Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, Cartoon Network does. I only own this story, and the dream that inspired it.
A/N: Time for another BBxRae story! I just wrote one yesterday...but, oh well! Heads up: This story came to me in a dream. Spooky, huh? I had to change a few things, but it's otherwise unchanged from my dream. I just had to take out the talking rabbit...
Also, while it may seem otherwise, this is a BeastBoy and Raven romance story. It starts off kinda dark and angsty, but it turns out to be BbxRae in the end. It's mostly BB dealing with Terra in the beginning.
Oh, yeah. This is a one-shot. You'll find out why, it's pretty obvious.
Lost and Found
"Dude, what's up with BB?" Cyborg asked. He looked around the common room he was watching TV in. Robin and Star were only feet away, talking about something on the computer. Robin looked up.
"What do you mean?" he asked his mechanical friend.
"He hasn't been, well...BeastBoy lately," Cyborg said. "He's been all sad and stuff. I just asked wether he wanted to play Mega Monkeys, but he turned me down! I even offered to make the dude tofu, and he still ignored me!"
"I too have noticed friend BeastBoy's lack of cheerfulness," Star said, turning to Robin. "He speaks to no one lately, and I have seen him lock himself in his room much recently."
"Well, what do you think the problem is?" Robin asked, concerned for his friend. "How long has he been like this?"
"About a week," Cyborg answered. "And I really don't know why he's like that. He just started acting all moody and carrying around that book of his."
"Book? What book?" Robin asked.
"That brown on, without the title," Cyborg answered.
"I have seen him reading the untitled brown book on occasion," Star said. "Every time he reads it, I see his eyes tear. Could the book be making him sad?"
"I don't think that's it, Star," Robin said, deep in thought. "Has he talked to anyone recently?"
"Well..." Cyborg and Star both thought deeply. They turned to look at each other, and nodded. They answered at the same time. "Raven."
"Raven?" Robin asked. "What about her?"
"Rae's been talking to BB a lot lately. Or at least trying to," Cy said. "In the past week, I think Raven is the only person that he's talked to at all. I mean, I know the dude has a crush on her, but he's been like, well, like her all week. She's the only one that's actually been able to talk to him lately."
"I see," Robin said. "And how does he respond?"
"He doesn't," Star responded. "I do not think that friend BeastBoy is truly aware of friend Raven's efforts to help. He does not respond to her well at all."
"This is a problem," Robin said. "You're right, this isn't like BeastBoy. At all. I wonder what's bothering him so much lately. And I wonder why he's only talking to Raven."
"Where are our friends anyway?" Star asked, looking around. BB and Raven were both mysteriously absent.
"I dunno," Cy said. "But wherever they are, I hope they're okay."
At that very moment, BB was actually only a room away. He was in the hallway outside the common room, walking towards it. But his mind wasn't on the room, or his friends. In fact, many would say he wasn't really on Earth at all. Or at least not in the present. But, in the past.
His mind was stuck on the past. Exactly one year ago today. No one else remembered. No one but him. It had been exactly one year since the 'event.' The event that changed his life. The event that had utterly destroyed him. Terra.
It had been exactly one year since Terra's betrayal last week. And now, today, it had been one year since she turned on them. Since they fought. Since they were defeated at her hands. And tomorrow would the anniversary of her death. And BB felt like HE was going to die.
For the past week he could think about nothing else. Nothing about Terra. Everywhere he looked, he saw her. But not her smiling, glowing face. He saw her as she truly was. He saw her eyes glowing yellow with hatred. He saw her arms outstretched, trying to hurt him. He saw her face twisted in a snarl.
BeastBoy knew that wasn't her true self. He knew that her true self WAS the smiling, glowing face. But that wasn't how he could remember her. Not after what she had done. Not after she had turned on them. Not after she had fought and defeated his friends. Not after she had broken his heart. Not after she had twisted his heart and mind, so he couldn't even remember what love was like. Or even if he could love again. After her, he didn't know. He just didn't know.
And so, he had sunk into a deep depression. His mind was trapped in the past, one year ago. He didn't concentrate on the time at hand. The past was just too real to him. The present and future didn't seem to matter. They would only bring new pain.
For the past week, he had sulked through the Tower, not playing, not joking. He didn't even fight crime. Cyborg had insisted to Robin that BB be left behind. For that, BeastBoy was thankful. He didn't think he could have morphed even if he had wanted to. And so, without anything to distract him, BeastBoy had sunk into the sorrow and depression that had slowly consumed him.
He could feel himself suffering. Terra had done so much to him, it was unforgivable. To have loved and lost is the worst feeling possible. To lose the one you had loved beyond all else is terrible. But to actually have the loved one betray you, and use you; it was unbearable. And BeastBoy felt unbearable.
The only person he had talked to was Raven. And that was because she had insisted on it. She had sensed somethingwas wrong, and had tried to help, but she couldn't. He just couldn't bring himself to talk to her. He just couldn't mention Terra. He would tell her he felt terrible, but when she asked why, he couldn't tell her. She was slowly losing patience with him. It seemed like she wanted to help, but he was just too far into his depression to explain.
