Letting go

by akiyume kye

Disclaimer: Until the day I become Takeshi Konomi, I will not own pot.

Pairing: TezuFuji


Chapter 1: Escape

He ran.

He ran as fast as his legs could carry him.

From everything.
From everyone.

From… himself.

Tears streaked the tensai's delicate cheeks as he ran on.
His legs took him aimlessly.
His mind was blank.
His heart churned with emotion deeper than anyone knew.
The pavement before him was a blur as more tears filled his brilliant blue eyes.

He ran.

He ran as fast as his heart could beat.

From every dream. From every hope.

From… himself.

And still… he ran on.

He was escaping.

From reality. From the truth.

Why? Fuji kept asking. Why?
Silence screamed back.
There was no answer.

A hundred running footsteps.
A thousand unheard questions.
A million fragments of a broken heart.

He ran on.

And still, he didn't stop.

He didn't want to stop.
Because if he did, the pain would catch up with him.
Because if he did, he would lose.

To himself.

And then he stopped.

Or rather, he was stopped.

By a steel grip that held his slender wrist tightly.
By a hand that was callused and big.
By a heart that was beating with his.

Fuji stopped.
And he didn't turn back.
Because if he did, he might regret it.
Because if he did, he might lose.

Heavy laboured pants escaped from him.
He took a deep breath.
And then another.

But the tears refused to stop.

Stop it! Just stop it! He cried out in his mind.

But still.
The tears flowed.
The tears continued to flow, with a mind of their own.
Defiant, they ignored the prodigy's command.

Broken dreams.
Fragments of a heart.

They all poured out from the weary soul.

It was too much.
Too much for the tensai to bear.

He didn't deserve it.
He really didn't.

And yet, it happened.

And yet, he wasn't spared.

Fuji steeled himself.
He couldn't lose.
He just couldn't.

Not to himself.


The prodigy tried to wrench his arm out of the tight grip, but the owner of that hand held on.


Emotions tugged at his heart.
They tugged pleadingly at what was left of it.

Whoever you are, Fuji screamed, unheard.
Let go of me.
Just let go of me.
And let me be.

The grip didn't loosen.
And Fuji got angry.

He pried open his ocean blue eyes and spun around abruptly.
He would stare down that person
He would let him know better than to mess with Fuji Syuusuke.

He spun around…

And was met with the grim face of the Seigaku captain.

A gasp escaped the lips of the tensai.
His heart skipped a beat.
His legs were rooted to the ground.
His mind was in a whirl.

He had come.
But Fuji didn't want him there.

He had come.
But Fuji couldn't face him then.

He had come.

But he was too late.

Both men didn't move.

For what seemed like eternity, they stared into each others eyes.

Silence screamed across them.

Fuji couldn't breathe.

His mind hissed at him.
Look away.

But his heart could not.

He could not tear his eyes from the beautiful creature standing in front of him.
Look away.
He could not.
He still couldn't.

And then hazel eyes spoke.
Those hazel eyes.
The eyes of speech. The eyes of emotion.
The eyes that could speak volumes.

Fuji was caught in it.
Like in a trance, it froze the tensai.

Tell me.
The eyes spoke.
The eyes of a person who never needed many words.
The eyes of a captain.
A young handsome man.

The eyes…
Of Tezuka Kunimitsu.
Those eyes…
Those beautiful eyes…

Then Fuji snapped out of that piercing gaze.

It was a battle he had to fight.

And he must win.

Suppressing his initial shock, he made a weak attempt to bury his emotions.
Then forcing his lips into a tight smile, he faced the captain.

Daijoubu, Fuji had simply said.

But Tezuka knew.
His heart could feel it.
The turmoil.The anguish.
The pain.
The grief.
All of which, had enveloped the tensai.

The prodigy was suffering.And yet he chose to hide it from those around him.
The prodigy was in pain.
And yet he chose to put up the smiling mask that so often fooled the crowd.

