Disclaimer: I really, highly doubt if JK Rowling wants to say this is hers. But the chars r sadly not mine.
Author: Omg, I don't know what I was thinking; please don't hate me for this randomness.
"Your skin is so smooth." The silky voice washed over Harry, sending tingles down his spine.
Please. He whimpered.
"It's perfection." Snape murmured again.
Yes, yes…oh Merlin!
"You must tell me your secret Mr. Malfoy."
Harry slumped forward and hit his head on the desk as his fantasy was ruined. He glared at the interruption. Stupid Malfoy, preening under Snape's praise. Stupid Boomslang Skin that he had 'cut to perfection'.
Die – die – die!
Harry viciously stabbed at his own Boomslang Skin. So what if he couldn't cut his perfectly, did it really matter, it was all going to end up in the same place. It was going to be sizzling over a fire, only to be botched up by Harry's unskillful hand, so really, no point in trying.
"Mr. Potter, I find myself amazed by your lack of tact and talent." Snape swooped around Harry and he inwardly groaned.
"Sorry Professor." He bit past clenched teeth; he smiled sweetly at the man. "But I find myself bored."
Shit, did I just say that out loud! Harry slowly turned and shuddered as he buried his head in his arms. Shit. Shit. Shit!
A hush had fallen over the class and Harry chanced a peek over his shoulder, which he immediately regretted.
Snape was livid. His cheeks were tinged pink and he seemed to be having trouble breathing.
Hehe, I took his breath away. Harry chortled inwardly.
"Well Mr. Potter, since you find my class boring, I will have to ask you to return at eight for detention cleaning said room!" He hissed evilly, eyes narrowed.
Aw, he wants me to come back, like a date… Harry's eyes widened. Wait, I can't serve detention with Snape! I-I – I don't have the right clothes for this!
"Is that understood Mr. Potter?" Snape asked coldly.
"Of course, I wouldn't want to lose out on the boredom." Harry saluted the fuming wizard.
Instead of reacting this time Snape moved away from Harry's work area. Wow, I like how his cape – I mean cloak – billows after him.
"What was that?" An irritated voice hissed beside him.
"That was me getting detention Hermione." Harry replied smoothly. "I'm sure if you give him enough cheek he'll give you one too."
"That's not what I meant." Hermione glowered. "I wouldn't subject myself to that in any case, I have far more control over myself then you do."
Probably do, I have so little stamina, hell I can't even last – hey, wait, too much info!
Harry continued to smile dazedly. At least I get to spend extra time with him. He mused dreamily. Stupid Malfoy can't say that for himself.
"Hey mate, are you alright?" Ron whispered in concern.
Harry continued slicing…hell, he didn't have a clue what he was doing anymore, but it's better to at least pretend to be on task, though that didn't seem to work for Harry too often.
"I'm fine Ron, why?" He began to saw into the desk. Take that stupid Malfoy. He grinned viciously.
"Well, beside the fact that you're cutting into the table; you just willingly got detention with Snape." He watched the vicious sawing movements worriedly. "I've never seen you act that way before."
Hm, and then we slice off his fingers…
"Do you think you might be sick?" Ron continued, oblivious to Harry's lack of attention. "You know it's probably the fumes getting to your head Harry, Hermione mentioned that…"
He'll scream, but I won't stop, oh no, we can't stop there. Harry cackled madly.
"Twenty points from Gryffindor for being and insufferable brat Mr. Potter and interrupting class once more." Snape's voice rang through the dungeon.
"Huh?" Harry glanced up in confusion.
"You just lost us Twenty points Harry." Hermione scowled.
"What?" He cried. "How?"
"You started laughing." Ron supplied. "Creepy really." He shuddered.
Harry scowled. This is going to be a long day.
"Wow that was the shortest day of my life!" Harry laughed as the entered the Common Room.
"Says you." Muttered his two friends.
Harry smiled at them; really he had no clue what they were complaining about. It was the perfect day.
In Charms they had to light a candle on fire without using a spell. Harry had luckily had his box of matches which he carried everywhere with him. Hey, it wasn't his fault he liked to light leaves and such on fire during break.
Hermione was of course jealous and yelled at him for carrying around matches, saying something about them being dangerous. But really, how much more dangerous can you get carrying around a wand that can cast spells?
Exactly, I rest my case.
So in short Harry had managed to light his candle before the brainy witch.
Sweet victory. He of course couldn't pass up the chance to laugh at her and her misfortune. Which was why his hair was at the moment a bright green. But still, a good day!
The rest of the day seemed to blur out, but Harry was sure it had been a perfect day in all his classes.
Now to relax and torture his friends.
