Hi everyone! See, I'm really trying to update as fast as possible! Yay! Um, this one might be the last for awhile though, cuz my supply of drabbles has run dry. Ahem. (Don't ya hate writer's block?) Anyways, since the last one was rather depressing and slightly morbid, I wrote kinda funny one. Or at least, I think it's funny. It's a little Roy-centric, but it's all good. Enjoy! Thanks for the reviews, by the way!

Disclaimer: FMA. Not mine.

Roy Mustang loved his mother. Really, he did. She was the woman who'd brought him into the world and taught him everything he knew. But sometimes, it was hard to remember that he loved her. And now was definitely one of those times. It was Thanksgiving, and his mom had insisted upon coming down to Roy's apartment in Eastern Headquarters to have dinner with him. She'd also taken it upon herself to invite Roy's best friend, Maes Hughes, and that "delightful little wife of his, and that adorable little girl!" (Maria's words, not his).

Maria Mustang was a lovely woman. Sure, she was completely and totally over-bearing and unbelievably judgmental, but she was a good woman. Roy tried to remember this as his mother went through every single square inch of his apartment, looking for dust or dirt or anything that she could incriminate her son with. There wasn't any, however; Roy knew his mother too well for that. In fact, he might have passed the inspection with his best score ever if it hadn't been for the dog. Just as Maria was conceding defeat, Black Hayate jumped out from under Roy's bed, yipping, and jumped right on Maria. Roy could've kicked himself. Why the hell had he agreed to baby-sit that brat of a thing anyways? It wasn't his fault Riza wanted to visit her family. She could've taken the dog with her. Why did he care if she was happy or not? "You're in love with her," a voice in the back of his head reminded him. Oh, right. He'd forgotten that little detail. Better not to let his mom know that. So instead, he nodded his head to her accusations of getting a dog without telling her, and then sat through half an hour of her dog rant, which was exactly the opposite of the one he'd given Fuery.

Just as he was seriously considering getting out his gloves and giving her a bit of a warning, the doorbell rang.

"That'll be Maes," Roy told her in utter relief, and she launched into another tirade, this one about what a wonderful man Maes was.

"-that darling wife of his," Maria gushed as Roy backed away to the door, still pretending to listen, "what a lovely girl she is. You should get yourself a good wife, Roy."

"He should, shouldn't he?" agreed a voice from the entry hall, and Roy whirled around in time to see Maes, Gracia, and Elysia enter his house.

"Thanks for letting me open the door to my own apartment," muttered Roy by way of greeting, but Maes ignored him as always and hugged Maria.

"Mommy Mustang, always a joy," he told her, and she ruffled his hair affectionately. "Maes, it's lovely to see you," she told him, which set Roy off muttering again.

"And Gracia, you look as beautiful as ever," she continued, making Gracia smile and blush.

"And Elysia! My, how you've grown!" Elysia smiled, which helped ease Roy's bad mood just a little.

"I'm four now," she told the older woman, holding out her fingers and making Maes swoon with pride. "And she's almost as big as I am!" Roy exclaimed, deciding to join in the happiness (why not, right?) and scooping Elysia up in his arms. She gazed at him solemnly.

"No, Uncle Roy, you're still bigger than me," she told him in a voice that uncannily resembled Riza's. Everyone laughed.

"What'd you say we eat?" suggested Maes, and everyone nodded and moved, still talking and laughing, into the dining room.

Hours later, Elysia was asleep on the couch, a half-eaten slice of pie in front of her, although some of it was still on her chin. Gracia was sitting in an armchair with Maes, only half-listening to the conversation which Maria and Maes were having, which was, of course, about Roy. Roy was trying to ignore them, but it wasn't working out for him. "Remember when he passed his alchemy test?" asked Maes, and Maria whooped with laughter.

"He was so excited that he tripped over his own two feet and fell in…what was it again, Roy?"

"I don't remember," Roy muttered, but Maes shook his head.

"Of course you do, it's not everyday that you fall in a pile of fertilizer!" Roy rolled his eyes and Maria and Maes laughed even more.

"Are you done?" he asked them, but Maes shook his head.

"Not even close," he assured him.

"We haven't even started on you and your girlfriends yet." Roy sighed, as Maria asked, "So, what's the name of this new one? Honestly, Roy, you should find yourself a good woman, not all these pointless little airheads you take out."

"I've been telling him that for years," agreed Maes, giving Roy an appraising look. "But do you think he'll listen to me?"

"Of course not," conceded Maria, "He's much too high and mighty to listen to anyone. Is that why you don't want to get married, Roy?" Roy ground his teeth, but then stopped at the look on Maes's face, which was uncharacteristically contemplative; a look that told Roy one thing and one thing only: Roy was in trouble. Big trouble.

"Actually," said Maes slowly, "Roy does listen to one person." Roy's eyes widened. He could see exactly where this was going, and it wasn't good.

"Shut up, Maes," he suggested. That only got his mother more interested.

"Roy, listen to someone?" she asked, and Maes nodded.

