Chapter Five- Summer
AN- Sorry if the last chapter was a bit of a teaser. Here's the last one, please enjoy and review! I need some feedback!
You can understand why I thought it was a hallucination then, when he came to my door again six months later.
Remus came back to me as unexpected as a blessing or a curse. All I remember is going meet a knock at the door, thinking it could be Savage, or anyone. But it was Remus. My knees gave way from the shock of it all almost as soon as I'd opened the door, but he swooped in and grabbed me. He steered me to my bed and sat me down. He explained to me quickly that the school was under attack.
At this, I regained some sense and went with him outside. Sure enough, there loomed the Dark Mark, visible from outside the Hog's Head, hanging menacingly over Hogwarts as unimaginably and as unpredictable as Remus showing up.
He seized my hand and set off at a dead run toward the school, pulling me along with him. I cried for him to wait, I pleaded for him to tell me what had happened. He turned back to me, the last rays of sunlight sinking into the horizon beneath him. Instead of an answer or an explanation, he yanked me to him and kissed me as hard and as desperately, if not more so, than he had done before. It seemed to last ages, and in that age, I was restored.
"There's no time!" He yelled hoarsely, "We're needed at the castle. Dora, please!" His demand, his voice, his presence, was enough to secure me in the present. We ran at top speed, side by side to the castle. Proudfoot, Savage, and Dawlish had already been alerted.
A hoard of Death Eaters had stormed the castle, courtesy of Draco Malfoy and a vanishing cabinet, as we found out later. There was a whole band of them there waiting for us, and we joined several other members of the Order of the Phoenix in a fight against them.
Seeing Remus alive and well had recharged me, and I fought them with every ounce of strength and power I had ever possessed and more. I tangled with a huge blonde bloke I had never seen before. Kids from the school including Molly's lot were there. It only incensed my growing rage to win, to protect them, the innocent.
I fought alongside my contemporaries, Remus, and the young ones alike, with a vim and vigor and resurgence as I had never known. Mad-Eye would be proud. My parents, even I was proud again. We didn't lose anybody, except...
After the battle was over and the Death Eaters had fled, we congregated in the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey as fussed as I'd ever seen her. Bill had been attacked by Greyback. And despite the possibility of him becoming wolfish, Fleur still wanted to be with him, without an ounce of hold or hesitation. I knew it wasn't the time or place, but like usual, I couldn't help myself, and I had a little outburst right there in the hospital wing.
Fleur didn't care, and I told him I didn't care either, as I'd done countless times. To my surprise, not only did everyone in the room seem to know about us, but they all seemed to be on my side. My guess is either just that I'm obvious, or that Molly is more of a gossip than I thought. Either way, it doesn't matter because it worked to my advantage. Even McGonagall said Dumbledore would have been happy for us.
Dumbledore. There's no way to say this. It's too horrifying, too unbelievable. He's dead. Dead at the hands of Snape. Nobody saw it coming, and nobody knows why. Nobody knows where the greasy git is, but we assume he's with Voldemort and his lot. I am so full of rage, I shake whenever I think of it. That bastard. Does he have any idea what he's done?
Not only are we robbed of the greatest wizard of our time, not only have we lost our greatest friend, we've lost our leader in the middle of a bloody war.
I haven't processed it yet, not on all levels. I keep thinking of this time when I had gotten in so much trouble hurling dungbombs or something (I was up to a lot, those days) that Sprout sent me to see the Headmaster. I was young enough to be afraid. I expected to be told off, but when I got there, he just offered me some cockroach clusters and suggested I improved my aim.
He had so much humility despite his awsome power and accomplishment. We'll never see the like of him again. I loved how he added humor and lightness to every action and situation. I loved how calm and serene he was despite the adversity and evil facing us. He always made me feel like everything was going to be ok no matter what.
Remarkably, outside the hospital wing, we both put our grief on hold. Amazingly, something more important was about to happen. And again, I was not able to restrain myself.