Harry threw his bag at the foot of the couch and fell onto his back as Hermione perched herself in a chair away from them and Ron sat across from the tousled headed Gryffindor.
"Okay Ron, I have a question for you." Harry gained a serious expression.
"What is it mate?" The redhead seemed curious.
"If stank is the past tense of stink, and drank is the past tense of drink, what is the past tense of wink?"
"…Uh, you got me there, what is it?" Ron frowned.
Harry laughed. "Wank, something I heard you doing last night!" He laughed again and left the stunned boy as he moved on to his next victim.
Ah, there she is.
"Hermione, I have a question for – "
"It's wank." She murmured, not looking away from the book she was reading.
Harry pouted. "I wasn't going to ask you that question." Liar! Eh, stupid inner voice.
She glanced up and raised an incredulous brow, the look had, 'Are you stupid or is this a cry for attention?' written all over it.
Harry huffed. "No this isn't a cry for attention!" He defended. Stupid it is then.
"I never said that it was Harry." Hermione soothed.
The boy nodded and sniffed. "Good, because it's not."
"Alright then Harry, what is your question?"
Harry perked up again. "Oh, right." He cleared his throat. "If stank is the past tense of stink, and drank is – "
"Harry!" Hermione snapped. "You said you wouldn't ask that question."
He held up his hands in surrender, a smirk in place. "Just kidding, just kidding, you know jk, lol?"
He could tell he was getting on his friend's nerves. Hell, if the twitching of her eye was anything to go by, she was about to explode.
"Okay, real question." He became somber. "Is having a smoking section at a restaurant sort of like having a peeing section in a pool?"
"What!" Hermione screeched. "Get out!" She threw her book at his back as he retreated. "Stupid, stupid boy!"
Harry laughed and moved back to the couches and fell beside Ron. He sighed and looked toward his friend who still seemed to be in shock.
"So Ron, what are you thinking about?" He asked politely. Peanut butter, if I had peanut butter – His thoughts were interrupted when Ron started talking again.
"You really heard me…you know." He made the gesture, his eyes wide and surprisingly blank.
Harry smiled cheekily. "Of course not." Hehe, but I heard you having a wet dream. Ew, but it was about Professor Trelawney! Definitely had nightmares about that. "I put silencing charms around my bed before I go to sleep." He lied.
Ron seemed relieved though. "Oh, good." He smiled.
What to do now, I could always run around the Quidditch Pitch. But that sounds boring. Hm, I could…yes, let's do that.
He shifted until he was on his back, legs hanging off the back of the couch and head resting on the floor.
"Harry?" Ron poked him in the side.
Harry chuckled. "That tickles Ron." His face began to turn red. "Wow I feel lightheaded."
A pair of shoes stepped into his line of vision and he glanced up to the face of the figure.
"Harry, what are you doing?" Hermione demanded.
Harry lifted his head from the floor, his body still raised on the couch. "I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico." He smiled and rolled over so that the fuming witch was right side up. "Haven't you ever seen those commercials Herm?"
"Harry, I'm not sure we have those commercials in England." She sighed patiently.
The boy froze, eyes widening. "You know, I think you're right." He breathed. "Shit, I'm late for detention!"
He jumped up from his sprawl and ran past his shocked friends and out of the portrait hole. He bumped into Ginny on the way out and waved over his shoulder as he continued his fast movement. "Sorry Ginny, I didn't notice you're face when I was running out! You should get that fixed!"
The Weasley girl cried as she touched her perfectly normal face with a sob before running into the Common Room and slamming the portrait behind her.
----- roughly 5 minutes later -----
Harry panted as he slowed down and straightened his shoulders. So what if he was in Slytherin territory, he could handle it. They weren't that much cooler then Gryffindors – well except Malfoy, now he was really cool, with his – Stop that train of thought right now. Eh, stupid inner voice, killing all the fun.
"I see you decided to show up Potter." A cool drawl snapped his attention toward the shadows.
"Malfoy." Harry hissed. "I see the assassins have failed...what do you want?" He demanded.
"Just to visit my favorite Professor." He purred, eyes flashing. "I see the way you look at him Potter, and take my word, he would never want to shag something like you."
"Don't flirt with danger Malfoy, she might get upset and kill you." Harry narrowed his eyes.
"Oh, very witty Potty, how long did it take you to think that one up?"
"Almost as long as it took you to think up that 'Potty' remark." He shook his head. "Potty? Isn't that a bit immature Malfoy?"
The blonde sneered and looked pointedly at his bright locks. "Finally realized that Slytherin is far better then your stupid Gryffindor House?"
Harry scowled and touched his lime hued hair. "Hermione did it, I wouldn't ever willingly admit Slytherin is a better House." That's not what the Hat said!