"Not just anyone," he told her, "a girl." Definitely not good was Roy's train of thought.

"Maes, shut up!" Roy snarled, but Maria shushed him.

"Go on, Maes, what about this girl? Is she pretty?"

"Beautiful," agreed Maes at once. "Blonde and slim…but she's not at all like his other girls. No, this one's smart. Smarter than he is, I'd say."

"Shut up, Maes!" Roy yelled. Gracia giggled.

"She's part of the military," Maes continued, ignoring Roy, "And she's got deadly aim. Incredible."

"Part of the military?" repeated Maria. "Well, I'm glad my Roy's found a girl who can keep up with those powers of his. Which reminds me, Roy, I put those gloves in the wash."


"I said I put your gloves in the wash. There was something black on them."

"Mom, you can't just put my alchemic gloves in the WASH!" Roy was furious; his eyebrow was twitching.

"What did you get on them?" Maes wanted to know, and Roy turned his glare on him. "Hawkeye didn't think that doodling Full Metal with his head on fire on my paperwork was a productive use of my time," explained Roy, "And when I tried to hide under my desk, the bullet still caught my glove." Maes and Gracia laughed, and Maria asked, "So what's this girl's first name?"

"Riza," answered Maes at once, and Roy corrected, "It's Elizabeth. And there is nothing between us!" Maes laughed.

"Nothing between you, huh? Then why exactly do you want to see her in a miniskirt?" Roy glared at him as Gracia laughed and Maria lectured, "Roy, this girl is the one for you, don't chase her off with your stupid miniskirt obsession!"

"You haven't even met her!" yelled Roy, forgetting that he was pretending he didn't like Riza. "How do you know if she's the girl for me?"

"I can just tell," Maria explained. "And I thought there was nothing between you?" added Maes teasingly. Roy rolled his eyes, but at that moment, the doorbell rang.

Roy felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. It would be Riza, coming back to meet Black Hayate. Maes would hear her voice and invite her in. Damn. What the hell was he supposed to do?

"I'll get the door," he told them, thinking fast, and he rose to his feet and practically sprinted to the front entryway, yanked open the door, and stopped dead. Riza was standing there in a pretty, sleeveless white blouse and a denim miniskirt, blonde hair cascading down and around her shoulders. He'd never seen anything more beautiful in his life. Double damn.

"Hi," he said, feeling completely at a loss for what to do or say. Riza saluted, half a smile on her face.

"Hello, sir," she said, formally following the rules as always.

"At ease, First Lieutenant," he told her. "We're off duty." Just then, as he'd known it would, Maes voice drifted in from the living room.

"First Lieutenant? Riza! Come get some pie!" Roy rolled his eyes and looked back at Riza, who was almost smiling.

"Would you like some pie?" he asked, and she told him, "I don't think I have much of a choice with Hughes in there, do I?" Roy shook his head.

"I suppose not," he agreed, and they made their way into the living room.

"Black Hayate wasn't any trouble, was he?" she asked, and he shook his head.

"No, he was great." The little dog bounded up to Riza and she patted him on the head. Maria watched this with narrowed eyes before saying, "Is that your dog, Miss Hawkeye?" Riza nodded.

"Yes," she agreed, "the Colonel was just baby-sitting him while I visited my family." Roy flinched as his mother yelled, 'Roy Mustang, you told me that was your dog!" Riza glanced at him as he muttered, "Yeah, well…"

"I don't think you've met Roy's mother, have you?" asked Maes hurriedly, and Riza shook her head. "Riza Hawkeye, this is Maria Mustang. Mom, this is Riza. Riza, you look hot, by the way." Riza crossed the room and shook the woman's hand, blushing furiously and annoying Maes with skill that rivaled Roy's. "It's nice to meet you," she said politely. Maria looked up at her for a minute, a minute during which Roy endured the worst awkward silence of his life, and then burst out joyfully,

"I love her! Roy, she'd perfect for you! I'll help plan your wedding!" Everyone's jaws dropped, especially Riza's.

"MOM!" Roy whined, and Riza asked, "Wedding?" Maes had fallen over laughing.

"I think Black Hayate needs a walk," said Roy hurriedly, grabbing Riza's arm.

"We'll be right back." Riza looked questioningly at the older woman, who was utterly astonished at everyone's reactions, and allowed Roy to lead her out of the room. Once they were out of earshot, she asked, "With all due respect, sir, what the hell was that all about?" Roy wiped the sweat off his forehead, grinning sheepishly.

"Well, you see," he explained, "Maes and my mom are obsessed with finding me a good wife." She nodded wordlessly, and a slightly awkward silence ensued.

"I'm sorry," he said finally. "She's a bit forthright sometimes. Thanks for dropping by." Riza gave him an almost hurt look.

"Do you mean I'm still not welcome to stay for that piece of pie, Sir?" she asked. Roy gaped at her for a second, then grinned.

"Do me a favor," he implored, taking her hand, "And call me Roy in front of my mom."

Well, there ya go. Bye! Brooke