Author's Note
Writtenafter reading a forum post on on Atton. Also the Revan in this is the one I am going to use for my in progress KotOR I fanfic In Disguises No One Knows.




Tap tap tap.



Tap tap tap.



Tap tap tap.


HINT: A hidden name.


Tap tap tap.



Hey, babe. It's been a while, hasn't it? Guess if you're reading this, you found my dear old ex boss-lady and brought her back from the far reaches of space. You are one skilled woman, y'know that?

Anyway, you're probably wondering where I am and why I'm not flying the Hawk every which way across the galaxy. I know you gave it to me, babe, but I can't accept it. So I left it in the good Admiral's hands to return to you when you got back. Or you can return it to my ex boss, since he informed me that it's really her ship since the previous owners dead.

The reason I'm not there is…well…I can't. Y'know I love yah, babe – hell, I've loved you since you sauntered into the cellblock on Peragus in your underwear and told me to keep my eyes up. And as much as I'd love to be the guy for you right now, I can't. Not saying I wouldn't love to be, so don't go all dark side on me and start hunting me down to choke the life out of me for saying that. I just can't be that guy for you right now. Hell, I may never be that guy.

You know I would die to protect you, Fae. And I would do it without a moment's hesitation. But, see, the good Admiral pointed somethin' out to me – mind you it involved my much despised ex boss but it makes sense so I kinda ignored that fact. He told me that it's not being willing to die for someone that makes you a better person; it's wanting to live for that person no matter the cost or the consequences. And me…well, babe, I just ain't that kinda person right now.

Maybe someday. Maybe someday I'll get it right and I'll be able to actually leave all my emotional baggage behind me.

And if you still want me then – though I'm really just playing on a hunch that you want me now – well, I'll be yours, babe. For as long as you want me.

If you don't, I'll still be yours till the day I die.

Now go play a game of Pazaak for me, babe.



The datapad's screen faded to a blank then slipped from suddenly nerveless fingers to crack loudly on the floor.

Kalanna Faeruun, the Jedi Knight exiled from the Order after the Mandalorian Wars then reinstated after her return from the Unknown Reaches with the former Dark Lord Revan, dropped her head into her hands and let out a choked sob. A tangle of emotions that were overpowered by loss roared to the surface of her being and she nearly wept as they swelled within her.

A hand touched her shoulder in a gentle motion and she looked up into the face of her oldest friend. Revan Akerre's blue eyes stared down at her in sympathy and Kalanna reached up to clench her fingers over the hand on her shoulder. She felt the hard lines of her friend's hands and nearly wept again as she remembered the very battle in which that arm had been lost and replaced swiftly with an improvised droid arm.

"He left, didn't he?"

Kalanna knew it truly wasn't a question but answered it just the same.


Revan sighed and closed her eyes, saying softly, "You did feel for him, didn't you?"

"More than he knew," whispered Kalanna, feeling that pang of loss again.

She had ignored that spark within her that Atton's rakish smile and brash demeanor had stoked within her. Instead of acknowledging it, she had followed Kreia's suggestions and the Council's age-old opinion that love was the path to the dark side.

But in the end, it had been the fact that she loved that scoundrel that she had picked her aching body up and had left the Trayus Academy after battling Darth Traya to meet the Hawk.

Now he was gone. And would perhaps never return to her.

She felt Revan's hand clench on her shoulder and sensed guilt and regret flowing into the powerful aura around her friend.

"I'm sorry, Anna," she whispered. "I'm the reason for all of this."

"No, Rev…"

"I am. You told me of him after you found me, if you don't recall. And I remember him. He was one of my best assassins, you know. I think that if he had tried, he could have even broken me. I am the reason he is not here with you, my friend. He is still my assassin in some part, though his love for you has brought him further away from that part of him."

"He's still not over what he did, you mean," said Kalanna. "But he…he always didn't seem to care about what he'd done…"

Revan shook her head, strands of her dark hair falling over her eyes.

