Disclaimer: It's almost one in the morning and yeah, I've got the typing jitters so…why not type up the last and final chapter, eh? Can you believe it? Two years hard work, grueling setbacks, and other such surprises just to finish a fanfic…It's a crazy world we live in ladies and gentlemen…and we just plan on making it crazier. So here you have it, friends, enemies and the like, the last chapter of Pirates Hilariousity…
I felt the sucking void pull at my limbs, trying to drag me back to my appropriate time and rightful place in history.
"Oh come ON! GIVE ME AN 'EFFING BREAK! I just want to hear him SING! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK, HUH? Answer me you stupid son of a WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH – UMPH!"
I screamed myself hoarse as I tumbled from the tugging black hole, and then grunted when I was suddenly (and not too gently) deposited on a hard wooden surface.
"Bloody 'ell, woman! Don't break me ship! Tha's finest wood ye'll err see in this part o' the Caribbean, it tis!"
I groaned as I raised my head to find a peeved off looking Captain a few feet away, glaring down at me, sprawled out midsection of his precious Pearl. I squinted my eyes against the glare of the sun. Wow, I hadn't really expected the time travel overpower to listen to the demands of a whining eighteen year old girl.
Sighing finally at my prone state, Sparrow offered a hand, which I clasped gratefully as he hauled me to my feet.
"A bit odd really…seein' ye drop from the sky like tha'."
"Trust me, it felt just as odd." I murmured, rolling my shoulder back into place. It cracked several times and I winced.
Jack surveyed me curiously, "Wha's this mean, lass? I thought ye couldn't stay."
I shrugged pretending to brush off invisible dust from my shirt, "I asked for a favor." I said simply.
Jack's face broke into a wide grin, "Wonderful! I can show ye off at Tortuga then! Ye won't be sorry, lass. We'll 'ave a grand ol' time…"
I smiled slightly as I followed him to the wheel, taking my place behind him, deciding not to let his hopes down. I wouldn't be staying very long. Even now, I felt a quiver pull at the sleeve of my shirt. Not yet, I prayed, just a little longer, I promise…then I'll go without shouting your ear off.
" 'Ey, lass… 'ow's abou' a song for celebration?" He glanced over his shoulder at me.
"I would love that." I admitted quietly.
Jack grinned again, swinging back to the helm with the jangle of those amazing beads and bangles.
"La da da da da da da da…" He sang in a throaty baritone huskily, I could feel the slight pull of time tugging again, incessantly, impatient…I moved so that I stood beside him, and wrapping an arm around his waist, I sang with him.
"And really bad eggs…"
His mischievous smile only grew, "Drink up me 'earties…"
"Yo ho…" I finished.
The pull was stronger now, refusing to be ignored, and I felt myself slipping. I must have made some small noise of distress because Jack turned, his smile dropping.
"Lass, yer…" He paused as if trying to find the words for what he couldn't begin to explain, "…all fuzzy."
I smiled, knowing I couldn't hold it off for much longer, "Yeah? Well…your face is all fuzzy."
I waved, although by that time, I didn't think my hand was really visible, "I'll be seein' ya Captain, every time you're on HBO…"
But…hey I wasn't there anymore.
Okay, you win Time…you win. It was fun. So…thanks.
The credits were rolling from the movie. I don't know how it all happened but one moment I was in a time continuum and the next I blinked I was sitting on my ass watching the dull names scan by. It was like the TV had spat me out on the cold hard wood floor.
And Vicki wasn't there.
Ok, that was cheap! She got to shack up with the blacksmith but I was left Jack-less? THAT SUCKED!
Just as I was griping about the injustice of the world, how my skirt and amber top were still aboard the Dauntless with the Commodore (I wondered briefly if he could storage them for oh say…a couple hundred years, so I could get them back some day), and how the hell would I explain to Vicki's PARENTS that their daughter was back in the Caribbean living it up with Orlando Bloom…I was blindsided and being crushed by Ms. Fraser herself.
