Title: Footsoldiers Part 1: The First Day
Authors: Redbyrd and dietcokechic
Email Addresses: redbyrd (at) mindspring (dot) com , dietcokechic (at) hotmail (dot) com
Spoiler: 113 - Hathor
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Category: humor, missing scene
Summary: Two airmen report for their first day of duty at Cheyenne Mountain.

Author's Musings: A long, long time ago, Redbyrd and I started exchanging emails. She liked my Barista stories, and I loved her space shuttle ones (after you finish this fic, you MUST check them out). Both are written from an outsider's POV, and we started brainstorming other third party POV scenarios. Well, one thing led to another and before we knew it, we had begun collaborating on a series of vignettes, told from the point of view of your average airmen at the SGC.
You can only imagine what those guys must go through... smile

Read, smile, and if you enjoy -- let us know!


Mario shuffled out of the briefing room with the other new guards, clutching the slips of paper with their new duty assignments. "I'm still looking around for the candid camera," Mario heard one guy mutter behind him. The tall lanky man standing next to him snorted softly in agreement.

Mario grinned at him. "Believe it. Uncle Sam doesn't take too kindly to jokes. Leastwise this'd be the first time I ever saw it."

The other man nodded. "Y'know, I always thought that conspiracy crap was just that- crap. I'm gonna have to start reading the Weekly World News again."

"Doubt we'll find any copies of it in the commissary," Mario said.

"After the briefing we just had? I don't think anything would surprise me! He leaned over and compared his slip to the other. "Looks like we're on the same team. I'm Stan Jones."

Mario stuck out a hand. "Ramirez, Mario." Stan shook the offered hand firmly. It was nice to know the name of at least one person in this place. "Any idea where we're going?" Mario asked. Both men studied the slips.

"Level 28, report to Sergeant Harrison," Jones read aloud. They moved to the elevator, and had their ID checked (for the fourth time that morning). Jones continued as the elevator sank- and then sank a bunch more. "This is weird man," he said eyeing the steadily increasing numbers. "It's just wrong to work 28 floors under the surface."

"Yeah, well according to my little brother, the lowest level of the dungeon is where the baddest monsters live," Ramirez said nervously, feeling a little apprehensive. How far beneath the surface, were they actually?

As they got out of the elevator, the pair realized that two of the three men waiting below were officers - senior officers. Mario's eyes went wide as he saw the two stars on the bald man's shoulders and the eagles on the collar of the other. The third man, judging by the lack of insignia, appeared to be an airman. Although, he didn't see very military with his owlish glasses and longish hair, he appeared to be comfortable in the presence of the two senior officers.

The three men got into the elevator without comment and the two soldiers heaved a sigh of relief. It was a little intimidating to see the Base General and a senior-level Colonel (he had to be an important guy, right? He hung out with the General) on your first day. "Shit." Jones breathed. "Don't they give officers their own elevator or something?"

"Guess not," Mario replied, watching the door close behind the three men. "Okay, I think we go this way." He continued looking at the handy map on the back of his work order. The place was like a maze with identical corridors going all over, many marked with painted lines on the floors. The corridors were rounded and low, which made the gray-painted walls made them seem even more cramped. They checked door designations, but it didn't seem to help. Soon they were hopelessly lost.

"Well, shit," Stan said needlessly. Suddenly a red light blared, and a siren went off.

"Unscheduled offworld activation!" A door they had just passed popped open and a half a dozen guys poured out, armed to the teeth and running down the corridor towards another large set of double doors.. Everyone stood aside to allow them passage, except for a blond woman wearing the rank insignia of a Captain who ran past in the same direction and turned to dash up the stairs just outside the double doors.

Stan and Mario watched her go - both men wondering if they would have had a shot at the gorgeous blonde if she wasn't an officer. Stan looked at his watch and nudged his new companion, his eyes on the big set of double doors. "We've got a few minutes..."

Mario nodded. He was eager to get a look at this crazy gate thing too. They followed along in time to see the last triangle thing light up and go clunk, and then there was a giant whoosh, like a whole bank of toilets flushing. The Stargate gushed something that looked like, but wasn't quite water, and then settled into a calm vertical pool of shimmering blue. On one side of the room, there appeared to be a gigantic gold coffin.

The security team was already crouched at the foot of the ramp, taut with readiness, weapons pointed at the gate. After what seemed like hours, but was actually only a few seconds, the tension was broken by a voice came over the intercom. "It's SG-8. Security team, hold your position, they're coming in hot." Mario and Stan watched in fascination as one man dragged the limp form of another out of the shimmering pool. Two more stumbled out backwards, weapons still pointed at the gate.

'This really isn't Star Trek,' Mario thought to himself, resisting the urge to gape at the image like a schoolboy. Suddenly, a fiery bolt shot out of apparently nowhere and took out a chunk of concrete from the back wall. The vertical shimmering surface popped like a soap bubble and disappeared into wisps of mist. Stan and Mario were shoved aside as a medical team rushed into the gate room.

