Disclaimer: I own no one, I never do. All credit of character to Ann Brashares.

Rating K+

Summary: A short story on Bailey, her thoughts on her illness, her thoughts on life and death. And her fears.

A/N: Howdy there, this is a very short piece on Bailey , to me, this girl totally stood out in the movie. She was brave and she never let herself get down, this is a piece on how she actually does fear dying and how she doesn't want to die. It represents Bailey's code word for cancer, italics are inner thoughts. Please tell me what you think, no flames, constructive only please. And remember always that,

PantsLove.


I, Bailey Lauren Graffman can admit that I am afraid to die.

Just lately all sort of thoughts have been going through my head.

Will I know I am dying?

Will hurt?

Will heaven be on the other side?

I am no naïve child, and anyone who knows me can say it is true. For though I would like to belief that maybe I could life forever, that I will wake up and see my mom, my dad, Tibby, Brian.

At first I hated it when Tibby knew about it, she gave me that look. You know the look I always get when someone's finds out, it's the look like you're half dead already.

I don't really have many friends; it's the stigma that comes with it. I think they're too scared to stick around, be my friend anymore. Like in case I drop down dead at one of their stupid slumber parties or whatever. Not that I care, Cause I don't.

The reason why I like Tibby is because, she never asks me how I feel, and she doesn't feel sorry for me. Those are my rules, you never ask me how I am feeling and we don't talk about it, and we most definitely we don't feel sorry for me. I hate it when people feel sorry me, its like they're apologising for me having it; I mean its not like its their fault. They can't do anything about it, its me who has to go home with knowing that I'm going to die not them.

We don't talk about it, I don't like too; so we don't. Its hardly ever mentioned, if it wasn't for the pills and the hospital visits you wouldn't know. But I can't stop thinking about it, I am going to die. I mean we are all going to die some day, that's for sure. But I'm going to die young.

I saw an article in the paper the other day; the little girl was four years old. She died in a hit and run accident, she died instantly from her wounds. That was not fair, she was too young to die. It read over two hundred came to her funeral.

I wonder how many will come to mine?

When my mom asks me if I would like a drink, that is code for 'Are you ok?' I feel like crying my eyes out and saying no. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to die, sometimes I feel like yelling at God, asking him why me? And most of all, sometimes I feel like curling into a ball and crying. But I don't because if I do, I will realise how true it is, I am going to die soon and I am afraid.


Okz just click the lil purple button and tell me what ya think, hope you enjoyed!

Luv ya

QM01

XX