Set after Hathor. Very dark, my darkest fic so far, very raunchy, very angsty, but most particularly, VERY DARK! Don't read and then complain if it's not your thing! SamDan, of course! Feedback welcome.
And I am in no way affiliated with MGM, the SciFi channel or anyone affiliated with Stargate. I write for my own pleasure and anyway, I'm a poverty-stricken student, it's not worth suing me over.
This is a story idea that's been in my head for a while now but I was unsure how to tackle the issue of male rape. I have decided to go ahead of it because I got positive reviews for my portrayal of the quasi-rape scene in 'The Dorsa'. For those of you familiar with my work, there is nothing in here more graphic then in my previous stories, and usually is much less graphic. If a moderator considers it too heavy for this site, I will accept that decision, but anyone else, if you've read this warning and gone ahead anyway, it's your own fault if your sensibilities are offended.Chapter One
She had been concerned about him, although she hadn't expected him to fall apart the way he did. It wasn't like equally crazy things hadn't happened to them. He personally had seen his wife become a Goa'uld host, had been killed by Apophis's men and revived by the Nox and reverted to an animal-like state So being drugged into having sex with a Goa'uld queen so she could use his DNA to make a new breed of Goa'uld larvae should really have been so big deal to him.
So she'd thought, anyway.
She found him curled up on the couch in his office, sobbing hysterically, trying to muffle his sobs. It wasn't exactly manly to be crying because you'd been seduced by a beautiful woman, and very few people would understand it hadn't happened like that.
Mind you, if it had been the opposite, a woman being drugged and seduced by a man, then it would have been nothing but sympathy and understanding. Perhaps that was why Daniel was trying so hard to keep his feelings to himself. Double standards could be just as detrimental to men as they were to women.
When he realised she was standing there, he looked as startled as a deer trapped in headlights. " It's OK, " she said. " I won't tell. "
He turned his back to her. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, it was why he had hidden in his office in the first place. He should have locked the door. " Go away, I want to be alone, " he said.
She sat down next to him after locking the door behind her. " No such like, " she said. "I think you need a fright right now."
He looked at her tearfully. "So you can report back on what an idiot I was?" he asked. "That Daniel Jackson couldn't get the better of a woman?"
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Daniel," Samantha said. "Everyone knows it wasn't like that." But even as she said it, she knew it wasn't true. Oh, for sure, she knew it wasn't like that, and so did a lot of people – but a lot didn't, and never would. It would take a while before he lived this down, if he ever did. Wimpy Daniel Jackson, gotten the better of by a woman, impregnating a Goa'uld queen – those kinds of things stayed with you for a while.
He wrapped his arms around his curled-up legs and rested his forehead on his knees. That people would talk for ages to come wasn't the foremost thing on his mind, although it would be a while before he would feel confident enough to leave his office for longer then was absolutely necessary. No, what most troubled him – deeply troubled him – was recalling how it had felt being with Hathor. He'd been aware of what was happening the whole time, he just hadn't been able to do anything about it. It had been like being in a very bad dream where his dick had been operating in complete defiance to his brain. And while it was a popular myth that this was a common occurrence with men, it wasn't with Daniel.
It had been horrible. He had been completely aware of what was happening and completely powerless to do anything about it. Even now, he fought the urge to throw up. He'd already had a long hot shower but that hadn't made him feel much better. That it had been his DNA that had very nearly created a whole new species of Goa'uld was a comparatively minor thing to feel bad over.
Samantha touched his arm tentatively. He threw it off with a violence that scared her a little. He was obviously deeply shaken by the experience, beyond just the possibility that he could have been responsible for a whole new breed of Goa'ulds. "It's OK, Daniel," she said. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. She had the means to overpower you, there was nothing you could do about it. If you were a woman, it would be rape and no-one would blame you."
Daniel looked at her with such venom in his eyes that she decided never to mention it again. "I'm not a woman and I wasn't raped," he snapped. Then he realised he had no right to lash out at Samantha, who was only trying to help. "I'm sorry," he said.
