Title: Love Lost
Rating:PG-13/T (I hope that the rating's alright, let me know if you think it should be higher)
Characters:Remus Lupin and Severus Snape
Disclaimer:All the characters belong to the talented JKR, I'm merely using them to my aims. :-)
Warnings:HBP SPOILERS! Implied slash, though nothing graphic and a bit of violence (which isn't graphic either).
Summary:Some weeks after the events in the HBP, Remus Lupin is captured by Death Eaters. He wakes up after the full moon in an unknown cell, bruised and hurting, when his former lover comes to heal him. one-shot
I've read many stories with Remus/Severus pairings and I couldn't help not to think how would Remus react to Snape's betrayal and killing of Dumbledore. I'm not 100 if Snape is evil or good and I'm not saying it in the story either, it's up to you what you think. :-) Though there're some tiny hints…
"The truth is rarely pure and never simple."
What had happened? Yesterday… the full moon… he couldn't remember anything except that… He had been captured and he had transformed and… no, he couldn't remember, there was no memory of the previous night in his foggy mind. Remus groaned and then moaned as pain hit his consciousness. He tried to move… ouch… but it only resulted in a shot of unbearable pain through his bruised body. It travelled slowly in small, nerve-wracking waves, spreading agony into every part of his being, sharp like white-hot daggers, tormenting him. The pain reached as far as to his heart, merciless and pitiless, not sparing him of the earlier cruel memories.
He turned his head away, away from them, searching for blissful oblivion, for darkness soft and gentle where there was no pain, no betrayal, no life. His hand, laying limp and open beside him shifted slightly, brushing the hard cold earth. A screeching noise made him wince, harsh bright light poured with brutal force into the dark cell. He covered his eyes with his hand and shuddered at the sound of light steps, which could barely be heard. At the soft whisper of robes and steps light as autumn breeze with its frosty scent on the airy wings, his heart clenched in sorrow and misery, breaking apart. He wondered how it was possible that there was no blood on the front of his torn robe. A translucent droplet ran down his cheek, shining in the light. Why him? Why had he come? He could recognise is steps anywhere and anytime, the traitorous, false-hearted turncoat!
As softly as he was treading, he couldn't honestly believe that he wouldn't be conscious of his identity. There was no mask that could hide him, no robes, no careful movements. Remus blinked against the blazing light, clearing his eyes so that he could see his l… him. The tall dark figure was now standing still, dark obsidian eyes gazing at him through the opening in a Death Eater's mask. The mask itself was shimmering in the light, creating a dazzling, but horrific contrast to the dark robes that no light could penetrate. From under the black hood long hair had fallen out, merging with the colour of the robes. At a leisurely pace, almost lazily, the man's thin fingers touched the mask to remove it.
Remus closed his eyes, refusing to see the face he had once held so dear. He didn't wish to see it now, he had it in his memory the way he had last seen it – kind (as kind as this man could be) and encouraging, persuading him of… of what? He had never told him that he loved him. Never. And now he didn't want to see his face in fear of seeing it changed. Did the murder change it? Had it marred his features? Would the face fill him with disgust and loathing? Would he see the eyes of a demon? Certainly Severus Snape had never been a man to be admired for good looks, but Remus had loved him, had seen beauty in that sallow face. What would he see now? A monster?
He heard him snort and kneel down to him and soon he could see a pale hand touching him. The touch was surprisingly gentle, nothing more than a brush or a caress, turning him onto his back. Remus whimpered, his body protesting against being moved. Why was he in so much pain? What had Voldemort done to him? He could sense that Severus was leaning over him, his long hair brushed his face, yet he didn't open his eyes. What he did was to blush when he realised that his robe was in shreds and he lay half-naked before his former lover. A mere few weeks ago he wouldn't have minded, but this was not the man he had loved. He was not the same man anymore.
Severus was now tending to his battered body, applying healing potions to his wounds and singing powerful incantations in the meantime. His voice, curiously, didn't sound as beautifully as it had used to. Remus had always loved his velvety voice, why did it sound so hoarse now? Despite his earlier vows not to look at him, he opened his eyes and gazed into the hood. Snape flinched and turned his face slightly to the side, hiding behind his hair and the dark hood, though he continued attending to Remus's body. "Hold still," he reprimanded him quietly and brought a glass of potion to Lupin's parched lips. The werewolf swallowed greedily, welcoming the liquid and the luxurious feeling of his energy coming back. Severus was obviously restoring him to his full health, which could only mean that Voldemort hadn't been through with him yet.
"Greyback had certainly showed you no mercy," spoke Snape again in that quiet, hoarse voice.
"Greyback?" asked Remus, frowning at the working wizard, "What do you mean by that?"
Snape hesitated for a while, then replied, "The Dark Lord had you locked in one cell, on Greyback's wishes. I believe that he feels betrayed by you."
