This is a story I just thought up randomly one day so please enjoy!
Once again the turtles were all sitting in April's apartment. It was quiet, it was uncomfortably quiet, no one had said anything, and luckily Mikey was smart enough to refrain from asking April if they could watch TV. It could be because of manners or, it could be because the last time Mikey asked that we had been helping April pick out a dress in a magazine and Mikey got a major swirly after April stuffed his head down the toilet and flushed it. Raph was finding it rather amusing to watch Leo stifle these impatient sigh. April was twiddling her fingers nervously. Usually they could talk for hours, but seeing that they hadn't been in battle recently there was nothing to discuss.
"You've got mail!" The computer announced. April tried to muster pumping her fist in the air. She jogged over to the computer and opened the new e-mail.
April frowned. She began typing a response back and was reading her own response aloud.
"Casey if you ever want me to go out with you you're going to have to learn that what you are asking me to do is one of the nine things I hate most about people. That is when people who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. She clicked send and a few minutes later a reply came back.
"What does manually mean?" Casey threw her arms up in the air in defeat and shut down the computer.
She sat back down which led to another uncomfortable silence.
"Don't you hate it when people do that?" Raph asked breaking the silence.
April looked up. "What?"
"What you said to Casey. How people can get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote, but are to lazy to get up from the couch and change it manually."
April's face brightened. "Yeah that's one of the nine things I hate about people!"
"What are the other eight?" Raph asked eagerly leaning forward. His three brothers stared at him in shock. They're brother who was not sociable at all, was talking to April about what they hated most about people. Yeah sure Raph hated everybody but this wasn't a normal topic for conversation that you would talk about among friends.
"My first one that I hate about people is when people point to their wrist while asking what time it is. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?" April said. Raph burst out laughing.
"I know I hate it when people ask, you just want to have your cake and eat it too. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?" April laughed.
"It's funny because it's true! Mikey come on you should be able to relate to that." April exclaimed.
Mikey stared at her wide-eyed. "I have no part in this conversation."
"See? Now you understand why I hate being around them! They don't relate to me at all!"
"Well maybe that's because you're just too critical of people!" Leo snapped.
Raph glowered at him. "Wait a second Leo, I don't like things about those people either, are you saying I'm too critical?" April retorted.
"No I'm just….."
"…..Then shut up."
"WELL!" Leo snapped.
"Anyway, you want to know what else I hate? Is when people say it's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their ass!" April said with enthusiasm.
Raph smiled evilly. "Yeah, one time I embarrassed the hell out of Mikey when we went topside to go see I,Robot. This guy was sitting next to us and at this one scene he asked, Did you see that? So then I replied, No, I paid twelve bucks to come to the cinema to stare at the damn floor."
"I know don't you hate it when people asked you that? It's like hello there's a big screen right in front of me how the hell could I miss it?" Raph and April laughed and April went to go make popcorn and get two sodas.
Mikey was giving her this dejected look.
"Don't look at me like that Mikey, if you're not part of this conversation then you don't get served." Mikey pouted and slumped in his seat.
"I hate it when people ask, Can I ask you a question? Didn't give me much of a choice there did ya sunshine? Mikey says that to me all the time and that's always the retort I come back with." Mikey gave Raph a death glare.
"I hate it when people on commercials say NEW and IMPROVED! Well which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's improved then there must have been something before it or else it couldn't have been new."
"I know! Those commercials drive me nuts!" Raph said as April took a sip of her soda.
"I always make fun of people on the TV when they do that. I also make fun of people when they're advertising air ventilaters and they're talking to the people who supposedly bought the product. I mean they stuff like, I can breathe much easier now and I don't feel congested; but yet they sound congested." (AN: I really do this.)
"What ticks me off the most is when people say life is short. What the hell? Life is the longest damn thing that anyone ever does! What can you do that's longer?" Raph exclaimed in frustration. Donny had an amused look on his face and Leo looked as bored as ever.
"Sometimes when I have to take a bus to get somewhere because my car is being fixed these idiots ask me this famous question. Has the bus come yet? If the bus came I wouldn't be standing here would I dumb ass?" Raph and April went into a laughing fit and Mikey looked scared.
Back down at the lair….. "So how was your visit to Ms. O'Neill's my sons?" Master Splinter asked.
"It was great! That's the most fun I've had there! I'm going over there tomorrow so we can discuss more about all the people that are dumb asses in the world!" Raph replied happily going into his room.
Master Splinter had a confused look on his face. "Do not ask." Leo said.
Casey came down. "Can someone please help me find my remote?"
The three brothers whirled around to glare at him.
'YOU!" Leo exclaimed.
"TRAITOR!" Mikey yelled
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Donny said pointing an accusing finger at him.
"What did I do?"
"You had to ask April to help find the remote! Then April and Raph got into a 45 minute discussion about nine things they hate about everyone! GOOD GOD MAN DO US ALL A FAVOR AND NEVER ASK APRIL TO HELP FIND YOUR DAMN REMOTE AGAIN!" Leo exploded. The three stormed up to their rooms slamming their doors behind them leaving a very stunned and confused Casey Jones and Master Splinter in their wake.
Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or the 9 Things I Hate About Everyone. A very smart blessed person made it up and it was forwarded on to me. That's where I got inspired to do this. So I do not own those two things or anything else that I might have mentioned in this one shot.