They sat in silence for a few moments – at least he didn't tell her to leave again – before he said, "I was aware of everything as it was happening. While I was having sex with her – if that's what it was – I was aware that it was happening… and I couldn't do anything about him."
Samantha stared at him. "Oh," was all she could think to say, although her mind was racing. She hadn't exactly thought about it, although she'd just figured either he'd enjoyed it or couldn't remember it – he'd looked pretty blank when they'd found him. "That…must…be…bad."
"Don't pity me, Sam," Daniel growled. " I don't need it."
"I'm not pitying you, Daniel. I'm just concerned."
"I don't need your concern, either. I'm fine."
"You don't look fine." In fact, he looked terrible. Lost… violated. Samantha decided violated was an appropriate word, given the circumstances.
"Thanks for being so supportive," he said sarcastically.
"I'm trying to be supportive, Daniel. I'm trying to be your friend. But you won't talk to me."
"You wouldn't understand. You're–"
"A woman?" Samantha anticipated the end of his statement. The quickest way to get her riled up was to act like that somehow made her less equipped to deal with any situation. She had got plenty of it from Jack when they'd started working together, but she'd never expected to hear it from Daniel. " You think just because I'm a woman I can't understand how powerless you must have felt, and that it's really crap to feel powerless?"
"Women are used to it," Daniel said.
That was it for Samantha's restraint. She slapped Daniel. "You think you're so special because it happened to you, because you're a man?" she asked. "Get a reality check, Daniel. You're no different to me."
At this Daniel started to cry again and Samantha sensed that whatever it was, it went deeper then what it appeared to me. She touched him gently. "Daniel?" she asked. "What's wrong? I mean, apart from the obvious, because you're too upset for it to be just about that."
He looked at her, and he looked so lost, her heart broke for him. "I've always been in control," he whispered haltingly. "What…what woman would want to be with a man…who can't control it?"
Samantha thought she understood what he was talking about, and although it didn't entirely explain the extremity of his reaction, it made more sense then simply the Goa'uld-impregnation bit. Daniel was a man who liked to be in control, at least of himself, and Hathor had undercut that completely. She'd made him have sex against his will, and worse then that, she'd made him aware of what was going on as it was happening.
It was a common result of rape that afterwards women felt that they were worthless, especially sexually, and although the thought hadn't occurred to her until now, it didn't surprise her that he would be feeling that way.
She would never be sure exactly what possessed her to do what she did next, only that it instinctively felt like the right thing to do. She kissed Daniel, her mouth pressed against him, gently coaxing him to kiss her back.
He didn't need much coaxing, and within a few seconds their kiss had become heated, passionate. Despite his geeky, awkward exterior, he knew what he was doing and in a few minutes she was breathless.
He pulled her on top of him so she was straddling him and they began making out. Samantha knew this was wrong on so many levels but it didn't seem to matter much with Daniel's hands running over her body. She would never have taken him as someone who knew how to touch a woman… She arched her back as he pulled out her shirt from her pants and ran his hands over the bare skin on her lower back. "You like that, sweetheart?" he asked, and he was a completely different person to the man she knew.
And she couldn't remember feeling so good with a man. To hell with the consequences… she'd deal with them tomorrow. "Yes," she gasped, and Daniel took that as an invitation to start undressing her. He was working her with a practiced ease that would have surprised her, if she'd cared. All she knew was he knew how to make her feel good, damn good.
She had never meant to be making out with Daniel on his couch on the base. Hell, she had never meant to even kiss him, and she certainly had had no intention of having sex with him. But for some reason, now that she was with him, it felt so natural, so good, and her raging hormones silenced any opposition her brain was throwing up.
Before she knew it, she was clad only in her bra and panties, and Daniel's shirt was completely unbuttoned. She slid her hand downwards to judge the extent of his reaction to her nearly-naked body ; it was quite a reaction indeed.
Suddenly Daniel pushed away slightly and looked into Samantha's eyes, searching for confirmation of something. "Sam," he mumbled gutturally. "Is this a pity fuck? Because if it is, I'm not that desperate."