First, BeastBoy had considered talking to Robin. The detective was understanding, but wasn't the type you would explain love/loss with. He wasn't sure Robin could help him. So, he thought of Starfire. But that was even worse. She was far too cheerful, and BB was far too depressed. He couldn't be in her company for more than a few minutes without freaking out. And then was Cyborg: yeah right. The dude was sensitive enough, that was for sure. But he didn't understand love. Or betrayal. So Raven was left. And she was perfect!
She would understand, right? She was always depressed, like he was now. And she knew about love and loss. Malchior. BB growled just thinking about that dragon. He didn't even know why he hated Malchior so much. Sure, he had hurt Raven, but why did that make him hate him so much? Was he...jealous?
BeastBoy didn't even know anymore. Was he in love with Raven? Once again, BeastBoy was at a loss. He didn't know what love was anymore. He couldn't remember it's feel, it's warmth. He could be in love with Raven right now, and not know it. Frankly, BeastBoy didn't care right now. He just needed relief.
Turning, he headed towards Raven room. He resolved that he NEEDED to talk to her. He gripped the book in his hands tightly. He remembered seeing Cyborg and Star eyeing the book. That was because they didn't know what it was. There was no story in the book, at least not a written one. It was a scrapbook.
A scrapbook of Terra. It had pictures and photos filled with Terra and BeastBoy. In the park, at the beach, the carnival. All over the place. And there were some with the other Titans. But every picture had Terra in it. The pages wee tear-stained, filled with sorrow BB had felt over the past week. The last page was especially tearful.
The last page had two photos in it. Th first one, on the top, had a picture of Terra as she was now. A statue. An inanimate object, a soulless rock. And it showed BeastBoy staring at her, with tears in his eyes. He didn't even remember when the photo was taken, or who had taken it. He just remembered the emotion he felt in the picture. And it wasn't a good one.
And the last one was totally different. It was the only photo in the scrapbook that Terra made no appearance in. It was the very last photo in the book. BB remembered that it had been taken by Cyborg. The very last picture showed BeastBoy and Raven. The photo had been taken only days after Terra's death and Slade's defeat. The photo showed BeastBoy and Raven hugging. BeastBoy was crying in the picture, and his eyes were closed with sadness. He had his arms wrapped around Raven's neck.
Raven, likewise, was in the embrace. Her hood was down, and her concerned face could be seen. She had her arms wrapped BB's back, in hopes of making him feel better. She had been there when he was down, sad, and depressed. She was hugging him tightly to support him, help him. And BeastBoy had never forgotten it.
As he walked forward, he closed the book, tears in his eyes. It was painful remembering. As he closed the book, he continued down the hallway, towards a certain room. He eventually made his way there, still sniffing lightly. He reached the door and held his hand up to knock. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door gently.
"What?" came the usual reply from inside the room.
"Um...it's BeastBoy," BB said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Can we talk?"
"Can it wait?" Raven replied from inside her room. "I need to meditate. Besides, you haven't wanted to talk lately. You can wait until I'm done."
"O-okay," BeastBoy said, his voice cracking. "I'll...see ya then," he replied, his voice rather squeaky and high-pitched.
Without another word, he ran off farther down the hallway. As he reached his room, he shoved the door open and slammed it close with a sharp hiss. He ran into his room and flopped down on his bed. The book was clutched tightly to his stomach at he breathed deeper and deeper. Eventually, his breathing became uneven as tears began to stream from his eyes. And BeastBoy began to cry.
Raven floated in her room, eyes closed. Her cloak was laying on the ground, forgotten. She floated in the air, muttering her usual incantation.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she chanted. She really needed to meditate. She hadn't meditated for four days straight. And that was dangerous. She had been too busy trying to help BeastBoy to have time to meditate. She had finally given up, however, and resided in her room, trying to keep her emotions in check.
She sighed as she entered the emotional plane. This was the time when she was most at check with the others' emotions. She continued to chant as she checked on the emotions of the other Titans. She decided to check Robin's first. He was like a brother to her.
She sensed his emotions and would have smiled if she hadn't been chanting. He was filled with his usual determination to catch the current villain. He was also filled with his usual lust for Starfire. Nothing new there. But she did notice that he was confused about something. Raven couldn't pinpoint what the source of it was. Robin was always hard to read, as he had learned to guard his mind with training. So, she moved on to Star.
Star was the same as always, open and readable. She was overly-cheerful and filled with Robin-lust. As usual. Affection and happiness filled her like a poison. Raven pulled back, happy that Star was okay.
Next, she sensed Cyborg. The android was confused today. He wasn't as happy or determined today. Raven wondered why. Unfortunately, she found her answer when she sensed BeastBoy.
Raven opened her eyes in shock as she read BeastBoy's emotions. It was unbearable! He was filled with sorrow and depression. Raven had never sensed someone with that much pain in their being. She broke out of meditation as she found his dominant emotion. Suffering. BeastBoy was suffering. He was suffering far beyond any suffering she had ever felt. His emotions were like a bomb filled with pain. And the bomb had burst.