We all filed outside, leaving Bill, his family and fiancé behind. Remus remained, but held his back to me. I was silent for a moment, anger boiling inside me, possibly left over rage from the fight, but more likely frustration at his obstinate stubbornness. What the hell was wrong with him? He knew I loved him, he knew I wanted him, he knew now that everyone was behind us. But he still denied me. That could only mean one hard truth; that he nether wanted me or loved me, and I had been wrong all this time in believing that he had.
Struggling to meet that cruel reality, hot tears came to my eyes, and instead of confronting him like I wanted to, I turned to walk away.
"Nymphadora, wait!" he implored.
"For the last bloody time, it's TONKS!" I screamed at him, losing it completely. I couldn't take it anymore, it was too insane. I made to run away, but he was too fast. He grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him.
"How about I call you mine?" He whispered roughly. Our eyes locked, mine full of wet, unshed tears, his as I'd never seen them. They were positively burning. "Do you really want me, Dora? Do you truly want to be with me?"
"Yes," I moaned, the sound coming out strangled.
"Why? Why, girl? I've nothing to offer you, I've nothing that you deserve." I've never heard his voice sound so harsh. It frightened me, honestly, as much as it excited me.
"You do!" I managed to protest, not even sure my voice would work at all.
"What?" He growled.
I said it meekly, sure that he would laugh and walk away, but his reaction was quite different. I could see a difference in his eyes, like a cloud had passed. I felt a difference in his hold, it was no longer sharp and biting, his grip had softened, and he then held my arms gingerly.
Taking full advantage of this sudden disarmament, I pushed on. "I just want you, I don't care about gold, or any of that, please, Remus..." I drew nearer to him and laced my arms over his broad shoulders, I ran my hands through his silver streaked hair. Unconsciously I pressed my body to him. He exhaled roughly.
"You know I don't deserve you." His voice was course and hoarse. He linked his arms around me, and despite his humble protests, I could see his resolve and defense crumbling all around him. I wanted to tell him that he did deserve me, but I knew it wasn't the moment, so I opted for a different tack.
"But I deserve you, Remus, I love you." I felt myself getting hot, my skin burning.
"Gods, Dora, I love you too, you've no idea.."
I felt my legs becoming weak again, and I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to stand if he hadn't been holding me. His musky, sandalwood smell surrounded me, incapacitating me further.
I managed to say, meaning my voice to come out strong, but it was a whimper, "Then show me. Be with me. Nothing is stopping us but you." I knew I was pushing it, even if it was going well, but it seemed to be all the motivation he needed, because he finally drew down and kissed me.
God, he tastes so good.
It was nothing at like our earlier kisses, the first being chaste and light, the second being fierce, and the third desperate. This one was sweet, spiritual, and forever. His lips were soft, and they caressed mine with such delicate, penetrating passion that I will never, never forget.
After a long while, our lips parted, and he suggested that we return to headquarters. We had a lot to talk about, and we did, but not until after a good long cuddle and snog back at his old room in Grimauld Place.
I'm moving back in there, we both are, for now. Except now we share a room.
We did talk, we talked for a very long time. He told me of where he'd been and what he'd been doing for the Order. He told me of the unsuccessful rebellion. All the while, he held me close, so close it made me dizzy. It was strange to be that near to him after being so far away for so long, but I loved every minute of it.
God, he said he loved me. I knew it! I bloody knew it!
He told me all his fears, everything that had been holding him back from being with me. I bit my tongue not to say it was all rubbish. He told me how he didn't want to be with me because he'd thought I deserved someone better, but I managed to convince him that what I deserve is what I want, and what I want is him.
I also drove home the point that he does deserve me because he is intelligent, talented, and good-natured. I told him that being a werewolf did not make him a shred less worthy, and that he had faced discrimination for so long, he had probably taken too much of it to heart. I also pointed out that after suffering so much loss, we both deserved happiness. I told him, he didn't know, that Sirius had always rooted for us. That seemed to satisfy him.
It took a while to convince him totally, but we talked over everything, up into the minutest detail.
His biggest fear is that he will bite me. I've blown it off before, thinking who cares if he gets fuzzy once a month, but I've taken the problem more seriously than I ever have before, and even just me being serious about it seemed to quell him. I guess he thought I was taking it too lightly. I told him that we will take every precaution. He will take Wolfsbane every month. Slughorn's been brewing it for him, and he can continue to do so until one of us masters it. If we have too, we'll build a cage, I don't care. It's only once a month, anyway.