Stan and Mario looked at one another in awe. Stan recovered first. "Damn."

"No shit," Mario replied equally amazed. "And to think I figured 'gate guard' meant standing in the freezing cold checking IDs."

"I think this is way better than that," Stan replied solemnly. Mario could only nod in agreement.

They (eventually) found the ready room by the simple expedient of following the security team back when they returned and reported to Sergeant Harrison. They got kitted out and ran through the SOPs of the job. The Sergeant apparently thought they were idiots, as he made them demonstrate that they had indeed remembered which end of the gun the bullets went in. The team was nearly finished when someone entered the room. The sergeant looked up, surprised.

"Sir!" He stood up, snapping to attention. The squad looked around to see what had caused their sergeant such anxiety. At the door was the two star general, and a very pretty young woman. Whoa. A very pretty woman. She wore a slinky red dress, slitted up the side, low in the front and uh, clinging, everywhere else. Wasn't that a little chilly? Stan wondered. Not to mention completely inappropriate for a military base. Maybe she was someone from the USO?

The general gave them a rather silly smile. 'He seems a bit off', Mario thought. "As you were, gentlemen," the general said smoothly. "I'm just giving Miss Hathor a tour of the base."

"So these are the brave men who keep this place safe," she purred, moving closer to the men..

Mario's first thought was that if ever there was a girl who was trouble, this lady was it. Inexplicably, the thought was completely forgotten as he lost himself in her lustrous eyes. Was she wearing some kind of new perfume..? Mario found himself moving towards her, wanting to get as close as he could. Just when he thought he'd get the chance to touch the lovely Ms. Hathor, the general brushed him and the other soldiers aside. Confused, he returned to his duties, guarding Miss Hathor's base.

It was strange though. Here he was completely ignoring the standard procedures. The same standard procedures they had just been briefed on. How weird was that? Mario thought about it for a moment; knowing that something just wasn't right. He considered doing something more and then - the thought completely left his mind. Mario mentally shrugged. If the sergeant wasn't worried, well, neither was Mario. In fact, Mario was beginning to change his mind about how boring this assignment was going to be. Guarding the SGC was fun! And the women around here were hot! Well, at least one woman was. Man, this was nuts -- he was about as horny as he'd ever been in his life. With relief, he headed for the locker room with the rest of his squad. Stan saw him shifting uncomfortably and shook his head in sympathy. "You too?"

"Yeah," Mario admitted. "Biggest damn boner of my life! God, I haven't even had time to find a girl in this town..." His voice trailed off as he contemplated his misery. "Want to check out a few bars after work?"

"Damn, that sounds good," Stan agreed, contemplating the pros and cons of taking a cold shower in the middle of his shift. He knew it just wasn't normal to be this horny at work. Not when you're military and work for an ultra top-secret organization.

In the locker room, they found Ms. Hathor sitting in a bathtub full of snakes. Mario would have thought the whole thing gross if she wasn't the sexiest, most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. Shit! If he thought he was hard before! The bird colonel and the general were standing in front of her, facing four military women (including that blonde captain) and a huge black guy with guns.

Guns pointed at Ms. Hathor.

"Is this any way to treat a guest, Captain?" the colonel said amiably to the blond woman. Mario was instantly compelled to protect the gorgeous woman in the bathtub (although a small part of his mind did wonder what she was doing submerged in a whirlpool tub on a military base). He willingly drew his gun and joined Hathor's defenders at her signal. As Harrison motioned them forward, they came up behind the women, surprising them. Everything was going quite well, until it went to hell in a hand basket.

Mario suddenly found himself angry; angry at that blonde captain bitch and that midget doctor broad. Together, they took the women's weapons and locked them in a holding chamber. The squad was quickly briefed, and ordered to stay put and guard them. Mario absently wondered who was manning the gate, but obviously keeping an eye on these women who wanted to hurt Hathor was way more important.

They hadn't been standing there long before they heard one of the women call out, "Airman, open up! We've got something for you."

"What?" Stan asked.

The woman replied, "Why don't you come in here and see for yourself?"

Mario rolled his eyes and wondered just how stupid these women thought the guards were.

"No can do. We only take orders from Hathor," Stan answered.

The - really rather attractive- voice came again. "Gentlemen, there are five women in here, very alone."

Mario felt his defenses weakening. "They aren't Hathor-"

"But they are pretty hot-" Stan said, still "smarting" from his attraction.

"And we are armed." Mario pointed out, tapping his weapon.

Stan shrugged, "What could it hurt?" He reached for the keys and unlocked the door.

As they came in, the tall one with the great breasts shrugged off her jacket and tossed it on the bed.

Stan asked, "What are you suggesting ladies?"