Samantha looked at him in shock ; she had never heard him speak like that and it was kind of unnerving. She had always suspected Daniel had a harder, darker side, but seeing a glimpse of it was another thing altogether. "I would never think so little of you," she said, and kissed him.
It was a good enough reassurance for him, and he kissed her back, hard, passionately, demanding. She was surprised by the force in his embrace, surprised and turned on. She had never before thought of Daniel as anything more then a friend and teammate and it was surreal how quickly things had progressed in the space of a few minutes. She knew she should slow things down, but it felt so good, so right…
She became aware that Daniel was manoeuvring her onto the floor, kneeling in front on the couch and she knew what he wanted to do. It was a position she hated, born out of a career in the military with men who sought to control her. She had expected far more from Daniel. She tensed up. "Daniel…" she said apprehensively.
He leaned over her to kiss the back of her neck and she almost melted. "Let me do this," he nearly begged. How could she possibly refuse him when he asked her like that? She couldn't hold it against Daniel that right now he wanted to be in control, although she was apprehensive about it being at her expense…
All apprehensive thoughts flew out of her mind when Daniel penetrated her. She bit down hard on her bottom lip to stop from screaming out loud. As it was, she moaned softly as he began thrusting, stroking her at the same time. This…was…amazing. "Daniel," she groaned his name over and over, louder and more frantically as she felt an explosive orgasm build up in her body. She was completely passive, he was completely in control, and he was orchestrating it perfectly.
"DANIEL!" she screamed as she climaxed hard ; she felt him climax at the same time. For several minutes, they stayed in position, reluctant to break the intensity of the moment.
The suddenly he withdrew and curled up in the furtherest corner of the couch, pulling a blanket over himself. He made her very aware of her own nudity and she struggled into her shirt and panties to sit next to him.
"You know," she said, "it's usually the woman who goes all sullen and remorseful afterwards."
Daniel remained silent for a few seconds. Then he said, "you shouldn't have let me do that."
"Shouldn't have let you have sex with me?" Samantha asked. "Last I checked, rape aside, it was a two-way thing. I wanted it, Daniel."
"No, I meant… you shouldn't have let me… do it that way. It's degrading to you."
For some reason, he felt bad about it, although she didn't understand. There was a widely-held belief that doggy-style was degrading for women, a means for men to have power, which was why Samantha hated it, but it had been different between her and Daniel – mostly because it had been so spectacular. "You wanted to, Daniel. You asked me to let you do it that way."
"I treated you like a whore."
"You did no such thing. C'mon, Danny, this is me – don't you think I'd kick your ass if you tried to get one over me?" She leaned in to kiss him, and she noticed that his kiss was different this time – apologetic, needy.
He let the blanket around him drop and pulled her into his arms. "I wanna make it up to you," he said. It was on the tip of Samantha's tongue to tell him there was no 'making up' needed to be done when he slid his hand down her body, under her panties, and began touching her in an exquisite manner, slowly building her up to a second explosive climax. By the time he was finished, she was shaking.
She kissed him softly. "That was amazing," she said. It had been less then an hour since she had found Daniel, it was hard to believe such a short amount of time had passed. There would be hell to pay for this in the morning, she knew – for her in particular, since there wasn't much they could do to Daniel, who was a civilian – but right now it was easy to forget about that.
He kissed her back. "You're pretty amazing yourself," he said. His kisses became more passionate and she responded eagerly. A minute ago she had been convinced she didn't have the energy for anything more, but the way Daniel was touching her, she soon forgot about her exhaustion. She straddled him and began riding him.
As was common with men the second time around, Daniel took his time climaxing, and by the time it was over, they were both completely exhausted, their bodies slick with sweat. He'd compensated for the time he took by bringing her to orgasm twice more, getting off on the way she screamed his name as she climaxed. There would be hell to pay for that later, he knew, especially for her – there wasn't much they could do to him as a civilian – but right now he didn't care, and he didn't think she did, either.
