Standard Disclaimers Apply.

This one's for Charlene's B-day and is unbeta'd all mistakes are my own 

Joel: Captain Jack keeps shit in his ass!

Me: If by shit, you mean sonic weaponry.



Hearing Alfred behind him, Bruce tried to make himself look busy at The Computer. There was something uncomfortable about the silence, though, and finally he stopped pretending. "Alfred, can I ask you a question?"

Alfred stopped dusting whatever it was he was fussing with. Dusting a hole in the ground always seemed pretty pointless to Bruce. Anything he wanted to be kept clean he covered with plastic. "If I said no, would there be a time paradox that sucks the entire universe into the Bat Cave because you've already asked your one question?"

Ever so slowly, Bruce craned he neck over his shoulder, an eyebrow arched. That was weird. Like… something that should have come out of Dick's mouth sort of weird. "Pretending that the universe WILL NOT cease to exist because you answer my question, I will ask you: how did the eighty gigabytes of Dr. Who end up in a miscellaneous system folder on cave's criminal database server?"

Alfred was a skilled actor, Bruce would give him that. It was only that he had known the butler all of his life that allowed Bruce to detect that slight hesitation and avoidance as the older man went back to dusting. "You may wish to talk to Master Dick. Or Master Timothy. I've told them many times about downloading things onto the cave computers. It was only last week that I caught Master Tim playing that wretched Area 51 on the main monitor screen."

Bruce turned back to the smaller monitor he was pretending to have an interest in. "Well, then I'll have a talk with them. It's curious, though. It wasn't the twenty gig of the new series that caught my attention—I know there're no plans of running it on BBC America any time soon. It was the fourty-nine gigabytes of stuff from the 60's that was a little strange. I'm not sure Dick even knows who William Hartnell is."

Absently, Bruce opened the folder in question. "Oh well. I'm sure Dick or Tim can download all of this stuff onto their own computers some time. It'll teach them to only use the work computers for actual work." His finger hovered momentarily over the delete key.

After a heavy moment of indecision, Alfred raised a hand in protest. "Some of those episodes aren't even in the BBC archives!"

Resisting the unusual and foreign urge to smile, Bruce never moved his finger from above the delete key. "Piracy's illegal Alfred," he muttered in mock-surprise.

Lifting his head in dignified disgust, Alfred collected his cloth and duster. "Delete them if you must. We'll not speak of it again. Dinner will be served in an hour." Turning on his heels, Alfred made his way up the cave steps at an unhurried but determined clip.

Bruce moved the files to a different directory and began burning them to DVD with evil glee. That had been almost as much fun as the time he'd found Oliver Queen's folder of 579 cheesecake recipes on a Justice League hard drive.


ps—the DVD's will be in the mail as soon as we buy more disks and burn the second half of the season ;) and HAPPY BIRTHDAY