Disclaimer: Daria and associated characters are owned by MTV. This is fan fiction written for entertainment only. No money or other negotiable currency or goods have been exchanged.

From a general challenge at SFMB from Brother Grimace: Okay, then - do a quick, one-post long fanfic, based on actual transcripts, that'll make me either want to cry - or will make my eyeballs bleed out.

I dare you.

Richard Lobinske
It's That Guy

Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane had been sitting on Jane's bed, watching television and ribbing Jane's brother Trent about the advertising jingle he had recently written for a used car dealer.

Trent pointed to the television, "Hey, look, it's that guy."

On it, the lead reporter for Sick, Sad World asked, "And what unspeakable acts did the space beings perform on you?"

A pimply faced young man named Artie nervously answered, "They took my flesh and replaced it with an alien synthetic skin. A skin capable of sensations you can't even imagine. But that's not the worst of it." He buried his face in his hands, sobbing loudly.

Jane smirked. "Uh-oh, he's gonna get his skin wet and shrink it."

Artie stopped crying long enough to spit out, "They used me, and then they made me lose my job."

"You saw it first on Sick, Sad World." The reported smiled into the camera. "Alien love goddesses are depriving Americans of their skins and their jobs."

The television showed an artist rendering of Daria and Jane in fanciful space costumes.

Trent grinned. "Hey, cool."

Daria looked over at Jane. "We should be upset, right?"

Jane said, "Well, this does blow our cover." Jane looked at Trent and wiggled her eyebrows. "You realize we can't leave any witnesses."

Daria looked at Trent. "You're right."

He stepped back uncertainly from the naked hunger in her eyes. Daria slipped off the bed and drew a finger along Trent's chest. "And we haven't had a chance to test level ten yet."

Jane rose and stepped behind Trent. "Daria, you know you want to."

Trent gulped as Daria said, "Oh, yes, I think he'll do exceptionally well."

"Don't forget to share." Trent couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Trust me; it's been a real challenge pretending to be his sister."

Trent felt something cold placed on the back of his neck, and immediately he lost motor control of his limbs. From behind, Jane said, "This one is going to be so much fun."

Daria pushed him down on the bed and started to remove his shirt. "Mmmm. I've waited so long for this."


"Hello, Artie." Trent grinned at the young man.

Artie jumped in shock. "Augh!"

"Artie, I know you were telling the truth. They've done the same thing to me."

"They have?"

"Yes. They replaced my skin and had their way with me."

Artie sank back in relief. "At last, somebody who really believes and won't make fun of me." His eyes blazed with newfound passion and conviction. "We have to warn the world of the danger!"

Trent shook his head and revealed the long, slender knife hidden behind his back. "Artie, you've displeased your Goddesses and must pay for your actions. You were told not to tell anyone what they looked like."

Artie stepped back in terror from Trent. "No…

"They want their skin back."


Dialog from: The Lawndale File by Peter Elwell

May 2005