"Thankyou," he said after it was over. He loved the way she clung to him, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck like she needed him. He liked to feel needed, especially by a woman as sexy as Samantha was. It made him feel like a man again.
She snuggled against him, her cheek pressed against his chest. "If you ever feel like making something up to me again…" she teased.
He kissed the top of her head, and felt a strong sense of affection for her. Affection – and red-hot attraction. "I've always had a thing for you," he admitted. "From the first time I saw you." He wasn't sure if this was exactly the time to be admitting such a thing, but it felt right.
She looked up at him, and her blue eyes sought some kind of reassurance in his own. They'd just had fantastic sex, but now the spectre of his missing wife was moving in, reminding her that his heart belonged to someone else. "What about Sha're?" she asked quietly, the soft tone of her voice doing nothing to negate the pointedness of her question. She didn't care how great the sex was, she would not share him.
She thought she felt Daniel's grip on her tighten just a little, almost painfully, before relaxing, as if he was thinking about something unpleasant. But it was over before it properly registered, and he said thoughtfully, "I don't know. I do know that I care about you a hell of a lot and I want to see where this goes. I can't give you any more then that right now, and if that's not enough, I understand."
She reached up to kiss him gently. She was grateful that he was being honest. She knew how much he loved Sha're… but she also knew the likelihood of them finding her. Amonet wasn't just a Goa'uld, she was the Queen of the most powerful System Lord to exist at the moment, and Apophis wouldn't be giving her up anytime soon. Part of Daniel had to know that – she suspected that was why this had happened in the first place. If Daniel truly believed he had a good chance of finding his wife again, Samantha doubted he would have cheated on her. "That's enough right now," she said. She didn't know if it was enough because it was Daniel, if she wouldn't accept so little from anyone else – she had a feeling she wouldn't. Sleeping with a married man was dangerous territory, no matter what the circumstances were. She knew, somewhere along the line, it was going to become an issue, that there would be times when she would become jealous of his devotion to her, his ongoing determination to find her. She knew there would be times when she would be jealous of how deeply he loved Sha're… and would wish he loved her as deeply. This was a bad idea – but looking into his blue eyes which reflected the respect and adoration he held for her, not to mention the afterglow of the best sex she'd had in her entire life, she found it impossible to care.
"Let's see how it goes," she suggested, and she knew from the look in his eyes – grateful, adoring – that she'd made the right choice.
For several more hours, they cuddled up on the couch – having put their clothes back on, so that would be one less thing to explain should someone come by, even though Samantha had checked three times that the door was locked – talking about everything they could think of. Daniel didn't shirk from answering the questions Samantha asked about Sha're, and by the same token, she didn't get upset when he admitted he loved her and that whatever happened between them, he wasn't going to stop looking for her. She was grateful for his honesty. It made her feel closer to him. She knew she was getting way ahead of herself, thinking of the possibility of them as a couple, but she had never connected with a person on such a level, sexually, intellectually – or emotionally.
It had been a while since Daniel had felt so at ease with himself, let alone someone else, since Sha're had been taken host, and it was easy for him to think of the possibility of them as a couple. He was reluctant to commit to such an ideas – things were so complicated at the moment. But it was so easy being with Samantha, so right… he desperately hoped the tranquillity he was feeling at the moment lasted. Hathor had undercut his confidence in himself for reasons that Samantha would never understand, try that she might. He didn't want to revisit those reasons anytime soon.
He was reluctant when Samantha noticed the time (he'd been keeping an eye on it himself, he just hadn't said anything, hoping she wouldn't notice it would be getting light, if the sunlight reached down this far) and said she really needed to have a shower – and face the music. "And you need to go home and get some sleep," she added.
He was suddenly very aware of the consequences for Samantha over this. It could have been worse – he could have been military and she could have been his CO – but not by much. Hammond was not going to be impressed. "Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.
Samantha shook her head. Telling Hammond she'd slept with Daniel would be bad enough, having her new lover in tow to witness the fallout would be worse. No doubt Daniel would jump to her defence when Hammond got stuck into her for being so unprofessional, which would only serve to exacerbate the situation. No, better that she did this alone.
