The Incredibly Kinky, Hot and Steamy Spangfuffy Foursome

By Rosawyn and Musha

They were in a room with white walls, white floors, and a white ceiling. A minimalist marble fireplace flickered quietly, set into one wall. Spike sprawled in a green armchair watching Buffy under heavy eyelids. It wasn't so much that he was sleepy as that he didn't want to be too obvious about his staring at her. So far, she didn't seem to notice. Faith sprawled in a red armchair across from him, tossing a small bottle of holy water lazily from hand to hand. She wore maroon nail polish which was chipped in one or two places. Buffy sat primly on a stool, her fingers threaded in the hair at the back of her neck, staring at her feet, lost in thought. Angel stood against one of the room's four Grecian style pillars, his hands in his pockets.

No one but Angel seemed to notice the king-size four-poster bed which dominated the back of the room with its dark walnut frame, cascading cream sheets and pillows, and red velvet canopy and curtains. Angel was also the first one to notice the title of the fanfic to which they had been summoned.

"Uh…hey, guys?" Angel began hesitantly, blinking several times. "Take a look…" He angled his head in the direction of the title. "…at that."

Spike frowned, annoyed to be disturbed from his contemplation of the lovely blonde slayer, opened one eye and squinted at the title. He stiffened. "What's that?" Milliseconds later when the meaning registered in his no longer chipped brain, he jumped, nearly falling out of his chair, look of horror mixed with disgust on his face. "Bloody hell!"

"Wha?" Buffy looked up, her eyes falling on the title. Her eyes widened. "Oh my God!" She looked as though she might become violently ill.

Faith grinned, stretching provocatively. "Hey, I'd do all three of you any day." She looked around at the other's faces. "What? Oh come on; it'd be fun."

Angel looked at her and sighed. "Faith, I'm sure it's safe to say none of the rest of us share your enthusiasm."

Faith raised and eyebrow and looked at Buffy. "Come on, B. You've already done most everybody in the room. What's the difference if it's all at once instead of one at a time?"

Buffy stared at her, wide-eyed. "Well, yes, I mean I have 'done it' with both Angel and Spike, but, well, that is different when it's one at a time."

Spike was looking from Faith to Buffy, his eyes narrowed. "Wait, are you saying that you two have never…?"

"What? Me and Faith?" Buffy looked shocked and embarrassed. "No." She glared at Spike. "You really must think I'm some sort of slut!"

"Not that she ever gave him a reason to think that…" Angel murmured, looking at the ceiling.

"Hey!" Buffy stood up angrily and folded her arms, glaring at Angel.

"Yeah," Spike drawled, glancing at Angel out of the corner of his eye. "That's not really fair, mate. Buffy was going through a very tough time in her life and deserved a little comfort. She can't be expected to wait around forever for you to get a less loseable soul, can she? What's your excuse for Eve, Nina, Lilah, Cordelia, and those three Fury girls?"

"Lilah!" Angel looked horrified.

"Wait," Buffy interrupted, "who's Eve?"

"Eve's the tart who was supposed to be working for the senior partners of Wolfram & Heart, but was really shagging this Lindsey guy on the side which they didn't know about," Spike put in helpfully.

"And Cordelia!" Buffy looked like she wasn't sure whether to be amused or hurt.

"Cordy and I never— And well, neither did Lilah and I; she had that whole thing with Wesley, but all we ever did was sort of kiss that one time, but it wasn't really me…and with Eve it was magic—not that kind of magic, the real kind with spells and such!" Angel looked helplessly at Spike. "Where do you hear about this stuff anyway?"

"Angel," Faith said, "I never realized you were such a stud." She raised her eyebrows. "Guess that whole moment of perfect happiness only happens with Buffy?"

Buffy raised an eyebrow at Angel. "And so you think you have the right to tell me I can't have another boyfriend, but it looks like you've been happily 'moving on' with nearly every girl in L.A."

Angel looked around as though searching for a way out. "Aren't we forgetting the point here? Someone was trying to write a fanfic where the four of us have sex. What are we going to do about that?"

Spike snorted. "Well, I'm certainly not going to have some sort of foursome—at least not if you're involved."

"Hey, that's not exactly one of my fantasies either!" Angel shot back.

"Wait," Faith said looking from Angel to Spike and back. "Are you saying that the two of you never? Not even once? You guys were like vamp buddies for a hundred years."

"Buddies?" Angel asked. "Who called us 'buddies'?"

Buffy was laughing by this point. "That's so gross. I really don't want to think about you two…oh yuck!"

"Can we…" Angel began, "talk about something else?"

"Oooh, avoiding the subject!" Faith said triumphantly. "Looks like we may have hit on something here." She winked at Buffy.

"Right-o then," Spike interjected as if Faith hadn't said anything, "then talk about something else we shall. The way I figure it, we don't need to do any 'kinky, hot and steamy' stuff unless we want to or unless the author of this fanfic elects to force us through some sort of mind control spell, and since it looks like Slayer Number Two here is the only one currently interested in such activities, maybe she should find someone else to—"

"Now look who's avoiding the subject," Faith cut in, looking more and more pleased with herself. "So what exactly happened that you two don't want us to know about?"

"Nothing," Angel and Spike said quickly and in unison.

"What about this whole Faith and Buffy thing that you two didn't want to tell us about, huh?" Spike looked triumphant, hoping he'd successfully changed the subject.

"There wasn't any 'Faith and Buffy thing,'" Buffy insisted.

Faith raised an eyebrow at Buffy. "Oh come on, B. Don't be shy. Go on, tell 'em! You and I were hot stuff, girl."

"You know what?" Buffy looked resignedly at Faith. "If you're just going to start making stuff up like that, I'm going to leave! As Spike pointed out, it doesn't appear that the author of this fanfic has any intention of forcing us to do anything, so I don't think she'll stop me. I have better things to do than sit around here all day, anyway." She walked past Angel and through the door.

"You know, if Buffy gets to leave, then I'm leaving too," Angel said, and followed her.

Spike and Faith stood and looked at each other. Then they both looked at the fireplace and the bed.

"Looks like no foursome's happening here today." Faith sounded a little disappointed.

Spike grinned and raised an eyebrow at her.

"No way, pall. I've had enough of B's boyfriends. I think I'll go find one of my own."

"Hey!—I wasn't—I didn't mean—" Spike found himself talking to the empty doorway that the other three had left through. He looked around the room, clearly offended. "Well, I wasn't!"

Then he shrugged, picked up his coat from the green armchair, and walked out of the room.