The curvaceous redhead purred, "Whatever you want, Airman-"

Stan moved over to the woman and she kissed him enthusiastically. Mario followed him in, licking his lips and looking at the the tall brunette's breasts, conveniently just below his eye level. He'd always liked tall women. She smiled alluringly right back. The blonde captain reached over and turned his face toward her, hand softly cupping his cheek. 'Ooh, baby,' he thought. Mario was concentrating so hard (no pun intended) on the brunette, that he was completely unprepared for the hard elbow that smacked him in the face. Instantly the lights went out.

Stan heard a muffled thump behind him, but was too absorbed in his kiss with the red head to give it much thought. Suddenly, hands grabbed his shoulders and he was off-balance. The last thing he thought before slamming against the wall was how this had to have been the strangest first day ever.

Mario came to with a groan and a horrible pain in the center of his face. "Ow." He opened his eyes to see that he was lying on a cement floor and his hands bound with plastic ties. While his current predicament was unfortunate (and more than a little uncomfortable), what Mario really wanted to know was what had happened to Ms. Hathor. He spent several moments trying to recall where she had ended up, before he gave up and took stock of his situation.

He turned and saw Stan lying silently on the floor beside him - he was out cold. Mario dragged himself up, and realized that there were two other men in the room with him, also unconscious. The first was one of the other guards on Harrison's squad. The second was.., Mario paled. The second was the older balding man with two stars on his collar. Oh, shit. The general. Fumbling awkwardly with his bound hands, he checked Stan's pulse and then those of the other men. He breathed a sigh of relief; all were strong and steady. He climbed to his feet and checked the door. Naturally, it was locked. "Shit." Mario sat down on one of the metal bunks and wondered if this job came with hazard pay.

After a few minutes, Stan moaned piteously and cracked open his eyes. Instantly the bright glare caused him to gag and he only had enough time to turn away from the bunk before puking on the floor. "You'll be all right, man," Mario said awkwardly as he made sure Stan wasn't going to choke to death. "Fucking weird day, man," he muttered to himself as he sat back down opposite his new friend. Ever so slowly, Stan managed first to open his eyes and then to sit up.

"What happened?" He asked, trying to ignore the rancid taste in his mouth. Mario pointed to his left and Stan's eyes widened as he took in the still figure of the general on the bed opposite. "Is that who I think it is?"

Mario looked at him morosely. "Yep. And we're so screwed," he replied, carefully filling a cup and carrying it to Stan.

"Huh?" Stan wasn't yet firing on all four cylinders. He accepted the water gratefully and looked at Mario for clarification.

"I think we tried to hit on an officer," Mario explained. Hitting on an officer was definitely looked down upon in the military.

"What about Hathor?" Stan asked, still feeling something rather, er, primal for the beautiful red-haired woman.

Right now, Mario couldn't recall why obeying Hathor had seemed like such a keen idea. "I'm thinking she was like some kind of supervillain. You know like in a comic."

"Oh." Stan replied weakly, the reality of the situation finding sinking in. "Does that mean we're not going to get court-martialed?"

"I wouldn't rule it out."

His only answer was Stan leaning over to spew again.

It nearly an hour before Harrison and the medical team came and let them out. They were brushed aside as the still-unconscious general and the other guard were loaded on stretchers. Harrison turned to the two conscious soldiers. Mario and Stan straightened to attention and tried with little success to straighten their rather rumpled uniforms. "Sergeant Harrison," Mario began and then stopped, having no idea what to say.

Harrison looked them over critically. "All personnel are to report to the infirmary to be cleared before they go off duty," he told them.

"Infirmary?" Stan asked weakly.

Harrison gave him a shrewd look. "You look like you could use it, Jones."

"He hit his head, Sergeant," Mario informed him.

"Tell that to the nurses, they'll move him to the front of the line," the sergeant instructed.

"Uh, Sarge?" Mario asked as the man turned away.


"Are we, uh, in a lot of trouble?" He tried to meet the sergeant's eyes, but ended up checking out his boots instead.

He watched in fascination as a slow tide of red crept up Harrison's neck. "No, Airman. As I understand it, all the weird shit that went down is being written off to alien influence."

"Oh," Mario was greatly relieved. As Harrison left, he took Stan's arm and helped his dizzy teammate to navigate to the infirmary.

"I can't believe we're not going to get in trouble for that," Stan said. "I mean, we shoulda been so screwed. Well, not screwed..." he paused blushing. "You know what I mean."

Mario turned to see the doctor coming toward him. She had a clipboard tucked under her arm. "Uh, Stan?"


Mario looked desperately around to see if there were any other doctors or nurses near by. "Don't look now, but I think we're so screwed."

Stan turned to see a familiar auburn-haired woman advancing purposefully toward them. There was a sling supporting her left arm, but she ignored it, snapping on a pair of latex gloves. He blanched. "Well, shit."

To be continued...

Redbyrd's website: www (dot) mindspring (dot) com (slash) redbyrd (slash) index (dot) htm (it's worth filling in the blanks in your browser - so go check it out!) We have the second part already written, I'll try and post in the next few days.

Oh yeah. And a Barista is in the very near future. ;)

The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the authors.