Not a Day Goes By

By Sharron Ibbitson

Rating just a PG-13 harmless little fic!

Disclaimer: none of the characters belong to me; they are the property of Warner brothers, nasty people that won't let me keep Riggs! The song used belongs to Lonestar, sadly not to me!

This is set directly after LW1

Your thoughts would be appreciated! I've got about another five LW fics to post, so it depends on the feedback I get as to whether I post them or not, and obviously more could be on the way! Hey you can't beat a bit of blackmail huh?

Not a Day Goes By

Martin Riggs took a deep breath and looked around; he was sat on the sofa in the Murtagh's one time lounge. The kids were opening their presents whilst Trisha kept everyone's drinks full, and basically played the hostess. Riggs rubbed his good hand over his face and winced when he caught the still healing cuts.

"Martin? You okay man?" Roger asked his partner, noticing the grimace. Riggs sighed to himself.

"Yeah man, I'm good. I'm just tired, been a long week ya know?" he replied, and Roger nodded, yeah he sure as hell knew. He had come so close to losing his oldest daughter, plus had broken in his new partner. He chuckled to himself, this time just a few days ago; he would never have thought he'd be so fond of Martin Riggs. The guy was a live wire, a bomb just waiting to explode. He was a burnt out cop with a death wish, a young man who was hurting so much inside, that he would rather swallow a bullet than live for another day without his dear wife, yet he had come through for Roger and his family. Roger was in no doubt that Riggs had saved his daughter's life, he had come through for his partner, nearly gotten himself killed in the process, but he had done more than even a partner had to do. Roger could already tell that they were going to be very good friends, hell even Trish and the kids loved the guy. As Roger watched him now, he saw the younger man laughing and joking, yet there was still an occasional distant look in his eye, and such soul deep sadness, that Roger could almost feel it himself. Roger gently squeezed his partner's arm.

"You know you can stay over right?" he asked him quietly, making sure that his partner knew that he was welcome. Riggs smiled wistfully.

"Thanks man, but I think I've imposed on you guys long enough" he replied, and Roger caught his arm before he could walk away.

"Martin, you're not imposing on anything. Would you seriously rather sit at home on your own on Christmas day?" Roger asked, wanting desperately for his partner to stay. He didn't even know where his partner lived, but he knew that if the younger man left then he would probably just sit and dwell and drink himself into a stupor.

"Honestly Roger, I'm fine. You have got one hell of a nice family here" Martin told the older man, repeating his own words from earlier that week. "But I think I just need to go home" he continued. He knew that if he stayed he would end up losing it, Christmas with the Murtagh family was just reminding him of what he had lost.

"I really don't like the thought of you being alone" Roger persisted.

"Hey I gave ya the bullet didn't I?" Riggs argued back, misunderstanding his partner's reasons.

"Man, I know that, I trust you. I just don't think anyone should be alone at Christmas is all" Roger replied, not wishing to upset his partner. Riggs grinned sadly.

"I won't be alone, I've got Sam and Vicky" he replied shaking his head at his partner. Roger nodded reluctantly, then released Riggs so that he could say his goodbyes to the rest of the family.

Riggs gently kissed Trisha on the cheek.

"Thank you for dinner" he told her seriously. She gently stroked his cheek.

"No, thank you Martin" she told him, and no further words were necessary. He nodded, and avoided meeting her eyes, never being up to really accept thanks for what he considered just doing his job, he blushed at her words. He softly kissed her once more then went to say bye to the kids.

"Why is he going?" Trisha asked her husband when the younger man was out of earshot.

"He thinks he's imposing" Roger replied. "Besides I think he needs some time to himself, what with Christmas without his wife and all" he continued, understanding what he expected his partner must be feeling but thanking his lucky stars that he had never felt it himself. Riggs raised his hand to salute to his partner, but was stopped in his tracks when the larger man pulled him into a bear hug.

"Remember, you don't have to be alone, you can come here whenever you want" Roger told him quietly, and Riggs had to blink back the tears from his eyes.

"Thanks man" he muttered before turning on his heel and walking out of the door, down the path to his truck, with Sam following behind.

Riggs almost regretted leaving the Murtaghs prematurely, but he didn't want to drag them down into his depression, and he knew that if he was surrounded by so much love and affection that is what he would do. No matter how happy he was and how much he enjoyed himself, a corner of his mind was always full of sorrow, and as the day went on the corner got bigger and bigger. It was during these times that the bullet seemed the better option, but he knew that he couldn't do it, not now. He had promised his partner. Martin Riggs may be slightly crazy, he may even be reckless, but he stuck to his word, even if it caused him a whole lot of pain, he stuck to his word.

