Hope they aren't too offensive to some people. I have tried to keep em clean, and I hope you enjoy them. More on the way, but only if you want em!


Anakin to Obi-Wan : I'm taking Padme on an African Safari.

Obi-Wan : Wow! What would you do if a vicious lion attacked her?

Anakin: Nothing.

Obi-Wan : Nothing? You wouldn't do anything?

Anakin : Right. Let the stupid lion fend for himself!


Padme went to the police station to report the dissapearance of her husband. The officer in charge looked at the photo she handed him, questioned her then asked if she wished to give Anakin a message if they found him.

"Yes," she replied readily. "Tell him that Jar Jar didn't come round after all."


Obi-Wan to Mace : I married Miss Right. I just didn't know that her first name was Always."


After Anakin dies, Padme goes to the newspaper office to place an obituary. Being short of money she decides on 'Anakin dead, funeral Monday'. Feeling sorry for her, the editor says she can have a few more words free so she changes it to, 'Anakin dead, funeral Monday, Podracer for sale'.


Anakin came home one day and told his kids that he had a surprise for them. "Now," he said to them, "I've got some sweets and I'm going to give them to the person who never answers mummy back and always does what they're told. So who's going to get them?"

In unison, Luke and Leia said "you are Daddy!"


Jar Jar walks into a pub and asks the landlord, "youssa got any fish?"

The landlord says "No. This is a pub, we don't sell fish," so Jar Jar leaves. The next day he goes back to the pub and asks, "youssa got any fish?"

The landlord says, "I told you yesterday. This is a pub, we don't sell fish."

The following day, Jar Jar returns and asks "youssa got any fish?"

The landlord loses it, grabs Jar Jar by the neck and screams "I TOLD YOU TWICE, THIS IS A PUB! WE DON'T SELL FISH! IF YOU ASK ME AGAIN I'M GOING TO NAIL YOUR FEET TO THE FLOOR!"

The next day Jar Jar goes into the pub and asks "Got any nails?"

The landlord sighs and says "No, we don't have any nails."

"Good" says Jar Jar, "Got any fish?"


Obi-Wan goes to a doctor and says "Doctor, my padawan learner limps because his left leg is shorter than his right leg. What would you do in his case?"

"Probably limp too" says the doc.


Obi-Wan walked into a pub after training one day. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say "you've got great hair!"

Obi-Wan looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his drink.

A minute later he heard the same voice say "You're a handsome man!" Obi-Wan looked around but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from. When he went back to his drink the voice again said "What a stud you are!"

Obi-Wan was so baffled by this that he asked the landlord what was going on. The landlord said "Oh it's the nuts - they're complimentary".


Anakin and Obi-Wan are standing on a cliff with their arms outstretched. Anakin has budgies lined up on his arms, and Obi-Wan has parrots tied to his. After a couple of minutes they leap off the cliff and splat!

Lying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, Anakin says to Obi-Wan "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."

Obi-Wan replies "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this parrotgliding either."


A Sith is a Sith, except when he's facing you. Then he's Mr Sith.