"Do you wish you hadn't done it?" Daniel asked. She knew he was concerned about just how much trouble she'd be in, and she loved him for it.
"I wish we hadn't done it here," she admitted. "But I don't wish I hadn't done it." That answer, completely sincere from Samantha, was good enough for him. "I'll see you later, OK? But right now, you desperately need some sleep. You've been through something pretty traumatic."
"And something pretty damn therapeutic to make up for it, " he pointed out, his eyes sparkling mischievously as they took in Samantha's body, unashamedly perving on her. He'd always thought she'd have a great body under those unflattering BDUs, but the reality was so much better then the fantasy.
Samantha leaned over to kiss him. It was meant to be a quick peck on the lips, but he swept her into a deep, passionate kiss that surprised her in its heat – and possessiveness. She shivered despite the heat of the kiss.
She pulled away. "I really have to go," she said. "Before you hold me up for another hour." Hammond would really like that. Why are you late, Captain Carter? Sorry, sir, I was too busy having sex with Daniel in his office. However lighthearted she might be about it to Daniel, she was nervous about confronting Hammond. Very nervous. There was, after all, a reason there were rules against inter-military fraternisation. She wasn't sure exactly what they could do, given she hadn't technically breached those rules, but she would sure they would at least separate them. And she would miss working with Daniel.
Well, she'd also thought that Daniel was a sweet, awkward archaeologist, the kind of guy who didn't get laid until college and had limited experience with women – clearly, she had been wrong there, too.
But she smiled to herself when she thought about what she might be getting in return. She tried not to get ahead of herself, tried to only think of her and Daniel as lovers – and friends and colleagues – but even just the idea of being lovers – she felt herself beginning to blush – and she'd thought there was nothing that could phase her.
She had a shower and changed into fresh clothes before making her way to Hammond's office. She knocked on the door tentatively, feeling apprehension washed through her body. While she didn't exactly regret having sex with Daniel, she had been telling the truth that she regretted being so obvious about it. There was no way of easing into it, this way he would find out soon enough, better that it came from her then the base gossip.
Hammond didn't look surprised to see her ; that couldn't be a good thing. Neither was his tone of voice when he said, "Captain Carter, come in." He definitely didn't sound happy. "Take a seat," he said when Samantha stepped into the office. "And close the door." Not a good sign. "I take it this is about your little tryst with Doctor Jackson?" he asked when Samantha sat down.
Her face fell. She'd been hoping to talk to him before someone else did. The Stargate Command was the same as any other workplace in that people loved a bit of gossip – especially something as raunchy as half the primary team getting it on in an office. Who knew what he'd been told. "You heard about that?" she asked.
"Not personally, but half the base did," Hammond replied angrily, and despite her military posture, Samantha sank in her chair. She had tried to keep it quiet, but she'd gotten lost in the passion… she could only imagine what anyone passing the office – or within ten meters of it – had heard – and thought. Captain Carter in the throes of passion with Doctor Jackson. She tried to tell herself it could have been worse – they could have seen them, not just heard them. Captain Carter in the doggie position – now that was something she would never have lived down, although it came as cold comfort to her.
"What were you thinking, Captain?" Hammond demanded, taking her cringing and slumping in her chair as an admission of guilt – not that there would have been much talking her way out of it, given a dozen people had come to him already.
"I wasn't, sir, " Samantha said. "We just – we just got caught up in the heat of the moment." She cringed when she realised how lame that was. There was no way she could explain to Hammond the way Daniel had touched her had made it impossible for her to resist.
Hammond looked at her incredulously. "You got caught up in the heat of the moment? I could believe that from Doctor Jackson, but you should have known better."
"I know, sir," Samantha said, hanging her head. This was why she hadn't wanted Daniel to come with her ; at this point, he would be jumping to her defence. He would never understand that it was OK for civilians to jump in the sack with anyone ; a whole different standard was held towards military officers.