"He would never have fled my service if he hadn't cared, Anna. I know that it was a Jedi that wrought the change in him but it was still him that chose to leave. Not her will to save him."

"You knew what had happened?"

"I watched every time he broke a Jedi. I heard it all. And I nearly made him into a Dark Jedi when I sensed the Force awaken in him. But something stopped me. Perhaps it was the Force telling me that there were other plans for him, one's that he could not succeed at if I made him into that."

She shook her head slowly then asked, "Will you accept him if he returns to you?"

Kalanna frowned and sat in a contemplative state for a few moments then lifted her dark brown eyes to meet her friend's. Revan smiled and held up a hand before she could speak, however.

"No. Do not answer me. The answer lies in your eyes."

The auburn-haired Jedi smiled and said, "Thank you, Rev."

"You have nothing to thank me for, Anna," said Revan. She then embraced the younger woman in a warm hug and whispered in her ear, "Just be happy with that man when he returns to you."

With that she turned to leave the room Kalanna had been given within the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, her boot heels clicking lightly on the floor. Then the younger woman realized what she had whispered and got to her feet.


The former Dark Lord turned slightly, one eyebrow arched, and Kalanna said, "You know when he'll come back, don't you?"

"I can see a time when he may, my friend. Just as I can see a time when you will find love with another and he will return only become nothing more than a friend to you." Revan shook her head and continued, "The Future is a fickle thing. Our visions of it can never fully be trusted."

"But he returns no matter what?"

"I will say no more."

"Rev, please!"

Revan shook her head and said, "I will not tell you, Anna. The Future is what you make of it, not what a vision the Force makes of it. The Force may show you a path but it is and will always be your decision to take that path."

Kalanna could only stare at her friend for a moment then she asked, "What did the Force show for you?"

"Nothing. My path is open to take where I choose to go. And the only place I wish to be is within the arms of Carth Onasi. I hope you will find a place like that one day, Anna, whether it be with Jaq or another."

With that Revan turned and left Kalanna's room, walking swiftly out onto the steps of the Jedi Temple. At the foot of them, Admiral Carth Onasi smiled up at her and she walked with happy heart down to him. He had waited for her as he had promised he would. And now she would never leave his side again.

In her room, Kalanna sank back down onto her bed, her hands trembling. She then bent and picked up the discarded datapad, staring at it for a moment before she tucked it underneath her pillow. Her fingers smoothed out a wrinkle on the pillowcase then she rose from her bed and walked over to the window that allowed her to look out over Coruscant.

She let her gaze go down to the two figures climbing into a speeder, one an easily recognizable Jedi and the other an Admiral of the Fleet – who was just as easily recognizable because of that horrible orange flight jacket that Revan loved. A smile crossed her face for them then she looked up to watch the sun set over the tall buildings of Coruscant.

"I will wait, Jaq," she whispered, hoping that wherever he was he would hear her or at least sense she would be there if he returned. "For as long as it takes you to return to me, I will wait."

As the sun dipped below the spires of the buildings, she turned from the window. Crossing the room, she opened a drawer and drew out a pack of cards, shuffling them idly for a few moments. Then she smiled broadly and clipped her dual lightsabers to her belt before leaving her room.

She gripped the Pazaak deck tightly in her hand as she left the Temple and went towards the cantina across the way. As she sat down across from a scruffy looking Rodian, she thought she saw Atton leaning against a wall off to the side in his familiar ribbed jacket with his single lightsaber clipped to his belt and a blaster on his right hip. The image smiled rakishly at her and winked then faded away.

Kalanna smiled at the Rodian across from her then began the game.

It was a game for the man who loved her.

And she was prepared to win.


A year has passed since I wrote my note

But I should have known this right from the start

Only hope can keep me together

Love can mend your life

But love can break your heart

Sting "Message in a Bottle"