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In Remembrance Of

A CCS oneshot by Sakura

Standard disclaimers apply.

'Polomerria' (sung by Cocco, from the album 'Rapunzel') excerpt romanization lifted from Japan Lyrics; translation lifted from a Cocco site (forgot the URL, sorry), slight revision done by yours truly.     

Misquoting from series is intentional. ^_^ 

Minor spoilers from the second season included. 

Version 2.0 up 2003.03.28.

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owari o mita koto mo nai

memai o oboeru you na ao


when I look up

the seemingly endless sky

is an overwhelming shade of blue

      She ran into him again the other day.  It was a very humid afternoon and the cloudless sky was a very bright shade of blue, as if the sun had stretched its burning arms across the heavens and set it on fire.  She was looking up at this blinding, overwhelming blueness, wiping off the sweat from her forehead with her handkerchief and contemplating on whether to open her umbrella or not when out of the corner of her eye she spied a familiar figure carrying a gigantic supermarket bag in his arms.


      He stopped in his tracks and smiled, light amber eyes instantly softening in recognition.  "Konnichiwa, Sakura-chan.  Going home?"

      So many years had passed and he still hadn't changed --- he was still tall and slight of frame and bespectacled, fair hair trailing over his frames as he slightly bent down to offer her a piece of strawberry candy.  As if she were still a child staring up at him, enthralled by his cheerfulness, and he were still Oniichan's ever-smiling best friend, spoiling her with his affection.

ano oka o koereba

itsumo anata ga ita

when I went over that hill

you were always there  

      The first time she saw him, he had seemed so gentle and warm as he leaned forward from his perch on the living room sofa, gripping her hand in his and laughing that musical laugh: Sakura-chan, isn't it?  Kinomoto-kun said he had a sister but I didn't know she'd turn out to be so cute.  And she had stared back breathlessly, unable to pull away from this smiling bespectacled high school boy...  The afternoon sun was in his hair and his light amber eyes were soft and he was beautiful, in the ethereal way of angels.  She had half-expected wings to unfold themselves from his back. 

      She was just a child then; easily charmed, smitten like a fool.

      Oh, how she loved him then --- cooking meals whenever he dropped by for dinner, giving him small gifts, daydreaming and sighing at the mere thought of him, waking up early in the morning just so she could greet him 'Good morning!' and hear him chime in turn, Good morning, Sakura-chan, you're early again today---          

      How she loved him then, so much that one day, all flustered and breathless, she decided to tell him everything--- 

      I like you a lot, Yukito-san.

      ---and as gently and tenderly as he possibly could, he turned her down.


sayonara kawaii yume


goodbye, sweet dreams

      So many years had passed since then. 

      The Yukito standing in front of her was still Yukito and Sakura had never been able to refuse him, so she took the candy he offered and smiled her thanks.

      "I just came from the supermarket," he said, giving the bag in his arms a little shake.  "I decided to cook something special this evening instead of our usual dinner."

      "'Usual dinner'?" she echoed curiously.

      He smiled then, sheepishly.  "Curry."

      She blinked.  "You mean you and Oniichan have been eating that for days?"

      "Weeks," he sighed, shifting the bag again, "since To-ya doesn't have time to cook anymore, what with his finals coming up and everything, and work for me just gets so hectic when the semester starts to end..."

      "Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded.  "I could always come over and help out."

      "But To-ya said you were busy with school--"

      Sakura frowned.  "When he says that, he really means he'd rather eat curry all the time than eat my cooking."  

      "Of course not," Yukito laughed,  "To-ya loves your cooking."

      "Maybe so."  She had to smile.  "Maybe not.  I don't know for sure."

      There were a lot of things she still didn't know about her brother, no matter how close they were ever since they were children.  But she did know that her brother --- aloof and gruff and slightly irritating at times, especially when he started teasing her --- loved her a lot.  She did too, but unlike him she didn't feel awkward about saying so.  The day he finally moved out of the house, she threw her arms around him, all of him that she could gather, and wished him good luck.  Don't forget me, okay, Oniichan? she whispered, and she felt a hand tenderly tousle her hair, then his gruff reply: of course not, kaijuu, it's not like I'm leaving for good or anything.       

      But how much time has it been since then?  It felt like years.  She missed her brother terribly, even if he called practically every night to check on her in his usual brisk, authoritative manner:  Were you late this morning?  How's Otousan?  What did you cook for dinner?  Did you remember to shell the peas like I told you to?  Don't forget to take out the garbage tomorrow.  How's school?  Is that brat taking care of you?  Good, because if he isn't, I'll beat the crap out of him---   

      "That's right," Yukito piped up suddenly, as if reading her thoughts, "how's Li-kun?"

      She felt herself blush a little.  "He's fine; he's busy with exams and everything."

      "Do you study together?"  A seemingly innocent question, but downright devilish.

      She blushed harder.  "W-Well, we...um..don't, since we don't...um, get anything done."         