"You've set an appalling example, for the airforce and yourself personally. I think I can keep you on the Stargate Command, only because you haven't technically broken any rules, but there's no way I can keep you on the same team. One of you has to transfer."
Samantha nodded. "Yes, sir. I anticipated that, sir. I came here to request a transfer."
Hammond looked at her wearily. At least she was copping it sweet. He respected her for that, and was inclined to go softer on her. "What are your plans for your relationship with Doctor Jackson?" he asked.
"I don't know, sir. We're going to see how it goes."
"But you plan on continuing your – " Hammond struggled with the words ; he'd never been in this position before.
"Our sexual relationship?" Samantha asked. "Yes, we do."
"Despite the fact Doctor Jackson is still married? "
Why was it what had been relatively easy to accept in the post-coital comfort of Daniel's arms felt like a slap in the face when Hammond mentioned it. She wanted to defend her position, insist that she and Daniel had a connection that transcended his marriage, but she knew it would be pointless. And if Hammond couldn't understood, who understood their personal dynamic so well, then what hope was there that anyone else would? Well, she had made her choice, and she was sticking by it. "That's really our concern," she said. "If Daniel and I are to be no longer working together I fail to see how whatever we do in our own time is of the military's concern."
She was evading the question, but Hammond let it go. It really wasn't his concern ; or, rather, it wasn't the military's concern, which was how she was seeing him. He was concerned about her personally, and the consequences her involvement with Daniel would bring, but he couldn't tell her that. It was a need-to-know thing.
He was looking at her with obvious concern, like he knew something she didn't. "Is there something I should know, General?" she asked, taking the bull by the horns. It wasn't like she could get into much more trouble, she may as well be upfront.
"I'd like you to have a chat with Doctor McKenzie when you have a spare moment," Hammond said.
"Me? I'm fine. Just because I slept with Daniel, doesn't mean I'm crazy," Samantha defended himself. Maybe she'd thought too soon when she'd figured she couldn't get into anymore trouble.
"It's not about you, per se, " Hammond said vaguely. "McKenzie just needs to keep track of Daniel, particularly if he's become involved with someone. He's already been told to see McKenzie over this incident with Hathor, but since you've gone and gotten yourself involved with him, he may as well have your input."
"Why?" Samantha asked. Whatever did Hammond have on Daniel that made him such a concern to a psychiatrist? Apart from the usual crazy stuff that happened to them because of the Stargate program, there was nothing wrong with Daniel.
"Need to know, Captain," Hammond said, even more vaguely. "You can go now."
If that wasn't a dismissal, then nothing was. Samantha rose. If Hammond wouldn't tell her what was going on, she'd find it out from Daniel. Boy, the men on her team – well, ex-team now – were a secretive lot. It had taken her a few months to even learn Jack was married, divorced and had a son who'd died, although now that she thought about it, she had honestly thought she had known Daniel better then that. She vowed that the next time she saw Daniel, she'd find a way to work this into the conversation.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Daniel Jackson, sixteen years old, was onto his third foster home, something that was unusual for someone who had been 'in the system' for eight years. But he was a good kid, polite, who had been lucky enough to get two foster parents who had been genuinely fond of him. He'd stayed with his first family for five years, until his foster mother died and his foster father had decided he couldn't raise an adolescent boy on his own, and with his second family for three years, until they'd won the lottery and decided they wanted to trek around the globe – just the two of them.
Daniel tried not to hold it against either couple. He'd had a good run, nothing like some of the horror stories he'd heard of abusive or negligent foster parents, and he only had two years until he would be considered an adult. With his brilliant mind, he'd already been accepted for early admission into university on a full scholarship, something he was happy with, because he didn't like his third foster father too much.
John Brown hadn't done anything to incur Daniel's dislike, nothing tangible at least, it was just the way he looked at Daniel – it gave Daniel the creeps. He would be happy to be gone from here.
Daniel was sitting in the kitchen one day, taking opportunity of the empty house to get some study done. Whenever John was around, Daniel was thoroughly unnerved and ended up going to the library.
