Ways to Infuriate A Potions Master:
By: Hermione Granger
First of all I should tell you, I didn't expect it to go this far. Honestly it started as a silly little thing to give myself a few laughs. Sure and part of this was for some sort of revenge. Sure I had one too many points knocked off my house and wasn't going to stand here and take it anymore. Sure Snape made me feel like a steaming pile of dung. Sure. But was I doing this for myself? Of course. I will not even stand, or sit depending on when you are reading this, here and lie. I was doing this for my own personal revenge.
"Miss Granger would you kindly tell me why you see fit to daydream in my class?" a cold voice broke my day dream. I turned to look at my pasty professor with a sudden wave of panic. Was I really spacing out? Why didn't Ron or Harry tell me? Of course, they were to busy spacing out themselves. Stupid gits.
"Day dreaming, sir?" I asked trying to make his accusation less sever.
"Yes," Snape said and I noticed the entire class had stopped to watch or listen. The Slytherins looked in their element while the Gryffindors looked wary.
"I was so entranced by what you were saying that I needed more time to let you brilliant words sink in," I said with a slight smirk. I noticed some of my fellow classmates snorted. Snape looked as angry as I had ever seen him.
"Miss Granger I think twenty points for your cheek and a weeks worth of detention should suffice for today," Snape finally spat.
"I get detention for praising you? Alright then I take it back. You sound uneducated. Your speech makes no sense and makes me shudder in absolute indignation!" I said feeling myself blush under his stare. Harry and Ron turned to look at me with identical looks of shock. The entire class held its breath and suddenly I wished I could take out my time turner and take back what I just said. Even with the panic rushing into my chest and settling like a giant weight, I felt a fit of giggles threatening to burst from my mouth any second. I was literally horrified. If I started laughing he would murder me on the spot. That much I was sure of.
"Miss Granger another fifty points has been deducted and I will see you for the rest of the month," Snape hissed. I felt I was coming off easy. That wasn't say much though. Who the hell knows what I was going to be forced to do in detention. He was probably saving horrible things for me. Like cleaning. Ew.
I pretended to look humiliated and guilty on the outside while on the inside I was howling with laughter. The bell could not have rung soon enough. I ran from the class room and leaned against the wall tears flowing from my eyes.
"Mione really its not that bad," Ron said consolingly. "Its only a month. Why are you laughing?"
I howled again and couldn't remember a time when my ribs weren't bursting into my side.
"Did you see his face?" I croaked. "I can not believe I just did that. He is going to kill my tonight!"
"You are surprisingly upbeat about this. Why?" Harry asked squatting next to me.
"I have a plan," I said now calming down considerably. "The master of all plans."
"Oh yeah?" Ron asked clearly fearing for my mental health.
"Oh yeah," I said nodding with satisfaction.
"Well you have fun with that," Ron said patting my arm.
"I'm not crazy," I snapped at him.
"Of course not!" Ron said while pinching my cheek. Harry ruffled my hair and I giggled again.
"Oh how I love being pampered by my boys," I said pretending to sound touched.
"We can stop," Harry said mock-seriousness. They both dropped my arms while helping me up. I dropped back onto the floor with a silent thud.
"Ow!" I grumbled.
"Sorry we were supposed to grab you last minute," Ron said giggling. I laughed and began to walk next to them. "So a plan huh? You gonna let us in on it?"
"Not unless I need your help," I said shaking my head.
"What! You're not going to tell us? You tell us everything!" Ron protested.
"I don't tell you everything!" I said angrily.
"Name one thing you never told us," Ron said.
"In first year I was failing my flying lesson until I convinced Madam Hooch to let me write an essay as extra credit," I said quickly and stopped when they burst into giggles.
"That works every time," Harry said laughing.
"I told you not to do that anymore!" I snapped. Ron and Harry had a system, they would work me up, tell me that I tell them everything, then ask my to name one thing I have never told them. It works every time! Even after seven years of friendship! I am royally pissed now.
Yeah ok, not so much anymore. I am starting phase on of my Master Plan.
I stared at Snape all through lunch. He looked over at me once and I winked at him. He nearly dropped his goblet. I didn't smile or break eye contact. After a second he looked away clearly embarrassed. I couldn't help smirk. After that I felt his eyes on me at all times. I looked over at him one last time before we left lunch.
I turned to him and saw him looking over at me. I raised an eyebrow seductively and he looked away. I was sure I almost saw slight coloring creeping onto his cheeks. I shrugged and looked over at Harry. He was staring at me slightly amused.
"Did you just wink at Snape?" Harry asked not hiding his amusement and horror. Ron however just choked into his goblet and wasn't able to speak until Ginny had knocked any fluid that slid into his breathing tube out. I smirked slightly.
"Excuse me. Did my ears deceive me or did you just say that Hermione winked at Snape?" Ron asked Harry with a horrified expression.
"It is all part of my plan," I said like he was daft. Or more daft. Heck I was talking to him like he was Goyle. Enough said.
"What exactly is your plan? Hit on Snape? Are you failing potions? Is this why you are trying to bed our professor?" Harry asked loudly. I smiled at some first years who looked over at us and turned back to Harry.
"First of all, stop saying that. Second of all if you insist on saying that please keep your voice down before people get the wrong idea. Third of all, I do not fail! Especially potions," I snarled.
"Alright, then please tell me what you are doing," Harry asked and Ron leaned in. even Ginny looked interested but she pretended she didn't hear what was going on.
"Ginny you can listen I may need your help," I said and she looked as happy as I had ever seen her. "I am going to annoy Snape." There I said it. They would either call me crazy or amazing. I was betting on crazy but I am a born pessimist. And sexy minx.
Anyways, Harry and Ron looked pleased while Ginny looked impressed.
"How are you going to pull that off?" Ron asked sounding in awe.
"I just do stuff that he knows I did but cant pin it on me," I said shrugging. "Also, this is the part where my I may get detentions, I will say stuff to him. He is going to hate me."
"Why?" was all Harry asked.
"Because I am sick of that prejudice git taking points and just being rude to us because he doesn't like our house. I am taking a stand for all of us," I said hotly. Ron and Harry started clapping and I felt myself blush slightly. I hadn't meant for that to come out all inspirational and after-school-special-like.
"Well I'm in," Ginny said giggling.
"Yeah me too," Harry said.
"And me," Ron said with a sly smile.
"Alright here's the thing. Anything I do I need your help, you have to go with the flow no matter what. Ron that means you need to learn to ask less question," I said turning to him. He looked angry.
"I can do that!" Ron snarled.
"OK then," I said happily. "I am making a list of things I plan on doing tonight."
Three nods followed that statement and everyone was probably thinking I was doing it the Hermione way. Whatever.
A/N Please read and review. Also suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I already have a few but not enough to last me a story. Thank you and enjoy!