A/N: I want you all to know that I practically dared myself into this. It's just too good not to parody. This is a Cinderella story, with the inevitable Dillirga twists. I know it's been done before so bear with me. It will be short- probably about 3 chapters. There is some language involved and there may be other jibes so please don't get offended. Magic spells, usurpers, mistaken identities, transvestites- what more could you possibly want out of a fairy tale?
Diss-claimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I also don't own Disney- for which I am eternally grateful.
Rin, For Short
Once upon a time, in a land that no one can easily guess the location of, where maidens abound and Japanese people reside in European settings because the author has deemed it thus, there lived a girl. One of many. Anyway, pressing on, this girl, a lovely jet-black-haired youth of 19 years, had been orphaned at the age of 9. Her mother had died at childbirth, leaving Rinderella, Rin for short (who'd blame her with a name like Rinderella), in the care of her father, a kind and caring man. Although Rin's father brought the girl up with every comfort and luxury that he (and his wallet) could provide, he felt that a mother's presence was necessary for the good upbringing of what was to become a young lady of class and elegance. As you can see, the man was delusional. Kind, yet delusional.
It so happened, at some undetermined point in the future, that Rinderella's father fell in love with a beautiful woman of high class and family. The two were married almost instantly, bringing about the beginning of a family of five; that is, Rinderella, her unnamed father, his new wife, Naraku, and her two daughters: Kagura and Kanna. One big happy family- almost as if the darned thing were planned that way.
"Father," Rin had said innocently, "doesn't Naraku mean 'Hell'?"
Her father had laughed cheerfully, if not densely, and answered, "Why, I do believe you're right darling!"
All seemed well in the household, if not a little odd, however life soon settled into routine, as one would expect of a new family coming into its own. The happiness, however, came to a halt when one sad and otherwise ominous day, Rinderella's father went on a hunting trip and never made it back. Bandits, the family had been told. The newcomers of the family could barely mourn for it had been little over a month when they had come together; they hardly knew the man. But not Rinderella. She cried rivers.
The days carried on, busy and lonely but soon Naraku's true nature began to unfold. Slowly but surely, the three began to turn Rin into their servant, using means of verbal and physical violence to get her to do their bidding. Rin had rebelled but, at 9, she was still so weak and, no matter how you looked at it (not that there are many ways to look at it) the situation was always three against one. She had even tried to run away once but, after being chased through the forest by wolves and barely escaping with her life, she decided that that was a really dumb idea and took her precious behind back to the house. She also had the strangest feeling of deja-vu but let us not trouble ourselves with that.
And so, my ravenous readers, unfolds our story, in the basement of a dojo/house, where our little Rin sits on tatami and pleasantly plots revenge. Just what exactly is a dojo/house? How can Rin go against the laws of virtue, wholesome disneyness and plot revenge? Do the laws of physics apply in this story? All shall reveal itself in due course.
Rin rubbed her tired eyes with the palms of her hands and put her blueprints aside. She had been working furiously all night, trying to come up with plots for murder and other such forms of destruction without getting caught. It seemed almost bloody impossible because she had to bump all three of those assholes and having done that, she would, inevitably, be the last one standing. She didn't even have anyone else that she could pin it on. She had barely gotten a few hours of sleep and now the sun was shining all over the place but doing little to lighten Rin's plans for domination.
'Wow,' she thought, 'I'm turning into one cold-hearted bitch. Hey, it's not easy not to be embittered after ten years of slavery. TEN! Time sure does fly when you're making plans to divide and conquer.'
Suddenly, a voice came booming through the dojo/house. The intercom was working brilliantly.
"RIIIIIIIIIIN! RIN, YOU FOOL! WHERE IS MY BREAKFAST? AND BRING MY FEATHERS TO ME AT ONCE." That would be Kagura, for those of us who follow from a few paces behind.
"Now dear," a cool and strangely masculine voice dictated, "do remember that a lady does not raise her voice. So the next time you wish to make a demand of Rinderella, DON'T BLOODY SHOUT IT INTO MY EAR!"
Naraku poked around her right ear, trying to get some feeling back, while Kanna just sort of...gloomily floated around…in the withering background. One would think she was the most harmless of the bunch but she had this habit of getting people to bend to her will...turning them into zombies and whatnot. And if Rin had to polish that damn mirror or her's one more time... She had already told Kanna where she could go stick it. Sadly, it was at a very ill-timed moment where Naraku had overheard and took it upon herself to show Rin just what doing that to a mirror would feel like. Needless to day, Rin had many aches for many days and Kanna had to acquire a new mirror.
Speaking of mirrors, Kanna eerily peered into hers. "There is a presence approaching."
All went silent. Not that any had been speaking just then, but you get the idea.
"It speaks..." Kagura said, somewhat surprised. Sometimes her sister could go for weeks without saying a word. Not that Kagura really gave a rat's ass one way or another but she couldn't help but notice that her family was really just...sketchy.
"Kagura, what have I told you about putting your sister down? She has been advancing marvelously. Goodness knows we're paying the therapist enough. Kanna dear, who is approaching?"
"I'd get my money back if I were you, mother."
Naraku ignored them. One of these days, she was really going to have Rin go at them, then she'd bump Rin off herself and be done with it. Memories of murder, bloodshed and spiders briefly crept into her mind and she began to "kukukukuku..."
'Those were the days...' Naraku sighed wistfully.
