A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: This is a collection of one-shots that take place before, during, or after episodes. All the one-shots are dialogue-based. They are not scripts, and, last I checked, perfectly legal around these parts.

SUMMARY: "Gibbs is gonna kill us, isn't he?" Post Marine Down.

"If we screw this up, I have a suggestion."

"Oh my God. I cannot believe we're actually doing this. Gibbs is gonna kill us, isn't he?"


"Pull us limb from limb?"


"Dump our bodies in Area 51?"

"It's likely."


"Or he might just, you know, fire us?"

"Nah. He likes you."

Scoff. "And what makes you say that?"

"Well, for a start, he doesn't hit you."

"True enough."


"Oh, come on, Tony. He doesn't hit Abby!"

"Abby's not the one about to set his boat on fire, Kate darling."

Grudging. "You have a point."

" . . ."

"So how are we actually going to break into his basement?"

"Break a window?"

"It's a basement, genius, there are no windows."

"The top floors have windows."

"We are not breaking Gibbs' windows."

"Well, how do you propose to go about it?"

" . . ."

"That's what I thought. Break a window it is."

"Hey, Tony?"


"What happens if the whole house goes up?"

"Hadn't thought of that."


"What was that, Kate?"

"Nothing. . ."

"Stop mocking me. This was your idea."

"Yeah, well, I'm not the one who went knocking on your door at seven in the evening saying Gibbs was still at work in a meeting with the Director and we should go for it while we could."

"You make it sound so rude."

" . . ."



"Did you by any chance bring matches?"

"I thought you had lighter fluid."

"I do, but there's no point to lighter fluid if you don't have anything to light it with."

" . . ."

" . . ."

"Maybe Gibbs has matches in his basement?"


"This isn't going to work, is it, Tony?"

"Probably not."


"See, I just have this image of Gibbs driving our dead bodies off to be dumped."


"Me too, now that you mention it."

Long pause.

"Tony, maybe we should-"

"This doesn't seem-"

"-just stop while we're ahead, sort of-"

"-like such a great idea anymore-"

"I mean, just because we don't do it doesn't mean-"

"-and I really, really don't want to die-"

"-it's not like it would be a bad thing-"

"-at least not right now-"

"-and maybe it would be best to, you know. . ."

" . . ."

" . . ."

"So, Kate. How do you feel about dinner and a movie?"