He would rip off that mask.
Yes, he would.
He would rip off that mask and look into the eyes of the real Fuji Syuusuke.
He would rip off that mask and find the inner tensai.
And when he said he would, he would.

Fuji continued to smile.
It tired him more and more as seconds ticked by without any exchange of words.
The smile that looked so unreal.
The smile that he thought could protect him.
Yet it was this very smile that broke him.

Because Tezuka knew.
He just did.

The captain's lips parted, and his deep voice came seconds later.

"Let it out."

It was spoken with such firmness and authority.
Yet not a statement, nor an order.
It was a quiet request. A silent plea.

Let it out…

3 words.
Just 3 words.

And it broke the tensai.

Fuji's feet gave way beneath him.
He could stand it no more. (literally)

As the buchou saw him quake, he gently released his hold on the tensai.

He collapsed.
The pain had caught up with him.
The pain that was still embedded in him.
The pain which was eating into him was back.
And it was more intense than ever.
It had returned, more sinister than before.

It had returned.
And Fuji had fallen.

But he would not lose.

Not yet.

The moment he hit the pavement beneath him, tears sprung into his eyes.
The pain that he had so desperately run away from had never left him.
It was still there.
It was feasting .
Eating Fuji.
Eating Fuji alive.

Help me… Someone help me…

Disobedient tears rolled down his pale cheeks as the floodgates opened.
There was a thunderstorm in his life.
A thunderstorm that drenched him in despair.
Lightning, that had long shot his fragile heart into countless fragments.

It was those fragments that made up Fuji.
Yet they were the very fragments that lay strewn haphazardly deep inside the tensai.

Tezuka remained standing, looking down at the sight that had left him numb.
The stern expression he had put on ritually without fail fell.
Just like the boy crying at his feet had fallen.

Emotions tugged at the captain.
His eyes that were moist threatened to release tears that he never knew he had.


His friend of 3 years.
But he wasn't just any friend.

He was Fuji Syuusuke, the child prodigy.
The smiling, delicate tensai.
The one that could understand without probing.
The one that could understand without words.

He was closest friend Tezuka ever had.

And Tezuka was sure Fuji felt the same.
Good, close friends.
That was what they were.
They hadn't needed any outspoken agreement to put that term to their friendship.
They just knew it.

Still, the captain wished that they could have become something more.
Something… just something.

Yet there he stood, eyes looking at the grief-stricken tensai crying…
He could only watch Fuji cry, being there as a good, close friend.
And nothing more.

For there lay a line.
A line that neither dared to cross.

The pain that had tormented Fuji continued to work its way through him, tearing apart his very being.
The pain that he had not fully released from running away was there again.
Every bit it took tormented the frail tensai.

He had to release it.
Even if it was in front of the person he so deeply loved.


Fuji was sure that the buchou felt the same way towards him.
A mutual attraction that never developed beyond friendship.
There it stopped- good, close friends.
And then an invisible line was drawn.

Neither had tried to step past that line.
They didn't dare to.

It was left that way.
Love so strong, yet never expressed.
Love so powerful, yet never displayed.
Love so invincible, yet never spoken.

Both men had left their undying love for each other behind that line, each making a silent vow never to love another but each other.
Even if it was forbidden.

They left it behind that line, never picking it up again.

The invisible line that neither had crossed.

It was at that very moment that Tezuka came to realization.

He had never left his love for Fuji behind that line.
It had remained dormant all those years, in his heart.
Dormant, yet dangerously close to a surprise explosion.
And so it was, bubbling, foaming, threatening… for release.

Biting his lip, the buchou grimaced at the sight of the crumpled body that lay on the pavement before him.


I can't cross that line.

Or can I?

To be continued…

A/N: I happen to enjoy writing cliffhanger fics, so meanwhile, let your mind run wild.

Spoilers: Tezuka hesitates at the line. Does he cross it? And does Fuji? But what exactly is Fuji trying to escape from in the first place? Well... I'm not telling. Guess.

Hmm. And then again...
Dunno if I should continue. Wasn't very satisfied with this fic.

Still, reviews will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.