The doorbell rang. At once, Kagura was on a huge feather, probably going to float close to the ceiling so that she could spy on whoever it was. Kanna disappeared back into the unknown abyss from whence she came and Naraku just...
"KAGURA, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT FLYING IN THE HOUSE! KANNA, GET BACK HERE AT ONCE! YOUR DARK REFLECTIONS LESSON IS NOT OVER! AND RINDERELLA, GET THE DAMN DOOR! MOVE, PEOPLE!"
Rin came upstairs, grumbling, cursing and looking very miserable indeed. Her hair was wild and tangled and she was covered with feathers of every color. She had been looking for Kagura's feathers.
As she made her way to the front door, she shouted well enough to be heard: "Damn the feathers, damn Kagura, damn Kanna though she hasn't done anything yet and damn you! AND DAMN WHOEVER YOU ARE AT THE DOOR! Miserable $&…(muttering incoherent obscenities)."
Well...so much for feminine modesty.
Rin's hand jerked the door open in a wooooosh to reveal a very flustered official mail/decree deliverer person. The fire not having left her eyes, she looked the guy up and down and sneered "What the Hell do you want!" The poor man simply handed her the sealed letter and ran off.
Rin snorted and closed the door. She didn't know what it was and wasn't given the opportunity to care when something swooshed out of the sky and grabbed the envelope from her hand.
"What the-" was all she could get out as Kagura tore the letter open and began to read, while Kanna appeared out of nowhere and Naraku descended the stairs elegantly.
"Mother look- it's from the Inu no Taisho!"
"Well girl, do not stall! What does it say?"
Kagura devoured the letter with her eyes. "There's going to be a ball tonight in the Prince's honor!" Oh happy day.
"Which Prince?" Kagura asked urgently. The Inu no Taisho had two sons, of which the intelligence levels varied.
"Oh what does it matter, mother?"
"It matters greatly," Kanna semi-whispered, much to everyone's surprise. Rin frowned and slowly inched away from the little creep.
"I have foreseen this. The ball is simply a device in which the Inu no Taisho is hoping to arrange a marriage for one of his sons. He is inviting all the eligible maidens in the kingdom with the hope that his son will find a suitable match so that the necessary heirs will be produced. I have been unable to determine which son will be the potential groom however I have heard whispers that Prince Inuyasha has already been affianced, thus leading to the conclusion that the Prince in question is the Lord Sesshoumaru."
"Wow," Rin said, not sure if she had ever heard Kanna speak so much in their entire 10-year acquaintance put together, "she's good."
"Shut up you imbecile," Naraku cut her off, "Kanna dear," Naraku's eyebrow twitched, "if you had foreseen this, why did you make no mention of it?"
A vein popped on Naraku's forehead but she just continued, "Never mind. Kagura, what does the letter say? Kagura? Daughter!"
Kagura visibly snapped out of a reverie that had contained some passing thoughts about just what it would be like to bump Kanna off for good. Kagura was sure that her sister was the source of her family's sketchiness. Yes, that's right. The voices have spoken. Kanna's the problem.
"Oh, yes, the letter. Yes it, uh, pretty much says what Kanna said. The ball's for Prince Sesshoumaru, supposedly a welcome since he's been away for so long. It says that every maiden is ordered to attend. The ball's tonight…wait, that can't be ri- OH MY GOOD! IT IS! I only have five hours to get ready! Rin, prepare my finest kimono at once!"
Rin blanched. Sewing. Preparing meant mending and sewing and other such ailments for her poor finger since Rin couldn't sew to save her life. "Prepare it your damn self! Hold on…did you just say that every maiden is ordered to attend?"
"Why you little- "
"Rin, do as Kagura says at once, before I chain you to a tree and turn you into some unlucky wolf's next meal," Naraku commanded calmly.
"SILENCE! I have given you an order. If you complete your chores in time we shall discuss you attending the ball with us. Well…not with us with us. You can...linger in a dark alleyway or something. Off you go!"
"Bastard….($..." Rin muttered as she sulked off to 'accidentally' burn Kagura's kimono, or at least 'accidentally' sew some toilet paper onto it. Despite her anger, though, she was hurt. She wanted to go to the ball too. "I have rights, dammit! It's in the bloody letter and I could take you to court for this! But who'd listen..." She sighed. The least she could do, as she decided, was make it seem like she had done some chores so that maybe the old bat would consider letting her go.
Meanwhile, Naraku was having a little heart-to-heart with her daughters.
"DO NOT MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY FOR ANYTHING, YOU LITTLE INGRATES! This is your moment to shine and ensnare the Prince and if you let it slip through your fingers so help me I'll-"
"Mother is this going to last much longer, I do have to get ready," Kagura said, fanning herself.
Naraku reminded herself to have Rin sharpen her knives and continued, "Kanna, if you can pull off winning the Prince's affections I shall give you all the mirrors you can dream of..." at this, Kanna somehow brightened, as Kagura nervously inched away. "And Kagura, if you are the winner, well...Mother is going to be very pleased."
"That's it? That's all I get- a lousy mother's going to be pleased?"
"You'll be Princess, you half-wit, and the future Queen. What more could you possibly want!"
"Oh." Kagura smirked. "I'd forgotten about that."
Naraku pinched the bridge of her nose and then began to massage her temples.
You know what, she thought, screw the ball and screw the Prince. Where the Hell are my knives?
A/N: I hope it was enjoyable! Reviews are always cherished.