      He laughed heartily at that.  "Yes, I think I know what you mean."

      What do you mean? she instinctively wanted to ask, but decided to keep it to herself.  It was probably a silly question in the first place; she already knew all about him and her brother and the complications in between.  In fact, she had known everything for years.  He had only confirmed her suspicions when he had stared into her eyes and told her, yes, I love Touya.  I owe him my life. 

      Looking back, it surprised her how well she had taken his rejection.  What she felt for him had been rather intense, after all.  If things had been different, what would she have done?  Would she have bravely kept herself from crying just like she did back then, or would she have run off to a secluded corner to cry?  She was not as strong as she thought she was.  Not as strong as she thought she would be.   


massugu waraenai dakedo waratte

watashi no tame dake ni hashiritai

however difficult it is for me, I laugh

I want to run only for myself

      She was just a fifth-grader with an intense unreciprocated crush, broken down, finally reduced to tears in the arms of a boy she had always thought of as a friend.  While she cried, Yukito's words kept echoing over and over in her head: Someday you'll find the person you'll love the most, and that person will surely love you as much in return.  

      When he said that, did he know that she would be running to Syaoran for comfort and find there what she had been looking for all along, or did he just say that out of kindness?  Was her stumbling into Syaoran's arms purely by chance, then?  There are some things you just don't ask, Syaoran had muttered before, and his amber eyes were slightly dark, troubled, as if delving deeper into the circumstances that were, the 'what had beens', would reveal everything he had been dreading to hear.

      He didn't take the whole matter lightly; he knew she had liked, maybe even loved, Yukito for years.  


yasashii ame no ato tsuyoi hikari wa

kage wo kogetsukasete hieta

ai kara sameru youni

the strong light after the

soft, gentle rain

burned and chilled the shadows 

much like awakening from love

      But that was over now.  She and Yukito now belonged to other people and everything seemed right that way.

      "So, what are you cooking tonight?" she asked.

      "I was thinking maybe steak," Yukito thoughtfully replied, "or something fancier.  Any suggestions?"


      "That sounds good too."

      "Why not make both, then?"

      Yukito blinked.  "Both?"

      Sakura shrugged.  "I'm sure Oniichan won't notice what dishes go together; he'd be so hungry that he won't have time to look at what he's eating in the first place."

      He smiled.  "You're right.  But I don't think I can pull it off, though.  To-ya's a better cook than I am."

      Sakura shook her head.  "Otousan always tells me, 'just as long as it's for that person, everything will surely turn out right'." 

      She didn't tell him that as a child, that simple truth had helped her keep her faith; it had steered her through countless Valentine chocolates and special dinners, making her believe that one day all her efforts would come to fruition.  Foolish little Sakura believing that the way to a man's heart was really through his stomach... 

      She smiled now in remembrance, in slight wistfulness.

ano oka o koereba

itsumo anata ga ita

when I went over that hill

you were always there

      "Kinomoto-san, ever the optimist." Yukito shifted the bag in his arms again.  "But it's worth a try.  Thanks for the advice."

      "Don't mention it."

      She looked back up at the bright blue summer sky.

      "Well," he began, "I guess I should be going now.  Sorry for keeping you like this."

      "It's okay, I'm glad I ran into you today."    

      "If you're not too busy, please drop by anytime.  To-ya's been missing you like crazy."

      "Thanks.  I think I will."

      "Say hi to Li-kun for me."


      And he was off.  

sayonara kawaii yume

goodbye, sweet dreams

      Tucked in a cabinet in her room was a diary she had been writing in when she was still a child.  One night she had leafed through it out of curiosity; now, watching him turn on his heel and walk away, a part of it suddenly came to mind:

      Yukito-san's nice and good-looking and intelligent and really popular at school.  He's much older than I am, I know, but I can't help but like him a lot.  Kero-chan says I now have the cards that can make me summon wind and fire at any time, or cards that can even make me bigger or smaller or make me fly as high as I want to.  If more magic will be coming my way, then I make this one wish --- I wish for Yukito-san to like me back, a card to make him like me back --- and that would be all.

      He was making his way through the crowd --- graceful and lithe like an angel, fair hair glinting in the afternoon sun.  He looked back to smile at her, and she waved a hand in response.  He then turned around again and she caught sight of his slight frame once, twice, before he finally rounded the corner and disappeared.     


sayonara kawaii yume no nioi

goodbye, the scent of sweet dreams

      It was a very humid afternoon and the cloudless blue sky was burning into the horizon.  She sighed and fished out her handkerchief, something popping out of her pocket as she did so.  Looking down, she saw it was the strawberry candy Yukito had handed over a while ago.

      Then she smiled. 

      While some things change, some things never change.

      Sakura reached down and slipped the piece of candy back in her pocket, tenderly and carefully as if it were a fragment of a dream, a soft gentle memory, a reminder of a time that was good while it lasted.    

      Then she straightened up and started to walk home, humming a song under her breath.