Well, we've made it to the end of Daniel's little problem. Oh, wait, I don't think he'd appreciate that comment. Anyway, many, MANY thanks to those of you who have reviewed my questionable contribution to the annals of Stargate fanfiction. I never thought I'd actually post this rather weird story, and I may regret doing so, but it's too late now.
"I think I've got the solution."
Daniel looked up at Dr. Fraiser with an expression that he hoped bespoke his intense desire to be finished with all references to Monnora, juja, male experiences, and his life of the past few days. "Yes?"
"First of all, your body is definitely reacting to the juja. Actually, it's overreacting. The good news is that you're in no danger. The bad news is that no one is sure how long the effects will last."
"You said you had a solution," Daniel reminded the doctor.
Dr. Fraiser nodded. "The Monnorans have found a reference to a medication that acts as an antidote to juja. Now it's not well known, and it may not work on our slightly different physiology, but it's worth a try." Janet tried a bright smile, but Daniel wasn't relenting.
"Sure. Why not? Do you want to broadcast this to the major networks?"
Janet's smile disappeared. "Well…there is one thing."
Daniel suddenly became alert. "Wait a minute! I was definitely not serious!"
"No, nothing like that!" Janet protested. "It's just…"
"Well, after you're given the antidote, you need to…to check to see if…things…are working properly."
"A normal…experience," Janet finished for him, valiantly trying to keep a straight face.
Daniel sighed and dropped his chin to his chest. "I'm being punished, aren't I?"
"You'll have total privacy," the doctor assured him. "No monitoring, no testing. All I need is a yes or no as to…normalcy."
Daniel shook his head. "If I survive this, I swear I will never accept anything from a bunch of teenage girls ever again!"
Dr. Fraiser patted his shoulder. "Poor Daniel. You're just too darn cute for your own good."
Jack whistled as he waited for Daniel to emerge from sickbay. Dr. Fraiser had absolutely forbade him entry until Daniel was released, and so the colonel was forced to hover just outside.
The door suddenly opened, and Daniel appeared. His eyes widened upon seeing O'Neill, and he made an attempt to rush past.
"Daniel!" Jack fell into step with Daniel. "All finished, I see."
"Yes I am," Daniel replied thinly.
"So…" Jack tried to prime the pump. "So things are…"
Daniel stopped so quickly Jack had to back up several steps to rejoin him.
"Okay, here's the story, Jack. I'm fine. As in, back to normal. As in, no longer under the control of an alien substance that has completely destroyed my privacy. And yes, I am functioning normally, as I'm sure every inhabitant of this mountain is waiting to hear. But maybe that isn't good enough for you. Maybe you should talk to General Hammond to see about announcing my recovery over the intercom. Would that satisfy your overwhelming curiosity as to my private affairs?"
Jack tried hard to look hurt by Daniel's outburst, but as the fuming archeologist spun and left, he couldn't stop a grin from appearing. "Glad you're better!" he called. "I know how hard this has been for you! Or wait…I guess it wasn't so hard…at least, not until…"