Therapy

Disclaimer: Okay, people. You know this already, but here we go again. Bard belongs to Lord Belgeron (Read his story Titans' Song. It's pretty good). Raven and Terra belong to Warner Bros and DC Comics. You guys all know who owns about every one else. Also, since the guy I borrowed Bard from never said what his last name was, I made one up for him.

The Pit

One day, Duke was walking around the Pit, doing a random inspection (Hawk had run off to who knows where). He walked into the motor pool, and it was a wreck. He also saw several Misfits in the area.

"Okay, now what happened to the motor pool?" Duke hollered. "It looks like a tornado hit it!"

"Aja was trying to teach an automotive repair class, and she ended up getting into a fight with Pietro." Terra explained.

"Hey, Duke!" Jinx shouted from the window of the nearby mess hall. "When do I get out of KP duty?"

"Next week, Jinx." Duke reminded. "Mainly for sneaking off to Nermia to try to strangle your stepfather."

"What do you expect?" Jinx grumbled. "He tried to teach my poor brother the Neko-ken."

"I know." Duke groaned. "That's why it was only a week. You got off luckier than Storm Shadow. He has that wacko Amazon chasing after him. What's her name again? Shampoo?"

"I knew a girl named Shampoo back in LA." Craig smirked. "She gave new meaning to the word 'stupid'."

"Will you leave me alone already?" Storm Shadow screamed as he ran by. The loony Amazon named Shampoo was racing after him.

"Come on, Arien!" She cooed in a lovestruck voice. "Don't run from Shampoo!"

"I see your point." Jinx shook her head.

"Hey Duke! The substitute shrink is here!" Low Light announced as he walked up to the Joes' first sergeant. Behind him was a bald man in a lab coat and gray pants with glasses. With him was a pretty blonde in a nurse's uniform.

"Hello." The man greeted in a German accent. "I'm Doctor Scratchandsniff, and zis is my assistant-"

"HELLO NURSE!" Pietro grinned at the woman. Aja and Lila whacked the silver-haired speedster upside the head with a pair of wrenches.

"Quite." Dr. Scratchandsniff nodded. "I vould have been here sooner, but some zing started eating my tires." Duke groaned at that statement. "It looked like a little worm."

"Oh man…" Duke moaned. He shouted out into the Pit. "Hey, can someone feed Silkie? He's eating inanimate objects again! I'm sorry about that, doctor."

"Zat's okay. I vas just at ze X-Men's house talking to some girl, Rose I think her name was, about ze issues she had with her father, and by the end of it, she had started trying to impale the dummy, and some dragon tried to set the nurse's hair on fire."

"Are you here for the anger management sessions?" Aja raised a blue eyebrow.

"Yes, I'm here to see Raven Roth and Jonathon Hudson. I hope zis one goes better than ze last time, zese kids can't be any worse."

"Yeah right!" Beach-Head laughed. "These kids are completely insane, and those two are some of the worst."

"Keep away!" Terra shouted as she flew by on a flying boulder carrying a teddy bear wearing military fatigues. Beach-Head turned and his eyes widened.

"GIMME BACK SERGEANT SNUFFLES!"

"Hey, heads up!" Terra threw the bear like a football.

"Got it!" Lance whooped as he caught the bear and ran off.

"Terra! Avalanche! Stop tormenting Beach-Head!" Duke shouted. "At least wait till the shrink here leaves."

"Run for your lives!" Pietro screamed as he zipped by. He was being chased by the Triplets, who were in some sort of robot-like machine.

"Come on, Pietro!" Quinn whined. "We just want to test out the machine we built after seeing that cartoon!"

"Okay…" A passing-by Cover Girl sighed. "Add Exo-Squad to the list of shows that the Triplets should not watch."

Why do we bother? Some of our members are beyond help. Duke mentally groaned.

Psyche-Out's Office

"Is there anyzing I should know before you call zem over?" Dr. Scratchandsniff asked Duke.

"Yeah." Duke admitted. "Johnny, or Bard as we call him, and his sister Raven have…a few quirks."

"Quirks?"

"Well…how do I explain this?" Duke scrunched his face. "You see, their powers are emotionally-based, and they hate their father's guts. If they get too rambunctious, their powers get crazy. To deal with that, the tranquilizers are in the back and the holy water is in the fridge." The doctor nodded slowly.

"Und…vat was zat about a list?"

