A/N: Okay so how many of you were just waiting for Buffy and Spike to kiss during Fool For Love? Or that the outcome was slightly different. I DID! I was just watching it today and needed the ending to be different. So here I go... (some of the lines are in the original show. I own nothing of the show.)
Chapter 1- You know you want to dance
"Spike..." Buffy said as he walked towards her. His passion aroused, Spike leans in to kiss her. She backs away in horror. "What the hell are you doing?"
He grabed Buffy by the arms, his words coming in a breathless pant. "Come on. I can feel it, Slayer. You know you want to dance."
Buffy stood shocked at the words that Spike spoke. But she was more shocked by her own words to the statement. "I can't."
He looked at her, head cocked to one side, thinking about what the slayer had said. That was not the reaction that he expected. He expected to be pushed away, to be hurt by her. "What do you mean?" He said, trying his damnedest to sound mean.
"I mean that I can't." She said. He had loosened his grip and she took full advantage of it. She pulled herself away, threw the wad of money at him, and walked around him. He picked the money up and turned to find her facing him. "I can't give up that easily."
He saw the look on her face long before she said the words. He walked towards her. For every step he took, she took two away from him. But soon she was backed up against a wall, where there was no where to run from him. "That doesn't mean you don't want to." He had to hear her say it. He grabbed her wrists and pinned her there. She struggled against him, but he held tight. He leaned closer to her face and stared right into her eyes. "Say it to me slayer. Tell me you want to." Tell me you want me. He though, his own heart betraying him.
She stared right back into his eyes. She could hide for now, but it would be pointless. "I want to." She said as if finally defeated. Why are vampires able to break down my defenses today? I should be stronger then this. I shouldn't want him like I do.
He loosened his grip and backed away from her. She looked shocked. "That's all I needed to hear." He said and walked away from her. A few days ago she may have followed him and hit him until he forgot what she had confessed. But that was all an act and he knew it. She sunk down to the floor of the alley and watched him leave. It was a very unusual night.
The scenes from that night flashed in her head the next morning. The words he spoke rang in her ears. She found it hard to do anything when she awoke. She had returned home later then she had anticipated, to find her mother and Dawn safe and asleep. But Buffy had no such luck. Her sleep was fitful and filled with images, thoughts, and sounds of and about Spike. And her waking mind differed none from her subconscious sleeping mind. Spike was all that Buffy could think about.
She heard Dawn yell from downstairs. Buffy was dressed in a pair of jeans and a tight white tank top, her hair laying in curls. Yet she didn't remember ever getting out of bed, or getting dressed. She shook her head, a failing attempt to wash the image of Spike from her head. She opened the door and descended down the stairs, hearing his voice ring in her ears. You know you want to dance. Her own mind was incapable of anything, except repeating his words and her unnerving response. I can't. I want to. Dawn skipped passed Buffy and into the living room, a rare occasion in itself and a confusing image to Buffy. Until she moved closer to the room and saw her friends, Willow and Tara, sitting there. Riley stood near the doorway, waiting patiently for Buffy. He smiled at her and walked over, grabbing her into a hug. The hug felt wrong to Buffy. It wasn't any different then any of the other times he had hugged or kissed her, it was just a sudden realization that it had always been wrong. Maybe I always knew it was wrong. Maybe that's why I've never been able to love him. Buffy shook her thoughts from her head, this time succeeding, and pressed her thoughts of Spike back to concentrate on her friends.
"Buffy, Willow taught me something!" Dawn said, more excited then she had ever been. Dawn focused on a pencil and made it float of the table.
Buffy watched Willow, as she too concentrated on the pencil. Buffy knew that she was helping Dawn. "That's great Dawn." Buffy said, sitting on the couch.
Willow looked at her friend, hearing the distant sound of being upset in the slayer's voice. "Something wrong?" Willow asked Buffy.
Buffy shook her head. "Nothing. I went to see Spike last night..." She turned her attention to Riley, who had sat beside her and was looking very hurt. "I wanted to know what happened to the slayers before me. How they lost. But there was nothing and no one to tell that story..." She paused again, this time remembering his words yet again. Every slayer has a death wish. Buffy cringed a little at the words. "Except for Spike, who had killed two slayers. So I went to hear his awful stories about how he killed them."
Riley looked at Buffy suspiciously. He feared that there was more to this meeting then she's saying. Something Spike said or did had made her upset, he could tell in how tense she was. "What did he say?" Riley asked her.
"Yes. I'd rather like to hear this one too." Giles said, entering her house with Xander.
