A/N: I'm currently listening to The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack and was somehow inspired to right something LZ. Well, sort of. This is just a silly drabble with no plot. And, no, I don't know when (or if) I'm going to update my other fics. My muses have dried up into...nothingness. It's very sad, I know. :sigh:

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my iPod that is now my child. :pets iPod:


Drabble I, aka, Poor Link

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!"

Trudge trudge. Opens door. Trudge Trudge.

"You rang?"

"I'M DYING HERE! HOW COULD YOU ABANDON ME!"

Sigh. "You said you wanted me to leave. I believe your exact words were, 'How could you do this to me? Get the hell out of here before I castrate you, you bastard.'" His tone is monotone with exasperation.

Growl. Glare. Sharp nails digging into wrist.

"DO. YOU. WANT. TO. DIE?"

Another sigh. "Why did you call for me, then?"

"GET OUT! GET OUT!" Scream. "OH MY DEAR SWEET GODDESSES, YOU BASTARD I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER HOW COULD YOU IMPREGNATE ME!"

"You helped."

Frightening noise that can't be defined. Nails are removed from wrist before blood is shed. Link leaves room.


Five minutes later...


"LIIIIIIIIIIIINK, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE YOUR BELOVED WIFE TO BEAR SUCH PAIN ALL ALONE!" Sob sob.

Trudge trudge. Opens door. Trudge trudge. Takes Zelda's hand.

"I'm sorry, Zelda. Do you want me to stay?"

Sniff sniff. Tears and more sniffing. "I'm sorry, please don't leave me. The midwife scares me." Sob sob.

Link looks to see a pockmarked old woman. She really is scary-looking, especially when she glares at the soon-to-be mother. "I'm sorry, love. I won't abandon you again. Unless you want me to."

"No, no, no, I don't want you to leave—OH FOR THE LOVE IT HURTS (curses curses curses) HOW COULD YOU! HOW DO YOU HAVE THE GALL TO HOLD MY HAND WHEN I'M DYING HERE FROM PAIN! GET OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!"

Sigh. Extracts nails (unable to escape bloodshed, however). Leaves room.


Two minutes later...


SOB SOB SOB. "LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK, WHERE DID YOU GO! I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE! ARE YOU GOING TO LET YOUR WIFE EXPIRE ALL ALONE! LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!" SOB SOB SOB

Trudge trudge. Opens door. Takes hand.

"I'm here, Zelda." Pats her hand. "Don't worry, you're screaming too loudly to be dying."

SOB SOB SOB. "Please don't leave me." Sniff sniff.

He doesn't promise he won't. Perhaps his wrist will remain attached if he doesn't say anything.

More sobs. Midwife mutters something and then screaming ensues.

"I'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYING I'M DYING!" She suddenly notices her husband. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" she snarls. "GET. OUT!"

As door closes, Link can hear muffled threats of "YOU'RE DEAD WHEN THIS THING IS OUT" and "JUST WAIT! I'M COMING FOR YOU AND AND AND AAAAAAAAARGH!"


10 minutes later...


Baby cries. Happy sob sob. He enters and sees Zelda holding their child.

"It's a boy," the midwife mutters.

Sob sob. "Link, Link, look at our son! Isn't he wonderful?"

Smile. Takes hand. Eventually is given baby to hold.

"Are you not going to kill me now?"

Blink. Blink. Sniffle. "Why would I want to do that?"

About to respond, but decides against it. "Never mind."

"Oh, Link, I love you."

Pats hand. "I love you, too, Zelda."


The End!



Was there a plot? Naw. But crazy women giving birth is such an amusing subject. I think... O.O End note: ff . net is so annoying. They won't let me do multiple exclamation marks. :grumble: Stupid stupid stupid...