"Well, the triplets that you saw today are slightly nuts, and they're geniuses." Duke explained. "There some TV shows they can't watch, because they'll get ideas. Here is the list: 1. Transformers. 2. Neon Genesis Evangelion. 3. Any Star Wars movie or the cartoon. 4. Any Star Trek series. 5. Any Gundam series. 6. Celebrity Deathmatch." Meanwhile, the blonde woman known only as Hello Nurse was looking around. (A/N: This is that character's name. No joke.) She noticed a young blonde in a black hood and cloak. The blonde looked up at the nurse and smiled.

"Hi there." Rapture greeted as she walked up. "My name is Phoebe, but they call me Rapture." Althea noticed this as she walked by.

"Hey, Rapture! Stop flirting with the nurse, she has a job to do." Althea teased good-naturedly.

"I was not!" Rapture blushed. "By the way, speaking of flirting, has anyone seen Shipwreck?" Althea shrugged.

"Oh, he's around." The hydrokinetic smirked.

Shipwreck's House

"Let me out of here!" A bound-up Shipwreck yelled from inside a closet.

Back at Psyche-Out's office

Rapture and the nurse sat in the waiting room. They were unsure how to start a conversation. After all, what can a sorceress and a nurse talk about?

"So…" The nurse blinked.

"So…" Rapture looked up, her cheeks red from blushing. "Do…do you have a girlfriend?" The nurse chuckled.

"Sorry." She chuckled warmly. "No offense, but you're not my type. I'm straight."

"Oh. Sorry about that." Rapture apologized. Meanwhile, the doctor and Duke were inside the office.

"Okay, go right ahead." Duke nodded. He activated his Joe-Com. "Raven and Bard, please report to the psychiatrist's office."

"Right away." Raven's voice was heard on the other side. Soon, voices were heard from the door.

"Ow! Raven! Let go of my ear! I don't want to do this!" Bard whined as he was dragged to the shrink's office by his ear by Raven.

"Deal with it." Raven answered in her trademark monotone. "If I have to go through anger management issues because of Trigon, you're coming too."

Misfit Manor

"Okay, everyone! Betting has now started on how long he lasts! Place your bets!" Althea shouted joyfully.

"Ten minutes!" Rapture whooped.

"An hour!" Terra wagered.

"I say 30 seconds, babe." Todd grinned.

"The Superstars say 20 seconds." Craig grunted.

The shrink's office

"Okay…" Dr. Scratchandsniff looked at the two half-siblings sitting before him. "Now since you both have anger issues with your father, I brought zis blow-up dummy for you to take your anger out on."

"Why does it have duct tape on the front?" Bard pointed at the tape on the front of the dummy. The doctor shrugged.

"One of my earlier patients got carried away. Go ahead."

"Me first." Bard took the dummy and glared at it. "Thank you very much, Pops! You had to make us weird and antisocial at times, and you still won't get out of my friggin' head!" Bard screamed in rage. He pulled out his laser gun, and blew the dummy to kingdom come.

"Okay, I'm next." Raven took the dummy. "Hello, you (A/N: Insert Azarathian curse word here)." Her monotone voice did not change, but her eyes showed her anger. "First you made me an ice queen. Then, you tried to use me to end the world, and you destroyed my home." A black aura surrounded the dummy, and the dummy flew all over the room, slamming into walls and the ceiling, soon accompanied by other objects. Dr. Scratchandsniff screamed like a girl and dove under the desk.

"Zis…is going to get very ugly." The doctor muttered.

Duke's office, some time later

"So Duke, how is the new guy going?" Cover Girl asked Duke as she walked into the office.

"Well, let's see." Duke sighed. "The Misfits are betting on the outcome of the session. Rapture locked Shipwreck in the closet and tried to flirt with the nurse, but the nurse isn't interested in her."

"So…how is the session going?"

"So far, unbelievably…it's quiet." Duke answered.

BOOM!

"Maybe I spoke too soon." Duke groaned. He noticed something fly out of the doctor's office. "What the heck is that stuff? It looks like Styrofoam."

"I…think it was the blow-up dummy." Cover Girl remembered.

"AAHH!"

"And that was the shrink." Cover Girl sighed. Duke groaned.

"Take a memo to give to Hawk, Cover Girl. For when he comes back. No more sessions with…" He noticed Raven and Bard leave the office with relieved looks on their faces. "Raven and Bard together. EVER. And have Psyche-Out take shorter vacations."

The End