Gone Away

So let go, jump in, well what you waiting for?

Its alright, because there's beauty in the break down...

Quistis looked at the bottle in her hand. Irony and shame struck her. Was this what Garden's finest mercenary and instructor was reduced to? A bottle? She took another drink. Apparently she was reduced to that. Thinking back she had to laugh. Garden had made such promises, painted a charming little picture of a happy life. And she believed them without a second thought. Quistis Trepe had big plans, even as a child at the orphange.

Quistis had dreams of saving the world by teaching. She wanted to inspire children like she had never been. Be someone they could look up too, someone they wanted to be like. But in the end she'd failed at that too. Just like she'd failed at everything else. That's all she was.

Quistis Trepe was a failure.

I'm going under...I don't want your hand this time...So I can't trust myself anymore...

Grabbing the bottle, Quistis walked out of her dorm and down the halls of Garden in to the ball room. Soft lighting barely lit the grand room but for Quistis, it lit more then enough in its share of memories.

Squall and Rinoa...what a perfect couple they made. Rinoa was so lovely and happy...Squall so cold and lost in himself. Rinoa would be the one to save him from himself. Squall would save his princess...

Quistis laughed out loud. The sheer, idiotic irony. The 'happily ever after' turned into one big nightmare. That perfect little princess ran away. And not with her Knight in Shining Amor. Oh no. Squall had stood shocked in the door way as Rinoa announced she was having a baby. But not his baby. And she was leaving. Without him.

'How does it feel Squall? To have your love thrown back into your face? I hope it hurts...' Quistis bitter thoughts surprised her, but it felt good to be angry. Resentful. Alive.

I try to hold it all inside, but just for tonight...Now it seems that I have found, nothing at all...

The empty bottle clattered to the floor, startling the blonde from her thoughts. True, Squall had not wanted or needed her love and friendship. But it didn't change the fact that it hurt. But Quistis had realized something. She hadn't really loved him. Not really. Oh but how she wished she did.

That's mostly what she had wanted and had been waiting for all these years. Someone to love. But, as fate would have it, she had no one. And no one wanted her.

I'm on fire...How she hates to be alone...No more crying...No more fear...I found a way out...

"Instructor Trepe? A drunk? Well who woulda thunk?" Quistis scowled. Of all times for Seifer to be getting on her nerves the arrognant little--

"What do you want Seifer?" Her voice...it was so tired. So...defeated. It unnerved Seifer. Quistis was so strong. She had to be...

Why am I dying to live if I'm just living to die...I'd give up everything...

"...Nothing. I just saw you sitting here." Quistis turned to look at him. He looked...different. The trench coat was gone and his blonde hair was a bit longer. He was just as tall and arrogant as ever, but still...he was different. 'So that's what happened to him...to all of us...' Quistis mused as he sat beside her. ' We grew up.'

"...Drinking will get you nowhere." Quistis rolled her eyes. She was already there.

"I'm serious. You may think that life is so bad but the bottle isn't going to just fix it all for you, Princess!" Seifer growled. The word princess stung like a few thousand needles. Before she knew it, her fist connected with his jaw.

"Don't pretend you know me Almasy! I'm not a princess and I never was. You think I don't know that I'm just drowing my problems? I know very well they'll still be here when I wake up. They've always been there!" By now Quistis was crying from anger and pain. But once they started they would not be stopped.

Swallowed up by the sound of my screaming...Suppressed by all my childish fears...

"I know, Seifer! Drinking isn't the answer. But it's the only thing that makes the pain stop for a little while. But it always comes back to remind me I just wasn't good enough!" Seifer's face was concerned and sympathetic, which Quistis mistook for pity.

"I don't need your pity, Seifer. I've done fine by myself for the past twenty years and I'll be just fine for the next twenty." Instead of his usual smart-ass reply, Seifer did the complete opposite. He closed the gap between them and wrapped her into his arms. Quistis stood there limply, shocked by his sudden gesture of comfort. Slowly, she returned his hold, tears staining his shirt.

"Don't think that Quisty. You were always good enough. You always gave everyone everything you had and they took it and left you with nothing. Always with nothing." His voice was soft and his hold warm. Quistis couldn't remember the last time anyone had held her. The last time someone had told her she was good.

The truth is in your eyes...under my skin...I let you get close...You give me that smile...

"...I...I...Seifer..." Seifer had waited so long to be this close, to touch her this way, to say the things she needed to her from someone. Someone who loved her.

"It's ok now...I'm...here. For you." Quistis pulled back to look at him. Those proud, fiery emerald oceans burned into her soul, saw everything she didn't want him to see and told her everything she'd been dying to hear.

"...For me?...Why?..." Quistis frowned and laid her head on his shoulder. Why would anyone be there for her. Want to be there? It didn't make sense that after so many years of being so alone that he would come to her now. Or maybe it did. Seifer had always come through when she really needed him. And she need him more at this moment then she had ever needed anyone.

Tell me what you feel...When you care, then I will be there by your side...

Seifer looked back at her. Brilliant blue orbs shone with tears and hope. Hope that maybe this time someone would be there. Someone would love her. Seifer always wanted to be that someone. But somehwere along the way he had gotten lost and broken. Quistis had been right there when he came back. Right there to fix him, make him strong again. She had always been his strength. His dream.

Say your here and its all over now...This truth drives me...I know I can stop the pain...

"Quis...I...I know I was...and I'm sorry...I always...what I mean is.." Seifer couldn't make his mouth work right, couldn't get his mind to form the words and say them. But that dazzling smile was granted him and she reached up on tiptoes and pressed her lips to his, burning the world away. Taking the pain with her and erasing it. A broad hand reached up to cradle the back of her head and deepen their embrace. She leaned into him, taking the chance to put everything she had into that one kiss. And when she pulled away, she knew. Quistis Trepe was loved.

A riot grows and his eyes open up...I believe in you...Maybe you could belive in something else...

"Dance with me." A soft smile was settled on his lips and Quistis followed him onto the dance floor. He held her close and they danced to music only they could hear, a beat only they could feel.

"I love you Quistis." His whisper warmed her neck and she closed her eyes with a smile. Who knew those three could erase so much sorrow in a single instant?

"I love you too, Seifer." Suddenly, Seifer was gone.

"QUISTIS!" The pounding on the door grew more and more impatient. Quistis opened her eyes to the dark of her room, to the same mind numbing pain she'd gone to bed with.

When I turn the lights out, when I close my eyes...My heart is broken...I'm lying here...My thoughts are choking on you my dear...

"What, Commander!" She snarled, yanking open the door with such rage Squall took a step back.

"Your needed in HeadMasters office. He wants you to start filing the school's records."Quistis raised a brow and then she began to laugh. She was still laughing when she shut the door in Squall's face, leaving him very confused.

Opening a drawer, she pulled out its contents and sat on the bed, looking at her hands. A eerie smile sat on her lips and she knew. Her pain was over.

Lies on my breath...I am drowning in my dread...There's no second chance, when the devils make you dance

Squall stared at the door a moment or two longer, wondering what in the world she had been laughing about. He turned to walk away. The sound of a single gunshot made his blood run cold.

Quistis Trepe was gone.

Can't you see, can't you see that it's time for me to go? I'm not afraid, I decided on this fate...No turning back...

A.n: Oooo...that's just too sad...I dont really know where I got this...it just came to me...but review! I used songs from Evanesscence, MotionCity Soundtrack, Johnny Lang, Sweet box, Lasgo,Avirl Lavigne, Saosin, The Used and Frou Frou...whew thats a lot lol...REVIEW!

i Ultimate !