Buffy looked at both men, then at Riley, Willow, Tara, and Dawn. She turned back to Giles. "The short version. He said; "we fought, I won, the end". It took a while and several gross things that I may never forget, but he finally said something that stuck. First he said that lesson one was a slayer must always reach for her weapon cause he already had his. Second was to ask the right question."
Xander looked at her. "What question?"
A faint smile surfaced. "He said the question wasn't 'How'd he'd win'. The question was 'How'd they lose'." She said.
"What's the difference?" Damn asked.
Another smile came across Buffy's face. "There's a big difference. He said that Death was a slayer's art that she makes with her hands everyday. That she loves it and fears it. He said that we were desperate to know what it's like, death that is. He said it wasn't the punch we didn't throw or the kicks we didn't land. He said every slayer had a death wish." She stopped. The rest of them sat there shocked that she remembered most of what he had told her. But she knew it was only because it was ringing in her ears, replaying in her head like a bad record player. "He said even I did. And that the only reason that I've lasted this long is because I have ties to this world... my mother, Dawn, the gang. But he told me that I'm just putting off the inevitable." She stopped, but his words continued to run in her head. She pushed them back until they were too faint to make out. Always there but not always able to be heard.
Giles looked at her, but it was Riley who spoke. "But it's Spike. He can't be right can he?"
Riley was hurt, Buffy could tell. So where the rest of them. To think that Buffy was going to die was something they weren't prepared for. They didn't want to think about it. "No." She said. "He's right." Hearts sunk and smiles faded. Xander and Giles walked over to sit down. "He knows more then I do about it. Death that is."
"But not about slayers. How can he?" Xander said.
"He's killed two." Willow said, not in either agreement with Buffy or argument with Xander, just in fact.
"He got it. He understood it. Angel did too." Buffy said, hardly wanting to bring her ex into the mix. "He use to say that you guys where the ones that kept me alive. It was, after all, Xander who saved me when I died." She smiled at him.
"Yes, that's quite true. What I don't understand is Spike's reference to loving death."
"I guess the slayer in me does. It's all that I was really made for right? Death and destruction in the non-evil ways. My ties with my family and friends are the only thing that prevents me from being totally and completely lost to slaying. Remember Kendra, who was trained to kill. She cared about nothing else until she saw that she could. And the first slayer, she told me that death's my gift."
"What did she mean?" Willow asked.
"Well I'd imagine that she meant that Buffy was to give her life for the greater good of the world." Giles said.
"Well major bonuses. Buffy's done that. So she can be normal Buffy." Willow replied, a little hyper.
"Not exactly. With Faith in prison and not on the side of good, Buffy is the only slayer the world has. She still has a duty to fight the vampires." Giles looked at Buffy. She wouldn't look at him. She knew in her heart that he was right and what it meant for him to be right.
The Magic Shop-
"Can a bloke get some help here?" Spike said, standing near a self.
"Do you have money." Giles asked, slightly irritated.
"Yes." Spike said. He handed Giles the money and list and walked toward the table that Buffy and Willow sat at. Giles retreated to the back room. "What are you doing?" He asked.
"What do you care?" Buffy said. She hated the act of being mean to him, knew that her words stung him.
"Inquiring mind wants to know if a big, bad is comin'. Got to hide my valuables." He said in reply.
"Yeah. I heard that if you weren't careful Harmony could break. She might be worth something one day." Buffy said. Willow looked up and smiled at Buffy's comment.
It was direct insult to Spike's pride and he didn't like it. Riley walked in, not receiving attention from Buffy. Spike felt a jolt of... well he didn't know... just was happy that she was paying him more attention. "Might want to keep that boy of yours inside if there is a big nasty." He said, walking behind her, grabbing the bag that sat on the counter, and walking to the door. "You wouldn't want to have to make sure he didn't get hurt." He walked out in the cool night air, smiling at the satisfaction that he would cause the two to fight. And the kicked puppy expression that the bloke had when he looked at Buffy was priceless.
Buffy hadn't realized that Riley had walked in. She was so wrapped up in the conversation with Spike that she hadn't noticed. And the words that Spike spoke stunned Riley and his way-to-common-lately hurt puppy face appeared. Buffy was sick of seeing it, sick of having to walk on glass around Riley. Ever since the Initiative had been destroyed, he had tried his damnedest to fit in with the scoobies and he was failing. Life with normal guy, Riley, wasn't all Buffy had imagined. "He's all upset that I cracked on Harmony. Don't take it seriously." Buffy said that last part with a little hint of annoyance in her voice. Riley walked over to them and sat down, the kicked puppy expression still present on his face. Buffy sighed and could hardly wait until Giles walked over. When he did, she got up, grabbed her coat and turned to leave.
