Title: Token of Devotion
Author: Psalm 136
Rating: T for Teens (hehe)
Summary: Elrohir is lonely. There is a space that his friends, father and brother can't fill. There's a cold that can't be warmed by a sweater. What happens when he meets Alatari, lady of Rivendell? What happens now? You'd think its love, right? But he's afraid. He doesn't feel like he can love. But love does the strangest things to people.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is the ONLY time I will say it… actually, I own Alatari. And this plot. But that's it.
Author's Note: You will not meet Alatari until the third chapter or so. I want to establish Elrohir's character and his relationships with his friends and family. Enjoy and review please!
Other Note: I, CoalTrain, was told to put this story up by the real author. All credit goes to her!
Different Kind of Free
Elrohir sat in the library, a book in his hands. It was most uncharacteristic for the prankster elf. Usually, the elf would be with his brother, pranking Glorfindel or finding new ways to dye hair (so they could prank Glorfindel). Or he would be practicing archery or sparring with Legolas (since he was visiting). Or he would be flirting with his lady friends. But today, he had come to a realization.
Honestly, he was lonely and afraid. Nothing like the façade he kept up everyday. He was sorrowful and empty. He needed and wanted something but he didn't know what it was. Killing Orcs held temporary happiness for him, but then they would return and he would realize that the hunt was over and he was merely Lord Elrohir, brother of Lord Elladan, son of Lord Elrond. He was just himself and he couldn't hide or run anymore from the fact he was alone.
Not really alone-alone. He had a great many friends and he had his brother and father. He had great relationships with them all and it was wonderful to know people actually cared about him. But he wanted someone to see every night and every morning. He wanted someone to hold and… yes, he wanted someone to love. But he just couldn't love anyone. He had seen the pain in his father's eyes and never wanted to feel like that, so he hid himself behind a mask. And truly, he loved being the fun-loving prankster he was, but at heart, he was deeper than that. But he had been fun-loving for so long, nobody took him that seriously anymore.
Elrohir closed the book and slid it back onto the shelf. He sighed, blinking as some dust caught in his azure eyes. He turned to look out the window and felt a wave of sorrow flow over his heart. It was as if the weather was mocking him and he heard the gleeful laughter of a group of elflings and sighed, his heart aching for something more.
"Brother!" Elladan called from the hallway. By definition, Elladan was the more serious one and the more practical one, who often came up with the actual pranks, while Elrohir was the man pull-offer of the pranks. That was just the way things worked.
"Yes, Elladan?" The younger twin attempted a smile, but his brother saw right through it.
"What is wrong? You have been so sad lately. I have seen you, moping about your rooms." Elladan said, crossing his arms over his chest, silently demanding an answer in the way only he and their father could do. In truth, Elladan took more after Elrond's businesslike attitude and Elrohir was more like their mother.
"I…I'm not sure, brother. I feel like a part of me is missing and I don't know how to find the missing part." He said truthfully, crossing the room to his brother. "I feel alone. I want to find someone to love, yet I'm not sure if I can."
Elladan gave his twin a small smile. Though it was fake, and both of them knew it, Elrohir was touched gently by the effort and the gesture. Whenever one twin was feeling a certain emotion, like sorrow or excitement, the other channeled off it and the brother's mood was affected. Elladan felt sadness. He missed his happy brother, but knew this was vital to his maturity and to his entire life.
"My brother, you will find what is missing someday."
"Someday? I don't want to feel this way. I'm tired of feeling this way. Everyday, I got back to my chambers alone. I need someone, but…"
"But what?" Elladan prompted, putting an arm around Elrohir.
"But I'm afraid. I don't want to feel the pain Ada does everyday." He whispered, turning his tear-filled eyes to his brother.
Elladan just looked at his brother for a moment. His shoulders were slumped, his eyes filled with tears and full of pain, his face was empty and devoid of life. He wanted to soothe the pain away and see his brother smile. He wished he could do anything, everything in his power, but there was nothing, even in his power, that he could do. It relied on Elrohir and the Valar, and the young Lord of Imladris knew that and despised it.
Elrohir looked back at his brother. He could sense his brother's thoughts. He knew the torment Elladan was going through. He was touched by the amount of love his brother held for him, but it did nothing to soothe the pain away. He wanted to break away, run away and escape himself, but there was nothing he could do. He simply needed a woman's touch and love, and not any cheap imitation of it. He had felt lust and cursed his masculinity. He did not want some cheap whore to spend a night with. He craved the pure love of an elleth, and the light he often saw in maidens' eyes when they came from speaking with their lovers. The worst part was that he could see love and he knew that it was just out of his reach.
"Love is fickle and often doesn't turn out what I want it to be. I don't know why I suddenly crave it." Elrohir whispered.
"Your heart has suffered enough and the Valar deem it time to soothe it. All the pain and suffering you have been through… for your heart, love is a different kind of free and when you are in inevitable, inescapable, pure love, nothing can take it away."
"What if I never find love?" He asked, feeling that it was unfair that Elladan had all the answers. "And what about you? You have been through more than I."
"I am not ready for love. Despite the immaturity you have shown over the years, you hid behind that and were secretly keeping your pain so that you could soothe others' hurts with a joke and a smile. That is your gift, brother, and it has helped many. Treasure it."
"I still… I still am afraid."
"Fears are soothed, my brother, in time."