"I'm sure Potter, we all know that you – "
"Mr. Malfoy, Potter." A dark voice interrupted their bickering.
"Professor Snape!" Draco smiled and whirled around. "How are you this fine night?"
Dark eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I've been better, what are you doing with Potter here? Causing trouble no doubt."
"Of course not Professor." Draco gushed. "I was just telling Potter how much I enjoyed our lesson today."
"That's all very well Draco, but I believe Potter has detention to serve with me. I suggest that you be on your way."
Harry sniggered and stuck his tongue out at the Slytherin as Snape began to walk away. Draco fumed silently and Harry turned to follow the snarky Professor.
"Tonight you will be cleaning cauldrons Mr. Potter." Snape murmured as they stepped into the room. "Without magic of course."
Snape waved his wand. "Get to it then."
The Gryffindor nodded and drifted toward the looming cauldrons from the earlier lesson, he didn't even want to know what his looked like; undoubtedly it had some kind of disgusting thing in it.
A thick silence fell into the air and Harry frowned as he began to scrub at one of the cauldrons with his rag. The only sound beside the soft brushing of soap was the scratching of a quill as Snape graded essays.
"Professor, can I ask a question?" Harry stuck his tongue out as he scrubbed over a particularly greasy spot.
"I am sure you are able, whether or not I answer is another question."
Yes it is then. The Gryffindor smiled happily.
"Do you think vegetarians eat animal crackers?" Harry asked.
A curious glance was spared but Snape shook his head and returned to his work. "I don't care."
"Do penguins have knees?" He scrubbed at a bit of sludge.
"I really do not care."
"Do we have imaginary friends, or are we their imaginary friends?" Wow, is that a spider on the ceiling?
"Where do babies come from?"
"That is enough!" Snape finally exploded. "I expect those cauldrons to be spotless!"
"Okay, okay, sheesh. Calm down." Harry snorted as he dropped his cleaning rag.
He stepped away from the cauldron and began to move toward the door.
"Where do you think you're going Potter?" Snape asked silkily.
Harry shivered. Merlin he's so sexy.
Instead he gave a slightly different excuse. "It's not my fault the voices in my head are crazy! They're telling me to free all the kangaroos in the zoo...so I'll be back shortly."
Harry rolled his eyes with a sigh. "I have to use the loo."
"I did not give you permission to leave." Snape replied with a scowl. "You will continue to clean until your time is up."
Harry crossed his legs and figited. "But Sev, I have to go really bad!"
"I don't care if you – what did you call me?"
Harry whimpered and continued to bounce. "Sev?" He replied hesitantly.
Snape groaned and began to massage his brow, muttering to himself. "I don't have the patience for fools."
"So can I?" Harry perked up.
"But – " He protested.
"Get back to work Potter." Snape growled.
Harry sighed as his shoulders sagged. "Fine." He pouted and went back to his corner.
I feel like a stupid slave. His eyes rolled toward the ceiling. When is this going to be over anyway?
"Just snog me you snarky bastard." He muttered.
"What?" Narrowed eyes glared.
"Er…Flobberworms." He coughed.
"Potter." Snape hissed warningly.
"Do you know what would be fun Professor?" Harry mused as he scrubbed the cauldron halfheartedly, ignoring the man completely.
"I do not claim to know what goes through that mind of yours Potter, nor do I wish to know."
"To go out trick-or-treating on the highway dressed as a deer." He continued as though Snape has said nothing.
The Potions Master sighed heavily and set down his quill in favor of nursing his head in his hands.
Harry's eyes widened suddenly. "I just had a thought." He gasped.
"Really? Alert the Prophet, it has to be a miracle." Snape glanced up to smirk.
He was ignored though and a horrified expression filled Harry's face. "What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about! Will we all have to turn ourselves around?"
Harry cocked his head to the side. "What?"
"You've been here for far too long and I feel you have learned your lesson, go."
"Well, if you're sure..." Harry frowned. "I guess I can go."
"Please." Snape waved toward the door.
"I'll be back soon then. I'm going to be out with Hagrid goat farming." He shook his head with a chuckle. "Crazy goats." He waved. "Well, bye Professor!"
Without looking back Harry bounced out of the dungeons. That was brilliant! He inwardly cheered.
Back in the classroom Severus stared at the closed door in something akin to disbelief.
"Bloody Potter." He growled.
He glanced toward the door and then back toward his grading with a chuckle. He went back to his ink, ignoring the strange night for the moment.
"He does have a nice arse though."
Author: Holy crappers! Wtf was that! Hehe, sorry peoples. :grins: Thanks for reading, tootles.