Riley stood up. "Where are you going?" He asked, a little like a jealous boyfriend would act.
"Patrol." She said, turning sharply on her heels to look at him.
"I'll come with." Riley said "You shouldn't be out alone after you injury."
"I'm all better. I'll be fine."
"You still shouldn't..."
"I'll be fine Riley." Buffy said sternly, cutting him off. He sulked back into his chair and the hurt puppy look resurfaced. Buffy walked out of the store, closed the door behind her and let out a sigh of relief.
"I may have been more right then I thought." Spike said from the shadows. Buffy faced the direction of the voice, only to be met by the light of his burning cigarette. He stayed in the shadows.
"I didn't ask your thoughts." Buffy said, walking towards the graveyard.
She heard his footsteps follow behind hers. "I didn't ask yours." He said.
She turned quickly, causing him to take a few steps back in surprise. "What do you want Spike?" She said, staring him in the eye.
"You wanna dance?" He said with a smirk.
Buffy fought a vampire beside Spike who fought another. Both were engaged in the fight, unable to think of anything else. Spike dusted his vampire first, not caring to take his time. He wanted to watch the slayer, watch her fight to the death with her foe. She was graceful and resourceful, something he had found out long ago. She took in the vampire's every move, countered it, and made her own. It was something that Spike enjoyed watching, it was something that Spike had thought about and seen since the last time they had talked. He replayed in his mind, not just their conversation where she had broke down, but every fight they had ever had. Remember each one with fascinating detail and arousal. He was under estimating the way that he felt about the slayer. There was much more to it then just lust. And that made him want to kill her himself. But instead he just watched. As she staked the vampire and the dust settled, he took her in once more. Her entire being had changed from when they had left the shop. Before she had stood near him, clean and wholesome. Before she was just a girl. But now, now her clothes where stained with grass and mud. Her hair was slightly messed up and her eyes was different. Now she was the slayer. She was alive, as if she had once been dead. She walked, breathed, and looked as though she was living for the first time in her life. She was exhilarated and he knew it. He knew it and he loved it. She was a woman of pure power, unlike any that he had ever met. She didn't hold anything back in the fight, she gave it her all as if that fight had been the last one she was prepared to do. She went into the battle differently then she ever had before. She knew now the chance of death. Now she fed on that chance, that fear. It excited her and made her stronger, faster, better. Spike only hoped that he was a little bit to thank for her change. "You did well slayer."
"You'd be good to remember that. In case that chip ever comes out of your head." She said in reply, sitting next to Spike on the ground.
"This chip ever comes out and I'll fight you till the death."
"Whose death?" She asked. He smiled and laughed a little. Buffy had been tense before coming here, the problems with Riley weighing heavy on her. But after that fight, she had loosened all that stress. It was easier for her if she left her baggage at the gate and let herself be free during the fight. And she cared not to think about Riley anymore. Spike hadn't answered her question and she looked at him with confusion. "Are you scared to answer Spike?"
He turned to her and smirked. "I'm just thinking slayer." He said, turning away from her.
"You. The way you fight." He looked back at her. "Any where that you let up long enough for me to kill you." He said, a quick cover to sound less like the bloody awful poet he use to be and more like the big bad that he was.
"Bastard." She said, hitting him in the shoulder. He didn't make a remark, but stared out across the cemetery. "You really thinking about how to kill me?"
He shook his head. "But I'm thinking about the way you fight." He said.
She looked away from him, laid back and looked up at the sky. "Why?" She asked him.
He turned to her, smiled, laid back to match her, and let out a deep breath. "What do you mean?"
"Why are you thinking about the way I fight if you aren't thinking of how to kill me."
"You're an amazing fighter Buffy. A guy could learn a thing or two from you." He said.
She smiled and turned on her side to look at him. He turned his head towards her. "Is this how it's going to be for us?"
"What do you mean slayer?"
"Hiding behind a mask of false hate. Pretending that we can't stand each other. Lying to ourselves when we around all the others."
"Yes." He said, looking back up at the sky. "There's no other choice."
She turned back on her back, looking at a plane that was blinking far away. She let a small tear slide down her cheek, carefully wiping it away without him seeing it. A few minutes later she spoke. "I didn't mean what I said about Harmony."
"Yes you did." Spike said, his eyes never turning to look at her again.