This parallels the story To Seduce A Serpant The Diary Of Pansy Parkinson only this is by me lain and the other is by Missie. This is also in Draco's POV.




Bloody hell I'm tired! Father had me de-gnoming the garden as punishment…Now I know de-gnoming a garden shouldn't tire out a "fit young lad" like me, and if I had a garden the size of Weasel then it wouldn't, but my garden is five acres. Anyway I'm not so filthy that Ill have to have to have the house elf (Natty? Batty? Ratty? What ever the bloody things name is) burn my clothes. Mother wont be pleased. She spent the entire day getting piss drunk. I found her babbling about the fall fashion collections to an empty portrait frame that used to house my Uncle Albert, when he was alive. A rather upsetting accident. Anyway I had fun making a list of ways to make Potty's life miserable.

1. Throw his broom into the lake with the giant squid…with him on it.

2. Make him serve twenty detentions with Snape.

3. Turn him over to the Dark Tosser. Id never actually do that considering I want nothing to do with my fathers batty friends. They're absolutely mad if they think they can get rid of seven billion muggles. I happen to be smarter than that.

4. Make him go shopping with my Mum tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'm going on my semiannual shopping trip with my Mother.

Every year before school starts and over spring holidays, my Mum lays off the firewhiskey and takes me shopping. I like to look good but honestly I come home bloody from pinpricks and my hair gets all mussed up.

I'll be turning in now.

The always perfect and charming,

Draco Malfoy

P.S. I'm thinking of a sequel song to Weasley is our king…

Harry Potter sat on a blotter

And got ink all over his bum


I know it's shite. Give me a break.


Holy shite! I've never seen so many clothes and gay men. Honestly, (a new Malfoy policy haha right) like twenty men have hit on me. But that's just because I'm gorgeous. No one can resist the Malfoy charm. Anyway, we got the standard school clothes: 10 new white button up shirts with DM stitched in blue on the collar, 5 sets of standard school robes which are really specially made for me, new socks with DM on them, 20 pairs of black silk boxers, 10 pairs of black trousers, assorted colored button up shirts, winter jacket, green and silver scarf with matching hat, and a new owl since my father Avaded my old one when he brought him his paper late. I know it's a lot but I deserve it. It's a lot of work being a perfect Malfoy. Sometimes I wish I could throw on a pair of muggle jeans and a tee-shirt. Uh not. Muggle jeans are repulsive. After getting clothes, Mum insisted that we go out to lunch and have a mother-son mani and pedi. I could have died. I took her to the Black Owl (a upperclass restaurant) and set her up with a firewiskey. The I slipped away as she started chatting up the nearest potted plant. I went over to the quidditch store to look at the newest firebolt model. It's the Sonic. It's amazing. I'd give anything to have one. Even my first born. Although I don't really fancy being married. I'm going to be Draco Malfoy, world renowned playboy. Maybe I'll even visit that muggle playboy place. I heard Thomas talking about it and a place like that can't be all bad even if it is muggle. But I just saw the Dream Team with tagalongs, Longbottom and Weaselette. All that red hair is repulsive. Honestly it's blinding. If I didn't know they have no money I'd sue them for blinding me. Ugh must be going. Mum is sober now wants to look at skin products. So much for this icecream. Oops I ran into Potty on the way to the trash.

King of the world,

Draco Malfoy


I just finished performing my HEAD BOY duties. That's right I finally beat Potty at something. Anyway Father took me to the station this morning and gave me a good lecture about how I'm supposed to stay away from Parkinson this year. His face went all red and blotchy. Not very Malfoy like. Well, being in a Muggle station always makes his blood pressure rise. But then I heard them. Blaise and Parkinson. Fighting as usual. If they're not careful they'll get a reputation like Mudblood and Weasel. They had run into each other and Blaise was just getting to the frigid bitch part when I interrupted.

"That's no way to talk to a lady, is it Blaise?"

"Hullo Draco" she said turning around, "fancy seeing you here."

I smirked as she checked me out, along with half the girls on the platform. "Fancy seeing you here. Haven't been doing anything dangerous of late, have we? What after the broom incident, I've been afraid to let you near one by yourself." I said. I remembered the accident over Christmas break that ended with her crashing into a snow bank and flashing her knickers to everyone. That camera loser in Gryffindor ever got a picture.

She blushed and I leaned in, my lips tauntingly close to hers, "Don't blush so," I whispered, "I rather enjoyed the show." I straightened up and walked on, as if nothing had happened.

Score one for Draco.

I went and did my mindless head crap with Granger. (Dumbledore insists I call her that instead of Mudblood since she's head) Then I went, after changing into my school robes, to find my compartment with Vince and Greg. The compartment was already occupied by Daphne Greengrass, Victorie Flint, and Parkinson. They noticed my head badge and broke into whispers. I sat down next to Parkinson. "I've got to work with Granger though, it's a shame they didn't give it to a Slytherin girl. They're so much easier to work with." I whispered, so she had to lean in closer to hear me. "How was your summer?" I asked moving back. "I assume you heard our parents are in a fight?"

"Yes" she replied. "I'm supposed to stay away from you."

"Me too," I added, grinning wickedly. "But when's the last time you listened to your parents?"

I left a while after as Victorie entertained Vince and Greg.

Head Boy,

Draco Malfoy