?"

"I will. Just as soon as--"

"Alphonse!" A voice greeted as three head turned to see the owner of said voice.

"Jean!" Al nearly squealed as he ran over to the taller man and gave him a hug.

"You take care of Al now, you hear?" Ed instructed seriously.

"Of course, boss." Havoc said with a salute.

Al and…. Havoc? Roy thought he was about to faint.

"Alright. Here's the keys, Al." Ed said handing his brother the keys to their apartment room. "Remind me to make another copy tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, Niisan. Have fun on your date!" Al waved as Havoc wrapped an arm around the smaller blonde's waist.

Roy quickly followed Ed out of the lobby. Anything not to see Havoc and Al nuzzling noses together. He'd have to have a good talk with Havoc about informing his superiors of new "meat in the market". The man had picked up Alphonse before Roy had even known he was back. The tricky traitor!


The next person Ed met up with was a girl with long blonde hair in Central City Park. Unfortunately for the colonel he had arrived a heartbeat too late. The girl's back was to him and he couldn't see her face. But now that he was in range he could hear Edward's voice.

"Happy Birthday Hawkeye-chusa." Ed said as Roy's eyes went wide.

He didn't know what to be more shocked about. Finding out that Riza was Ed's new girlfriend or remembering that he had forgotten the woman's birthday.

"Thank you, Edward-kun." he heard Riza say as he saw her give Ed a quick peck on the forehead. Not at all something someone would've done after receiving a present from their boyfriend. Roy was both disappointed and relieved. "Who's the rose for, might I ask."

"Oh." Ed said with a blush. "I… have a date today."

"Really? Well, I wish you luck with that, Edward-kun. I have to be going though. Winry promised me a romantic dinner and a movie."

"Of yes, course. Well, I'll see you around!"

"Thanks again, Edward-kun!" Hawkeye said as she left, but not without giving a quick suspicious glance in Roy's direction.

When Roy was sure she was completely gone he risked peeking from behind the tree again. He sighed. "Well, that was news. Hawkeye and Winry, huh?" Roy scowled. Was everyone paired up but him!

He shook it off. Now was not the time to be salty, Edward was on the move again.


"Hagane-no-ochibi-san" Both Roy and Ed heard. And there was no mistaking who that was.

"Envy." Ed greeted as the redhead leaning against the building shifted into the familiar form of the homunculi.

Envy pointed at the flower Ed had bought at the florist earlier. "Is that rose for me, love?" he purred.

Roy nearly had a heart attack. He couldn't have been dumped for a homunculi, could he! It wasn't possible. Sure Envy could change form conveniently, but that personality of his? Roy wanted to hurl.

"No. It's not." Ed said simply. "Go away and play with the other homunculus. Don't bother me."

Roy sighed a breath of relieve.

"Ooh…! Does the Fullmetal shrimp have a d-a-t-e?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "I don't hafta tell you anything."

Envy shrugged. "Oh well… I'm supposed to meet Lust in a bit anyway." he said before flitting away.


Roy was stumped as he continued to follow the boy. Who could Edward be having a date with? So far it hadn't been Winry, Havoc, Alphonse, Riza, or even Envy! Who could it be?

Finally Roy was pulled out of his thoughts by the smell of smoke. He looked up. He was in the train station. A date in the train station? No. Ed's date must be from out of town. So who was there… was… that Russell Trigham, Psiren, Ling, LanFan…. Um…. His sensei! No, but she was too devoted to her hubby. Who could it be!

Roy looked up at Ed in the distance, hoping for a sign. The train stopped, the doors opened. Several people came and went before Edward made a move. He reached out a hand to help a young girl out of the train. She smiled at him as he offered her the red rose.

And then it clicked in Roy's head. HE DIDN'T KNOW THIS GIRL!

How could Ed be dating a girl he hadn't even heard of! From out of town no less. WHO THE HELL WAS SHE ANYWAY!


"What's with that?" Paniinya asked leaning over what appeared to be a dead man in a military uniform.

"No one you want to know." Ed brushed off. "He's been following me all day." He explained as he not-so-carefully stepped 'over' the colonel's body. "So, ready for our date?"

"Dinner first." Paniinya declared. "Train food doesn't really agree with me."

Ed laughed. "I know what you mean." He said. "Just like a certain stalker colonel I know." Edward said leaving the man on the cold floor of the train station mumbling something about "dates" and "not getting one".

The Fullmetal Alchemist had to laugh. For once, he was one up on the colonel.



A/N: what'd you think? Were you expecting that pairing? If you were… o.O wow! Props to you for your awesome clairvoyance… I wanna draw a pic of those two now, just cuz I can. But I'm a bit… lazy. Haha. Anyway, this fic was written more for my own amusement then anything else. So please be nice. I heart reviews! XD