"Why would he feel betrayed? How could he know that I was Dumbledore's spy?" rose Remus's voice as anger started to pulse in his veins. Snape's silence and sudden stillness was suspicious, as quilt became tangible in the air. It froze Remus too, for a short moment, while the meaning of it registered with him. The slippery, devious, scheming, deceitful snake had… had betrayed him too! This man… this liar, the bastard… 'I loved you!' the werewolf screamed in his mind as Severus's silence and shaking hands acted like fuel to the flames, feeding his anger. In a rush of rage he had never experienced before, when all came together – Dumbledore's death and this man's treachery – he knocked Snape's hands aside and plunged at him, slammed him to the ground and captured his wrists. Severus gasped as he was pinned under Remus's body, the werewolf leaning hard on his wrists. His wand had fallen out of his hand, landing not far from them.
Before Remus could gain reign over his feelings of anger and hurt, he slapped Snape, putting all the rage and sorrow into the slap so hard it turned the Death Eater's head to a side. He heard him gasp again and could swear that tears shimmered in his eyes for a moment. Yet it wasn't enough to tame his anger, not when he had the "Half-Blood Bastard" helpless under him, the lair… the rotten snake! Snape must have felt some of his fury for he shivered and began to fight him, but Remus held him tight. He snatched the hood away from his head to reveal his face. He had changed his mind; he wanted to see the one who had betrayed them all, who had betrayed him.
Light fell upon Snape's face as Remus buried his hand in his hair, preventing him from turning away. Making sure that he wouldn't escape, he looked into the wide eyes and noticed an ugly bruise on his pale cheek. It couldn't be from his slap, no, this was an earlier bruise… Had he displeased his master? And through he was hiding it well, Remus knew him very well not to notice the faint expression of pain in Severus's face. Even if he was glaring up at him with so much loathing and disgust…
"You deserve a Dementor's Kiss, Snape," he told him coldly.
The serpent only laughed, his dark eyes mocking him. "How could you betray Dumbledore's trust? Tell me, how!" Remus shouted, tightening the grip on Severus's hair.
"Dumbledore was a naive old fool," whispered Snape hoarsely, sneering, "In the end I had to choose a side. The Dark Lord is much harder to be tricked than Dumbledore."
He winced and moaned as Remus's grip on his hair intensified even more. "Lupin…" he breathed out, and though it was barely audible, the use of his surname woke up the hurt animal in the werewolf. With a snarl becoming an enraged wolf, he pounced on Snape with fists raised, striking and punching the man, nearly howling in helpless wrath. "Dumbledore trusted you!" he screamed, "He was the only one who ever gave you a second chance and you kill him!"
His voice becoming unsteady, he hissed, "I loved you!" and shook Snape furiously. The dark wizard hadn't screamed before, only now he ceased struggling. He was staring up at Lupin with wide eyes, his lip torn and bruised, wrists pinned down again and at that moment Remus couldn't think of anything else than to kiss him. And kiss him he did, for one last time, but it was a bitter, bitter kiss, full of hurt and hatred and he knew that he was bruising Severus again, he had flinched and had attempted to turn away, but Remus was holding him tight. He could taste something salty as he whispered, "Murderer!" against those soft thin lips. Was Severus crying?
Severus, Severus, Severus… why was he still using his first name? Clutching Snape's wand, he rose to his feet, studying the other wizard. He lay there in his black Death Eater's robes, his white mask crumpled beside him, his skinny hand over his eyes, head turned away, the other hand limp by the side of his head. He suddenly seemed lost and broken, the sight of him almost touching the werewolf's heart. Almost.
Without looking back, Remus rushed out of the cell to his freedom to the nearest apparition point. He ran in case that more Death Eaters were around, while trying to be as quiet as possible. One night spent in Greyback's company - he pictured two werewolves in their wolf forms fighting - was enough (even without a clear memory) to send shivers down his spine. Only then, when he was safely far from the cells, did he allow himself one last glance onto the old manor he had been imprisoned in. All of a sudden it struck him with full force – Severus hadn't really fought him much. He had come alone, on his own. It had been too easy – overpowering him, taking his wand… too easy. Voldemort will certainly be furious at Sev…. at Snape. In the warmth of the sun, Remus shivered. "Which side does your heart belong to?" he whispered.
Then Dumbledore's white tomb appeared in his mind and the werewolf gave himself a mental slap. Snape had murdered their leader, Voldemort's only equal, and he had betrayed them. How could he ever doubt whom his loyalty belonged to? He would never forgive him, never, not this. With these thoughts and his heart aching, he disapparated.
Author's notes:I'm not sure whether I like this story… But after reading HBP, I couldn't continue with my "Venomous" story, I had to tidy up some thoughts in my head and I just had to write this down. Now I can continue with "Venomous" as I intended to do originally. Remus might look a bit OOC being this angry and violent, but he sounded "uncharacteristically harsh" when he learnt of Dumbledore's death, so why not? Tell me what you think, reviews are always welcomed:-)