His second greatest fear is that he is too poor. I did my best to remind him that we are not living in medieval times, when a man was expected to support a woman totally. I brought up a lot of good points, I think, that my ministry wages with his combined would be enough. I underlined strongly that I did not want, or expect, to live in luxury, and that what I wanted most was him anyway. He kissed me at that.
I also brought up Molly and Arthur, and how they'd managed to raise seven children and live happily, all on one income. And why? Because they love each other, as we do.
I could see how he was falling to my persuasive and airtight arguments.
His last fear was that he was too old. I told him that because I was prone to being clumsy, I needed someone older and more experienced to help me, to guide me. I convinced him that it was not a problem, but a strength in our relationship that he added so much wisdom and maturity.
The last, and the most quiet of his fears was children. He was afraid that if he had offspring, they would also bear the affects of lycanthropy. He thought that if I was with him, I would be giving away my chance for "normal" children. I reminded him gently that I wasn't so normal either. Still, having kids is something I never really considered before. Unprepared to make this argument, I appealed to him that I wouldn't mind having a lot of multi-coloured kinfolk, feeling that was way too off in the future to even worry about at all.
Though I never thought about having his children, (just getting him in the first place was my main obstacle) but the idea that Remus has considered them with me is heartwarming.
I've given thought to the possibility of our kin being born with lycanthropy. What I've decided is that no child is born perfect, just as no child will grow up in a perfect world, without challenges or adversary. However, they would have two parents who would love them and die for them, and that's the most any parent can offer their child.
At the end of our long talk, which lasted until the morning birds started singing, the rosy fingers of dawn had crept into our embrace.
Exhausted totally from the longest day of our lives, we fell asleep on his bed, wrapped tightly in each other's arms.
His touch completes me, as I never dared to expect.July
That day, I'm still amazed how we were able to put grieving for Dumbledore on hold so we could have that whole catharsis.
His funeral was the saddest event I've ever been to and ever hope to attend. I was touched not only by how many people showed up, but also the diversity of the attendants overall. Wizards from all over the world came, including the lot for Beauxbatons. Even the merpeople and the centaurs paid tribute in turn.
Remus held my hand, and we shared our grief.
We also share a room now. That is quite a leap from spending every night alone, wondering where he is. Quite a wonderful leap.
I don't even know how to describe it to you now. I am blessed enough presently to spend ever day with him doing our good work for the Order, and every night in bliss.
Each evening, we lay together and he holds me like he means to keep me safe with his last breath. Like he will be devoted to me until his dying day and beyond. I can feel how much he loves me and cares for me when we're together. It's tangible, palpable.
The morning after the first night we made love, (which was bloody fantastic!) I woke to find that I had regained the ability to morph. I shrieked with delight, and spent nearly an hour in front of the mirror changing my face around, and trying to pick a hair colour to wear. I went with pink, it's such a classic. Remus laughed heartily with me, both of us pleased at my recovery.
I knew it. I bloody knew it would be this good. That's why I held on so long. I knew I was meant for him, and him for me, and it's been every bit as wonderful as I thought it would be and more.
I've owled my closed friends with the news, and they are happy for me.
God, I've wanted this so long, it's a dream come true, a dream realized in the middle of a bloody war. Who'd have guessed it?
He asked me the other day, if I would go to Bill and Fleur's wedding with him as his girlfriend. Naturally, I accepted.
So it's all official now. We are together.
But in the background of our new joy, danger lurks omnipresent. Dumbledore is still dead, and the threat of Voldemort still looms.
I'm ready. I'm ready to fight, and face the next day no matter what it brings. As long as I have Remus by my side, we can do anything together.
AN- HOORAY, it's finished!! Did you like it?
IF I do a third installment, it will be called Return of the Private Journal. The possibility of a third installment will depend on Tonk's involvement in the seventh book, how much time I have to write, and how much of a demand there is for RLNT.
Enjoy the last book and REVIEW!!!!