I own nothing. This is a repost.
Voldemort sat in his chair and watched the fire. The flames licked the top of the fireplace, while casting an eerie shadow across the room. Suddenly he stood up and looked around at the Death Eaters assembled in the room.
"I have brought you here--" he began, but was cut off by his lackey, Wormtail, bursting into the room. He tripped over the rug and landed at Voldemort's feet. The Dark Lord sniffed disdainfully.
"I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public, Wormtail," he said, as Wormtail stood up, made a few sputtering noises, and took his place among the Death Eaters.
Voldemort cleared his throat and began again, "I have brought you here for a--" Once again, the Dark Lord was cut off, as something resembling a huge mutilated kitchen appliance broke down the door to the room. Voldemort sighed and glared.
"I told you, no one here has your ring, Sauron," he said irritably. Sauron scratched his head and glanced at the Death Eaters.
"But, you would tell me if you did, right?"
"Yes," Voldemort answered, his eyes narrowed in anger.
"Oh. Well, I guess I'll be going then." Sauron stood there for a moment longer before backing away slowly, returning to his own fic.
Voldemort tried again.
"I have brought you here for a purpose. It's time for the Boy-Who-Lived to meet his demise." His followers looked around at each other, the unspoken question hanging in the air.
"Demise means death, morons," Malfoy snapped at his fellow Death Eaters. There were a few nods and 'Ohh' sounds. "Tell me, my Lord, have you some ridiculously elaborate plan to slowly capture the boy, while leaving enough clues around for someone to become suspicious?"
"Yes, Lucius, I do. Wormtail, bring me a grenade, some baking soda, and some of those fake wax lips. The Potter boy will die!" Voldemort exclaimed.
Wormtail twitched. "What?" he asked
"DO NOT INVOKE MY WRATH!" Voldemort pointed a finger at him. He scurried out of the room. Voldemort sat back in his chair. Being a Dark Lord wasn't easy.
Dumbledore sat in his office, surrounded by Severus Snape, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. Why? Because I said so.
"I fear Voldemort may have another plan to get Harry, or so our extremely obvious spy, Snape, tells me," Dumbledore said calmly, glancing at Snape. Sirius eyed Snape with suspicion.
"How do we know we can trust him? He was a Death Eater. His friends are Death Eaters," Sirius spat.
Snape merely sneered. "Well, Black, at least none of my friends are in the position to hump the leg of a chair once a month," he replied coldly.
Sirius clutched the arms of his chair in anger. Remus looked stunned. Dumbledore raised his hand for silence, but to no avail.
"Yeah? So is your face! YOUR FACE!" Sirius yelled back.
"If I throw a stick, will you leave?" Severus responded. Dumbledore made a few sparkles come out of his wand to silence them.
"We must keep Harry safe. That is our first priority. You two may insult each other later. What we need is a conveniently placed distraction, so we don't know what's going on with Harry until the last possible moment." Dumbledore explained. The men nodded.
"I'll be mean, and vaguely creepy, so he will automatically assume I'm the evil one." Snape volunteered. Dumbledore nodded.
"And I'll discreetly let him get away with practically everything, thus putting him in more danger. Sirius, you will attempt to help, but due to the fact you are clueless about the situation, you will be useless. Remus, you are just going to wander from room to room. Are we are clear on this?" Dumbledore asked, as he regarded the men seriously. They all agreed to the plan. They stood up to leave.
"Well, I'm going to go torture myself over not being a good godfather. Remus is gonna come with me and wallow in self pity about being a werewolf," Sirius told Dumbledore. Remus nodded, wondering why he didn't get more lines.
"I'm going to go do stuff. With potions. And wonder what went wrong with my life," Snape said as he walked out the door.
Once everyone left, Dumbledore sat back down at his desk and sighed. Being a good wizard wasn't easy.