He sighed to himself as he and Sam took their seats in his trusty pickup, he put the key in the ignition and started the powerful engine, and pulled away before he could change his mind about going to his lonely trailer. As soon as he pulled up he let Sam go for a run around the beach and helped himself to a beer, which was gone in a matter of seconds, the thoughts of Vicky and her death sobered even the most jubilant of moods. Every time he closed his eyes her face appeared before him in his mind, her face smiling and full of joy.

Got a picture of you,

I carry in my heart

He knew that she would never really truly be gone from his life, because every day a new memory of her sprung to the forefront of his mind. Whenever he wanted to see her face all he had to do was to close his eyes and she was there, but the minute he did this the rest of the world seemed like a darker duller place, reminding him of his loss.

Close my eyes to see you

And the world gets dark

His whole adult life had been more or less based around three things, the army, the police force, and Vicky. Now that two out of those thing things were no longer a part of him his life felt empty, the only thing that kept his heart beating and his lungs breathing were the memories of his wife. For thoughts of her and the life that they had shared were all that kept him warm at night.

Got a memory of you

I carry in my soul

Wrap it close around me

When the nights get cold

For months now everybody had been continually asking him how he was, how he was doing and he had to admit that it was beyond tiresome. How could anyone be fine after losing the person that they had given their heart to? How could anyone just effortlessly move on after having their heart smashed into a million tiny pieces? He had never given an honest answer to that question, except once. He generally just grunted a fine over his shoulder to anybody that asked, that is until Roger Murtagh came along.

If they asked me how I'm doing

I'd say just fine

He knew in his heart and mind that Vicky would want him to move on, they had loved each other so deeply and completely that all that they had ever wanted was for the other to be happy, yet he knew that he couldn't move on, for he would never be able to stop thinking about Vicky.

But the truth is baby

If you could read my mind

Not a day goes by

That I don't think of you

He couldn't help but feel that somehow he didn't really want the feelings to go away, for while he felt emptiness and loss he felt Vicky. He could feel her within him, with every beat of his heart he almost felt her there. He swore that he could actually hear her voice in his head at times, usually telling him not to be stupid.

After all this time

You still with me it's true

Somehow you remain

Lost so deep inside

Not a day goes by

Sometimes he had to remind himself why she wasn't there, why he rolled over in bed at night and found the other side empty and cold. He waited for calls that his heart knew would never be coming and he could still hear the key in the lock as she returned home, yet everytime he was disappointed and crushed to find that it was memory rather than actual occurrences.

I still wait for the phone

In the middle of the night

Thinking you might call me

If my dreams don't turn out right

He pulled the cap off of the second beer and sipped from the bottle, his hand resting on Sam's soft head, he was surrounded in darkness that matched his mood, his feet resting on the pile of books on the floor. How he longed for her to be sat beside him, her head tilting down to rest on his shoulder so that he could smell the faint scent of her shampoo as she dozed against him.

And it still amazes me

As I lie here in the dark

Wishing you were next to me

With your head against my heart

In a lot of ways it had actually felt good to talk to Roger, he had felt some of the darkness around his soul lift away and allow a little light to enter his depressed existence. He felt somehow that although Roger had thankfully not experienced the same thing, he still understood the pain that the younger man was going through. It was good to be honest in a response, rather than saying what the other person wanted to hear.

If they asked me how I'm doing

I'd say just fine

But the truth is baby

If you could read my mind

His mind drifted once more, as it did often, to their wedding day, the smiles and happiness that surrounded the young couple as they exchanged their vows of promise and love. He glanced at the gold band on his left ring finger; somehow he knew that he would never remove the token of their love that remained with him, for somehow it kept her closer.

Not a day goes by

That I don't think of you

After all this time

You still with me it's true

Somehow you remain

Lost so deep inside

Not a day goes by

He remembered as if it were yesterday the exact time that he had been told of her death. It felt like just a second ago in some ways yet years in others.

Minutes turn to hours

And the hours to days

Seems like forever

That I felt this way

Through him, his beloved wife will live on and that is somehow what he had come to understand that day, with a little help from his new friend's family. He knew that he had to live else Vicky would be forgotten and that would be a tragedy all over. He knew that he had to live for himself too else he may as well be dead. Roger had made him realise that life was a gift, a gift from God and a gift from his wife, and there was no way he would let either of those down. He sighed to himself as he sipped the beer slower now as his mind felt calmer and more at peace. He would always remember Vicky, but from now on he would focus more on what he had while she lived than what he had lost since he had died.

Not a day goes by

That I don't think of you

After all this time

You still with me it's true

Somehow you remain

Lost so deep inside

Not a day goes by

That I don't think of you.

The End

Hope I haven't depressed you all too much!

Please review!