"Will?" She asked hazily.
"GET OFF ME!" I said, throwing her off my back.
Looking around, still a bit dazed as to her current position she suddenly burst out saying, "That was such a RIP-OFF! I mean I WAS…and HE was…and WE WERE…" After a several few other attempts at voicing her rage, she took a few calming breaths and stilled long enough to grumble one word: "Shit."
Shit indeed, my friend. Shit all OVER that.
We sat in mutual silence until the DVD stopped itself, bringing it back once again, to the main menu screen.
I opened my mouth, hesitant, then shut it…then opened it again.
"Ya wanna watch it one more time?"
Vicki nodded a sad little smile on her lips. I pressed play. The familiar Aztec score rolled across the living room.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
We were coming to the end of the movie. Let me tell ya. Our escapade made what Disney imagined look like squat.
"Ya want some cold pizza, chica?" I asked, getting up.
"No," Vicki sighed.
I nodded, "Ok, well I'm going to the loo. Don't get freaked out by my windows."
Vicki smiled faintly, as I turned and left the room. I knew whatever had happened, her parting with Will had been worlds harder than mine.
I was washing my hands (through with my business) when a piercing scream rattled the glass of my mirror on the wall.
Throwing the door open, I sprinted down the hall into the living room.
It was a sight. One I couldn't properly register for a few precious moments.
Vicki was standing on a chair, a fiendish looking creature nipping at her legs in a violent frenzy. She saw me in the doorway.
"RACHEL, IT JUST CAME OUT! IT JUST CAME OUT OF THE TV AND ATTACKED ME!"
The creature caught sight of me and opened its jaws in a terrifying shriek, then rushed at me. I hesitated for perhaps a second and then dove for our broom in the corner. Now well armed, I started to try and whack it as it scurried about, knocking things over.
"GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!" I screamed, herding it toward the front of the house and out the door. Vicki followed, snatching up a butcher's knife from the kitchen counter.
Reaching the door, I raised the broom high and swung with all my might, "FORE!" The animal screeched, as it landed and then scampered down the street. I turned back to Vicki relieved, who was still clutching the knife in a white knuckled grasp. A shaky sigh escaped her.
The air cracked around us, as a gun shot broke the night, making me yelp and Vicki scream in stunned shock, nearly slicing open her hand in the process.
Came the bellow as another shot rang out on the street.
"DIE, YE VILE UNDEAD BLODDY MONSTROSITY!"
"Jack! Not so loud!" A softer, masculine voice warned.
Shooting me an incredulous look filled with hope, Vicki and I both skidded out into the street to find two very unlikely characters in the middle of it. One was waving a pistol about threateningly, while the other held a cautious hand over the handle of a finely crafted sword. Visual confirmation can do wonders.
"Will!" Vicki exclaimed.
Shocked by the sound of the intrusion Will turned to the frantic call and alighting on the sight of her he gasped, "Victoria!"
"Will?" I asked, uncertainly, disbelieving even now when there was proof in front of my eyes.
"Jack!" Vicki said.
"Miss Rachel!" Will noticed, happily.
"Jack!" I called.
"MONKEY!" Jack roared, aiming again at the rabid corpse monkey that was scuttling down the street as we spoke.
"Romantic." I snorted at his lack of fever for seeing me again.
Not that he was paying the slightest bit of attention to me at the time, as he was setting his sights on destroying whatever remained of Barbossa's pet.
The gun went off again, taking out a street light further down the lane.
"Oh shit, we're so busted." Vicki mumbled.
Cursing, I grabbed Jack by his dreadlocks, yanking him up the stairs to my house as Vicki took Will's hand intent on doing the same, only much more gently.
"MUST…KILL…DEMON…BEAST…" Jack growled through gritted teeth as I pulled him along.
"Later. Right now we're trying not to get sued…or arrested. MOVE. In the house! I think I hear sirens!" I said ushering everyone inside.