And Raven realized with a pang of guilt that BeastBoy had been suffering when he came to see her. He was suffering, and she had ignored him completely. Even worse, she had blown him off rudely.
Grabbing her cloak, she tied it around her neck. She quickly glided out of her room, her face set. She was on a mission, and nothing could stop her. She glided as fast as she could to BB's room. Raven hoped she wasn't too late. It had been half-an-hour ago when she blew him off. She reached out to knock on the door, but stopped when she heard sobbing from inside the room.
Listening closely, Raven heard BeastBoy sobbing. He was crying his eyes out, but was still virtually quiet. He made no noise beside the tears and sniffs. But she could feel his emotions like a pain in her side. He was truly suffering. Without bothering to knock, Raven opened the door and walked in.
She gasped as she saw the sight before her. BeastBoy was sitting on the ground, his back leaning against the front of his bed. He had the brown book clutched to his stomach tightly, his knees pulled up to his face. He was sobbing and shaking violently. His eyes looked as if he was in great pain. His pupils were dilated and shaking. His face was a wreck, wrinkled with thought and dark bags under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept in days.
"BeastBoy..." Raven breathed, staring at the wreck in front of her. BeastBoy slowly turned to face her, his sobbing halted. As he looked at her with his large brown eyes, she felt pained herself, as if she was sharing it.
"Raven..." he whispered, still shaking and sobbing. "Help me..."
Raven immediately ran to him and kneeled down, resting her hand on his shoulder. "I want to help you, BeastBoy. But you have to tell me what the problem is," she said, peering into his bloodshot eyes. Still crying, BeastBoy nodded his head.
"It...it's...Terra," he said, another sob choking out of his throat. Raven gasped as she heard this. Of course! It had been how long ago? A year...
"Terra?" she asked. He simply nodded his head. "Oh."
"It's been one year," he choked out. "One year since she betrayed us. One year since she...she..."
"Broke your heart?" Raven asked, concerned. BeastBoy nodded again, looking down. "Oh, BeastBoy..." she said, hugging him tightly. BeastBoy didn't return the hug, as he was too busy crying. He quickly explained everything to her. How he saw her everywhere, how he only remembered the bad times. How he felt like he was going to die, how he felt like he was unlovable.
"I don't even think...I know what love is anymore," BeastBoy said as Raven hugged him tighter. "I've forgotten, I think. She stole everything away from me...even my heart!"
"BeastBoy, it's okay," she said, comforting him. "I know that she hurt you, but you don't have to remember those things."
"But I can't stop!" BeastBoy exclaimed. "I can't sleep at night, I can't eat or drink! I don't know how I go on!"
"You just have to live your life, and learn from your experiences," Raven said, looking into his eyes. She saw the suffering in his eyes. He had kept this all bottled up in him for so long, only to explode it all to her, telling her everything. She realized just how much he must trust her.
"But...how?" he asked. "I have so much pain, I...I can't handle it. I can't stand it!"
"Then share it," Raven said. "Talk to us, we can help you. Just like you've helped all of us in these past years. We can help you. I'm willing to help you."
"But why?" BeastBoy asked. "Why are you willing to help me?"
"Because of all the times you've help me," Raven said, facing him. "I'm willing to help...if you'll let me."
"Raven..." BeastBoy sniffed, still crying. "Thank you!" he cried, hugging her tightly. Raven just returned the hug, and the two sat there, hugging for several moments, BeastBoy still crying into her shoulder. They finally broke apart after several minutes.
"So, you're willing to help me?" BeastBoy asked, looking at Raven with his sad eyes. Raven nodded.
"BeastBoy, I PROMISE you I will help you through this," she said. "I don't mind sharing the pain, as she was my friend too. I wasn't as close to her as you were, but I do miss her. And I want to help you in anyway I can."
"Raven," BeastBoy said, looking at the empath with wonder. "Thank you so much...for being there. And being my friend."
"Anytime," Raven said, hugging him again. "I will help you through this," she whispered to him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. I promise you."
"Thank you," he whispered, hugging her back. After a while of just lying there, Raven rocking him gently, BeastBoy finally stopped crying. He hugged back tighter as he leaned in closer to her.
"Raven?" he said, leaning on her shoulder.
"Yes?" she asked, looking at the green boy with concern. To her surprise, BeastBoy actually smiled back at her. It was a weak smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. His tears stopped and he smiled his weak smile at her, his eyes dancing with relief. She could only grin back at him with happiness and sympathy. "What it is?" she asked again.
"I think I finally remember what love feels like."
A/N: Sniff sniff (Blows nose.) Man, that was SAD! I think that was the saddest fic I've ever written. Well, I hope you all liked it. I now love having that dream, just typing this made me all emotional. I hope you all liked the romantic ending, it was exactly as I dreamed it.
This will remain a one-shot, as I would have no idea how to create a full-fledged story out of this! The only way I'll make another chapter is if I dream up another one that makes sense. I hope you all love my BbxRae one-shots, as I'm very proud of them. They are the cutest couple EVER!
Please, REVIEW. That is the only way I can ever find out if you liked my emotionally romantic story. So, everyone remember to press the shiny blue button on your way out and review!