Disclaimer: Everyone in the PSoH universe does not belong to me.
Claimer: Everyone else belong to be and only me.
A/N: This story has changed a lot from its first incarnation from about two years back. Raven, OFC, is not a Mary Sue in the sense that she's not perfect, and no one has any romantic interest with her. Don't worry, I would never do that to you, and this is not a story about romance. It's a story about comedy and existentialism.
Dedication and Warning: This story is dedicated to Fwooshy (Rose Spirit) who, if it wasn't for her insistent beginning, this story would never have been written. That being the case, flamers aren't welcome. But, if you feel left out, and want to be written into the story as well, give me a cookie and you can.
Raven, a girl of seventeen, rather average looking except for the tattoos on her arms, sat down on her couch, looking at the jar on her coffee table. It was a pickle jar with a pink moving substance inside. Raven sighed as she remembered what had happened just a few hours earlier.
She had been looking for a replacement for her goldfish, and so she went to Chinatown, looking for something unique. She came upon a rather strange pet shop and as soon as she set foot in, she was greeted by the greatly effeminate proprietor, 'D' as he so graciously introduced himself as and invited her for tea. She told him that she was looking a pet that was cute, playful, but didn't take up too much space.
D had thought for a moment, before he reached into the sleeve of his robes, bringing out a jar filled with what seemed to be pink ooze and held it in front of Raven.
Raven cocked her head a little as she looked at the jar that the pet shop keeper was offering her. "This…is a living animal? Isn't this kind of stuff illegal in this state? We have animal cruelty laws, you know."
D just laughed and shook his head. "No, don't be silly. If I let the cat on the carpet, it'll get all over the rug and it'll take me forever to get it out. Besides, soap is awfully painful to this poor kitten."
Raven still looked a little skeptical when suddenly a muffled 'mew' came from the jar and whatever the pink substance inside was shifted, and the rippled face of a cat was visible.
"Holy…fuggin…carp! That's a c-cat!" Raven said in surprise as she moved away as fast as she could.
The shop keeper laughed as he nodded. "Well, that is only what you asked for isn't it? Well, will that be cash or charge?"
Raven sighed as she looked at her 'pet' again. "This is so stupid…I can't believe that I bought some pink play-dough that talks. God, I'm going to go take a shower," Raven muttered tiredly as she got up, accidentally knocking the jar over, shattering it, its contents spilling and oozing on her wooden floor. Raven sighed again, frustrated.
She would have cleaned up the mess, but buyer's remorse was too strong and she wanted that shower. "Aw, you can wait. Not like you can go anywhere," Raven said as she grabbed her towel and headed to the shower, leaving her new 'cat' behind, mewing, with a strange glint in its sinking black eyes.
Little did Raven know that somewhere in china town, the proprietor of the Pet shop, D, was being questioned by a rather irate blond cop, who, strangely enough, was lounging on D's couch, having tea.
"Look, D, there have been reports of over six murders so far, and two things related these cases together!" the detective said triumphantly.
D simply smiled as he took a sip of his tea. "Oh, really? And what are they, Detective?"
Leon was smiling so brightly that his pleasure at having cornered that blasted Count D at last was hardly concealed. "They all bought a cat for this store that disappeared after the murder, and…there were smudges of pink all over the corpses!"
Sai: Well, there you go Fwooshy, your JC. Hope you're happy. If the rest of you didn't like it, uh, that's alright. I wrote it for Fwooshy anyway.