He had counted himself lucky too soon ; just as he'd settled down, spread his notes out just the way he liked him, who should walk into but his foster father. "Danny," he said. Daniel absolutely hated the way John called him 'Danny' like they were buddies or something. "Studying some more? Why aren't you out chasing girls?"
Daniel didn't say anything. John liked to draw attention to Daniel's lack of a social life. Personally, he couldn't relate to many people his own age. He preferred his books. But John didn't need to make him out like an antisocial bookwork.
"Or maybe," John suggested with a leer, "girls aren't your thing. Maybe boys are."
That was it for Daniel. He stood up and collected his notes, stuffing them in his bag. He was going to the library.
John stood in his way. Licking his lips suggestively, he eyed Daniel shamelessly. "Or maybe… what you're really after is someone older to initiate you."Daniel swallowed hard. Was his foster father propositioning him? "I have to go," he said, and tried to step around John. John stopped him. He was a bulky man, and he easily prevented Daniel from passing. "Don't go, I want to talk to you," he insisted. "I've been watching you, you're a very interesting young man." He reached out to put his hand on Daniel's arm ; Daniel yanked his arm away. If he'd thought John gave him the creeps before, that was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. "Tell me something, Daniel. Are you a virgin?"
Daniel looked at his foster father in shock and horror as the truth of John's unnerving interest dawned on him. Frantically, he tried to push past John. Laughing good-naturedly, the older, bigger man caught Daniel in his arms easily, cupping his chin roughly, forcing his head up so he was forced to look into the older man's eyes. And the look of predatory hunger he saw chilled him to the bone.
"You're a beautiful young man, Daniel," John said, and kissed him forcefully. Daniel would spent the next fifteen years of his life trying to forget that had been his first kiss. "I've been watching you for some time now. You're so inexperienced, I've been watching how unsure you are of yourself… I think you need someone more experienced to show you the way." He stroked his free arm down Daniel's back intimately. The sensation made Daniel want to throw up.
As it was, he struggled hard against John's iron grip, as hard as he could. But he was hardly of athletic build, and John had been watching him for a while now, looking to make his move on the teenage boy…He pushed Daniel across the table so he was bent at the waist and face down, his cheek on the cold wood of the table. John began working on the buckle of Daniel's pants ; Daniel's stomach knotted in absolute fear, and he kicked back hard, his foot getting John squarely in the shin.
John yelled, more in surprised then pain, and responded harshly, grabbing a fistful of Daniel's hair in his hand, nearly ripping it out as his yanked Daniel's head up and slamming it down onto the table. Daniel howled in pain as he felt his nose break. "Take that as a lesson not to cross me," he growled, and he went back to the job at hand – getting Daniel's pants down.
Daniel whimpered as he felt John caress him, almost lover-like. He felt the bile rise in his throat. He was powerless to do anything, John was too strong and too determined. He wished he were dead so he wouldn't he wouldn't have to endure this.
"This will be a little uncomfortable at first," John said reassuringly, as if he were walking Daniel through his first booster shot. "But you'll like it, I promise." He caressed Daniel again, and began his assault on the teenager. "Don't scream," he ordered.Daniel screamed…
Daniel woke up in a cold sweat, and it took him several seconds for him to work out where he was. He was in his apartment, in his bedroom, fifteen years from that day.
It had been ten years since the nightmares had stopped, and he thought it was over for good. A lot of therapy had seen to that – he'd managed to get clearance for the Stargate Command, he must be recovered.
He decided he needed a drink to calm his nerves. He got out of bed and went to his liquor cabinet. He could barely hold the glass, his hand was shaking so much ; finally, in frustration, he threw the glass at the wall.
His act of destruction over, he slid to the floor, pulling his legs up against his chest and wrapping his arms around them, in much the same way Samantha had found him before. He couldn't believe how badly he was shaking, how terribly shaken up he was inside. The memory had been so real, for a few moments when he woke up, he had been convinced he was really there.He had thought he'd put those nightmarish few months behind him. But maybe it wasn't over. Maybe it never would be.