I sighed leaning up against the door. Thank goodness mom was out with friends tonight. I followed the others to the living room just in time to see Jack take out his gun and point it at the TV, which displayed Jack's ruggedly handsome face as he had just shot Barbossa.
"Bloody evil twin! This be the end of yeh and all yer mischiefs!"
I threw myself in front of it with a cry of horror. Vicki covered her eyes. Jack paused his gaze focusing on me. Slowly, so he would see what I was doing, I raised my hand and pressed the off button. The screen went blank. Jack blinked in surprise. Marching over to him, I snatched the gun out of his hand, rolling out the bullet as I did so.
"Do not…terrorize…my TV."
I handed him his pistol back after pocketing the bullet.
We all stood in silence.
Finally Will coughed, "Where are we?"
I sighed, "The future."
"Yer pullin' the lad's leg an' mine, lass." Jack chuckled, "Now, if ye would be so kind as ta tell us the truth…"
"That is the truth, Jack. Look around…"
Jack eyed me suspiciously, like I was having a go just so I could poke fun at him.
"I'm serious!" I exclaimed.
Meanwhile, Will was looking awash from so many different emotions seeing Vicki again, "It's impossible…you don't look at all altered, Victoria, despite time."
"What time?" She snorted, "We've only been gone three hours…"
Will regarded her in shock.
"I'm afraid not, Victoria, it's been nigh on six months now…"
"Stupid Time Continuum…can't it get anything right?" I muttered. "Six months, eh?" I mused.
I turned to Jack. Six months was more than ample time for him to bed every woman from Spain to China.
I rounded on him, "So…fess up. How many strumpets you spend a night with in the last six months, Sparrow?"
"I'm off…I don't need ye ta question me motives…" He refuted the question, meaning to slink off in mid sentance.
"Your motives are always questionable….Where do you think you're going, Sparrow, I'm not done with you!"
"Ta find meself a pub."
"Ohhhh no you don't!" I cried, springing forward to catch him on his sleeve, "You are staying in this house until we figure out what the hell is going on!"
"Well, be sure ta tell me when ye find ou'." He grumbled, "I need a drink."
I knew he'd continually be obstinate until he had something forced down his throat so, growling in annoyance I marched to the fridge, pulled out a carton of milk and thrust it into his hands.
"Ya want something to drink…There ya go!" I walked back to Vicki and Will.
Jack sniffed at it tentatively, then sneering at it, set it down again.
I sighed, pulling Vicki aside, "What are we going to do?" I asked her frantically.
"Keep them?" She volunteered.
"And how am I gonna explain to my mom what two ruggedly handsome tight pants wearing fictional pirates are doing in my house!"
"Now this.." I heard Jack's purr of approval, "is more like it…"
I turned and found Jack with a bottle of Vodka in one hand and a Jack Daniels in the other. My eyes widened.
"Get away from my mother's liquor cabinet!" I yelled, lunging at him as he dodged away trying to keep out of my grasp.
I called for back up but Vicki was busy being pulled off by Will…toward my coat closet.
DUN DUN BA DUMMMMMM!
Just want to say thank you all for all of your reviews, and just being around to be apart of the creation of this fic. This is the final chapter. You know there's a sequel…but we have a contest! Yes, a contest. Character contest…Jack's in the future which means he'll be doing a lot of flirting…we need girls! Mean bitchy ones, shy ones, tomboyish ones…all kinds. Give name, description, and any info you so desire. And if you can get us up to a hundred reviews and over before I post the sequel, and you quote one of your favorite lines from the story…you will be featured also. So it's wins all around. This is our thanks to you. You have been so wonderful. Thank you so much.
Till then, here's a quote to tide you over from the mind and mouth of Jack/Vicki: "Do they make Rum sauce? Really? I need some now…PUT IT IN MY MOUTH! And then…stick it down my pants."